"Woo-ps" / Tuesday - February 9, 1999

(MUSIC CUE : "TELL HER I'LL BE WAITING"
MARK : I GUESS SHE WAS RESTLESS
  AND SHE JUST COULDN'T WAIT
  DIDN'T WANT TO MISS A THING
  OR BE A MINUTE LATE
  WE ALL KNOW THE FEELING
  I USED TO BE THAT WAY
MARK/JAKE : THAT'S WHY I CAN'T SAY TO HER
  BABY I REALLY WANT YOU TO STAY
MARK : SO I'LL BE STANDING BY
MARK/JAKE : WATCHING HER COME AND GO
MARK : AFTER WE'VE SAID GOOD-BYE
  THERE'S STILL ONE THING I THINK SHE
  SHOULD KNOW
MARK/JAKE : TELL HER I'LL BE WAITING
MARK : AND I'LL BE HOLDIN ON
  EVERY MINUTE SHE'S GONE SHE'S GONE
  TOO LONG
  I KNOW YOU HAVE TO FLY
MARK/JAKE : EVERYONE NEEDS TO BE FREE
MARK : I WON'T STAND IN YOUR WAY
  I'LL BE RIGHT HERE
MARK/JAKE : WHENEVER YOU NEED ME)

SLY : BUM-BAH-DUH-BOOM! It's a bird! It's a plane!! It's Super Sly!!
JAKE : Uh, that's it for tonight. Now, if you'll excuse us, we're going to go kill our manager.
SLY : Like I said, you can't hurt me... I'm Super Sly!
TONY : Well, you better explain fast, before I Clark your Kent.
SLY : Uh, hey, I've got a line for tickets to the Bodacious Beach Bash!
SLY : It's just a hundred bucks a ticket.
SAM : A hundred bucks?! Oh, well, I can't go. Unless -- one of my very good friends could
      loan me the money.
LORENA : Forget it. You still owe this very good friend from last week.
MARK : And this very good friend from the week before that.
SLY : And this very good friend from the week before that.
SAM : I know, I know -- I'll pay you guys all back. It's just been a--Wait a minute, Sly, I
      don't owe you any money.
SLY : Can't blame a guy for trying.
SAM : Tony, honey, sweetie...
TONY : Sam, honey, I'm sorry... I only have enough money for one ticket.
SAM : Oh, well, have a great time.
TONY : Hey, hey, hey, now listen, Sam, if my girlfriend can't go, then I won't go. I mean, who
        cares if I'll be missing the biggest-baddest-hippest-phattest-most--
SAM : No, Tony, Go.
TONY : Okay.
TIFFANI : Wait a minute, Sam. Isn't your dad coming into town on business tomorrow?
SAM : Yeah?
LORENA : Maybe he'll give you the money.
SAM : Yeah.
TONY : Hey.
SLY : Yeah, and then you can pay me back, too.
SAM : Yeah!
JAKE : Would you knock it off, please?
TIFFANI : Oh, come on, Jakie, give me a kiss. You're so much cuter than GI Joe.
JAKE : Cut it out, Tiff. It's not funny.
TIFFANI : Only if you give me a little kissy-poo.
MARK : Hey, you kept your eyes open.
JAKE : Yeah, well so did she.
LORENA : Wow, Tiff, that's a really cool Bambie doll.
TIFFANI : Oh, well, I collect them. This is "Ski Bunny Bambie." She's the only one that comes
           with leg cast and crutches. And when you twist her leg, she says:
BAMBIE : Ow! My leg!
TIFFANI : You wouldn't believe how hard it was to find her. I've called collectors in New York,
           Chicago, even Puerto Rico... I've looked all over the world.
LORENA : Where'd you finally find it?
TIFFANI : Next door. They're having a garage sale.
SAM : Hi, guys. You remember my Dad?
TONY : Ah, thanks again for lunch, Mr. Woo.
MR. WOO : You're welcome, Tony. You're as charming and intelligent as my Samantha said. It
            makes me happy that she has such close friends.
TONY : Ah, well, thank you, Papa-Woo.
MR. WOO : Not that happy.
TONY : Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right, yeah. Because uh, public displays of
        affection are not appropriate bahavior.
TONY : And I'll have you know that I only kiss Sam in the privacy of my own car.
TONY : Uh, well, well, well, well, we, we, we, don't always just kiss in my car. I mean, we do it
        at the movies, too. Uh, uh... did you guys know that there's a garage sale next door? I
        love garage sales! Uh, maybe I can go over there and get an old bowling shirt with the
        name "Pete" on it. Let's go. Bye, Mr. Woo.
MARK : See ya, Mr. Woo.
TIFFANI : Bye.
MR. WOO : Have a good afternoon.
SAM : Oh, dad, I'm glad you're here. I've missed you so much. I mean, really, really missed you.
MR. WOO : Broke again, huh?
SAM : Me? No... No-no-no. Well, yeah... Yeah-yeah-yeah.
MR. WOO : Sam... we agreed when you came here that you would manage your money.
SAM : I did. I manager to spend it all.
MR. WOO : We didn't send you here to be frivolous. It makes me wonder if I should still give
            you this.
SAM : Whoa, mama -- I mean whoa, papa. My own credit card! Cool.
MR. WOO : Your mother and I want you to have this because we can't be with you. Now, it's to
            be used for life and death emergencies only. Do you understand?
SAM : You can count on me, Daddy. I really appreciate this.
MR. WOO : Well, if you really appreciate it, do me a favor... Stay out of Tony's car.
SAM : Hey, guys.
TONY : Hey, hey, so, so, is your dad gone?
SAM : Yep, he's really gone. He went to San Francisco on business for a week.
TONY : Great! Great, let's go jump in my car and play "Driving Miss Kissy."
SLY : So I assume you've got the cash for the Bodacious Beachbash?
SAM : Actually, he said no.
SLY : You mean you couldn't weasel a few bucks out of the guys?
SAM : No. The only thing he gave me was this stupid credit card.
LORENA : Forgive her, for she does not understand.
SAM : No, you don't understand. My dad said it's only for life or death emergencies. So I can't
       use it for the concert. I swore to myself I'd be responsible this time.
MARK : Hey, guys, they just announced three more bands have been added to Beachbash...
        Sheryl Crow.
SAM : She's good. But it doesn't matter. I can't go.
MARK : The Gin Blossoms...
SAM : Whoa, they're great. But, I still can't go.
MARK : And last and most awesome... Sting.
SAM : Sting?! Sting?!! Sting?!?!! Cha-arge it!
JAKE : Oh, man, you'll never guess what happened. You know Tiff's Bambie Doll?
TONY : Well, I haven't made out with her like you, but yes.
JAKE : Well, Tiffani left her over at my place. So I was bringing her back on my bike. There
        she was, sitting on my handlebars, when this humongo horsefly pops her between the
        eyes -- KAPOW! Bye-bye, Bamie.
TONY : You left Tiff's Bambie, the one she searched the world for, lying helpless by the side
        of the road? Jake, you're a dead man.
JAKE : Oh, it's no big deal. She has a ton of Bambies. She'll understand.
TIFFANI : Hi, guys. Jake, I hope you remembered Bambie. The people from the garage sale
           called. And they said a Bambie collector wants to talk to me.
SLY : Whoa, a collector? Those guys pay big bucks.
JAKE : Give me a break. How much could that thing possibly be worth?
MARK : Actually, collectors pay thousands of dollars for that stuff.
TIFFANI : Is something wrong?
JAKE : Uh, no. I uh, I, I, I'm going to go get her. She was napping. And I didn't want to wake
       her.
LORENA : This was an amazing shopping experience.
SLY : Lorena, what in the world is there left for you to buy?
LORENA : This is all Sam's.
TONY : Sam? Did you lose your mind?

SAM : Well, I only meant to get earrings for the concert. But then I needed a shirt to go with
       the earrings, and a new skirt for the shirt, then a new belt for the skirt, and none of
       this would have worked without the right boots. Ah, plastic power. I like it!
TONY : This stuff is really expensive, Sam. You shouldn't have done this.
TIFFANI : Yeah, Sam, don't you think you're overdoing it?
SAM : No, I only charged what I absolutely had to have.
MARK : Hey, there's a black limo parked outside.
SLY : Sam, did you charge that for the concert?
SAM : Of course not.
SAM : I ordered a white limo.
MARK : Boy, that concert was awesome.
SAM : And Sting was deadly.
MARK : Thanks for buying us all this stuff, Sam.
SAM : Hey, you guys have helped me out when I've needed money.
TONY : Sam, I'm afraid I can't accept your credit card.
SAM : Tony, we've been through this. Nothing gives me more pleasure than spending money on
       people I love.
TONY : Uh, no, no, no, I mean I can't accept your credit card. The bank says you're over your
        limit.
SAM : Over my limit? Over my limit? That's impossible! What's a limit?
MARK : Well, it's how much you're allowed to charge on your card before they stop you.
LORENA : Hey, a lot of people go over their limit. It's no big deal.
SAM : It's happened to you?
LORENA : Are you nuts? My father would kill me.
SAM : My father? Oh, no! What am I going to do?
TONY : Oh, no. Sam?
TIFFANI : Don't worry, Tony. We'll make sure she's okay.
MARK : Ah, that's really nice of those girls. I mean, they're really concerned about Sam.
SLY : Nice nothing. They stuck us with the check.
ABBY : Hey, Jake, there's some guy named Snake on the phone. He says he has your Bambie
       Doll?
SAM : This is perfect. He's got a daughter. As soon as the bank manager comes in, I'll milk
       him for all he's worth.
MR. LADEN : Ladies, I'm Mr. Laden. How can I help you.
SAM : You have a beautiful family. I'll bet I'm the same age as your daughter.
MR. LADEN : Well, I hope you're a little more responsible. All she does is spend, spend, spend,
              spend, spend, spend... I can't stand it.
MR. LADEN : Now what can I do for you?
SAM : Well, I ran into a teeny-tiny problem with my credit card. I went a little over my limit.
       And, since it's my first credit card, I was sort of hoping you could... forget it.
TIFFANI : It's time to beg.
SAM : I don't beg.
MR. LADEN : Well, ladies, I'm a very busy man, now, uh, why don't you jus--
SAM : Please, please, you don't understand. My dad's going to kill me. I'll never go over my limit
      again! I promise!
MR. LADEN : Listen, I'm very sorry. But you made the charges, and the bank paid them off.
              Now you pay the bank. That is the food chain of business. Oh, it's a beautiful
              thing.
TONY : So the guy holding Bambie is named Snake?
JAKE : He sounded like a biker. I'll handle him.
SLY : Well, I'm not afraid of bikers. You need Sly Winkle, I'm right here.
SLY : Or over here.
SNAKE : Which one of you losers is Jake Sommers?
JAKE : I'm Jake. Who are you?
TONY : So the guy holding Bambie is named Snake?
JAKE : He sounded like a biker. I'll handle him.
SLY : Well, I'm not afraid of bikers. You need Sly Winkle, I'm right here.
SLY : Or over here.
SNAKE : Which one of you losers is Jake Sommers?
JAKE : I'm Jake. Who are you?
SNAKE : Can't you read?
JAKE : Ah, you're Snake.
SLY : I'll take care of this, Jake.
SLY : Here, kid, here's a buck. Go buy yourself some more bubble gum tattoos.
SNAKE : Cough up another forty-nine bucks and we have a deal.
SLY : Now why would my friend do that?
SNAKE : Because I don't think your friend collects Bambies. I think leather boy lost his
         girlfriend's doll. Now he's in big trouble. Am I right?
SLY : He's good.
JAKE : Listen, worm...
SNAKE : That's Snake.
JAKE : Whatever. Give me the doll.
SNAKE : Oh, right. You'll look real tough beating up a defenseless little boy because he wouldn't
          return your Bambie doll.
JAKE : He is good.
SNAKE : Cool. And if Bambie ever needs a date, I've got a bunch of GI-Joes.
MARK : Big deal. Who doesn't?
JAKE : Oh, Bambie, look at your hair.
TIFFANI : Uh, don't get too attached, Jake. I'm selling her to that collector soon.
JAKE : Uh, yeah...right, right. Here you go.
TONY : So, how did it go at the bank?
SAM : Well, he paid off my credit card, made me Senior Vice President and renamed the bank
       "Samantha Savings and Loan."
TONY : That bad, huh?
SAM : I have to call my father and tell him the truth.
TONY : But, Sam, he's going to kill you.
SAM : Don't worry, my dad's a very understanding man. Hello, Daddy... Not so good... I don't
      know how it happened, but... um... um... I charged a thousand dollars to the credit card.
MR. WOO : Wo feichang ganjing shiwang youyu ni. Ni shizhi.
MR. LADEN : Ni zhuang xingli.
MR. LADEN : Ni huiqu XiangGang.
SAM : I understand. Good-bye.
TONY : Well? What'd he say?
SAM : He said-- Jop hang-lay-la! Nay hui-gui law!
TONY : Well, what does that mean?
SAM : It means "Pack your bags. You're going back to Hong Kong."
LORENA : I can't believe your father's going to take you back to Hong Kong. This is terrible.
TONY : Hey, isn't there something we can do?
SLY : We can find another hot singer.
JAKE : Not that, you oil slick. Isn't there some way we could convince your father to let you
       stay?
SAM : No, once my father makes up his mind, he doesn't change it.
SLY : Bummer. I'll set up some auditions.
TIFFANI : Sly, we are talking about losing Sam. How can you be so insensitive?
SLY : I am not insensitive. I just don't care about other people.
SAM : No, guys, I deserve this. I over-charged my credit card, and now it's time to pay for it.
TONY : So, that's it? You're just going to leave me? You're just going to pack your bags and fly
        back to Hong Kong?
SAM : Well, what else can I do?
TONY : There are lots of things you can do. You could fight this. You could uh, you could...
        uh, well, and you, you, you could uh... What could she do, Jake?
JAKE : You could figure out how to repay the money.
TONY : Yeah.
MARK : Yeah, how about selling the stuff you bought?
TIFFANI : Or, you could tutor math.
TONY : And I could get you a job at Sharkey's. I don't want to lose you, Sam. You're too
        important to me.
SAM : Okay, I'll give it a shot.
SLY : Alright, Sam, I'm with you a hundred percent. Come in Monday. She'll be gone in a week.
SAM : Here's your check, Sly.
TONY : Man, Sam's been working her tail off this whole week, selling clothes, tutoring. All
        she's got to do is hang in there for some good tips and she'll have a shot at repaying
        her credit card.
SLY : Yeah, I'm real proud of her, Tony.
TONY : Uh, Sly, uh, you uh, forgot the tip.
SLY : Oh, I have a philosophy about tipping. I don't.
TONY : Uh, Sly, hold on.
SLY : Ow much? Ow much? Ow much?
SAM : Today's special is a cheeseburger with fries and some wonderful Fernando Lama Boots.
ABBY : Ooh, well, I'm on a diet, so I'll take the boots.
JAKE : Hey, so what did the Bambie Doll collector say? How much? One hundred, two hundred?
TIFFANI : Oh, nothing. I just gave it to her.
JAKE : You gave it to her?! Are you crazy? Where is she?
TIFFANI : Well, she's in the bathroom, but I didn't--
JAKE : But nothing. I mean, after all I've been through--I mean... this woman's taking advantage
       of you, Tiffani.
TIFFANI : Well, she seemed so trustworthy.
JAKE : Oh, they all seem trustworthy. These slick con artists with their sweet talk and their
        flashy clothes. I'll take care of this.
TIFFANI : No, Jake, wait--
JAKE : Come on out, you thief!
JAKE : Eww. Uh, you mean this...
NUN : Thank you again, Tiffani. The children at the orphanage will love her.
JAKE : Uh, tell uh, the kids that Bambie likes her hair combed.
JAKE : I am an idiot! I am a dillweed!
SAM : I'm exhausted. Between selling my clothes, tutoring and working here, I think I have a
      shot at paying off my credit card. I just have to keep it up for a few more days.
LORENA : Oh, you can do it, Sam. I don't think I could, but you can.
MARK : Yeah, keep up the good work, Sam.
TONY : Sharkey's... Hey, Sam. Sam! It's your dad. He's back early.
SAM : Oh, I'm dead.
TIFFANI : Oh, Sam, we'll get the rest of the money some how.
JAKE : Yeah, we won't let you go.
SAM : Thanks, guys, but I did this to myself. I have to face my father and my responsibilities.
MR. WOO : Ni you zhi yige tou. Weishenme maile six baseball caps? He shenme zheyang jinji
           limousine? He kan zhege! Shenme shi "Bodacious Beachbash?"
MR. WOO : What were you thinking?
SAM : Nothing. I was totally irresponsible.
MR. WOO : Irresponsible?! You spent a thousand dollars in one day! What's next? Playing hot
           potato with a Ming vase?
SAM : I know. I tried to make the money back.
SAM : Even with tutoring, selling my clothes and working at Sharkey's, I'm still short. I never
      realized how hard it is to make money.
MR. WOO : Five hundred dollars?
SAM : And when I get home, I'll get a job and pay you the rest. I really blew it.
MR. WOO : You certainly did. Now you know that making money isn't so easy. It takes discipline
            and responsibility.
SAM : Boy, do I know that now.
MR. WOO : Good, then go unpack your bags.
SAM : Wait a minute, did you just say "unpack?"
MR. WOO : Yes, you've learned a very valuable lesson. You can stay.
SAM : Oh, thanks, dad. Does this mean I don't have to pay back the rest of the moeny?
MR. WOO : What do you think?
SAM : I think I'll ask Tony if I can work a double shift.

-THE END-