How to be a Moron

When Shopping

 

Wandering about in shopping centres is a good place to start. There are various obstacles for you to encounter as well as lots of people, most of whom are in a hurry and many who are bundled up with bulky shopping bags.

A wayward trolley can be your best friend.

We all know how difficult shopping trolleys can be to negotiate, but to really spice things up choose a trolley that is obviously damaged. A dodgy wheel can cause no end of fun while shopping. Here are some quick pointers to being an idiot with a trolley.
 

The achilles tendon at the back of the ankle is especially susceptible to trolley attacks. Try to aim for people in sandals or other shoes without ankle coverage.

Never ask someone to move out of your way, just push their trolley with yours.
When looking at the shelves just leave you trolley in the middle of the isle so as to block other shoppers.

You must protect your trolleys contents at all costs! Other shoppers will steal stuff from it regardless of the fact that they are in a super market. Therefore, if you need something on the other side of a busy isle you must push you trolley over there. Do not just walk over and grab an item, always take your trolley with you.

After paying for you groceries you can just leave your trolley to block the checkout lane. You don't have to bother about pushing it to a more convenient spot.

Children love to go shopping with you. Gather as many children as you can before going to the supermarket. Your next door neighbour will be more than happy to lend you their kids for the day. Don't forget that the supermarket should be a fun place for kids, so encourage them to run about and scream at each other the entire time.

Don't forget to tell the person at the checkout counter your entire life story. They love this sort of thing. It's best to start talking just before you pay and to keep talking about your day, your job, your love life or anything at all for a good 5 to 10 minutes. Don't get put off if they don't look interested, they're just having a bad day and your little talk will cheer them up. The people waiting behind you are also interested in you so make sure you speak nice and loud, laughing heartily at any little joke you may happen to make along the way.

Now a lot of people would think that it's best just to pay with the closest bill and get out of there, but they would be wrong. If you hunt around in your pockets and your coin pouch and even the bottom of any bag you're carrying you are bound to find a whole bunch of old 5 cent coins that you'd forgotten about. The checkout is the perfect place to get rid of these coins. But don't rip yourself off! Take time and care to count out each coin into the cashiers hand one at a time to make sure that you don't overpay.

 

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