I'm a Doctor,

 not a ?

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This page was last updated on 02/20/01.

The "I'm a doctor, not a ?" humor was initiated in Star Trek TOS, vocalized by Leonard 'Bones' McCoy.  It has continued in other Star Trek series, and has even been reversed by non-doctor characters.  It has also been widely used in the Star Trek novels.

The Original Series

"What am I, a doctor or a moon shuttle conductor?" - McCoy, The Corbomite Maneuver (TOS)

"I'm a doctor, not a bricklayer." - McCoy, The Devil in the Dark (TOS)

"I'm a doctor, not a psychiatrist." - McCoy, The City on the Edge of Forever (TOS)

"I'm a doctor, not a mechanic." - McCoy, The Doomsday Machine (TOS)

"I'm a doctor, not an escalator." - McCoy, Friday's Child (TOS)

"I'm a doctor, not an engineer." - McCoy, The Deadly Years (TOS)

"I'm not a magician, I'm just an old country doctor." - McCoy, The Deadly Years (TOS)

"I'm a doctor, not a flesh peddler." - McCoy, Return to Tomorrow (TOS)

"I'm a doctor, not a coal miner." - McCoy, The Empath (TOS)

"I'm not an engineer." - McCoy, The Empath (TOS)

The Next Generation

"I'm a doctor, not a magician." - Pulaski, The Royale (TNG)

Deep Space Nine

"I'm a doctor, not a botanist." - Bashir, The Wire (DS9)

"I'm a doctor, not a historian." - Bashir, Trials and Tribble-ations (DS9)

Deep Space Nine Supplemental

"I'm an engineer, not a magician." - Kellin, The Siege of AR-558

Voyager

"I'm a doctor, ... not a decorator!" - EMH, Phage (VOY/1)

"I'm a doctor, not a bartender." - EMH, Twisted (VOY/1)

"I'm a doctor, not a voyeur." - EMH, Parturition (VOY/2)

Doctor: "I shouldn't have to remind you.  I'm a doctor --"
Torres: "Not an engineer, right?" - Prototype (VOY/2)

"I'm a doctor, not a performer." - EMH, Investigations (VOY)

"I'm a doctor, not a counterinsurgent." - EMH, Basics - Part II (VOY)

"I'm a doctor, not a database." - EMH, Future's End - Part II (VOY)

"I'm a doctor, not a commando." - EMH Mark II, Message in a Bottle (VOY)

"I'm a doctor, not a Peeping Tom. It's nothing I haven't seen before." - EMH, Drone (VOY/5)

"I'm a doctor, not a battery." - EMH, Gravity (VOY/5)

Voyager: Supplemental

Twists on 'I'm a doctor, not a ....'

"I'm a pilot ..., not a doctor." - Paris, Message in a Bottle (VOY)

"I'm a diagnostic tool, not an engineer." - Zimmerman hologram, The Swarm (VOY/3)

The Movie Series

"I'm a doctor, not a doorstop." - EMH, Star Trek: First Contact

The Original Series Novels

"I'm a doctor, not a diplomat." - McCoy, TOS Novel #84 Assignment Eternity by Greg Cox

"I'm a doctor, not a vet!" - McCoy, TOS Novel #84 Assignment Eternity by Greg Cox

"I'm a doctor, not a soldier." - M'Benga, TOS Novel Avenger by William Shatner & Judith and Garfield Reeves-Stevens

"I'm a doctor, not a computer." - EMH, TOS Novel Avenger by William Shatner & Judith and Garfield Reeves-Stevens

"I'm a doctor, not an interior designer." - EMH, TOS Novel Avenger by William Shatner & Judith and Garfield Reeves-Stevens

"I'm a doctor, not a sideshow." - McCoy, TOS Novel Avenger by William Shatner & Judith and Garfield Reeves-Stevens

"I'm not a doctor anymore, I'm a medical experiment." - McCoy, TOS Novel Spectre by William Shatner & Judith and Garfield Reeves-Stevens

"I'm a doctor, not a quantum mechanic." - EMH, TOS Novel Spectre by William Shatner & Judith and Garfield Reeves-Stevens

"I'm a doctor, not a navigator." - Doctor M'Benga, TOS Novel Dark Victory by William Shatner & Judith and Garfield Reeves-Stevens

Next Generation Novels

"He isn't a doctor, he's a body processor." - Dr. Crusher (re: Dr. Tang), #51 Infection (Double Helix Book 1 of 6) by John Gregory Betancourt

"I'm a pilot, not a doctor." - Cardassian pilot (to Pulaski): #52 Vectors (Double Helix Book 2 of 6) - Dean Wesley Smith & Kristine Kathryn Rusch

Deep Space Nine Novels

"I'm a doctor, not an insurgent!" - Bashir, DS9 Novel #22 Vengeance by Dafydd ab Hugh

Voyager Novels

"I'm a doctor, not an ornithologist...." - Doctor, Voyager Novel #16 Seven of Nine by Christie Golden

"I'm a doctor, not a toastmaster." - Doctor, Voyager Novel #18 Battle Lines by Dave Galanter and Greg Brodeur