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by Bostin Crab
| I first took notice of Jerry Lynn at November to Remember. This was when I
started watching ECW with the specific purpose of doing reviews for Mad Phat, instead of
just watching whenever I caught it on tv. The first thing I noticed about Jerry is that
he’s a fantastic wrestler and an outstanding aerialist. I also noticed his sad
looking eyes. (Heh... As I've mentioned before, I'm a sucker) Chokee started calling them
his alien eyes. Hwar! Anyways, on my quest to find out more about Jerry, I came across
enough frightening old pictures to warrant this New Packaging Tribute. Fasten your
seat-belts, here we go... |
| OOOF! "Dynamic" Jerry Lynn, circa 1993, when he wrestled for
Minnesota Independent Wrestling. Please Note: This is an actual photo of Jerry, not an
action figure, don't let the pose fool you. I’m speechless. Where do I start? The
jacket, or the yellow/blue color combo? How ‘bout the hair? Awful conservative for a
pro wrestler, isn’t it? Perhaps he had a day job. I hope he didn’t wear that
jacket anywhere where people might see him in it. I think it was probably a gift from his
grandma, who, despite her color blindness and lack of any fashion sense whatsoever, Jerry
loved, and so, he wore it to please her.
It could happen. |
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| OK, I guess I’m dwelling on the jacket, but can you blame me, look at
those glittery sleeves!!! And what’s with that atom symbol?? |
| In the ring, it’s the standard tights and panties combo, with "Dynamic"
written down the leg. Blech. Ya might as well have "Dork" written there. It
probably would've been cheaper, less letters, ya know. With that short hairstyle, he
reminds me of this German law student intern that worked at my job for a while. (Which
intern? ...C.S.) (All of them... B.C.) |
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| POW! Yiiiiikes! Girl hair! Jerry had a successful tag-team with friend Sean
Waltman, then known as the Lightning Kid, but today better known as the bouncy X-Pac. I
think if Jerry realized that his hair was gonna start saying 'so long sucker', he would
have been nicer to it during his younger, more hairful days...
Maybe he was going for the Robert Plant look.
Still, nice tits. |
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| The girl hair era would also appear to be the hairy belly era! Obviously this was
before Jerry discovered the wonders of shaving his body hair. That, or he forgot to pack
his Lady Shaver... the local drug store was out of Neet... he missed his waxing
appointment... The possibilities are endless. Of course, belly hair or no, you
can’t help but notice the lump he’s packin’.
OK, I can’t help but notice, you can do whatever you want, it's a free country.
Heh...
So, Jerry, you're a rightie, huh? |
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| In the mid-90s, Jerry got a deal with WCW, and became the "Mysterious Mr.
JL." Uh-huh... I won't hold any of this against Jerry, mostly because I've
heard him officially deny responsibility for the name. Aside from the alien hand
signal, how do we really know it's Jerry? (Just look at the size of
those eye holes in the mask!! ...C.S.) |
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| Jerry left WCW, and soon thereafter found himself in ECW, where he would undergo his
greatest transformation as far as his looks go. By his expression in this picture
though, the thought of changing his look made Jerry nervous. Don't worry dude,
you're almost there, just let that girl hair grow some more, and get yourslef some manly
facial fur. You'll be all set. |
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| JEEEEERRRRYYYYYYYY! The hair’s a little thinner, but he grew out the bangs (or
they fell out), sprouted some happenin’ whiskers and TA-DAAAA!
Stylin’ extreme wrestler. |
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- Nice hair
- Good boobage
- Athletic tape wrist accessories
- Shiny pants with alien writing along the side.
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| Here we observe Casual Jerry. Definitely looks good in glasses. Chokee and I joke that
they hide his big alien eyes. But, still a nice touch. Stylish designer frames, yet not
too egg-heady or art student-ish. And the fact that he's blind as a bat is kind
of endearing, isn't it? |
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| Heh... cute. Looks like a metal-head. Even though this is the same picture I used for
his alien look-a-like, this is still a nice shot. So, as we celebrate Jerry's
much-improved look, all that's left is to get him better entrance music.
--Bostin Crab
(Director of Alien Studies for Mad Phat Wrestling) |
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Other Jerry Lynn-related pages on Mad Phat Wrestling:
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