Anima Patty
For the longest time after Jen had left Patty remained seated on the floor. It seemed that every thought took an eternity to process. Even now, snatches of the words of comfort Jen tried to offer were only just beginning to sink in. "You ... you're still the Anima."
Still the Anima. More like the "stilled" Anima Patty felt bile rise up in her throat. Some part of her wished she'd wake up from this awful dream, but the more practical side knew that this nightmare was real.
"You have to be. We need you."
Need me? I'm useless! A wave of self-loathing and self-pity washed over Patty and she let the feelings overwhelm her. Hot tears and choked sobs were the accompaniment to her pain. She let the tears run their course until she was left lying drained in the middle of the floor.
Jen's words floated through her mind again. "You're ... you're always Patty." How can I be myself when half of my soul's been ripped out?
She tried to shut out Jen's voice. "You're ... you're always Patty." Always Patty...but I've already changed! Patty flung herself onto her back. One emotion after another raced through her system- ~~Despair. Loss. Fear. Anger.~~ That in itself was a frightening change; Patty had never been one to let emotions get the better of her. It took an awful lot to raise her ire, and even then, once she got it out it was over. These intense, lingering emotions were alien to Patty and she didn't know how to deal.
Jen again, insisting. "You're ... you're always Patty." Always Patty. Always Patty. What the BLOODY Hell is that supposed to MEAN?!
If she'd been able to channel, Patty would've broken everything in sight with a thought. The inability to do that pushed her beyond her capacity to reason. She wrenched herself off the floor and began destroying her room. The desk was the first to go -- drawers ripped off their runners and contents flung away. Books were flung off shelves and the shelves ripped down. The collection of dragons was hurled one at a time at the window to break as much glass as possible.
Patty stopped short as she caught the reflection of the screaming madwoman in her mirror. She looked at her reflection in shock. Who is this crazy woman who has taken control of my body?
And Jen's voice whispered back, "You're ... you're always Patty."
She broke the mirror with her fist.
Patty wandered glassy-eyed through the halls of the Purple Tower absent-mindedly nursing her hand. She didn't notice the droplets of blood she left as a trail for any who might look for her. She didn't notice the bloody footprints that marked as a counterpoint for the trail from her hand. Physical pain was pale in comparison to the soul-pain she was feeling.
The Purple Tower felt different to her now. Empty. What was here for her now? Then she heard the music. Not a song really...just some sad aching notes. She was drawn to it...compelled by it. She followed it.
Patty stood at the back of the auditorium listening to Jen play. And as the music turned angry, Patty felt something in her change. This was something she was finally able to understand. Not only understand, inhabit. Patty closed her eyes to better feel the music, taste the anger. She felt it grow and encouraged the growth. It began to fill her and she felt the hope that maybe this would be able to fill the hole inside her. This anger, this hatred could give her a focus like she'd never had before.
She could no longer be the Patty she was before, the Patty she was supposed to be. Because of the actions of one woman.
Her soul was ripped and torn. Because of one woman.
One woman who laughed at her pain. Laughed in triumph for her loss.
Patty opened her eyes and they were filled with an unholy hatred. A hatred for one woman...... Who would pay.
It took Patty a moment to realize that the music had stopped. She was finding it hard to concentrate on anything. The echo of Mayadi's laughter had drowned out Jen's whispered words of comfort. And that became her focus. She wanted to hurt Mayadi as badly as she'd been hurt herself. She wanted to wipe that self-satisfied smirk off her face. She wanted to see the Amyrlin groveling at her feet begging to be released from some horrible torture so Patty could laugh in her face.
A dark chuckle escaped Patty's throat. She didn't hear it, being so wrapped up in her own thoughts. But the chuckle caught Jen's attention.
Jen looked up and felt her heart wrenched again. Patty was standing in the back of the auditorium gently swaying as she laughed. It was obvious she'd gotten no rest, as Jen herself had not. As she rose Jen thought to herself, Maybe I shouldn't have left her alone.
As she walked closer to Patty she gasped in alarm. There was blood all over the front of the Mickey Mouse nightshirt Patty was wearing and a trail of blood leading to the auditorium. What happened now?!
Jen approached Patty warily. She didn't want to startle Patty out of whatever state she was in; it almost looked like she was sleepwalking. "Patty?" Jen called softly as she reached out to touch Patty's arm. Patty didn't respond, but instead chuckled again at the images forming in her head.
"Patty?" Jen called, more insistent, and gave Patty a little shake.
Patty whispered something. Jen thought it might have been "always Patty." That seemed to bring Patty out of herself a little and she recognized Jen's presence for the first time. "Jen."
Patty sounded like a child naming objects to secure their meaning. She said "Jen" again, with more awareness in her voice. Patty blinked and really focused on Jen like she was really seeing her, much to Jen's relief. "I, uh... liked what you were playing."
Jen made a noncommittal noise of agreement then asked gently, "Patty. Why are you bleeding?"
Patty looked confused. It was still so hard to make sense of things. "Bleeding? Am I bleeding?" Even as she looked down at her shredded hand that she was cradling she still didn't see it.
Jen got Patty turned around and took her elbow to guide her. "Let's get you fixed up, okay?" But Patty was back in her own thoughts again, chuckling that eerie chuckle.
SianStudè/SianSepta Lia, Plum
Lia shouted for anyone... anyone who was still awake in the Tower. No one answered... She walked into her room, wondering things that came freely to her mind. She saw Jen and Patty on the stage, but didn't want to interrupt, all the time, knowing that Jen had screamed to her for this reason. But what reason..? The Tower wasn't on fire, everyone seemed accounted for.. But still, a feeling of.. of.. Maybe it was disquiet settled upon her nerves. They still hadn't seen Lia by the time she skirted the curtains that she knew by heart. Moving soundlessly as only a True techie can, she climbed upon the catwalk and lay down watching from above... Still wondering...
Anima Patty
Jen took Patty by the elbow and led her out of the darkened auditorium. Patty kept chuckling that strange chuckle; it was very eerie, it sounded nothing like the woman Jen knew. Jen thought briefly that Patty might be okay; for a moment in the auditorium Patty seemed coherent. But then she went back to laughing. Jen was afraid she was going mad.
It was not unheard of. For some women, the shock of being stilled was just too much and they completely lost control of their faculties. To see Patty like this was unnerving. The idea that Patty might never come back to her senses disturbed Jen more than anything else.
As Jen guided Patty along she thought about how she'd break the news to the rest of the members of the Tower. The news that one of their own had been stilled would be devastating and might possibly cause violent reactions. But it's not like Jen could hide Patty's condition for long. And they'd need someone to deal with the bloody mess she'd made of herself.
Jen got Patty back to her room but when she opened the door was shocked at the state it was in. Patty didn't show any signs of recognition. Jen looked around for another room to take Patty into. Bringing her back into this mess was definitely not a good idea.
Just as Jen was leading Patty across the hallway to an unoccupied room, Meranda came out of her room. She walked toward the pair and gasped in shock as she got a better look at Patty's condition. "What in the Light happened?"
Jen answered, "This is not the best time to explain." She gave Meranda a speculative look. "Let's get her into this room. Then take a look at her hand and her feet, will you?"
It was clear Meranda had a thousand questions to ask, but she swallowed them all as she helped Jen guide Patty into the empty room and got her seated on the bed.
Meranda
Meranda looked the woman over and didn't even bother to fake channeling she simply Healed her ignoring the look of the woman who expected to see the glow around her as the wound slowly seal. She pushed the woman back.
"You feel like sleeping, yes?" She hated using that on people but the mess she had made of herself and the state she was in made her think she needed it. She just lied back and went to sleep. Turning to the woman behind her the yellow in her eyes that always glimmered when she used the glamour fading.
"I come back from a visit with the Elders to find Haplo mangled. I fix him up and come to my room to rest from the trip and find a Sister mangled and stilled. Pardon me but what the Hell is going on here? Did a war start in a few days, and what about her?" Motioning to the bed.
Anima Patty
"You feel like sleeping, yes?"
Patty heard these words through the laughter and for a time there was peace. Darkness and peace.
After a while Patty could feel herself floating back to awareness. There was an absence of... something. She struggled to figure out what was missing. The pain! The pain was gone. Her hand and feet were Healed. In her mind this brought some comfort. That was good. Pain was gone. Darkness again, and peace.
Patty floated to almost-awareness again. She remembered that her hand and feet had been Healed. But there was still an absence of something. Something was wrong. Something was missing. But it was so hard to concentrate, so hard to focus. Her mind was fighting very hard against itself not to remember what was missing. And she couldn't make herself achieve true wakefulness. She was somehow stuck in a between state which she knew should bother her more than it did.
Patty could hear voices of people near her, but couldn't make out the words. The voices were soft and soothing. She was safe. The feeling of peace was returning with the darkness, and Patty welcomed it. Then someone laughed. The peace was shattered.
The innocent laughter of the people around her sent Patty into a downward spiral of pain. It blended and melded until all that remained was Mayadi. It followed her everywhere. And every time, it tore something away. Full realization, if not full wakefulness, was granted. It was gone; the Source was gone.
The darkness was gone as well. Images flashed. The White Tower. The Amyrlin's study. The Amyrlin herself glowing, preparing an attack against Jen. Patty saw herself falling to the floor. Huddled at the feet of Mayadi. Rocking, crying, humiliated, at the feet of the woman who stilled her. She screamed but the dream gave her no voice. The only sound was Mayadi's triumphant laughter.
She fled. Must escape the voice. Must escape that laughter. No where to run. No control in the dream. Every door leads to the Amyrlin. Her mocking laughter, her victory. Patty screamed again.
She couldn't wake. She was trapped in her mind. She fought for control of her body. Fought to grasp the Source. Must hurt Mayadi. Must cause her pain. Must make her scream. But there was no Source, no way to hurt Mayadi, no way to escape.
The dream shifted. Patty was in Tel'aran'rhiod, but not of her own volition. She whirled. There before her stood Mayadi, not in her dream state...in the flesh. Patty shrank back in horror, unable to control her reaction. She hated giving Mayadi even that slight satisfaction, but it was clear she was not the one in control here.
Mayadi advanced on Patty with mock sympathy on her face. "Oh pet. Feeling the effects of your stilling, are you?" She chuckled softly and Patty could feel her tenuous hold on sanity slip. She fought to control her reactions, but her body betrayed her. Her breathing came faster and she broke out in a cold sweat. Mayadi seemed pleased with the response.
"At first I was dreadfully put out that Jennaea," she put a condescending emphasis on the name Jen had given up when leaving the Tower, "had eluded my grasp. But your hatred and fear of me drew me to you like a moth to a flame. And now that I've brought you here..." Mayadi grinned a cold grin. "you will make for a pleasant diversion until I can get my hands on her. Come closer, pet. Let's play." Mayadi chuckled again, and Patty screamed her sanity away.
In the waking world, Patty moaned from the bed. Those in the room with her could see she was in terrible torment. Her face was lined with pain. Her limbs were stiff and tight. She tossed her head back and forth trying to deny her mind.
Jen signaled Meranda over. "What happened? Can you wake her up?"
Meranda focused for a moment on Patty. She drew back with a gasp of shock. "Mom! I can't. She's trapped."
Patty screamed.
SianSepta Kaitlyn, Mauve
Kaitlyn and Lyanne wearily entered the Purple Tower shortly before daybreak. Smothering a yawn, Kait spoke quietly to the other woman. "I'll tell Mom what we learned later. It can wait until we've had some sleep." Lyanne nodded and headed for her room.
In her own room, Kait stripped off her dress and took a shower. She closed her eyes, letting the hot water pound over her body, soothing her frazzled nerves as it washed the dark dye out of her hair. She scrubbed extra hard at her face to get all the makeup off. Finally she felt like herself again, and turned the water off. Drying herself with a thick towel, she reflected that it wasn't the makeup or dress that bothered her- it was the subterfuge. She hated that she'd had to lie, to pretend to be someone she wasn't in order to trick the Warders. Still, she supposed she understood the necessity....
Leaving the bathroom, she glided over to her bed and pulled on the nightgown she'd laid out. Between the late hour and the alcohol she'd imbibed, she was so tired she could barely keep her eyes open. She slid beneath the covers gratefully, snuggling down into the comfy bed. Before she drifted off, she remembered that she had to set her alarm so she'd get up in a few hours to tell Jen what they'd learned. She channeled, and with a fine weave of Air turned on the alarm. Then she sank into a deep, dreamless sleep.
The alarm rang far too soon. Kait groaned and pulled the pillow over her head. She could have sworn it had only been a few minutes since she'd gotten into bed. Then, sighing, she got up. She pulled on her mauve robe and left her room, very grateful that the Purple Tower didn't stand on ceremony the way the White Tower did. She fully intended to report to Jen, cancel her classes, and go back to bed, and she didn't see the need to bother with getting dressed.
Flagging down a passing Studè, she learned that the Cuebiyar was in an unoccupied bedroom near Patty's room. That seemed odd, but she was too tired to really care what might be going on.
She found Jen in the room, looking as though she had been crying, along with Meranda and Patty, who was asleep on the bed. Instantly worried, she forgot about her report and flew to the Cuebiyar's side. "Mom?! What is it?! What's wrong?!"
Jen looked at her for a moment as if not recognizing her, then came back to herself. "Mayadi," she said in a choked voice. Taking a deep breath, she continued, her voice filled with anger. "Patty and I encountered Mayadi in Tel'aran'rhiod. She-" Jen closed her eyes. "Patty's been stilled."
Kaitlyn simply stared at her, unable to grasp this. Patty, stilled? Her friend, her Sister Ayende Vera, the Anima of the Purple Tower, unable to touch the True Source? Unable to feel the sweet rush that came with channeling saidar? It couldn't be true. But the pain and anger in Jen's eyes testified that it was.
There was a sudden moan from the bed. The three conscious Ayenda Vera jumped, then Jen flew to Patty's side.
Jen signaled Meranda over. "What happened? Can you wake her up?"
Meranda focused for a moment on Patty. She drew back with a gasp of shock. "Mom! I can't. She's trapped." Patty screamed.
Kaitlyn thought it was quite probably the worst sound she had ever heard. She grabbed Jen's arm. "Let me go to Tel'aran'rhiod and help her!"
Jen frowned at her. "But you're not a Dreamwalker, are you? I should-"
"I've been taught to go to Tel'aran'rhiod, same as everyone else in the Tower!" Kait interrupted. "And you can't go, you're too important. We can't risk Mayadi hurting you! It has to be her, who else would do this? Please, Mom, I have to help her!" Patty screamed again, as if to punctuate the urgency.
Jen opened her mouth to speak....
Nila Katja
Katja sat up with a start, her back dripping with sweat. "No," she thought, as she laid back down, "it can't happen again." She reached for the One Power and let just a trickle in, enough to let her know it was still there. She sighed, relieved, but was still curious. She hadn't had the nightmare for many years. This time, though, it seemed kind of vague. It had almost seemed like it wasn't her in trouble. Katja decided that she wouldn't be able to get any more sleep tonight, and it was almost time for her to get up, anyway. She was still lost in thought as she walked out the doorway. As soon as she opened the door, she felt it. A huge wave of pain and suffering, strangely enough, a feeling that Katja felt sympathetic for. Confused, she analyzed the feeling, trying to figure out why and perhaps from that, who was this feeling from.
Suddenly, she realized that it wasn't her that was in the dream. It was one of her friends in the Purple Tower. She gasped, and grabbed a hold of the wall to steady herself. The nightmare. It wasn't Tel'aran'rhiod. It was a dream completely of feelings with no images. A wrenching dream, containing more emotion than any picture could have. And it had come true. Not just once, but twice. Someone had been stilled.
Katja's eyes glazed over as she remembered... Katja's first memories were of being wrenched away from her crib. Something was wrong, she could feel it. She remembered being carried away, crying for something to help her.
She remembered being raised by Tuatha'an. The wandering people were so innocent. Knowing part of who she really was, she tried to stay away from them. She was afraid that she would hurt them.
With the memories of her childhood came memories of the Power. She had been so strong then. She knew weapons even more powerful than balefire, weapons lost even before the Age of Legends. At the age of 5, she could sense things quicker than most people. She realized that all people had a smell, but her friends laughed at her when she tried to tell them. Then, the wolves had come. At first, they scared her, but as soon as she accepted them, even more power came. She could always feel the power coursing through her veins. It was strongest in her dreams. In Tel'aran'rhiod, she had formed her own planet. It had been hard, and took a lot of power, but she had done it. At these times, she would sometimes have dreams of a cave, a cave with two hallways. She would always choose the left one, despite the fact that it was darker, had two streams of red-hot lava coursing through it, and was strewn with bones. She never remembered actually walking through the cave, just reaching a room at the end. The room was round, with a domed roof, and with the floor curving up to meet the wall, with no seam. In the middle, on a pedestal, stood a sphere. Katja never figured out what color the sphere was. It was always glowing too brightly to look at. She'd close her eyes and then reach out and touch it, feeling the Power grow stronger. Now, she knew that that was a sa'angreal. It would strengthen your Power, but you would have to renew that strength every once in a while.
One night, Katja had decided to try the other way. She woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. The next night and for many after, she had the nightmare. She felt lost.
She left the Tuath'an and started wandering from wolfpack to wolfpack, even though she had difficulty talking with them, now. Slowly, she had gained back some of the power, by what miracle, she doesn't know. But, even with training at the Purple Tower, she still felt the emptiness that had always been filled by so much Power those many years ago.
Katja shook her head and brought herself back to the here and now. "I've got to find what happened!" She stalked off down the hall, upset that any of her friends had to go through that. Whoever they are, she just hoped that they were only partially stilled. If not, then..... Katja couldn't even imagine the pain that someone would have to live through if they could never ever call back the One Power.
Rebecca
Rebecca left the Tel'aran'rhiod grove and headed for the Green Ajah's section. If she had been dumb enough to join the White Tower, that was what she would have been. As she walked the halls of the White Tower, she felt shivers run down her spine. There was no way she could have put up with being in a place like this. She definitely preferred her comfortable room in the Purple Tower.
Suddenly, she was there... she felt like kicking herself. She couldn't believe that after all her years of experience in Tel'aran'rhiod she was dumb enough to make a mistake like that. She closed her eyes, and in an instant was back in the White Tower. Maybe it was the importance of the mission that caused her to be jumpy enough to screw up like that. She quickly entered the room of one of the Greens. She glanced around the room, and decided the dresser in the corner would be the best place to start looking. A watch, and earring, a purple ring...... A PURPLE RING?! Rebecca's temper flared at the thought of something purple in this place, much less a ring that was similar to that of the Ayenda Vera. And it was chipped! No Ayenda Vera would be careless enough to chip her ring. So what was this Green doing with a ring? This was definitely suspicious. She headed off towards the Amyrlin's Study to tell Jen about this. As she turned the corner, she heard voices coming from the study and quickened her step. Maybe someone else had found something useful.
Rebecca approached the Amyrlin's study quietly. If one of the others was sharing some news with Jen she did not want to interrupt. She looked into the study and to her horror she saw a woman who matched Jen's description of Mayadi. There were also three other women in the room that Rebecca did not know. She crept closer and listened to what Mayadi was saying. "....the nerve to break into my study and then she acted as if she had every right to be here. I would have stilled her if her little friend had not gotten stilled instead." STILLED!!!!! One of the PT!!!!!!! How awful! She realized that in her shock she had stopped listening. One of the other women in the room was talking now. "...more careful. The fact that you broke the Three Oaths is sure to clue them in. If they discover that we serve the Dark One our influence and reputation will vanish and the whole world will be against us instead of them."
Rebecca could almost feel Mayadi's anger. She thought the woman almost reached out for the One Power. "Are you challenging me?!" Mayadi cried, "Do you think I have forgotten how important this is......"
That was all Rebecca needed to hear. She winked out of Tel'aran'rhiod and back into her room. Stilled! The thought of it sent shivers down her spine. She had to find Jen and tell her what she had heard. Jen was likely to be with whoever the poor girl who had been stilled was. As important as her news was, she wasn't sure she wanted to encounter the woman who had been stilled. What do you say to someone who has been stilled? Nothing she could think of could express the sorrow she felt at the pain that girl must be feeling. Oh well, she had to face her sometime, and her news was too important to wait. She decided to try Patty's room first. As she approached the room, she saw that the door was partially open. Something was wrong. As Rebecca cautiously pushed the door open, her worst fears were confirmed. The room was a total mess with a trail of blood leading out the door. As she stared in confusion at the mess in the room she heard voices from across the hall.
"I've been taught to go to Tel'aran'rhiod, same as everyone else in the Tower!" Kait said. "And you can't go, you're too important. We can't risk Mayadi hurting you! It has to be her, who else would do this? Please, Mom, have to help her!"
Patty screamed, as if to punctuate the urgency.
Rebecca stuck her head in the room and announced "I'm going too."
Kaitlin, Jen, and Meranda turned to look at her as she burst into the room. "It might be dangerous, and you can't risk going by yourself. And, besides, I've been involved in this mess from the beginning. I found a chipped purple ring in one of the Green's room. I heard Mayadi talking to some of her friends, she's Black Ajah! And, I heard about Patty."
