Xena

Season 1

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This page was last updated on 02/20/01.

Sins Of The Past

Draco: "There's no rest for the wicked!"

Xena: "I thought I could start over, but they don't trust me."

Xena: "Take your revenge.  It's true what they say, it's sweet."

Xena (to Cyclops after defeating him): "You know, you should find a different line of work."
Cyclops: "Well, like what?  I'm a blind Cyclops, for crying out loud."

Xena: "You know, where I'm headed there'll be trouble."
Gabrielle: "I know."
Xena: "Then why would you want to go into that with me?"
Gabrielle: "That's what friends are for."

Chariots of War

Gabrielle: "I'm looking for my best friend.  Maybe you've seen her?  Six feet tall, dark hair, lots of leather, fights like the Harpies in a bad mood?  Her name's Xena."

Xena: "You call that a jump!" 
Gabrielle: "No, it was a frantic leap.  Best I could do!"

Xena (to Darius re: sharing his life): "I have never thought about having any of these things until now."

Dreamworker

Xena: "The moment you pick up a sword, you become a target."

Xena: "And the moment you kill...." 
Gabrielle: "The moment you kill ... what?" 
Xena: "Everything changes. Everything."

Cradle of Hope

Gabrielle: "I always wanted a little brother."

Gabrielle: "... you fight.  I talk.  We each have our gifts."

Gabrielle: "What should we tell Pandora?"
Xena: "Hope has been and always will be safe.  It's inside every one of us."

King Gregor: "The future has all the time in the world."

Gregor: "... do we dare tamper with fate?"
Nemos: "I believe that fate is just an excuse for men with no destiny."

Nemos: "Threats to the crown take on many guises."

Pandora: "My name is Pandora."
Gabrielle: "Pandora?  The one who opened the box?"
Pandora: "No, that was my grandmother.  We have the same name, but yes, I still carry -"
Gabrielle: "- the box!"

Pandora: "... all the desires of mortals were released when my grandmother opened it."
Gabrielle: "Except the hope of mankind."
Pandora: "Yes.  The hope of mankind is the one thing my grandmother managed to trap.  That's why we all still have hope.  It's the rest of man's desires that are fleeting."

Pandora: "If I don't have that box in my possession, it opens itself.  That's the curse of my family.  That's why we must always carry the box.  I'm the only one who can reset the lock.  If I don't have the box before midnight, it opens, and hope escapes."

Xena: "In my experience, cowardly mobs are usually led by weasels."

Xena (to mob leader): "Didn't your mother ever tell you not to turn your back on a lady?"

Xena (re: Nemos): "Knowledge is power and I didn't want to give him that power."

Xena: "Think, Gregor!  ...  This child will take your throne, but as your heir, not as your conqueror."

The Path Not Taken

Xena (re: the death of Marcus): "My friend.  My friend."

The Reckoning

Ares (to Xena): "Your destiny is to rule the world -- with me."

Ares: "Till next time."

The Titans

Prometheus

09/13/2000

Innkeeper: "Two people die in my inn in one night.  Talk about bad omens.  ..."
Xena: "This is no coincidence....  Prometheus has been captured by the gods."
Gabrielle: "The bards say that if Prometheus is ever bound, then mankind starts to lose the gifts he gave us."
Innkeeper: "Like fire?"
Xena: "And the ability to heal ourselves."

Xena: "If I'm not back by nightfall, I want you to leave this place."
Gabrielle: "I take it this isn't going to be your typical run-of-the-mill trip to an oracle."

Hercules (to Xena): "I'm not going to fight.  With Prometheus captured, a scratch could kill you."

Prometheus: "Hera, why are you doing this?"
Hera: "Prometheus, you waste your affections on mankind.  There are other creatures much more worthy of respect."

Gabrielle (to Xena): "You're not much for girl talk, are you?"
[Xena draws her sword]
Gabrielle: "Of course, you're not like most girls."

Hercules: "You've been helping people."
Xena: "Someone taught me it's the only reason to be on this earth."

Hercules: "Sometimes in life, you go with your heart, not you head."

Hercules (re: Iolaus): "... he's brave of heart and hard of head."

Gabrielle: "Let me tell you another story.  Once, a long time ago, all humans had four legs and two heads.  --  And then the gods threw down thunderbolts and split everyone into two.  Each half then had two legs and one head.  But the separation left both halves with a desperate yearning to be reunited.  Because they each shared the same soul.  And ever since then, all people spend their lives searching for the other half of their soul."

Hercules: "Goodbyes are never easy."

Gabrielle: "So do you think Iolaus is still in love with you?"
Xena: "His love turned to hate for a while.  I'm not sure how he feels about me now."
Gabrielle: "What about Hercules?"
Xena: "What about him?"
Gabrielle: "You're not much for girl talk, are you?  Of course, you're not like most girls."

Death In Chains

Hooves And Harlots

12/29/1999

Amazon: "Time to dance Princess." 
Gabrielle: "No, I'm really bad at this.  I have two left feet dancing backwards.  They wouldn't let me dance at the crop festival because I brought a bad harvest."

Ephiny: "Come. Now." 
Gabrielle: "Excuse me?  You must have me mistaken for a pet." 
Ephiny: "Would you come with me."  
Gabrielle: "That's better."

Gabrielle: "We're going to see the Amazon Queen.  This is fantastic!   I'm excited!"

Gabrielle: "You haven't seen her fight.  Now, I have seen her fight."  
Ephiny: "She's annoying.  How do you put up with her?" 
Gabrielle: "She puts up with me fine!"

Gabrielle: "O.K., now remember her blind side is on the right.  Ah! Never mind!"

Gabrielle: "Are you mad at me?" 
Xena: "No, not mad."  
Gabrielle: "Well, I've learned my lesson.  Everything I know, you know.   From now on no more secrets." 
Xena: "We'll see how long that lasts."  
Gabrielle: "You know I just thought of something.  You're a Warrior Princess and I'm an Amazon Princess.  That's going to make such a great story.  It all starts....

Gabrielle: "I wanted to read philosophy and learn history and science ... But they didn't consider me a normal girl."

Kryton: "A battle between the Hooves and the Harlots!  I wonder who'd win?"  
Xena: "That's easy."

Queen Melosa: "The famous battle of Corinth.  Yes, we've heard of it and heard of you Xena.  To some of us you are a hero.  A true Amazon at the head of the mightiest army the world has known."

Phantes: "If it looks like a Hydra and moves like a Hydra, it's a Hydra."

Phantes: "She knows the stories by heart and she loves to tell them."  
Ephiny (to Xena): "Now I know why you ride the horse." 
Gabrielle: "What's that supposed to mean?"

Terreis (to Xena): "You know the Amazon ways, and yet you are not an Amazon.   (to Gabrielle) And I know you're really not one of us." 
Gabrielle: "Hey, don't judge a scroll by its paper."

Terreis: "The Amazon world is based on truth.  On a woman's individual strength!"
Gabrielle: "I'm all for that.  I've always considered myself as a single-minded person.  Of course, if I got married, I'd have to ask my husband if that would be O.K.  ...  That was a joke!"

Xena: "Something about me you find interesting?" 
Ephiny: "Yes."  
Xena: "Want to tell me?" 
Ephiny: "No."  
Xena: "Then stop staring at me before I take your eyes out."

Xena: "What's this?" 
Gabrielle: "I'm an Amazon Princess."  
Xena: "Great.  The proof's in the pouch.  There's hay sprouts in it.   Centaurs don't eat hay. 
Gabrielle: "Uh! Oh.  Thank you, thank you very much."

Xena: "Queen Melosa, I demand the Royal Challenge.  The Royal Challenge must be honored." 
Melosa: "Only when it is made by someone of royal Amazon blood." 
Gabrielle: "I demand the Challenge! I'm an Amazon Princess.  You can't deny me." 
Melosa: "Gabrielle, do you want to fight me to the death?" 
Gabrielle: "Not really." 
Ephiny: "You chose the Challenge.  You must follow through.  Choose your weapon or choose your Champion."   
Gabrielle: "My Champion?  I pick Xena!"

Xena: "Only fools and profiteers ask for war."

The Black Wolf

Diomedes: "You embroider?"
Xena: "I have many skills."

Gabrielle: "This wouldn't have happened if you had kept your hands off my tomatoes!"

Salmoneus: "Those boots, that leather, those legs, Xena!"

Xena (re: Gabrielle): "She's my friend."
Salmoneus: "She's your friend?  You have a friend?"

Xena: "My name is Xena.  I'm a problem-solver."

Beware Greeks Bearing Gifts

Gabrielle (re: Trojan Horse): "Do you want to go back for the Horse?   It's bound to be a collector's item."
Xena: "Only if you're going to pull it."

Xena: "What do you want to do?"
Helen: "No one's ever asked me that before."

Athens City Academy of the Performing Bards

Xena: "No one should pass up their dreams."

A Fistful of Dinars

Gabrielle: "If you put a compress on that, it'll keep down the swelling."

Petracles: "I talked Xena into marrying me."

Petracles: "Don't get me wrong, Gabrielle.  I'm not a nice guy."

Thersites: "Oops"

Xena: "Be nice."

Warrior... Princess

Assassin: "You're not the princess!"
Xena: "You got that right, Plato."

Diana: "Tell me what to do to be a convincing Xena."
Gabrielle: "Well, for starters, stop crying."

Mortal Beloved

Marcus: "... you can't make up for a lifetime of evil with a single good deed at the end."

Xena (to Hades re: Marcus): "He learned to carry the Elysian Fields inside of him.  Let him bring that love to paradise, where it belongs!"

The Royal Couple of Thieves

01/25/2000

Autolycus (re: Xena): "Allow me to introduce my assis-, uh, concubine, Cherish."

Autolycus: "... the trick to killing someone with an apricot is really in the wrist."

Autolycus: "For that I use a muffin."

Autolycus: "... hunger is the gods way of saying -- eat."

Autolycus: "... a warrior's chastity is like a new hat.  A beautiful thing that's -- going to kill me."

Autolycus: "Nothing is as big as mine."

Autolycus: "Any good thief knows when to back off and pick another pocket."

Autolycus: "Multimillion-dinar castle and no closets."

Autolycus: "Go on, Xena, I'll hold them off."
Xena: "Are you kidding me?"
Autolycus: "I think I'm kidding myself.  Go!  Help those people."

Autolycus: "I'm a thief, not a human fly."

Autolycus (reading stone tablets from within the chest): "'Thou shall not covet -- Thou shall not steal'?  Who could live by those rules."

Autolycus: "I know what you want, but I'm afraid a broken heart is all I can offer you right now."

Autolycus: "It's not that I wouldn't want to do your bidding.  That's another matter."

Gabrielle: "Is money the only thing in your life?"
Autolycus: "I believe it is."

Leader: "Theft is not a thing that we admire, but you truly are the king of thieves."

Magmar: "Magmar can tell a joke from a challenge."
Autolycus: "And a challenge with humor brings -- mirth without blood."

Sinteres: "Death has a thousand doors to let out life."

Xena: "We need to talk."
Autolycus: "Talk is cheap.  I have an expensive ear."

Xena (reading from the top of a chest): "'Don't fear the truth.  Face it.  For to turn away from truth is death."

Xena: "How's your head?"
Gabrielle: "Have you ever had a headache that was so painful, you wanted to be dead?  Well, I wish I had one of those right now."

The Prodigal

Xena: "Nothing like a good ambush to liven things up."

Altared States

Xena: "And I thought our gods were harsh!"

Ties that Bind

Ares: "Sometimes the best man for a job is a woman."

Xena: "Take the village!"

Xena: "Gabrielle, I want you to understand something.  We both have families we were born into.  But sometimes families change and we have to build our own.  For me, friendship binds us closer than blood ever could."

The Greater Good

Salmoneus: "Soup is good food!"

Xena: "I wish the two of you would just get along."
Gabrielle: "It's not like we're at constant war or anything.  Argo doesn't like me."
Xena (stroking Argo): "Sometimes you have to have patience with things that annoy you."
Gabrielle: "I never said she annoyed me."
Xena (to Gabrielle): "I wasn't talking to you."

Xena (to Salmoneus needing a knife to kill a chicken from which he plans to make his soup): "The breast dagger is on the table!"
Salmoneus: "Maybe, uh, you should consider another name for that particular apparatus."

Callisto

04/30/1999

Callisto: "Tell the world what we did here.  Let them know what devastation awaits anyone who defies me."
Old Lady: "Who are you?"
Callisto: "I'm Xena, Warrior Princess."

Callisto (to Xena): "I'm good -- as good as you.  And why not?   You made me."

Callisto: "Oh, you're a warrior.  How silly of me!  Why is it, dear man, that you look like an idiot?"
Joxer: "... I cultivate that look.  Makes me seem less threatening.  You see, people don't fear worthless idiots so it's easy for me to put the drop on them."

Callisto (to Xena): "Have you ever been tried for all of the things you have done?"

Callisto (to Xena): "As a villain, you were awesome.  As a hero, you are a sentimental fool."

Gabrielle: "There's only one way to end this cycle of hatred and its through love and forgiveness."

Joxer: "Joxer the Mighty at your service."
Xena: "Get lost."

Joxer: "I'm fierce and I have a lust for blood.  As a matter of fact, if a couple of days go by and I haven't shed some blood, I get very depressed.   Blood and me go together like a horse and chariot.  I onced bathed in a tub of blood.  My nickname is Bloody Joxer."
Xena: "If you like the sight of blood so much, keep talking."

Joxer: "Warrior Queen, forgive my intrusion."
Callisto: "Warrior Queen.  I like that."
Joxer: "It's so much better than Warrior Princess ...."
Callisto: "Yes, it is."

Joxer: "You broke my nose.  I hate it when that happens."

Xena: "See that look of fear and hatred on their faces?  ...   I used to want to see that look.  It meant AI was doing my job right."

Xena: "... tell her this.  She's right.  I made her.   And I'll be the one to destroy her."

Xena (re: Cirra): "... that was one time when my army was responsible for the deaths of women and children."

Death Mask

Gabrielle (re: Cortese) "He's the one who made you so ... aggressive?" 
Xena: "It was fighting him that twisted me into what I became."

Xena: "Fight now, talk later."

Is There A Doctor in the House?

Xena (shouting at Gabrielle as she is close to death): "Don't you leave me!"