- Spousal Abuse should
not be tolerated. There is no good excuse and there is no good reason.
It is a violation of the laws of God and the laws of man. Remember that
..the next time.
Remember that yes, he loves you ~ but he doesn't know how to. Remember that yes, he will feel sorry ~ but he will do it again.
Remember that yes, you may have said something ~ but violence is not the answer.
Remember that no matter how bad his childhood was, and no matter the reasons why he does what he does ~ you can not help him, you can not change him.
Remember this will not be the last time ~ no matter what he says.
Remember that 40% of the women killed today ` are victims of domestic violence.
I hope you won't be on that list.
I met ( will call him Joe) Joe when I was 22. I had just come out of a great love affair, that ended up disappearing into thin air, so I was vulnerable. I wanted to be needed, and When I met Joe, he needed me. He was just out of a marriage and was having a hard time with it. I just wanted to have fun, and take care of someone. So I taught him how to have real fun, beaches, boating, fishing, camping, all that stuff and he took me to parties and out with groups of people. It was fun for awhile. Then it turned serious. He told me he loved me and I didn't want to hurt him. I wanted to take care of him. So I said I loved him too. Eventually, we would argue, it started out small at first. He simply wouldn't leave me alone if I didn't finally agree to whatever it was he wanted. It was easier, so I agreed. Then came the time ` I didn't. He slapped me square in the face. and knocked me off the car. It scared me, and the next day, I moved out of my place, I quit my job (he worked with me) and packed my car. He found me at a gas station, and Pleaded with me not to go. He said he was sorry and that it would never happen again, he said he needed me. So I stayed. We moved out of town, closer to his family, we weren't married, but that didn't matter, I had never wanted to marry him anyway. I always figured I could leave whenever I wanted. Oh, how the mind plays tricks.
Once there, he had complete control. He picked where we lived. He handled all the money. He even had the ownership of my car. I let him, It was what he needed. I thought if I gave him what he wanted, he would be happy, therefore I would be happy.
But it didn't work out that way. It seemed no matter what I did, it wasn't good enough. I wasn't good enough. I looked at someone..I got hit..I said anything wrong..I got hit. It came down to the point that if I didn't say "Hello" to someone as they entered a room I got hit to teach me the proper way to behave.
Finally, one night, he was beating me in our living room. In came his cousin, who was visiting. His cousin, looked at us ...never said a words and left. It was then I knew that I had to get out on my own. No one would help me. So I took a check and found an apartment and put it in my name and left. I kept him at bay for several weeks. Then his father came from the old country. He had told him we were married and happy. So for him, I let them in my house.
It was then that I found out I was pregnant.
When his father left I told Joe, and he of course asked me to marry him. I said no. I kept saying no for 3 months,, until he said he would leave me there alone with no help with bills or anything else. And I couldn't work forever with the baby on the way. So reluctantly I said, yes. He promised the beatings would stop. He promised to stop drinking and doing drugs, (which of course only increased the beatings).
But like so many promises before, they didn't last. After we were married, and I had the baby. He started beating me again.
So When I finally called the police and had him arrested, he promised, and kept to his word, and moved us back to my home town, where I could find work and friends. He swore he stopped the drugs. We resettled and it was going well, until one night he came home drunk and angry, about what I don't remember. He threw me and tossed me and kicked me, (though to this day he would say he didn't hit me., he didn't break his word)
So it was then, I started hiding money, in places. I thought if it happened again, I would leave. The baby and I would go.
A few weeks past and I was cleaning and found a bag of drugs, too big to be his alone, it was huge enough to be dealer size. I waited , when he came home I asked him about it. He was angry, I was angry. I told him to get the stuff out or I would get out. I wasn't losing my child for him. He said he would kill me and the baby if I tried to leave, and started to get off the couch.
He beat me unconscious. When I woke his friend were there.
They were very kind. They helped me pack the baby's things, and blocked the door when we left.
I never went back. If it had been only me, I probably would have died there. But I got out for my baby. For the love of my child. I thought in some strange way that maybe I had deserved it , but I knew that my child did not.
He was my strength when I didn't have any. He was the love that I needed to see that what Joe did was just plain wrong
It was Then that I could finally see:Joe:.
I couldn't save him.
I couldn't change him.
Even if I understood why he was the way he was,
It didn't mean I should live with it.
It took a long time to get back to being me,
he had taken so much away.....
My confidence.
My smile.
My belief in myself.
My health.
I have a pinched nerve in my
neck
I have had broken ribs, and
eardrums, and noses.
He took my ability to reason
.
To understand right and wrong.
He took away who I was...for
a very long time.
But by the grace of God, and
for the love of my son.
I survived and I am whole again.
.
Alot wiser and alot stronger.
~~anna~~
If you are being abused, or know someone who is.
There are places that will help you. Find them.
You can find them here on the net, or in your local telephone
book.If you don't want to go to strangers....go to a friend, a family member.
Please don't stay. It will not change....
He will not change.... Believe me. Think of yourself..if
you have children..think of them.
.
I was 25, and a waitress, all I had was a friend and
a diaper bag, my baby of 6 months~ and $78.00 When I
left. If I can do it ......so can you.
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Author: Virginia Shopstall
After a while you learn the subtle difference,
between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love does not mean leaning,
and company does not always mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses are not contracts,
and presents are not promises.
And you begin to accept your defeats,
with your head up and your eyes ahead.
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans,
and futures have a way of falling down in flight.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns,
if you get too much.
And you learn that you really can endure,
that you really are strong,
and you really do have worth.
And you learn and you learn,
with every goodbye you learn.