Hello there. It's Wayne Good here, with my fantastic fashion slot. Our first model, Danny, is wearing a lovely Armoani suit. The small cost of $2750 is easy redeemed by the superb neckline; this'll stun them at those Coffee mornings. Okay.

This man's tie is a fashion sump, and complements the suit like a song. Tie $25 (right), suit $25 (charity shop, wrong). This sort of head would go down well at a tea dance, or perhaps a wine and cheese evening.

This chump's wearing the sort of gear you might see at your local discotheque. It's fashionable, dark, dangerous and unloving. Check out those flares - grody! Only $1 from my garage sale last week. For extra fun, paste your flare circumference (in those oh-so-tiny metric centimetres [you can't see them, they're just so small]) upon your shirt sleeves. More power!