MENACED BOYISH LAUGH: ISSUE TWO

by Davey Puppet

 

I'm the type of person that scares easily at stupid things. Y'know, the usual things - spiders, clowns, portable toilets at festivals and Jeremy Beadle (shiver), to name a few. Then I see someone getting slashed open on the TV and I'm not as scared. I guess I know it's cuz it's not real - well, I know shit like that happens all the time round the world but I try not to think about that. I'm not the type of person that usually watches films either, especially horror films - most of them are really crap. Then, a couple of years back, everyone kept going on about a film called 'Scream'. I never bothered seeing it. Then it came out for rental, and people kept telling me that I should rent it out. Yeah, whatever. Then one day I was bored shitless so I thought 'Aha! .....I'll go for walk!' (Betcha didn't see that coming!). Tho' I came back with a copy of 'Scream' in my hand! Wahey! So, blah blah blah, I watched the film, and yeah, I was pleasantly surprised! It was quite scary (tho' not as much as I was led to believe) but it had a really cool ending too - loadsa good plot twists and stuff. So I was happy.

Now fast forward about a year. It's Thursday night and I've got my advance ticket to see 'Scream 2'. I'm thinking that it's gonna be even better at the cinema, with all that big screen and fancy 3D sound stuff. So it starts, and ends a couple of hours later. In case you haven't seen it yet, I won't say anything about it, except that I thought it was pretty damn average. I thought I'd be scared shitless, but only one bit really made me jump. Hey, it made the guy next to me nearly go into spasms! The film was funnier than the first one. Like, in one scene a 'typical' dumb blonde girl goes 'Hi!.... No, I really mean that!' - duh! Still, it wasn't as scary or gruesome as I hoped. They say the body count's bigger, but you hardly know the people that get killed anyway! Boo! Still, it takes the piss out of itself pretty well - it gets away with saying that sequels are always crap anyway! Go see it if you haven't seen the original, but if you've seen that already you might be a bit pissed off.

Anyway, I'm not here to be a film critic. Now, I bought something recently which I think is VERY damn scary! It's a computer game called 'Resident Evil 2' on the Playstation. Never before have I been scared to play a game! It's set in a place called Racoon City, or something. The good thing is that there's gore at every corner, a really eerie music score, and ZOMBIES! And then some! There's a whole schlew of weapons to bomb the beasties with - but watch out! You blast the shit out of one of the foul undead monsters, thinking it's snuffed it. Then you walk past it and it groans and starts chewing yr foot! Tho' press fire and you kick it's head into the middle of next week! Smart!

Now, I'm not a games reviewer either. Tho' if you wanna be really scared, then get this game! Hell, if not, find someone who's got a copy! Play it in a dark room, turn up the volume and sit on a potty. This is a helluva lot scarier than Scream 2, and probably Scream 3 as well (yes, the script's already being written [groan]).

Now I'll leave you with a final thought..... get 'Back to Rockaway Beach 1'. You know it makes sense. Otherwise write here and I'll send you our demo tape: Dave Puppet, 15 Monteagle Ave, Barking, Essex, IG11 8RA. You might like it. You might hate it. Tho' you'll never know until you try it...