As I became more and more a part of the transcommunity, I became aware of an issue that I had not previously considered - the outright banning of transwomen/transwomyn from many lesbian venues. Oh, I had heard all about Camp Trans and the issues with the Michigan Women's Music Festival, but I hadn't really given it a lot of thought as my budget and time constraints had never allowed me the luxury of attending that particular event. It's a long way from Tennessee to Michigan…and the Southern Festivals would probably be a more likely bet for me as in 1989 when I attended RhythmFest near Stone Mountain, Georgia. At the time I went to that festival, I had no MTF friends, and the drag queens that I knew were all male-identified fellows expressing no desire to attend such an event.

At any rate, my spot in the lesbian world consisted primarily of connection to the Butch-Femme community, and I sought feminists of various types out within that context. There came a time when Sam and I were forming a group for butches and femmes - a group in which we could relate to each other as people on an ongoing basis. We left the group open for new members pending approval by Sam and I along with another couple. As it happened a butch-femme couple applied for membership, and the femme in that couple happened to be a transwoman. I hardly thought that would be a problem. Both the butch and the femme in the other couple had always expressed acceptance of FTMs, so I just couldn't imagine that they would have reservations about the new couple. I couldn't have been more wrong.

The protests began. Rationales included the objection to a "bio-male" in the group. This stonebutch who allegedly had been the target of the gender police of the late 70s, who made it a point to ask others to refer to him with masculine pronouns, who did not identify as "woman", who included transgendered butches and FTMs among his best friends…this butch did not want our space "violated" by a "bio-male". Frankly, I was appalled. The bigotry, the venom, the outright transphobia was absolutely astounding. I was hearing the same reasoning that excluded butches from many lesbian venues in the past. That he could not see what he was doing just flabbergasted me. I guess this is what some call an emotional blind spot. I could not for the life of me understand it.

Before I immersed myself in the trans-research…before I started on this journey with Sam…before I really understood what it meant to be transsexual, I might have felt the same way. Anyone who knows and understands what Gender Identity Disorder is and the pain that folks with GID endure…who understands the sheer bravery it takes to claim one's true identity and gender…anyone who knows and understands these things would not possibly try to exclude transfolks from any venue based on an accident of birth over which they had absolutely no control. GID isn't optional. Transitioning is not optional either.

But…beyond all that…my instincts, values, and inner voice told me that to accept this young transwoman into the group was just the right thing to do. So as the person with veto power, I overrode the objections and accepted her and her partner. I am so very glad that I did that. Unfortunately, the original couple could no longer see their way clear to participate in the group, and they ended their friendship with Sam and I as well. That was two years ago. Since then, I have developed an amazing relationship with this young woman and as I have told her: I have peered deep into her soul, and I see nothing there but woman. There is no man hiding in there ready to pounce on the first unsuspecting butch or femme that walks by. This attitude comes from a place of hatred for the "other" deep within the soul of those who cannot name their own bigotry. It is right there in the same category with racism, misogyny, and all the other xenophobias that are just too numerous to name. The thing that makes transphobia different is the violent reactions you sometimes see from people when you are least expecting it.

Although I am not transgendered, I have certainly felt some of that venom empathically…experiencing it second-hand. That's as close as I want to get. It is terrifying. Even if I am not the actual target, I still know that pit-of-the-stomach-cold-chills-cold-sweat fear that having that kind of energy directed your way can make you feel. It is an agonizing fear. And even if there is no danger per se, but instead one is simply presented with ugly prejudices and open disrespect/dislike/disdain, I can only say that the dignity of many of the transfolks in my life to an onslaught of that nature is humbling. I can only hope to aspire to the kind of self-control that I have seen come from transfriends who either didn't answer the garbage slung their way or answered with a decorum that I'm sure most people could not muster under the same circumstances.

I am proud to say that at this point in time, the young transwoman I mentioned previously now refers to me as her OathMother, and I reciprocate calling her my OathDaughter. We are bound by a code that transcends time, distance, and space. It is the Renunciate Oath as written by Marion Zimmer Bradley for her Darkover series. And while it may have been written for fictional purposes, it is an oath that we (and other women as well) take very seriously. It reflects my values in so many ways.

It says in part:

And I further swear that the members of the Guild of Free Amazons shall be to me,

each and every one, as my mother, my sister or my daughter, born of one blood with me,

and that no woman sealed by oath to the Guild shall appeal to me in vain.

I take this oath very seriously. It is a commitment that comes from my very cells. When my friend and I took this oath, we shared something very important. This kind of bond between women is not nurtured in our culture. In some places, at some times, it is even illegal. It is certainly threatening to the powers that be because the entire cultural power structure in any patriarchal society has as a basic premise the diffusion of women's power and a need for primary commitments to always be to the patriarchal hierarchy, never to each other. I learned this well in the Lesbian Feminist movement of the late 70s. What I didn't learn was that there were women who were transgendered. I am not talking about biological females who are transitioning to present as men. I am talking about my sisters who were born in disguise…whose beautiful womanessence just required a little help to get it out in the open where we can all see it. To deny them a place at the Dinner Party would be a crime against herstory. They are women. They struggle with me. I welcome them with open arms.

It only saddens me to know that even in the womyn's community, we have to deal with bigotry. <sigh> I guess I just expect more than that from my sisters and butch brothers. While I realize that this community like all others is not a monolith, I did expect a better reception than this from those who have fought so hard to rise above the homophobic, misogynist malice that would deny them their very existence. I expected some sort of enlightenment from people who have been on the receiving end of so much injustice and hatred. But, this is often not the case. Oppressed groups tend to mimic their oppressors. That is true across the board. It is a coping mechanism utilized by the powerless to reduce their well-founded anxieties. It is just a shame that it is being so misdirected in the case of my sisters.

While I wish there were some way to simply wave my magic wand and make everyone see that there are so many nice folks in the MTF ranks, I suppose I shall have to settle for putting tiny chinks in the armor of the opposing forces. Maybe…just maybe…one day those chinks will turn into little holes that will allow fresh air and the light of day into the lives of those who cannot see the wonderful women who are under the rainbow with us. I'm so grateful for all of my friends, but I am especially thankful that my OathDaughter shares my life. Her wisdom belies her youth. I am a better woman, feminist, and human because I have her in my life. I think the lesbian community including the butch-femme community would only be richer if they unbolted the doors and let go of the past.

I can only hope.