Recently I have found that I simply want to sit back and savor the life Sam and I have built together. Just squeezing the pleasure out of not having to be a voice in the crowd...or even a part of the crowd at all...but to simply live the life we have worked so hard to have...and to enjoy it. In the previous weeks I have found a certain sense of relief at being able to do that without feeling pressured to defend my position on anything. Sam knows how I feel about nearly everything in this life...and certainly about those topics we have addressed in the last few years.

I see so much turmoil online and in the real time community. Actually most of the ruckus is online...in real time I see mostly sad folks who wish they had more in common with each other than their/their partner's trans status, but who, in actuality, do not. Although their intentions may be the best...we all seem to be missing the mark when it comes to building community - for ourselves or others.

We all have inner struggles at times in our lives. I know I certainly have. In the last 24 years, I have tried to externalize those energies in a positive way by filling the role of activist and advocate in several arenas. I would like to think that I can continue to do that via this medium at this point in my life. The energies needed to organize and motivate people are difficult for me to tap these days. As I enter the second half-century on our beloved Terra Firma, I have to acknowledge the limitations of my physical body...and hope to maximize what I can give to all my "communities" by simply reflecting on what I see/have seen around me and committing it to paper/cyberspace.

In the meantime, it has been delicious to sit back and try to enjoy some of the things that life has to offer without constantly interpreting everything in terms of gender or power structures. I have simply overloaded and shorted out on those things for a while…and that's completely natural in my opinion. The need to distance myself from those topics comes naturally after the long immersion that preceded Sam's transition, and I needed to breathe free air without worrying about offending other people or meeting their needs.

Meanwhile back in KnoxVegas, it doesn't seem as if the ostrich act is very realistic on an ongoing basis. Unlike some folks who simply move during the partner's transition, we are deeply rooted not only in this community, but also in the very neighborhood in which we live. My grandparents built our home in 1968. I spent many late childhood and adolescent weekends here with them. This home provided much needed shelter to me as an older adolescent after the murder of my Mother. Her feet walked these floors. In 1986, I inherited the home free and clear when my beloved Nana went to the Summerland. I moved in and raised my children and finished my college education from this home base. I am bound to this house in many, many ways.

Knowing these things, you might understand why we don't wish to move. We both value stability and continuity in our lives. So, then comes the great question of what to tell the neighbors. On one side of us is a fellow we called simply "Enjoy" for many years. He is a Harley fanatic and seems to enjoy mood alteration via herbal substances. He and his wife could best be described as blue collar with an intellectual twist. I have known them since they purchased the home twenty years ago. After the death of our beloved dilute calico, Miss Betty Woo Boop, we had quite a bit of cat food, treats, and other cat-specific paraphernalia that Sam decided to give to the womon next door for her two kitties. Since Betty Woo was primarily Sam's pet, I felt it was altogether appropriate that he be the one to take these things to our neighbor. Of course, he felt obliged to explain who he was since they had known him pre-transition as female. He briefly and rapidly explained what was going on in that regard and offered them the things for their cats. As he spoke they just stared incredulously at him. The womon said that she thought a fellow had come to live with us…or something to that effect. The guy just kept staring…and finally said that Sam's "face had filled out quite a bit". Um…that's the understatement of the year. Never mentioned the sideburns or moustache, the man's haircut, or any of the other more obvious changes. They were cordial and accepting on the face of it.

Another neighbor is a lady I have known for nearly 35 years. Her daughter and mine are a year apart in age, so they played together as children and hung out together as teens and young adults. They are almost family to us. They recently adopted the daughter's first child and the only grandchild in the family. Their family has been stricken with muscular dystrophy - the father died of it in his 30s, the son now uses an electric wheelchair for mobility, and the daughter has recently been diagnosed as well. They are the salt of the earth and kind Appalachian urbanites. They all accepted Sam's transition. Why, the Mom even said that Sam made a "strikingly good looking man". I happen to agree.

Our other next-door neighbor resides in a cute little brick home built in the 40s and updated in the 80s. The widow lady who lived in the home for many years moved away about seven years ago to live in a gated condo community. She sold her house to a nice young couple who now have a five year old son. He is a fireman, and she works for the Tennessee Valley Authority (TVA) headquartered here in Knoxville. We've noticed some polite stares on their part, but nothing more. They are as nice to us as they have ever been.

Finally, there is a retired fellow from New York City who used to bag groceries part-time at our grocery store. He is the cutest little old man - Italian with curly hair, about my height - an altogether pleasant fellow. We've seen him and his wife around the neighborhood…and Sam saw him at least once a week for quite a while. Even after the transition, he remains friendly. His only question was to ask Sam if he "intended to gain that much weight?" That was it. Same smile, no difference.

So at this point, it seems that if we here in East Tennessee can make this transition and remain stable in our home, it certainly calls to question the supposed logic of moving just to allay some sort of fear that may be unfounded. I mean if moving is your thing…then by all means, have at it. But if you like where you live and wish to remain there, I would like to encourage you to do just that. You just never know…you may be surrounded by folks who are more accepting than you think.