"Principal Tiffani" / Friday - February 12, 1999

LORENA : I hate midterms. How are you supposed to learn all this stuff in one week?
SAM : Lorena, you're supposed to study all semester.
LORENA : Yeah, right. Then when am I supposed to shop?
TIFFANI : Could you guys keep it down a little? I'm trying to study.
MARK : Boy, all this stress is killing me.
TONY : Yeah, these teachers are nothing but a bunch of brain-meltin-love-to-see-you-fail-
        because-they-make-extra-bucks-teaching-summer-school-monstrs.
TIFFANI : Would you guys please  be quiet?
JAKE : Man, we got to take a break from all of this studying.
SLY : You know what we need?
GANG : Cut day.
TIFFANI : Forget it! No one ever listens to me.
SLY : Hey, Tiff. When did you get here?
MR. PEPPER : Alright, class. let's review for midterms.
LORENA : Oh, please. Mr. Pepper, I'm so stressed out, if I hear the word "midterm" one more
           time, I'm going to scream.
MR. PEPPER : Very well, let's review for the big test.
LORENA : Okay.
MR. PEPPER : Who can explain the Doppler Effect?
MR. PEPPER : Who knows the elements in the periodic chart?
MR. PEPPER : Who knows they're going to fail this class?
SLY : Ah, right here.
MR. PEPPER : Well, you'd all better study, because there's no make-up for my mid...Big test.
BLUMFORD : This is Principal Blumford. Will the following students please report to my office
              right away : Tiffani Smith, Tony Wicks, Jake Sommers, Winkle good and Winkle
              bad.
MR. PEPPER : Hurry back. You don't want to miss the review for the midterm.
LORENA : Aaagh!!!
BLUMFORD : Oh, not again.
BLUMFORD : Come in.
MARK : You wanted to see us, Mr. Blumford?
BLUMFORD : Yes. The reason I called you all in here was to announce the "Student Principal
              for a Week." Now this position requires a strong leader who carries themselves
              with an air of dignity.
BLUMFORD : You ah, you start tomorrow. Any questions?
SLY : Yeah, do I get a key to the girl's locker room?
BLUMFORD : Not you, Winkle. I mean Tiffani.
TIFFANI : Me? Well, I can't be Student Principal.
BLUMFORD : Why not?
TIFFANI : Well, I'm a horrible leader. In the sunshine scouts they put me in charge of a nature
           hike and I got us so lost that I was the first scout to ever be court-martialed.
SLY : What'd they do, take away your cookies?
TIFFANI : Yes.
TIFFANI : I'm a horrible leader. Please choose somebody else.
BLUMFORD : Oh, nonsense. I'm sure you'll rise to the occasion.
TONY : So, I guess you brought us up here to make us student vice-principals?
BLUMFORD : Ha. Ha. Ha. Hardly. You boys are here because I know cut day is coming up and
              you'll be in big trouble if I catch any of you cutting school.
TIFFANI : Maybe I should go now.
BLUMFORD : No. If you're going to be principal, you might as well stay here and watch a leader
              at work.
SLY : And what a leader you are. I mean everything about you says "I'm in charge."
SLY : Why, you're positively presidential.
BLUMFORD : Really? You think so?
JAKE : Oh, yeah... That leadership brow, that commander-in-chief chin...
TONY : ...That cue-ball head that says, "I've plucked my scalp clean worrying about my troops."
BLUMFORD : Well, I do worry about you guys.
MARK : And we love you for that, Mr. Blumford.
BLUMFORD : Well, I love you guys, too. Now, why did I call you here again?
BLUMFORD : Well, I love you guys, too.
SLY : So, how about those all passes?
BLUMFORD : Hall passes?
JAKE : Yeah, isn't that why you called us in here?
BLUMFORD : Oh. Oh, yes, take one. Oh, take them all.
BLUMFORD : You see, Smith? You have nothing to worry about. Just do what I do and you'll be
              fine.
TIFFANI : I'm dead.
TIFFANI : This is Principal Tiffani. When the bell rings, I'd like all of you to go to your
           classes.
TIFFANI : Oh, come on, guys... Okay, then I'm coming out there.
LORENA : Oh, man, I don't know what I'm going to do about this science exam.
JAKE : Yeah, Sam's the only who seems to get this stuff. Hey, maybe we can get her to tutor
       us.
TONY : Hey, forget it. She has just as much work as we do. It wouldn't be fair to take up her
        time, alright?
SAM : No. I have to study for my midterms.
SLY : We'll pay you twenty bucks an hour.
SAM : I'm in.
TIFFANI : Hi, guys.
JAKE : Ladies and gentlemen, our distinguished leader, Principal Tiffani.
TIFFANI : Thanks, but I don't think I'm cut out to be principal. Nobody's taking me seriously.
SAM : Don't give up, Tiff. Just stand your ground and people will start listening to you.
TIFFANI : You think so?
TIFFANI : Great. Then, would you guys mind going to class?
SLY : Or what? You're going to send us to see you?
TIFFANI : Come on, please?
SAM : Okay, okay, we're going.
TONY : Ice cream! Ice cream!
TIFFANI : Brenda?... Vickie?... Where are you guys?
BLUMFORD : Did you lose the troup again?! And you call yourself a leader.
TIFFANI : Great, I'm back in the woods all over again.
JAKE : Hey, Tiff, how's it going?
TIFFANI : Jake, what are you doing here? You should go to class.
JAKE : Ooh, you're so cute when you give orders.
TIFFANI : Ooh, you know, I'm trying to take this job seriously, but no one is taking me
           seriously. Not even you.
JAKE : Look, Tiff, a leader needs to be assertive and then people will know you mean business.
       Here, pretend I'm running in the halls and you want me to stop.
TIFFANI : Uh, excuse me. Could you stup running?
JAKE : No! Come on, like you mean it.
TIFFANI : Please?
JAKE : No. No. No. Here's how you do it. Start running.
JAKE : Hey!
TIFFANI : Oh, how do you do that?
JAKE : Well, you have to believe in your authority cause, if you don't, nobody else will.
TIFFANI : Oh, well. I guess I have been holding back a little. Thanks, Jake.
JAKE : Great. Now can I have a kiss?
TIFFANI : No, but I have something else you can have.
JAKE : A late slip?!
TIFFANI : Now go to class.
JAKE : But I just...
TIFFANI : HEY!!
TONY : Okay, everybody, throw away those books, because Sly, the genius that he is, has found
        a way to get us out of mid-terms.
SLY : It's simple, we schedule cut day on midterm day.
TONY : Didn't I tell you, he's brilliant.
SLY : Yeah.
SAM : You dillweeds, they'll just reschedule the mid-terms to another day.
SLY : Huh?
TONY : You idiot, I'm gonna snap your brain stem.
JAKE : Cut day right now is a bad idea anyway. We should at least wait until Tiffani's term as
       principal is over.
MARK : Why should we wait? It'll be easier with Tiff. She'd never get any of us in trouble.
JAKE : Guys, give her a break. I mean she's been feeling really insecure with herself. You know,
       she's not good at telling people what to do.
TIFFANI : Stop running in the ahll! Swallow that gum! Polish that locker! I want to see my
           sweet little face in it.
MARK : Way to go. You're finally getting the hang of being principal.
SLY : Yeah, I mean, everything about you says "I'm in charge."
TIFFANI : Sucking up will get you nowhere.
SLY : I am not sucking up. I'm pretending to be nice so I get what I want.
TIFFANI : Well, then, I hope you want detention, because that's what you're gonna get if you
           don't go to class. And I mean all of you.
LORENA : Eres una chica rubia con aire en la cabeza que baila con burros.
TIFFANI : I'm ready for your tricks, Lorena. Miguel, translate!
MIGUEL : She said, "You are a blonde bimbo who dances with donkeys."
TIFFANI : Insulting the principal in Spanish! Huh? My office, now!
MIGUEL : That means: "Pronto."
TIFFANI : Next!
TIFFANI : Alright, Winkle, what'd you do this time? Grease the parallel bars before gymnastics,
           sell bogus hall passes to the freshman, or drill a peephole in the girl's locker room?
SLY : Yes.
TIFFANI : You did all of that?
SLY : I woke up early.
TIFFANI : That's it! Go stand in the corner and take a time-out.
SLY : You're kidding.
TIFFANI : If you're going to act like a six-year-old, you're going to be treated like one.
JAKE : Tiff, we need to talk.
TIFFANI : It's not "Tiff" in here, it's "Principal Tiff."
JAKE : Uh, Principal Tiff? I have something to say to you. But I know how sensitive you are,
       so I'm going to try to say this as gently as possible. You're out of control!!!
TIFFANI : I'm out of control? I'm out of control?! You're out of control!!
JAKE : Tiffani, settle down, okay?
TIFFANI : No, this is the first time I've got people to listen to me and I like it. I really, really
           like it. And if you don't like it, you can go take a time-out, too.
JAKE : Next!
SAM : Okay, guys, instead of memorizing boring facts, I thought I could teach you science by
      doing some fun, hands-on experiments.
TONY : And I'm her handsome lab assistant, Doctor Goodlookinstein.
SAM : Our first experiment will prove that objects of different weights fall at the same rate of
      acceleration. Ready, Tony?
TONY : Ready, Sam.
SAM : Okay, Tony, drop object one: the orange.
SAM : One-point-three-seconds. Okay, Tony, drop object three:
TONY : Wooowwww!
SAM : One-point-three seconds.
SAM : Our next experiment will show how to convert mechanical energy to electrical energy. As
      Tony pedals, he will generate energy to light the bulb.
SLY : Ooh, blinding.
SAM : I don't get it. Come on, Tony. Faster. Mush! Mush!
SLY : A-ha! See, I know the problem. This blue wire needs to be attached to this green
      thingie...
SAM : No! Not the blue wire!
TONY : Unplug me! Unplug me!
SAM : Our next experiment will demonstrate the transfer of potential energy to kinetic energy.
      Notice how we will use the stored energy in the elastic band to propel Tony into the
      hall.
TONY : UM, Sam, are you sure this is safe?
SAM : Sure it is. Mark put a crash pad in the hall. Let her rip!
MARK : Where do I put the crash pad?
SAM : Tony, are you okay?
TONY : I'm fine, mom.
LORENA : This is crazy. We're not learning anything. We need to try something else.
SLY : I've got three words--cut day!
TIFFANI : Oh, so you think you're all real slick trying to have cut day while I'm in charge,
           huh? Well, forget it, it's not gonna happen!
JAKE : Tiffani, lighten up. We do it every year. It's tradition. You know it's not that big of a
       deal.
TIFFANI : Maybe when Blumford was in charge it wasn't, but there's a new principal in town,
           and I know how you think. You can cut, but you can't hide!
TIFFANI : Alright, students, get to your classes, prontoooooo!
TIFFANI : Hell-looo! Come out, come out wherever you are... NOW!!
BLUMFORD : What? What? Oh, it's you.
TIFFANI : Mr. Blumford, where is everybody? All the students are gone.
BLUMFORD : Well, either it's a new holiday I don't know about, or else those youngsters have
              made today cut day.
TIFFANI : Cut day? I can't believe that. I told them not to.
BLUMFORD : You mean you told a school full of teenagers not to do something and then they
              did it? Gee, what were the odds?
TIFFANI : What am I gonna do? No one was taking me seriously until I started yelling at them.
          And just when it started to feel good, they blew me off. Maybe you should take over.
BLUMFORD : Tiffani, you're still principal. This is your responsibility. Now a good leader doesn't
              do what's best for herself, she does what's best for those she leads. So, you go
              out there and do the job I know you can do.
TIFFANI : You're right. And I know right where to find them.

(MUSIC CUE : "TO THE END"
JAKE : THE WAY I SEE IT
 THE WAY THAT I FEEL
 THERE'S ONE THING THAT MATTERS
 AND ONE THING THAT'S REAL
JAKE/MARK : SOMEONE TO CALL ON
  SOMEONE TO CARE
  SOMEONE YOU KNOW
  THAT WILL ALWAYS BE THERE
ALL : TO THE END, TO THE END
TONY : THAT'S THE WAY WE'VE ALWAYS BEEN
ALL : TO THE END, TO THE END
JAKE/MARK/TONY : WE'LL BE FRIENDS UNTIL THE END...
TONY : NOTHING YOU CAN DO
  NOTHING YOU CAN SAY
MARK : YOU NEVER CHANGE MY MIND
  OR DRIVE ME AWAY
JAKE/MARK : I'M HERE FOREVER
  I'LL ALWAYS CARE
  I WANT YOU TO KNOW
  I WILL ALWAYS BE THERE
ALL : TO THE END, TO THE END
TONY : THAT'S THE WAY WE'VE ALWAYS BEEN
ALL : TO THE END, TO THE END
TONY/JAKE/MARK : WE'LL BE FRIENDS UNTIL THE END...
JAKE : THERE ARE UPS AND THERE ARE DOWNS
 MAYBE WE GET TURNED AROUND
TONY/MARK : BUT NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS NOW
MARK : TOGETHER WE'LL BE ON SOLID GROUND
JAKE/MARK : YEAH
ALL : TO THE END, TO THE END
TONY : THAT'S THE WAY WE'VE ALWAYS BEEN
ALL : TO THE END, TO THE END
MARK : EVERYBODY NEEDS A FRIEND
ALL : TO THE END, TO THE END
JAKE/MARK/TONY : WE'LL BE FRIENDS UNTIL THE END
ALL : TO THE END, TO THE END
JAKE : HAAAYY, AAAAHHHH, EWW...)

JAKE : Alright, cut day!
TIFFANI : Aha! I knew you'd be here!
JAKE : Listen, Tiff, you can bust us, but we're not going back. We've been overworking
       ourselves preparing for midterms, and we needed cut day to ease some of the stress.
LORENA : Yeah, Tiff, you need to relax, too. You're putting way to much pressure on yourself.
TONY : Yeah, yeah, and that's not good, cause as pressure builds, it becomes potential energy.
        And if there's no release of the energy... BAM! You blow up.
SAM : Hey, that's right. You're finally understanding physics!
TONY : I guess once I was able to transfer my potential energy to kinetic energy, I was able to
        comprehend the scientific theories. Well, there I go again!
JAKE : See, cut day works.
MARK : Oh, no! Blumford.
BLUMFORD : All right, everyone!
MARK : Whoa! How'd he know we were here?
TIFFANI : Hold on, Blumford. Who's the principal here?
BLUMFORD : Well, you are of course, but--
TIFFANI : Okay, then leave these students to me. Besides, this isn't cut day. It's, uh, uh...
           "cram day."
BLUMFORD : Cram day?
TIFFANI : They needed a break. Studying outside of school was in their best interest.
BLUMFORD : But the rules are the rules and the rules--
TIFFANI : And a great leader like you realizes that sometimes you need to bend the rules. You
           truly are inspirational, Mr. Blumford. You should write a book on leadership.
BLUMFORD : Well, actually, I have toyed with the idea myself. I'd call it "B: My Name is
              Blumford."
JAKE : Principal Tiff, that was cool.
TIFFANI : Sommers, how many times do I have to tell you?! Just call me "Tiff." I'm sorry I
           was so hard on you guys. I guess I got a little carried away.
LORENA : Well, we're sorry, too. We should've seen what you were going through and helped
           you out.
SLY : Alright, knock off the mushy stuff before I start developing emotions.
SAM : So, Tiff, are you ready to join us for cut day?
TIFFANI : You mean, cram day.
JAKE : You're kidding, right?
TONY : Yeah, we don't need to study.
TIFFANI : Well, alright then, cram day's over. Back to school everyone.
JAKE : No, no, we'll study, we'll study.
TONY : Oh, yeah, lots and lots of studying. Boy, will we study.

-THE END-