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"Two Too Much" / Friday - February 5, 1999
TONY : You were right, Jake. Insanity does run in the Winkle family.
SLY : We are not insane. We just signed up for ballet class.
MARK : Seriously. It's a whole new experience... a whole new world--
SLY : A whole new way to meet babes.
MARK : Oh, yeah.
LORENA : I don't know, guys. Sam and I signed up for ballet, too... and the girls in it are
pretty classy. They're not really your type.
MARK : Have they got lips?
SAM : Yeah.
SLY : They're our type.
TONY : Oh, I can see the Winkle Duo now: a couple of tu-tu-wearing-Swan-Lake-drowning-
nut-crackers.
TONY : There is no way anybody, anywhere, could ever get me to take a ballet class.
SAM : Actually, Tony, it would be a chance for us to dance up close and personal... in tights.
TONY : Point and flex and point and flex...
LORENA : How about you--
JAKE : Don't even think about it. Jake Sommers doesn't do tights!
SAM : Hey, Tiff. Want to catch a movie tonight?
TIFFANI : No, thanks. I've got a date.
JAKE : Oh, yeah? Who is he? Where's he taking you? And does he kiss on the first date?
TIFFANI : Well, Dad... His name's Keith, we're going to Sharkey's, and I certainly hope so.
LORENA : Excuse me, Jake, but you seem to be awfully interested in Tiffani's love life.
JAKE : She's my friend. I don't want to see her get hurt. It's not like I'm following her
everywhere she goes.
LORENA : Oh, well, okay, that's different.
JAKE : Hey, maybe we could double-date. That way I can keep an eye on him.
TIFFANI : Thanks for your concern, Jake, but I think I can handle myself.
LORENA : Yeah, she'll be fine. Besides I got us tickets for the Stones tonight.
JAKE : Alright! The Rolling Stones?! Excellent!
LORENA : Not the Rolling Stones, the Precious Stones. It's a jewelry exhibit. They've got
diamonds and rubies and--
JAKE : Forget it, Lorena! You're always trying to get me to go to this stuff and you know I
hate it.
LORENA : Jake, those tickets were hare to get.
JAKE : Well, it might've been different if you had at least asked me if I wanted to go.
LORENA : Okay, would you like to go?
JAKE : No!
LORENA : Sometimes you are such a classless ape.
JAKE : Hey, who you calling an ape?
SAM : Anybody want a banana?
JAKE : Ooh, ooh, ooh...
MADAM FOSSE : Bonjour, class. I am Madam Fosse, your instructor. Let's line up and begin with
the positions. First position... and...
SLY : Feh. This is for babies. Let's get to the tough stuff already.
JOY : Oh! Have you been studying ballet for a long time?
SLY : Are you kidding? I'm a regular... a regular... what do you call those guys who are really
good at ballet?
JOY : Um... a prima donna?
SLY : Yeah, I'm one of those.
MADAM FOSSE : Okay, now let's try something fun. It's called a Flying Hop. You travel, push
off one foot, and elevate. Let's all try it. And one...
TONY : Oh, this is great. I feel so light! So airy! SO FREE!
MADAM FOSSE : Tres bien. Now everyone line up again. We're going to try some plies. First
position, and...
JAKE : Psst. Lorena...
LORENA : Later, Jake. I'm busy.
JAKE : Big motocross race. Santa Ana. Four o'clock. Let's go.
LORENA : No, I'm dancing.
JAKE : Come on. I can't believe you'd pass up a bike race for some foo-foo aerobics.
LORENA : Hey, don't make fun of my interests.
JAKE : How can you even call them interests? There's nothing interesting about them.
JAKE : What? What did I say?
TONY : Hey, Jake. Listen here. If you're going to join the class, make sure you get the right-
sized leotards. These things can really ride up on you.
JAKE : Tiff, I really have to talk to you. I don't know what to do about this anymore. Lorena is
driving me completely wacko. Am I interrupting?
TIFFANI : Well, Jake, to--
KEITH : It's okay. You're obviously bummed and need to talk. So just open up cause we're here
for you.
TIFFANI : Jake Sommers, meet Keith Del, teen radio shrink.
JAKE : Yeah, yeah. I've heard your show! "Keith Del. He's the best when you're depressed."
KEITH : Talk to us, Jake. What's going on?
JAKE : Well, my girlfriend always wants to this do stupid stuff. Then she gets mad at me for
not wanting to do it.
KEITH : You know, Jake, like I always say on my show, a good relationship requires
compromise.
JAKE : Hey, I'm all for compromise. I'm just not doing her stupid stuff.
KEITH : Hm-hm, I see. And could that be because you haven't completely committed your heart
to the relationship?
JAKE : Man, you are good. Alright, maybe I have held back a bit. I guess I haven't wanted to
risk getting hurt since Tiffani and I broke up.
KEITH : Oh, well, that's na-- You two used to date?
JAKE : Yeah, until she decided to burn me by cheating on me.
TIFFANI : Hey, you weren't the only one who got hurt, bucko.
JAKE : Oh, I guess I was the one who kissed another guy at the prom?
TIFFANI : Well, I wasn't the one who wanted to break up!
KEITH : Do you guys realize what's going on here?
TIFFANI : Yeah, we're both still mad at each other.
KIETH : No. You both still love each other.
KEITH : You, know, on second thought, maybe you two are still mad at each other.
KEITH : And maybe... I'll just go call myself.
TIFFANI : So. Where does this leave us?
JAKE : And no way was I giong to kiss Tiffani. I mean, I'm still with Lorena.
TONY : Do you see how full my grand plie is.
JAKE : Look, man, Tiffani broke my heart. I swore I'd ever let that happen again. No way!
TONY : Stand very stiff now.
JAKE : I have to forget Tiffani, and make it work with Lorena.
TONY : You have very strong arms, Jake.
JAKE : Will you knock it off?
TONY : I'm sorry, but my soul has bonded with the beauty of ballet.
JAKE : Well, I need you to listen to me.
TONY : Can I at least stretch?
JAKE : No!
TONY : Look, it's obvious. You want Tiffani back, but you're afraid to get hurt. But then again
you want things to work out with Lorena, but don't know how. But most important, I
want to dance -- so excuse me...
JAKE : Not so fast, Baryshnikov. I mean, I want to make it work with Lorena.
TONY : Well, then you've got to do the things she likes. You know, you have to make an effort
to share her world.
JAKE : You know what, Tony?
LORENA : Hey, guys.
TONY : Hey.
JAKE : There she is! The most beautiful woman in town. In the world. In the universe!
LORENA : Foget it. I am not going to the mud wrestling play offs.
JAKE : Au contraire. It would give me the greatest thrill I've ever known if you would
accompany me to the mall.
LORENA : The mall?
JAKE : Yes, I hear they have a new ah...shoe store.
LORENA : Shoe shopping? What, do you need a new pair of pumps to compliment your leather
jacket?
JAKE : Ha, ha. Oh, how you make me laugh. Shall we?
TONY : And now, back to me.
SLY : So, uh... very good. What say you two and us two go to Paradise Cove for a little uh...
private dancing?
JOY : Well, we don't know. You guys are cute, but we think you're just here to pick up girls.
MARK : Us?
SLY : Never.
HOPE : Well, alright. We'll go out with you guys, but only if you prove you're serious about
ballet.
TONY : Excuse me, my light-footed friends, I have decided to put on a recital to showcase my
humble talent. And as choreographer and star, I'm happy to say there are roles for all
you ballerinas.
MARK : Cuz, this is perfect, if we're in that show, then the girls will know we're serious about
ballet.
SLY/MARK : Heh-heh-heh!
SLY : Uh, Antoine, naturally you'll want us in it, too, right?
TONY : Sorry, the Wicks Ballet is for one man, five women, and no Winkles.
SAM : Tony, do you think you might be taking this ballet stuff too fast? I mean, most stars
study for years and years. This is your second class.
TONY : You can be my co-star.
SAM : I'm in! Lorena, did you hear that? I'm in.
LORENA : Huh? Oh. Oh, great. Congratulations.
SAM : Lorena, are you okay? Do you need to call Keith Del, "teen radio shrink?"
LORENA : No, I'm okay, Sam. I'm just a little worried about me and Jake. I told him I wasn't
happy, and now he's going overboard, trying to share every little thing I do.
SAM : That doesn't sound so bad.
SAM : I stand corrected.
SLY : Get a load of Twinkle Toes.
MARK : Those tights are so you.
JAKE : Dance.
JAKE : Now kick.
JAKE : Higher!!!
JAKE : Better.
LORENA : Jake, what are you doing here? In tights?!
JAKE : Hey, you like ballet, I like... ballet. I want to share this with you.
LORENA : Now, I've heard everything. You want to study ballet?
JAKE : Absolutely. And no need to hold back. I'm a fast learner. So start with something tough.
LORENA : Okay. Try this.
JAKE : All right, Lorena, now I really know what I'm doing here.
LORENA : What?
JAKE : Making an idiot of myself!
LORENA : Well, I never asked you to come here and embarrass me.
JAKE : Oh, I'm prancing around in tights, and you're embarrassed?
LORENA : Yeah. Now everyone sees what a joke our relationship has become.
JAKE : What did I do wrong?
TONY : Well, for starters, your tights are on backwards.
JAKE : She's wrong. I know we can make things good again. There's no reason my life can not
be perfect with Tiffani--I mean, Lorena. Perfect with Lorena. I love Lorena!
JAKE : Lorena, I'm home!
LORENA : Hey, Jakey, guess what I've got?
JAKE : Oh, no! Not tickets to the ballet?!
LORENA : Ballet?! That's just foo-foo aerobics. These tickets are for tonight's Cuban Cigar
Convention.
JAKE : Ariba! But, what about our son, little Jakey? Where are we going to find a baby sitter
at this hour?
TONY : Hey ya, Jake. It's your favorite baby-sitting landlords...
JAKE : Perfect! But, how did you know?
SAM : Lorena asked us. She thinks of everything.
JAKE : That's my girl! This calls for a song! BABBA-LOO, BABBA-LOO, YES I DO, SURE
LOVE YOU, TIFFANI...
LORENA : Ewwwwwwwww!
JAKE : That was a mistake. It won't happen again. My tongue got tied.
JAKE (SINGING) : I FEEL IT IN MY TOES-AH, I FEEL IT IN MY BRAIN-AH, YES I LOVE A
GIRL NAMED... TIFFANI.
LORENA : Waaaaaaahhhhhhh!
JAKE : I'm sorry, honey. But I can't help it--I love Tiffani.
TIFFANI : Jake?
JAKE : Tiffani.
TIFFANI : Hi.
JAKE : Hi.
BRUCE : Hi.
JAKE : Ho.
TIFFANI : Uh, this is my date, Bruce.
BRUCE : We can only stay for a few minutes. We've got expensive tickets for "Muppets on Ice"
and it starts at eight.
TIFFANI : I, uh, heard you and Lorena had a fight in ballet class and I wanted to make sure
you were okay.
JAKE : I'm really glad you found me. I want to talk to you.
TIFFANI : You do?
JAKE : Yeah, I've been running this through my mind... actually re-running this through my
mind, and I realize that, ah... Lorena and I aren't working out.
BRUCE : Uh, Tiff... ticktock, ticktock. Big Bird hits the ice promptly at eight.
TIFFANI : Just a second, Bruce. What are you saying, Jake?
JAKE : The bottom line is this, Tiff: I'd like to start dating you again. But you have to promise
you won't hurt me this time.
TIFFANI : What?
JAKE : If you promise not to hurt me, I'll break up with Lorena.
TIFFANI : Wow, aren't I a lucky girl?!
JAKE : Uh... that was sarcasm, right?
TIFFANI : I can't believe you! There are no guarantees in love. Giving your heart means taking
a risk.
JAKE : Yeah, well I took that risk once and look what happened.
TIFFANI : You know what, Jake, I made a mistake. I'm sorry. But I don't want to spend the rest
of my life hearing about it. So get over it!
BRUCE : So, uh, Jake, how'd you like to see Snuffleupagus sit on Nancy Kerrigan--?
JAKE : Get out of here!
MARK : Tony, you've got to let us be in your ballet recital.
SLY : Yeah, we want to be with those hot ballerinas. What's it going to take to get you to
change your mind?
TONY : I'll tell you what. Let me think about it and I'll let you know after the recital.
MARK : Alright! He's gonna let us know after the recital.
SLY : I told you her was a reasonable guy.
SLY/MARK : Hey!
JAKE : Hey, Lorena, have you got a second? I need to talk to you.
LORENA : Sure. I need to talk to you, too.
JAKE : Why don't you go first.
LORENA : Jake, I really care about you as a friend, but I don't think we're making it as a
couple anymore.
JAKE : I know. And I'm sorry. I mean, I thought I could make it work.
LORENA : Oh, it's nobody's fault. You tried. I mean, you even took me shoe shopping.
JAKE : Hey, don't forget wearing tights.
JAKE : I guess I was just trying to hang on.
LORENA : Me, too. It's hard letting go.
JAKE : I still want us to be friends, Lorena.
LORENA : Definitely.
MR. LIPPIN : Good evening, I'm Robert Lippin, ballet reviewer for the Times. I heard about
your show and I'm here to critique it.
TONY : Ooh, a critic. What a surprise. I'm Tony Wicks. Welcome, I hope you enjoy the show.
Please help Mr. Lippin find a seat.
SAM : Wow, Tony, I'm suprised you're being so calm. If he writes a good review, your dancing
career could take off.
TONY : Sam, please, I do this for my love of ballet -- not for fame and fortune.
HOPE : Tony, I could only find him a seat in the back.
TONY : Are you nuts? You'll ruin my career! Put him up front so he can see me tippy-toe to
the top.
TONY : Welcome to "Romeo Wicks and the five Juliets." I hope you enjoy the show.
TONY : What are you guys doing here?
MARK : Dancing.
SLY : For the critic.
TONY : For the... For the... Noooooo!
TONY : Wait! Mr. Lippin! I can explain!
JOY : I guess we were wrong about you. Any guy who would wear a tu-tu is obviously serious
about ballet.
SLY : So, uh, you wanna go out with us?
HOPE : Well, okay...
JOY : But only if you change first.
JAKE : Hey, no date tonight?
TIFFANI : Well, I thought you'd show up. And knowing the effect you have on my dates... I
figured what's the point?
JAKE : Can, can we take a walk?
TIFFANI : Okay.
TIFFANI : Jake, I thought you wanted to talk. We've been walking for ten minutes. What's up?
JAKE : Okay, I wanted to tell you that Lorena and I split up.
TIFFANI : Oh. Should I be sorry?
JAKE : Nah, nah, not really. It just wasn't meant to be, you know. We're both cool with it.
TIFFANI : Great. So, is that what you wanted to tell me?
JAKE : Well... no not just that. Look Tiff, we've been through a lot together.
TIFFANI : Yeah, that's true.
JAKE : And, you're important to me. And, I need you as part of my life.
TIFFANI : I feel the same way.
JAKE : You're someone I can talk to. You know--about life, about my feelings, and I don't
want to risk losing our friendship.
TIFFANI : Are you saying you just want to be friends?
JAKE : Best friends.
TIFFANI : Jake, if you want a best friend -- get a dog.
JAKE : Huh?
TIFFANI : I thought you were going to come out here and say, "Tiff, as scared as I am right
now, I'm going to risk getting hurt and ask you to get back together."
JAKE : I can't. It would ruin our friendship. You understand, don't you?
TIFFANI : Yeah. Yeah, sure. I just wish it could be different.
JAKE : I'm sorry. Giving more right now is too hard.
JAKE : Not that hard. I love you, Tiffani.
-THE END-
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