| GENERAL QUESTIONS: |
What does Austin 3:16 mean?
- 3:16 is the consumption ratio of Little Debbies snack cakes to Steveweisers that Mr.
Cold seems to prefer. It has been speculated that the subject snack cakes could be
anything from Ding Dongs to Ho-Ho's or Twinkies, but we feel reasonably sure that Mr. Cold
is a sucker for Little Debbies, most likely the oatmeal creme cookies.
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What does Austin 666 mean?
- Austin 666 was an upgraded version of 3:16, but there were too many glitches in the
operating system, so he's gone back to 3:16 for now.
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Why does Kane wear a mask?
- Kane wears a mask because he bears an uncanny resemblance to that Isaac Yankem dude, and
he got tired of people confusing him with Dr. Yankem. The burned face story is just
a ruse.
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What is wrong with Kane's right eye?
- He sold it to the Devil... Oh no, that's what happened to Marilyn Manson's eye...
Kane's right eye is affected by a peculiar syndrome called "Contactus
Lensism" which can cause discoloration to the eye.
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| Who is Isaac Yankem?
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Why do people keep telling me wrestling is fake?
- Those people obviously don't know what they are talking about. Just ignore them
and keep the faith.
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Why do so many wrestlers carry fanny packs?
- They don't realize how much it annoys Bostin Crab or Chokee Slam, or they wouldn't do
it, because wrestlers are very nice people.
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Why do wrestlers come out to the ring wet?
- Some are just heavy sweaters, like the Rock, who's been known to lose up to 9.6 gallons
of water during a long PPV match. Others, like Undertaker, and lately Kane, are fond
of creating wet spot art (or Rorschach tests) on their wrestling panties for all to
interpret and enjoy.
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| Why is Kenny Shamrock allowed to speak?
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| Why is Chyna allowed to speak?
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| Why is Dean Malenko allowed to speak?
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Why doesn't Paul Bearer speak in that weird voice
anymore?
- The WWF was getting too many complaints of viewers' dogs howling every time he spoke
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Why does the Undertaker roll his eyes back into his head
before a match?
- Could be one of two reasons:
- He is checking to make sure he didn't leave his brain back in the locker room.
- There is a legend among Undertaker groupies that Mr. Undertaker's eye color (green,
grey, hazel, blue, etc.) changes with his mood, ambient lighting, or the color of his
clothing. Like a chameleon, Mr. Undertaker can adjust to blend into his surroundings.
This is made possible by keeping extra eyeballs inside his head. When he
rolls his eyes back, another color will slide down, like a slot machine. The only
problems arise when the colors don't match up. If you get 2 cherries, it's a
jackpot, and he vomits coins. This can be messy.
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What is wrong with you people?
- I'll have my therapist get back to you on that one.
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Why do wrestlers shave their body hair?
- Shaving is a wrestling phenomena shrouded in so much mystery and speculation that
no one can be sure of the real reason anymore. We've concluded that the obvious reason is
a defensive one, because excess body hair can be held onto or pulled out one by one during
a match, thus giving your opponent the upper hand. Some current wrestlers who shave
body hair are Edge, Steve Blackman (chests), Undertaker and Al Snow (armpits)
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Why do some wrestlers wear their underwear OVER their
pants?
- Panty placement is another wrestling phenomena in which it is difficult to gauge the
truth. Our theory on this is that, a long time ago, one wrestler wore his panties on
the outside once, by accident, because he was being rushed or something. He
was so embarrassed by this faux pax, that he pretended he did it on purpose, and that it
was a good and correct thing to do. Other wrestlers followed in his footsteps like
sheep, but the practice became so widespread, that it has evolved into one of the staples
of wrestling attire.
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Have the men of wrestling started wearing larger
athletic cups lately?
- It would seem so. Examples: Undertaker, Kenny Shamrock and the Rock, to name a
few. Bostin Crab and Chokee Slam thank them because, after all, we are perverts.
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Why does Billy Gunn wear those upsetting shorts?
- We don't know the answer to this one, we're as freaked out about it as you are.
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What does the Big Bossman keep in that cargo vest he
wears?
- A recent inventory revealed that Bossman keeps the following items in his cargo vest:
diet shakes (one strawberry, one chocolate), Balance bars, fried chicken (one leg, one
thigh, two wings), Certs (with retsin), tissues to mop up the enormous amount of sweat he
excretes, a sewing kit, double sided tape, Little Debbies stolen from Stone Cold, his pay
stub, and a copy of the most recent WWF memo regarding his character's angle.
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What happened to those donuts the Rock had?
- After the Rock was carted away by the police, the Big Bossman broke into his locker and
ate them all.
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Is Head male or female?
- Al Snow has stated that there are multiple voices of various genders emanating from
Head, nevertheless, we are very reasonably sure that he is lying and that the voice (or
voices) are female. We've come to this conclusion because Head is always nagging Al,
and nagging is a distinctly female trait.
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QUESTIONS POSTED ON MESSAGE BOARDS OR OVERHEARD IN CHAT ROOMS |
Chyna why don't you fith saber?
- I reckon she would fith a saber if she knew what that meant. No, seriously, this
question alerts us to the dangers of poor spelling and improper proofreading. So
please kiddies, stay in school.
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Kane why don't you kill dx?
- Well, first of all, killing is against the law and Kaney has enough problems to deal
with, what with his eye and all.
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Who were the original four horsemen?
- Death, War, Pestilence and that other guy, Ric Flair. (Isn't Flair Pestilence? ...
C.S.)
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If Ken Shamrock can kick anyone's ass in a real fight,
why doesn't he go back to UFC?
- Because the UFC is DANGEROUS!
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What was in the urn that Paul Bearer used to carry
around?
- A Quarter Pounder With Cheese Extra Value Meal from McDonalds (it was his lunch).
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