I've asked for release & acceptance
but i can't live with it
I've played out anger & frustration
and i am still inhibited
I've felt devastation & depression
yet i'm still ever rigid
Why won't my heart stop it's ache
why won't these tears unmake
the engulfing void that's me
it's all i know and see
What do you do when your at wit's end
when you turn away from a friend
what do you do when your future is misery
I don't want to fight this anymore
or maybe i just can't
if this is how i must live
then something had better give
before i do.
Cal 00.
Twas an action
I never thought
to partake of,
and yet,
in the acting
I had played
it out thouroughly.
Twas a thing
I never considered,
and maybe
that is why
it took me
so fully,
so completely,
and
so blatantly.
And now,
now i find myself
stunned
that i did
act so entirely
selfish.
Cal 00.
When people say
"i'm sorry"
do they feel it in their
souls?
Do they think that
two words
can unfuck the things
they fucked?
How can the two
most overused words
on the planet
ever convey their
true meaning?
What if we add a
twist,
and say 'em in a
different language?
I fear that they
still hold no
weight.
How can I ever
possibly convey
my sorrow
for my
trespass
in a language
so imperfect
and so overused.
I would rather
show you how deeply
I regret
my actions
(not for the
actions themselves,
but for the
inconsideration
of the timing)
so that you
would see
that i truly
feel i have
broken something
that shouldn't
have even been touched
upon.
Cal 00.
What is a quest
with no grail
is it simply a jest
as you set sail
I hold out for silence & simplicity
I want none of this duplicity
if you want a search
to fill your thirst
i invite you to it
I want it not one bit
I know who i am as i grow
if not i will just have to learn as i go
If i miss a piece here & there
it shant turn me into a square
i am not malleable
i am definitely fallable
and c'est la vive
ma cherie.
If i wrote a song for you
it would vibrate with passion
throb with an endless ache
of need, of despair
at time and distance
If i wrote a song for you
it would lyricize life
poetically prophesize
of hope, of emptiness,
thick and stiffling
If i wrote a song for you
it would beg with frustration
stumble with inadequacy
at words spoken and silent
If i wrote a song for you
it would hum of loneliness
mutter of dreams, of a future
possibly existing
in an alternate reality.
If i wrote a song for you
it would rant of rage
curse of emotions, of thoughts
locked inside my mind
If i wrote a song for you
it would whisper of life
stirrings of fulfillment, of lack
fueled by hope
maybe false, maybe not.
If i wrote a song for you
i would never give it to you
i would never let it pass my lips
that i have gone through hell for you
that i have paid myself an ultimate price
in delirious words
and in roiling emotions
i have found myself
and i have found that i still
crave your partnership
not to fulfill me,
but to share me.
The clouds roil past
with the supporting breeze fast
they are echoes of joy
light, and without a ploy
meant to be airy
so that your mind can wander
to the land of the fairie
where sprites and dryads perch
knowing full amusement in their mirth
Let your mind wander within their realm
pick up shield, wand, and helm
be free from reality's inhibitions
spare yourself the mask of exhibition
for in this land they see only truth
nothing disguised, nothing but proof
Walk away from the rational path
leave behind physics, astronomy, and math
you'll need none of that here
& btw, mead here is what you call beer
The fruits you scent upon the wind
are a small taste of what you'll experience within
an abode of fantasy, innocence, and warmth
for you are always welcome at this hearth.