Tech Support: Now we need to check the communications driver. In Program Manager, click on File and select Run.
Customer: I don't have anything that says "Run".
Tech Support: What do you have at the very top of the Window?
Customer: Program Manager.
Tech Support: Good. And what is right beneath that?
Customer: Main, Accessories, Applications--
Tech Support: No, no. What do you see between the bar where it says "Program Manager" and those boxes?
Customer: Nothing.
Tech Support: Ok, do you see that white bar underneath the Program Manager bar?
Customer: Yes.
Tech Support: Good. What's on the far left of that bar?
Customer: It says "File".
Tech Support: All right, click on File and select Run.
Customer: It's asking me if I want to exit Windows. Do I click on OK?
Tech Support: Click on Cancel. Now, click of File and then click on Run.
Customer: It brought up a box with "Program Item" and "Program Group" in it. Which one do you want?
Tech Support: Click on Cancel. Click on File and hit "R" on the keyboard.
Customer: There's no "R" in the list.
Tech Support: On the keyboard there should be an "R" key.
Customer: Oh, yes.
Tech Support: Press it.
Customer: Now it's asking for a "Command Line".
Tech Support: Good. Type "sysedit", s-y-s-e-d-i-t, and hit Enter.
Customer: I don't see Enter. Do you want me to click on "OK"?
Tech Support: That'll work.
Customer: It says it couldn't find the file.
Tech Support: Let's try it again: S...Y...S...E...D...I...T.
Customer: S...Y...F...E...C...I...V.
Tech Support: No, no. Sysedit is in system editor.
Customer: S...Y...S...T...E...M...
Tech Support: No. Just sysedit. S...Y...S...E...D...I...T.
Customer: Ok, that brought up a window with four windows inside it.
Tech Support: Good. Bring up the system.ini window.
Customer: How do I do that?
Tech Support: Close the first window, the autoexec.bat.
Customer: Ok.
Tech Support: Now close the config.sys window.
Customer: I can't. I guess I closed the wrong window. The only window I have now is Program Manager.
Fast forward about five minutes to when Sysedit is finally up and the system.ini is being displayed. However, the user is unable to find the comm.drv line in 14 attempts of going down the list line by line for the first 12 lines. The other techs have been listening to this and are almost on the floor laughing.
Tech
Support: Ok, click on Search and select Find.
Customer:
I don't see Search.
Yep, you guessed it. Repeat the whole File->Run routine right down to being unable to type in "comm" in the search-for line. Almost 10 minutes more to find the line -- seventh line down.
Tech
Support: What does the line read?
Customer:
"comm.drv=rhodsi.drv"
Bingo! Home stretch now. Have the user comment out that line and put in Windows' driver back.
Tech
Support: Now exit out of Windows and restart.
Customer:
Windows won't start. It says something about a device driver.
I'm grateful now for using SysEdit. Restore the backup SysEdit automatically makes. Try changing the line using DOS Edit three times. Each time is the same -- device driver error.
Tech
Support: Type "copy system.syd system.ini" and hit Enter.
Customer:
Ok.
Tech
Support: Type "win" and hit Enter.
Customer:
It's starting.
Tech
Support: You should be set then.
_____
One customer was told by a support officer to place a mouse over the "My Computer" icon and click. He did.
Customer:
Nothing's happenning!
Tech
Support: Click it again.
Customer:
I did.
Tech
Support: Click the right mouse button.
Customer:
I just did that. Do you think I am stupid?
Tech
Support: On the "My Computer" icon? The one usually in the top left corner?
Customer:
Yes!
Baffled, the staff asked where on the desk the mouse was sitting.
Customer:
Flat up against the computer screen. That's where you said to put it!
_____
Users often call for support when their computer had "died" just like that.
Tech:
What were you doing last?
User:
Typing my report.
Tech:
What's on the screen at the moment?
User:
Nothing. It's pitch black.
Tech:
Did you have a power failure?
User:
Of course not. The power is still on. I can still hear the spooky thing
whirring.
Tech:
OK. Did you accidentally kick off any cable?
User:
No.
Tech:
What exactly were you doing the second just before the screen went black?
User:
How the hell do I know the exact time it died? I wasn't here to watch it.
Tech:
I thought you were typing your report.
User:
I was until the doorbell rang. I went to answer it and came back to find
the stupid thing had died on me.
Tech:
Have you touched the keyboard or mouse when you came back?
User:
No. I didn't want to touch anything just in case I get an electric shock
or something. Didn't you hear what I said?
My
computer died but something is still alive inside. I can hear it.
Tech:
OK, just tap the ketboard for me then.
User:
Are you sure it's safe to touch that? I don't want to get fried.
Tech:
Look, you won't get friend. I promise. Just tap any key.
Pause. The caller could be heard taking a ddep breath and counting "1, 2, 3. Here I go."
User:
Hey, it's come back alive. How did you do that?
Tech:
It's called a screen saver!!
_____
A secretary
was asked to make a back-up copy of her boss's disk. She tottered off to
the photocopy machine and slapped the disk onto the glass top and jabbed
the green button.
_____
An irate customer, after unpacking, propping up and plugging in her new computer, rang the computer store demanding to know why her just-unpacked new foot pedal didn't work.
Manager:
Foot pedal? That's a mouse, madam.
_____
Unlike
computer wizards, not all users are switched on upstairs. Many only pretend
to be. Others are plain cyber-paranoid, technophobic or PC-challenged -
Editor