¡°The Long Goodbye¡± / Wednesday - February 3, 1999

SLY : Right turn. We're inside... watch your step...
ALLISON : Okay.
SLY : Right this way, my visually handicapped beauty.
ALLISON : Why, thank you, my mentally handicapped darling.
SLY : Oh, it's nothing any guy wouldn't do for his lady.
LORENA : Thanks a lot, guys.
SAM : Yeah, you could've held the door open like Sly did for Allison.
JAKE : Hey, Allison deserves that special attention. She has a disadvantage.
LORENA : You mean because she's blind?
JAKE : No, because she dates Sly.
SLY : Allow me, my darling.
ALLISON : Thank you.
SAM : Thanks a lot, guys.
SLY : How about a toast?
SLY : To Allison. For gracing me with her presence these past two months.
JAKE : Oh, Sly, would you grace us with your presence over here?
TONY : Now, what's with you, Sylvester? Cupid shoot too many arrows up your nose?
JAKE : Yeah, you're making us look bad.
SLY : I'm sorry, guys. I can't help it. I'm totally in love with Allison.
TIFFANI : Hey, guys, check it out. I just tracked down the last copy of that new best seller
           Castles in the Wind.
JAKE : Castles in the Wind? Ooh, how sweet. Sounds like a romance novel.
MARK : Don't say anything. Cause I don't want to hear anything about it.
TIFFANI : What do you have against romance books?
MARK : Nothing. I want to see the movie.
SAM : Sounds like a cool book, Tif. What's it about?
TIFFANI : Well, it's kind of like the Three Musketeers...
MARK : Well, don't say anything! You're spoil it for me.
TIFFANI : Meet the Valentino Brothers-- La, la, la! I'm not listening.
TIFFANI : Two Renaissance Romeos who risk life and limb for the women they love.
LORENA : Maybe you and Tony ought to read it. It might give you some ideas on how to
          romance your girlfriends.
JAKE : Oh, give me a break. That's fiction. No guy's going to risk his life for a girl.
SLY : Ow, I'm risking my life for this girl! But hey, Allison's worth it. I just made the track
      team.
LORENA : That's great, Sly. I didn't know you were that fast.
SLY : Neither did I until I pictured a winning lottery ticket waiting for me at the finish line.
SAM : Way to use your greed, Sly.
SLY : Hey, I'm not greedy. I just can't get enough money. But here's the best part. Tomorrow,
      when I take Allison out for our two-month anniversary, I'm going to give her my letter
      jacket and... ask her to be exclusive.
LORENA : Boy. That's what I call romantic.
SAM : Yeah, I never thought I'd say this, and you're dead if you quote me, but... why can't you
       be more like Sly?
SLY : You're gonna love this place. Wait here while I check the reservation.
SLY : Hey, Tony, I messed up. I promised Allison a French restaurant, but they were all booked.
      So from now on, your name's "Pierre."
TONY : Well, alright, man. But it's going to cost you. As we say in France: Le tip.
SLY : Right, this way. I got us a table by a mural of the Eiffel Tower.
ALLISON : Oh, neat. Describe it to me.
SLY : Huh? Uh, oh yeah... well, it's a tower and it's... "eiffeley" big. Oh, garkin!
TONY : Oui, oui, Monsieur?
SLY : We'd like to order.
TONY : Tray bee-en. Tonight we ave: Le groun bif avek zee own-yone and Ze creenkle-cut
        peekel. Or, zee fresh fishy wis zee sowce de tar-tar.
ALLISON : I'll have a Sharkey burger with fries please, Tony.
SLY : You knew the whole time?
ALLISON : Of course I did. I'm blind, not stupid.
TONY : Yeah, I could've told you it wouldn't work.
SLY : Why didn't you?
TONY : Le tip.
SLY : I'm sorry, I just wanted tonight to be special. You must think I'm a complete moron.
ALLISON : No, Sly. You went to a lot of trouble for me. I think you're a sweet moron.
SLY : You're amazing. I can't lose with you.
SLY : Allison, I have something really important to tell you.
ALLISON : Me, too. I've been wanting to say it since you picked me up, but I didn't have the
           nerve.
SLY : Hey, I know. Certain things aren't easy to say. Come on, let's say it together.
ALLISON : I don't think that's such a good idea.
SLY : One...
ALLISON : Don't, don't...
SLY : Two...
ALLISON : Sly...
SLY : Three...
SLY : I love you.
ALLISON : I'm moving.
SLY : You're moving? You know, that's not exactly what I thought you were going to say.
ALLISON : I love you, too, Sly... but something's come up. I got accepted to this really great
           college-prep school in Chicago. I have to leave in two weeks.
SLY : Oh.
ALLISON : I know... and I don't want to leave you, but it's one of the top programs in the
           country. And it'll really help me prepare to teach blind kids. I can't pass it up.
SLY : Uh-huh. I understand.
ALLISON : Are you sure?
SLY : Hey, you know me. I'm fine. It's no biggie. I mean, we can call each other, visit during
      breaks... we'll be okay.
ALLISON : Yeah. Sure. We'll work it out.
SLY : Yeah. Sure. We'll be fine.
TONY : Hey, Tiff. we're kind of in trouble with Lorena and Sam.
JAKE : Yeah, so how about giving us some romantic ideas from your novel?
TIFFANI : No problem. There's a real heart musher in chapter seven.
TIFFANI : Determined to win the love of the Princess, Sir Valentino throws the gold locket she
           gave him into the sea.
TONY : Oh, yeah, and I'll bet she threw him in after it.
TIFFANI : No, Tony. It was the ultimate gesture of love. He tells her he did it so he'll always
           know where the locket is. The Princess is so moved she nearly faints.
JAKE : Check it out. The engraved watch Lorena gave me for my birthday.
TONY : My sneakers! My sneakers! Sam bought me these sneakers.
JAKE : Observe. The presents you each gave us.
TONY : Observe. Yonder window overlooking fish pond.
JAKE/TONY : Observe.
TONY : Well, so what do you think?
SAM : Observe. YOU'RE AN IDIOT!
LORENA : Why'd you guys do that?!
JAKE : To be romantic.
TONY : Yeah, we got the idea from Tiff's book... like you wanted.
SAM : Well, I guess we did ask for it.
LORENA : If they ask for any more ideas--
TIFFANI : Okay, okay, I get the point.
ALLISON : Hi, everybody. Oh, good. Sly's not here.
TONY : That's amazing. How can you tell?
ALLISON : I don't smell his cologne. Although, does somebody have their shoes off?
TIFFANI : Allison, we heard about your leaving and we'd like to throw you a going-away party.
           We're really going to miss you.
ALLISON : Thanks. I'm going to miss you, too. But I really came about Sly. See, he's not
           handling this very well. He's gotten really distant and now he won't even return my
           phone calls.
TIFFANI : Oh, don't take it personally, Allison. Sly's just a... how do I put this delicately?
SAM : Jerk?
TIFFANI : Yeah, that's it.
ALLISON : Well, that's not the Sly I know. Up until I broke the news to him, he was a sweet,
           sensitive, loving guy.
LORENA : Well, maybe you misread the signs. Maybe he has a reasonable explanation for not
           getting back to you.
SLY : Baboom! Oh... I mean... I am Baboom Marakash, your new Avon lady.
ALLISON : I know it's you, Sly.
SLY : I gotta get a new cologne.
ALLISON : What's the deal, Sly? I know you're ignoring me.
SLY : No, I'm... I've just been really busy with school... you know and the band and... I'll call
      you when I'm free. We'll do lunch.
ALLISON : Hi, Sly. Can I talk to you about Allison?
SLY : She's leaving and she didn't even think about how it would make me feel. What's to talk
      about?
TIFFANI : Well, maybe we could start with how hurt you are.
SLY : Yeah, and maybe we can end with how it's none of your business.
TIFFANI : No, it is my business because I'm your friend. Look, Sly, this is the only time in
           your life that you've even been in love.
TIFFANI : I mean besides money.
TIFFANI : You and Allison have a great relationship. Don't you owe it to each other to make
           the last few days together the best that they can be?
SLY : No.
TIFFANI : Sly, you're obviously not facing the fact that Allison's leaving bothers you.
MARK : Yeah, so we figure watching a really sad movie will put you in touch with your feelings.
SLY : Well, to tell you the truth, I am starting to feel something.
TIFFANI : Great! What?
SLY : The need to blow my "Good N Plenty" box.
JAKE : Give me that!
MARTY : No, Peg, please don't go! I love you.
PEG : I love you, too, Marty, but I have no choice. I have to leave.
MARTY : I'll never forget you, Peg.
TIFFANI : So, Sly, what did you think?
SLY : Well, it was a tad self-indulgent, but the cinematography was cool.
LORENA : Okay, have it your way, Sly. Forget that the first girl you ever really loved is
           walking out of your life and may never return! Come on, guys.
SLY : Wait! May never return? Whoa, what if you're right? What if this is really the last time I
      see her? I'll be all alone.
SLY : BABOOM! Ow! My lumbago!
MARK : What do you want, Sly? Don't tell me you booked the Dreams at the Sunny Shores
        Retirement home again.
SLY : I wouldn't do something stupid like that. I booked the Dreams at the Sunny Shore
      Retirement Home.
TIFFANI : Forget it, Sly, we stopped playing fifty years ago.
JAKE : Yeah, stop booking us gigs just to fulfill your lonely miserable old life.
SLY : I'm not lonely.
TONY : Not lonely?! Not lonely?! Why you're the loneliest-TV-dinner-eatin-grey-hair-growin-
        fool...
TONY : --I've ever seen.
SLY : Okay, I admit it. Ever since Allison left, I cry myself to sleep every night.
LORENA : Oh, Sly, that's so sad. What can we do to help?
SLY : Well, you all could keep me company so I don't feel so bad.
LORENA : No can do. We're all married and have lives.
SAM : Yeah. Later, you senile old ferret face.
SLY : I think you guys finally got through to me.
LORENA : Great. Now, go back to Allison and spend the last precious days with her.
SLY : No, you've made me realize I don't want to be alone. I've got to get another girlfriend.
TONY : You okay, Tiff?
TIFFANI : Oh, I'm fine. It's just the end of the book was so romantic.
TIFFANI : Sorry, guys. Sam and Lorena made me promise I'd keep it to myself. There's no way  
           you guys are getting it.
TONY : Whoa, an eight-foot wave!
TIFFANI : Where?!
JAKE : I'll read it and call you later.
TONY : Hey, alright, Sylvester, you finally came to your senses! Allison will be here any second
        and we can go to the going-away party together.
SLY : I'm not going. I've got a hot date.
TONY : Oh, man! Are you serious? You've got a date? Toniqyt?
SLY : Relax, Allison will never even see me. I'll just sit here quietly until you guys leave.
ALLISON : That's very sensitive of you, Sly.
SLY : Yo, it's not Sly. It's Tony. Can I get an "Amen!"
ALLISON : Give it a rest. How could you be like this? Didn't you mean it when you said you
           loved me?
SLY : Hey, don't talk to me about love, Allison. Love means sticking around. If anyone doesn't
      love, it's you.
ALLISON : That is not fair, Sly. This is just as hard on me as it is on you. I'll wait for you
           outside, Tony.
SLY : What?!
MONA : Hey, Sly.
SLY : Hey. Here's some flowers. Your half comes to six bucks.
MONA : That's what I love about you. You're so funny! Ooh, is that a real letter jacket?
MONA : Cool. Hey, I bet if I play my cards right, I'll be the lucky girl who gets to wear it.
TIFFANI : Bad news, guys. Just as I finished reading the book, Jake and Tony stole it. The
           worst part is, the last chapter's a doozy.
TONY/JAKE : Ta da!
TONY : And now, for your romantic viewing pleasure we re-enact the final pages wherein the
        Valentino Brothers duel each other for the honor of their maidens.
LORENA : Please, Jake, this really isn't necessary.
JAKE : Ah, but it is.
TONY : Ah... what he said.
JAKE : En garde!
LORENA : That's it! I've had it with your romance. Forget we ever asked for it.
SAM : Yeah. Go back to being cavemen. Please.
JAKE/TONY : You sure?
SAM/LORENA : Oh, yeah.
JAKE : Ooh, kiss, gooood...
TONY : Mmmm... cake. Good, too.
MARK : Great, who needs the movie?! I just saw the play.
TIFFANI : Sorry about the cake, Allison. It's totalled.
ALLISON : That's okay. It's actually kind of fitting. It matches my relationship with Sly.
SLY : What are you saying, I look like a  mushed-up cake? Allison, can we talk?
ALLISON : What about your date?
SLY : I took her home. Now can we please talk?
ALLISON : Yeah... I guess so.
SLY : Wow. What a view.
ALLISON : You can see the ocean, huh?
SLY : I was looking at you.
ALLISON : Stop it, Sly. You can't just charm your way out of this one. Why did you act that
            way?
SLY : Hey, I'm emotionally unique. Okay, okay. Boy, for somebody who's blind, you sure have a
      way of looking right through a guy.
ALLISON : I'm listening.
SLY : Before I met you, I'd never been in love. And I don't mean "really, really like" I mean
      love. You know, the kind that makes you feel so good you want to cry. And suddenly,
      just when I couldn't be happier you tell me you're leaving. Well... I just couldn't handle it.
ALLISON : It hurts me, too, Sly. But hey, you know you said yourself we could write and
           visit...
SLY : It's not the same. You're gonna be in a new place with new people. You know we're going
      to grow apart.
ALLISON : I know and I'm sorry. I wish things could be different.
SLY : Me, too. And I know it's a big break for you. I just want you to always remember me.
      Here, I want you to have this.
ALLISON : Your letter jacket? But Sly...
SLY : No. Take it. I couldn't stand the idea of anyone else wearing it but you.
ALLISON : I'm really going to miss you, Sly.
SLY : Come on, we better get in there. It's your party.
ALLISON : It can wait. I'm still not done with you here.
SLY : What? What's left to say?
ALLISON : Nothing. Sometimes the nicest things can't be said in words.

-THE END-