One evening after work several guys were going out to have a drink and they were trying to convince a married friend that he should come, too.

"I can’t," the man said, "my wife would kill me." After 15 minutes of persuasion by his friends he finally caves in and goes. Later, looking at his watch, he realizes that it is midnight and he still has not gone home. He immediately rushes home trying to figure a way out of the trouble he’s in. Upon his arrival, he walks into the bedroom and sees his wife’s legs sticking out of the covers. "I know!!!" he thinks to himself and he crawls in between his wife’s legs under the covers and performs oral sex on her until she is *satisfied*.

"That should do it," he thinks and he walks into the bathroom to wash his face. He turns on the light and THERE IS HIS WIFE,...

sitting on the toilet!!!

"What are you doing in here?" he impatiently screams.

 

                 "SSShhhhhh! she says, "You’ll wake your mother!!!!!"

To be taken in the spirit of humour.

Women think they already know everything, but wait...training courses are now available for women on the following subjects:

1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before

2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits

3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits

4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game

5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too

6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His

7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First

8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking

9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging

10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire

11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up

12. Introduction to Parking

13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space

14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat

15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter

16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption

17. Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People

18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully

19. PMS: Your Problem . . . Not His

20. Dancing: Why Men Don’t Like To

21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have

22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice

23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together

24. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both

25. TV Remotes: For Men only

1) The first is Smurf Sex.This happens during the honeymoon, you both

keep doing it until you're blue in the face.

2) The second is Kitchen Sex. This is at the beginning of the

marriage,you'll have sex anywhere, anytime, even in the kitchen.

3) The third kind is Bedroom Sex. You've calmed down a bit, perhaps have

kids, so you gotta do it in the bedroom.

4) The fourth kind is Hallway Sex. This is where you pass each other in

the hallway and say, "F**k you!"

5) There is also a fifth kind of sex: Courtroom Sex. This is when you get

divorced and your wife screws you in front of everyone in the courtroom

A young couple have been married for just over a month, and the young bride isn’t getting any sex. Every night her husband arrives home from work, then has a quick shower and heads down to the pub. Afterwards, he stumbles home completely intoxicated and unfit for any sexual activity.

On this night, though, the young bride decides to surprise her husband. When he stumbles home from the bar, his wife is seated provocatively on the sofa,wearing nothing but suspenders, stockings, and a pair of sexy lace panties.

The drunken husband remarks, "Let’s go upstairs into the bedroom."

As the young bride runs upstairs, she says under her breath, "Yes!

Finally, I’m gonna get some action!"

When she enters the bedroom, she removes her outer garments and sits on the edge of the bed in her lace panties.

The husband stumbles into the bedroom and says, "Take off your panties and do a handstand in front of the mirror."

"Kinky," she thinks to herself, "Great!"

She proceeds to do a handstand in front of the mirror. Then, he walks over to her, parts her legs, and places his chin in her crotch...

"The guys at the bar were right," he said, "Perhaps a beard would suit me!"

God says: "So she would love you."