Season 3

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This page was last updated on 02/20/01.

Anne

Willow:  "That's right, big boy.  Come and get it."

Buffy:  "How did you find me here?"
Angel:  "If I was blind, I would see you."

Buffy:  "Stay with me."
Angel:  "Forever.  That's the whole point.  I'll never leave, not even if you kill me."

Lily:  "Can we get cake?"
Rickie:  "Don't be stupid.  We've got to eat healthy.  We can't have cake.  Can we get pie?"
Buffy:  "We've got a peach pie.  I can't guarantee there's a peach in it."

Giles:  "So, no joy at the cemetery?"
Willow:  "No, [the vampire] got away.  We still have some glitches in the system.   Like ... vampires getting away.  But I think we're improving."

Willow:  "... we try not to get killed.  That's part of our whole mission statement.  'Don't get killed'."

Cordelia:  "... there are cockroaches in Mexico big enough to own property."

Larry:  "If we can focus, keep discipline, and not have quite as many mysterious deaths, Sunnydale is going to rule!"

Giles:  "I have a lead.  A friend in Oakland has a, a sketchy report of a young girl fending off a group of vampires about a week ago.  There's a plane out in about an hour."
Xander:  "And what makes this different from the last nine leads?"
Giles:  "Well, I believe there's a meal on this flight."

Giles: "One must try."

Oz:  "I don't know, I think we're kind of getting a rhythm down."
Xander:  "We're losing half the vamps."
Oz:  "Yeah, but, rhythmically."

Lily:  "We gave blood lots of times 'cause you get a few bucks.  And they have cookies."
Buffy:  "You're a fan of the sugar rush?"
Lily:  "It's nice."

Buffy:  "This'll probably go faster if we split up."
Lily:  "Can I come with you?"
Buffy:  "Okay, where did I lose you on the whole splitting up thing?"

Doctor:  "What are you doing?"
Buffy:  "Breaking into your office and going through your private files. ..."
Doctor:  "You're getting yourself in a lot of trouble."
Buffy:  "I don't want any trouble.  I just want to be alone and quiet in a room with a chair and a fireplace and a tea cozy.  I don't even know what a tea cozy is, but I want one.  Instead, I keep getting trouble, which I am more than willing to share."

Cordelia:  "Why do I have to be bait?  I'm always bait.  Why can't Willow be bait?"
Xander:  "He's already seen Willow."

Xander:  "Go away, this is my hiding spot."
Cordelia:  "Where do I hide?"
Xander:  "You don't hide, you're bait.  Go act baity."

Ken: "What is hell but the total absence of hope."

Ken:  "Humans don't fight back!  That's how this works!"

Ken:  "That was not permitted."
Buffy:  "Yeah, but it was fun."

Ken:  "You've got guts.  I think I'd like to slice you open and play with them."

Buffy:  "Hey, Ken.  Want to see my impression of Gandhi?  (Buffy crushes Ken's head with a club)
Lily:  "Gandhi?"
Buffy:  "Well, you know, if he was really pissed off."

Trivia

Anne is Buffy's middle name.

Dead Man's Party

Faith, Hope & Trick

All Men Are Beasts (AKA Beauty and the Beasts; Honey, I'm Home)

12/28/1999

Faith: "All men are beasts...."
Buffy: "... I was hoping to not get that cynical until I was at least 40."
Faith: "It's not cynical.  ... its realistic.  Every guy ... has beast in him.  And I don't care how sensitive they act.  They're all still just in it for the chase."

Mr. Platt: "Friends are a good thing.  ...  They like you, agree with you, tell you what you want to hear."

Platt: "... any person who claims to be totally sane is either lying or not very bright.  ... everyone has problems.  Everyone has demons, right?  ...  So, the hope I bring you is that demons can be fought.  People can change.  You can change."

Platt: "... lots of people lost themselves in love.  It's no shame.  They write songs about it.  The hitch is, you can't stay lost.  Sooner or later, you have to get back to yourself.  ...  If you can't ... love becomes your master and you're just its dog."

Xander: "We're doing crime here.  You don't sneak up during crime."

Giles: "There's no record of anyone returning from the demon dimension once the gate was closed."

Giles: "In my experience, there are two types of monster.  The first can be redeemed, or more importantly, wants to be redeemed.  ...  The second is void of humanity ... cannot respond to reason or love."

Scott: "... you never really know what's going on inside somebody...."

Homecoming

Band Candy

12/20/1999

Giles: "'And on that tragic day, an ere came to its inevitable end.'  That's all there is.  Are you ready?"
Buffy: "Hit me."
Giles: "Which of the following best expresses the theme of the passage?  'A': Violence breeds violence, 'B': All things must end, 'C': --"
Buffy: "'B'.  I'm going with 'B'.  We haven't had a 'B' in forever."
Giles: "This is the S.A.T.s Buffy, not connect-the-dots.  Please pay attention.  A low score could seriously harm your chances of getting into college."
Buffy: "Gee, thanks.  That takes the pressure right off."
Giles: "This isn't meant to be easy, you know.  It's a right of passage."
Buffy: "Is it too late to join a tribe where they just pierce something, or cut something off."

Willow: "Oz is the highest-scoring person ever to fail to graduate."
Buffy: "Isn't she cute when she's proud."
Oz: "She's always cute."

Oz: "Buffy S.A.T. prep.  ..."
Xander: "I hate they make us take that thing.  It's totally Fascist, and personally, I think it, uh, discriminates against the uninformed."
Cordelia: "Actually, I'm looking forward to it.  I do well on standardized tests.  --  What?  I can't have layers?"

Snyder: "It's band candy.  ...  You will sell it to raise money for the marching band.  They need new uniforms."
Xander: "Yeah.  Those tall, fuzzy hats ain't cheap, huh?"
Oz: "But they go with everything."

Angel: "It's late.  How'd you get away?"
Buffy: "Aw, it was easy.  Started a fire in the prison laundry room.  Rode out in the garbage truck."

Joyce Summers: "You're acting really immature Buffy.  ..."
Buffy: "Okay, fine.  I'm acting like a child.  Maybe that's because you're ... treating me like a child.  ...  I just want to be able to make a few decisions on my own."
Joyce: "The last time you made a decision on you own, you split."

Cordelia: "I heard that there was this secret rule that if a teacher's more than ten minutes late, we can all leave."
Buffy: "It's Giles' turn to watch study hall.  He'll be here.  He's allergic to late."

Xander: "I like chocolate.  There is no bad here."
Willow: "You still have some left?  I went to, like, four houses and they were gone.  It's like trick-or-treating in reverse."
Xander: "I know.  These things are selling like hotcakes ... which is ironic 'cause the hotcakes really aren't moving."

Buffy: "Let's do the time warp again."

Willow: "Are you okay Ms. Barton?"
Ms. Barton: "Oh, I'm cool Willow.  Willow -- that's a tree.  Ha, ha!  You're a tree."

Trick: "Demand's high.  ...  That's the reason I love this country.  You make a good product, and the people will come to you.  Of course, a lot of them are going to die, but that's the other reason I love this country."

Buffy (re: adults dancing and kissing at the Bronze): "No vampire has ever been that scary."

Buffy (re: adults acting like teenagers): "This has hellmouth fingerprints all over it."

Snyder (acting like a teenager): "Whoa, Summers!  You drive like a spaz."

Buffy: "Giles at 16?  Less 'together guy', more 'bad magic, hates the world, ticking time-bomb guy'."

Joyce (to Giles): "You are so cool.  You're like Burt Reynolds."

Buffy (re: carefree adults wandering the streets and the lack of vampires taking advantages of the helpless): "So where are all the vampires?  Soup's on but no one is grabbing a spoon."

Buffy: "The candy.  It's got to be the candy.  It's cursed."

Willow: "Using candy for evil."

Joyce (to Buffy): "Screw you.  I want candy."

Joyce (seeing her car after Buffy was in an accident): "What was I thinking when I bought the geek machine?"

Cordelia: "Mom started borrowing my clothes.  There should be an age limit on lycra pants."

Xander: "I don't get this.  The candy's supposed to make one feel all immature and stuff, but I've had a ton and I don't feel any different.  Never mind."

Buffy: "So, Ethan, what are we playing.  We're pretty much in a talk-or-bleed situation.  Your call --"
Ethan Rayne: "I'd just like to point out that this wasn't my idea.  ...  I'm subcontracting.  It's Trick you want.  I'm just helping him collect a tribute ... for a demon.  ..."
Giles: "You're my slayer.  Knock his teeth down his --"
Buffy: "Giles!  (to Rayne)  What demon?"
Rayne: "I don't remember.  [Buffy hits Rayne]  ...  Lurconis.  Demon named Lurconis.  They wanted a way to get the trubute away from people."
Buffy: "So you're just diversion-guy?"
Rayne: More than a diversion.  They said the tribute was big, so big that people would never let them take it.  People had to be out-of-it.  And, later on, when the candy wore off, they'd blame themselves."
Buffy: "Hence, land of the irresponsible.  So, where's Trick?"
Rayne: "I don't know exactly.  ... I really don't know.  Delivering the tribute."
Buffy: "Which brings us to the bonus question, and believe me when I say a wrong answer will cost you all your points.  What's the tribute?"
[Cut to scene at hospital where four vampires remove four babies from maternity.]

Snyder: "I took Tai Kwon Do at the Y."

Willow: "The tribute to Lurconis is made every thirty years.  It's a ritual feeding.  And this one's late, so it's probably, you know, a big meal.  ...  Lurconis eats babies."

Giles: "Let's find the demon and kick the crap out of it.  ...  'Lurconis dwells beneath the city filth to filth.'  ...  'Lurconis' means 'glutton'.  And we'll find it in the sewers."

Buffy: "I need help.  ...  Giles, I need grown-ups.  These children are going to die if we don't act now, okay, and think clearly.  There is no room for mistakes."

Buffy (re: Trick's comments before leaving the scene): "They never just leave.  Always go to say something."

Trick (to Mayor): "Where's the downside?  You just got yourself one less demon you have to pay tribute to."

Willow: "'KISS rocks'?  Why would anyone want to kiss ... oh wait, I get it."

Revelations

09/07/2000

Angel: "I think I have what you're looking for.  --"
Buffy: "Great -- just where ever this was was gift-wrapped, remind me not to shop there."
Angel: "Glove of Mhynegon."
Buffy: "The world's ugliest fashion accessory."
Angel: "...  Once you put it on, the Glove can never be removed."
Buffy: "So -- no touching.  Kind of like us."

Buffy: "Synchronized slaying."
Faith: "New Olympic category?"

Buffy (re: Post): "Interesting lady.  Can we kill her?"
Giles: "I think the Council might frown upon that."

Buffy (to Angel): "Cold turkey.  That's the key to quitting."

Buffy (to Angel): "I'm going to try and vent a little hormonal angst by going out there and killing a Lagos, whatever that is.  ...  Some demon looking for some all-powerful thingamabob, and I got to stop him before he unleashes unholy havoc, and it's another Tuesday night in Sunnydale."

Buffy (upon being confronted by friends re: Angel): "What is this, Demons Anonymous?  I don't need intervention here."

Buffy: "I just wanted to wait.  --"
Xander: "For what?  For Angel to go psycho the next time you give him a happy?"
Buffy: "I'm not going to -- we're not together like that."
Oz: "But you were kissing him."
Buffy (to Xander): "You were spying on me?  What gives you the right?"
Cordelia: "What gives you the right to suck face with your demon lover again?"
Buffy: "It was an accident."
Xander: "What, you just tripped and fell on his lips?"

Buffy (re: Angel to group): "... he's the one who found the Glove of Mhynegon.  He's keeping it safe for us in the mansion."
Xander: "Right!  Great plan.  Leave tons of firepower with the scary guy, and leave us to clean up the mess."
Buffy (to Xander): "You would just love an excuse to hurt him, wouldn't you?"
Xander: "I don't need an excuse.  I think lots of dead people actually constitutes a reason."

Buffy: "How are you?"
Faith: "Five by five."
Buffy: "I'll interpret that as good."

Cordelia: "When your last steady killed half the class, and then your rebound guy sends you a dump-o-gram.  It makes a girl shy."

Faith: "I just have this problem with authority figures.  They end up kind of dead."

Faith: "... I just had to face up to my destiny as a loser magnet.  Now it's strictly, get some, get gone.  You can't trust guys."
Buffy: "You can trust some guys.  --  Really, I've read about them."

Faith (to Buffy): "... you boinked the undead.  What was that like?"

Faith (to Buffy): "You're confused, Twinkie.  Let me clear you up.  Vampire.  Slayer.  Dead vampire."

Faith: "... you can't trust people.  I should have learned that by now."
Buffy: "... you can trust me.  ...  I'm on your side."
Faith: "I'm on my side, and that's enough."

Giles: "... Buffy is both dedicated and industrious, and I am in complete control of my Slayer."
Xander (running into room after seeing Angel and Buffy kissing): "Giles!  We have a big problem.  It's Buffy."

Giles (to Buffy): "...  Angel tortured me -- for hours -- for pleasure.  You should have told me he was alive.  You didn't.  You have no respect for me or the job I perform."

Post: "Which one of you is Faith?"
Faith: "Depends.  Who the hell are you?"
Post: "Gwendolyn Post, Mrs.  Your new Watcher."

Post (to Giles): "... there is talk in the Council that you have become a bit too -- American."

Post: "... Lagos will be headed for the cemetery."
Giles: "There is more than one in Sunnydale."
Post: "I see.  How many?"
Giles: "... twelve within the city limits."

Post: "The pictures are fun to look at, Mr. Giles, but one really ought to read the nice words as well."

Post: "A person slips up on the little things, and soon everything has gone to hell in a hand basket."

Post (to Faith): "A word of advice.  Vampires rarely knock.  Especially in daylight."

Post: "A good Watcher must be awake and alert at all hours."

Post: "Faith.  A word of advice.  You're an idiot."

Post: "I have the Glove.  With the Glove comes the power."

Willow: "I think it's great when two people like two people and want to be close to them instead of anyone else."

Willow: "Anyone notice Buffy acting sort of different?"
Xander: "Let's see, uh, killing zombies, uh, torching sewer monsters, and, uh, no, that's pretty much the, uh, same old Buffster."

Willow (re: Giles): "What does he want from us, anyway?"
Xander: "The number of a qualified surgeon to remove the British flag from his butt?"

Willow (to Buffy): "You kept a secret.  ...  Secrets aren't bad.  They're normal.  They're better than normal.  They're good.  Secrets are good."

Willow: "Keeping secrets is a lot of work."

Willow: "When you were with Angel and nobody knew about it, did that make it feel ... sexier some how?"
Buffy: "Not really.  It's too much pressure.  After a while it even makes the fun parts not so fun."

Willow (re: Angel): "... he saved me from a horrible flamey death.  That sort of makes me like him again."

Xander (talking to self while walking through cemetery): "Hey, Giles.  Here's a nifty idea.  Why don't I alleviate my guilt by going out and getting myself really, really killed?"

Xander (with Faith): "Good old Sunnydale library.  Fully equipped with reference books, file cards and weapons."

Xander: "Wait!"
Faith: "For what?  You to grow a pair?"

Lover's Walk

04/30/1999

Xander: "I'm just worried that it might hurt my standing as campus stud when people find out I'm dating a brain."
Cordelia: "Please, I have some experience in covering these things up."

Willow (re: Buffy's SAT score): "1430!  Buffy, you kicked ass.   OK, so academic achievement gets me a little excited."

Cordelia (to Buffy in response to her SAT score): "Now you can leave and never come back."

Cordelia: "I just thought we were going to do something -- classy."
Xander: "What's classier than bowling?"
Cordelia: "Apart from everything, ever?"

Willow: "... bowling ....  It's a very intimate situation.   It's all sexy with the smoke and the sweating and the shoe rental...."

Joyce: "... you belong at a good old-fashioned college with keg parties and boys, not here with hellmouths and vampires."
Buffy: "Not really seeing the distinction."

Richard Wilkins III: "This year is too important to let a loose cannon rock the boat.  ...  Loose cannon!  Rock the boat!  Is that a mixed metaphor?  ...  Boats did have cannons, and a loose one would cause it to rock."

Xander: "I wish for a lot of things."

Xander (to Willow): "Do you really need to resort to the black arts to keep our hormones in check?"

Spike (re: Drusilla): "She wouldn't even kill me.  She just left.  She didn't even care enough to cut off my head or set me on fire.  I mean, is that too much to ask?  You know?  Some little sign that she cared?"

Spike (re: Drusilla): "I gave here everything:  beautiful jewels, beautiful dresses with beautiful girls in them, but nothing made her happy."

Spike (to Willow re: Xander): "... if at first you don't succeed, I'll kill him and you try again."

Spike: "Love isn't brains ..., it's blood -- blood screaming inside you to work its will."

Spike: "Love's a funny thing."

  The Wish

09/22/2000

Willow: "Demon!  Demon!  What kills a demon?"  

Buffy: "That was too close for comfort.  Not that slaying is ever comfy...." 

Willow (re: mucus-y demon): "Isn't he gonna go poof?"  
Buffy: "Uh, I guess these guys don't.  We'll have to bury him or something.  ...  Makes you appreciate vamps, though.  No fuss, no muss."  

Buffy: "Slaying's a rough gig -- too much alone time isn't healthy.  Stuff gets pent up."  

Buffy: "You got plans?"  
Xander: "I cannot stress enough how much I don't have plans."  

Xander: "... you know what really bugs me?  OK, we kissed.  It was a mistake.  But I know that was positively the last time we were ever gonna kiss."  
Willow: "Darn tootin'."  
Xander: "And they burst in, rescuing us, without even knocking?  I mean, this is really all their fault."  
Buffy: "Your logic does not resemble our earth logic."  
Xander: "Mine is much more advanced."  

Willow: "At least tomorrow's Monday, another school day."  
Buffy: "Well, that's good.  You know, focus on school.  That's the strong Willow way to heal."  
Willow: "Actually, I was more thinking Oz'll be there, and I can beg for forgiveness."  
Buffy: "That works, too."  
Willow: "I want to be strong Willow.  But then I think I may never get to be close to Oz again, and it's like all the air just goes out of the room."  
Buffy: "I know the feeling."  
Xander: "Right.  I mean, you went through it with Angel, and you're still standing.  So tell us, wise one, how do you deal?"  
Buffy: "I have you guys."  

Willow: "What I did -- when I think that I hurt you -"  
Oz: "Yeah.  You said all this stuff already."  
Willow: "Right, but I want to make it up to you.  I mean, if you'll let me, I want to try."  
Oz: "Just -- you can leave me alone.  I need to figure things out."  
Willow: "But maybe if we talk about it, we could -"  
Oz: "Look, I'm sorry this is hard for you.  But I told you what I need.  So I can't help feeling like the reason you want to talk is so you can feel better about yourself.  That's not my problem."  

John Lee (to Cordelia): "Look, the guys are kinda down on me lately.  Coach has cut me back to second string.  If anyone saw me hanging with Xander Harris' castoff on top of that -- death, you know, but maybe, if you want to go someplace private -"  

Cordelia: "Go ahead, dazzle me with your oh-so-brilliant insults.  Just join the club."  
Anya: "Hardly.  Actually, I've been looking for you.  Ever since we met this morning, I was, like, thank God there's one other person in this town who actually reads W."  
Cordelia: "But Harmony -"  
Anya: "Oh, she follows me around.  If that girl had an original thought, her head would explode."  

Anya: "Can I just say -- men."  
Cordelia: "Second it."  
Anya: "Apart from being without class, the guy's obviously blind.  Deserves whatever he gets."  
Cordelia: "I'm not even thinking about him.  I am past it.  I am living my life."  
Anya: "Still, I mean, don't you kinda wish -"  
Cordelia: "I don't wish.  I act.  Starting now, Xander Harris is gonna get a bellyful of just how over him I am."  

Xander: "I need to be both giving and receiving of mirth.  Is it too much to ask for a little backup?"  
Buffy: "I'm here for you, Xand.  I'm support-o-gal.  I just feel a little weird about this us-against-Cordelia thing.  She's had a rough time."  
Willow: "It's true.  Cordelia belongs to the justified camp.  I mean, she should make us pay.  And pay and pay and pay -- in fact, there's just not enough pay for what we -"  
Xander: "Look, you want to do guilt-a-palooza, fine, but I'm done with that.  Starting this minute, I'm gonna grab a hold of that crazy little thing called life and let it do its magical little healie thing.  What's done is done.  Let's be in the moment.  Behold the beauty that is now.  Who's with me?"  
Buffy: "He's actually making sense.  We're young and free in America.  How dare we be spun by love or the lack of same?"  
Willow: "Absolutely.  It - it's self-indulgent.  I'm in.  I'm on the joy train."  
[Long pause in conversation]
Buffy: "That didn't work.  Who wants chocolate?"  

Xander (re: Cordelia): "Look at her.  Tears of a clown, baby.  Or is it grins of a sad person?  Or maybe it's -"  
Willow: "Xander, your hand."  
Xander: "Oops!  Sorry.  But why 'oops'?  I mean, we always touch digits.  It's a friend thing.  Comfort, like chocolate."  
Willow: "Maybe it used to be, but since we -- it's different.  I-I'm sorry.  But if I want to make things right with Oz, my hands, my -- all my stuff -- has to be for him only."  

Buffy: "Cordelia, I know what it's like to be hurt by someone.  Hurt so much that you don't think you're gonna make it.  But I told my friends how I felt, and you know what?  It got a little better."  

Cordelia: "You know what I've been asking myself a lot this last week?  Why me?  Why do I get impaled?  Why do I get bitten by snakes?  Why do I fall for incredible losers?  And you know, I think I've finally figured it out, what my problem is?  It's -- Buffy Summers.  That's when all my troubles started.  When she moved here."

Cordelia: "... I can use some luck.  And a stick with pointy, sharp bits.  If that Buffy wasn't -- I swear -- she's a pain.  But Xander, he's an utter loser."  
Anya: "Don't you wish -" 
Cordelia: "I never would have looked twice at Xander if Buffy hadn't made him marginally cooler by hanging with him."  
Anya: "Really?"  
Cordelia: "Yeah, I swear.  I wish Buffy Summers had never come to Sunnydale."  
Anya: "Done."   

Cordelia (talking to self): "Anya?  I wish Buffy Summers had never come to Sunnydale.  She was, like a good fairy.  A scary, veiny, good fairy."  

Vampire Willow: "This is the part that's less fun.  When there isn't any screaming."
Cordelia: "Wha-what's up with you two and the leather?"  
V Willow: "Play now?"  
Vampire Xander: "It's not that I don't appreciate your appetite, Will, but I thought we agreed it was my turn."  
Cordelia: "No...No!  No way!  I wish us into Bizarro Land, and you guys are still together?  I cannot win!"  
[V Xander's face morphs]
V Xander: "Probably not.  But I'll give you a head start."
Cordelia: "No!"
[Cordelia runs away]
V Willow: "I love this part."  
V Xander: "You love all the parts."  
[V Xander catches Cordelia and throws her to the ground]
V Willow: "No fun.  She didn't even hardly fight."  

Nancy: "What was she doing wearing that?  Everyone knows that vampires are attracted to bright colors."  
"That's Cordelia.  It's better to look good than to feel alive."  

V Xander: "Slap my hand, dead soul man."  

Master: "Hungry?  I've lost my appetite for this one.  She keeps looking at me.  I'm trying to eat, and she looks at me."  

V Xander: "Had a prime kill.  An old crush, actually.  Till that wannaslay librarian showed up."  
Master: "He'll be dealt with soon enough."  
V Xander: "Weird thing.  Girl kept talking about Buffy.  'Gotta get Buffy here.'  Isn't that what they called the Slayer?"  
V Willow: "Hmm.  Buffy.  Ooh.  Scary."  
V Xander: "Someone has to talk to her people.  That name is striking fear in nobody's hearts."  
Master: "She talked of summoning the Slayer here, now, at this time, and you didn't kill her?"  
V Willow: "Well, they had crosses."  
Master: "The plant begins operation in less than 24 hours.  You will find this girl.  You will kill her before she contacts the Slayer.  Or I'll see you two kissing daylight."  

Cordelia: "Hey!  Hey Giles!  It's all my fault!  I wasn't -- I made this stupid wish.  ...  You have to get Buffy.  Buffy changes it.  It wasn't like this.  It was better.  I mean, the clothes alone -- but people were happy.  Mostly.  And -- wait.  Why are you here and she's not?  I mean, you -- you were her Watcher."  

V Xander: "The deed is done."  
Master (re: Cordelia): "You killed the girl that sought the Slayer?"  
V Xander: "It was too easy."  
V Willow: "I felt cheap."  

V Willow: "Bored now.  Daytime is the worst.  Cooped up for hours.  Can't hunt.  The master said I could play."  

V Willow (to Angel): "That's right, puppy.  Willow's gonna make you bark.  ...  Maybe I went too hard on you last time."  
V Xander: "Too hard?  No such thing."  

Giles: "I've found it.  ...  It's what, um, Cordelia was wearing.  It's the -- the, uh, symbol of -- of Anyanka.  ...  Um, um, Anyanka, patron saint of scorned women.  ...  Uh, she grants wishes."
Oz: "So Cordelia wished for something?  Well, if it was a long, healthy life, she should get her money back."  
Giles: "She said something about everything being different, that the world wasn't supposed to be like this.  It was, um, better.  Before."  
"OK.  The entire world sucks because some dead ditz made a wish?  I just want it clear."  
Giles: "She said the, uh, the Slayer was supposed to be here, that she was meant to have been here already."  

Giles: "Here.  'In order to defeat Anyanka, one must destroy her powercenter.  This should reverse all the wishes she's granted, rendering her mortal and powerless again.  You see?  Without her powercenter, she'd just be an ordinary woman again.  And all this would be, um, well, different.  Well, I'd say that my Watcher muscles haven't completely atrophied after all."  
Buffy: "Great.  What's her powercenter?"  
Giles: "Um, well, um - um, it doesn't say."  
Buffy: "Why don't I just put a stake through her heart?"  
Giles: "She's not a vampire."  
Buffy: "Well, you'd be surprised how many things that'll kill."  
Giles: "I don't want to kill her, Miss Summers.  I want her to reverse whatever effect she's had on this -- this world."  
Buffy: "You're taking an awful lot on faith here, Jeeves."  
Giles: "Giles."  
Buffy: "Kill the bad fairy, destroy the bad fairy's powercenter, whatever, and all the troubles go away?"  
Giles: "Well, I'm sure it's not that simple, but -"  
Buffy: "World is what it is.  We fight.  We die.  Wishing doesn't change that."  
Giles: "I have to believe in a better world."  
Buffy: "Go ahead.  I have to live in this one."  
Giles: "Cordelia said she knew that I was meant to be your Watcher.  She said she knew you."  
Buffy: "She's probably just a big fan."  
Giles: "The Master sent his most vicious disciples to kill her.  Now, she must have posed some threat to him."  
Buffy: "The Master?"  
Giles: "Um, supreme vampire around these parts.  He lives on the outskirts of town in an old club."  
Buffy: "You know where he lives, and no one's ever tried to take him out?"  
Giles: "People have tried."  
Buffy: "Well, point the way.  I might as well do some good while I'm in this town."  
Giles: "You can't just walk in there and -"  
Buffy: "Look, you wanna stay here and play make-believe, fine.  I'm not gonna be any help to you anyway.  There's only one thing I'm good at."  
Giles: "At least let's muster some kind of force."  
Buffy: "I don't play well with others."  

Buffy: "Is this a get-in-my-pants thing?  You guys in Sunnydale talk like I'm the second coming."  

Master: "Vampires.  Welcome.  Behold the technical wonder which is about to alter the very fabric of our society.  Some have argued that such an advancement goes against our very nature.  They that death is our art.  I say to the - well, I don't say anything to them because I killed them.  Undeniably we are the world's most superior race.  Yet we have always been too parochial, too bound by the mindless routine of the predator.  Hunt and kill, hunt and kill --titillating?  Yes.  Practical?  Hardly.  Meanwhile, the humans, with their plebeian minds, have brought us a truly demonic concept; mass production!  ..."
V Xander: "We really are living in a golden age."  

Master (re: woman about to be processed): "She's still alive, you see, for the freshness."  

Angel (re: attacking vampires at plant): "What's the plan?"  
Buffy (holding up a stake): "Don't fall on this."  

V Willow (re: Angel attacking vampires): "Uh-oh.  Puppy got out."  

Anyanka: "You trusting fool!  How do you know the other world is any better than this?"  
Giles: "Because it has to be."  

Cordelia: "I wish Buffy Summers had never come to Sunnydale."  
Anya: "Done."  
Cordelia: "That would be cool.  No.  Wait.  I wish Buffy Summers had never been born."  
Anya: "Done!"  
Cordelia: "And I wish that Xander Harris never again knows the touch of a woman.  
And that Willow wakes up tomorrow covered in monkey hair."  
Anya: "Done!"  
Cordelia: "In fact, I wish all men except maybe the dumb and the really agreeable kind, disappear off the face of the Earth.  That would be so cool!  Or maybe -"  

 Amends

Gingerbread

04/30/1999

Buffy: "... the slaying is kind of an alone thing."

Giles: "The use of a symbol on a victim ... suggests a ritual murder, and a cult sacrifice by a group."
Buffy: "A group of -- human beings?  Someone with a soul did this?"
Giles: "Yes, I'm afraid so."
Buffy: "OK!  Then while you're looking for the meaning of that symbol thingy, could you also find a loophole in that 'slayers don't kill people' rule?"

Joyce: "Are you embarrassed about hanging out with your mother?   ..."
Buffy: "No, it's just that this hall is about school, and you're about home.   Mix them, my world dissolves."

Joyce: "Silence is this town's disease.  For too long, we've been plagued by unnatural evils.  This isn't our town anymore.  It belongs to the monsters and the witches and the slayers.  I say it's time for the grown-ups to take Sunnydale back."

Cordelia: "You're going to be one busy little slayer, baby-sitting them."
Buffy: "I doubt they'll have anymore trouble."
Cordelia: "I doubt your doubt.  Everyone knows that witches killed those kids, and Amy is a witch.  And Michael is whatever the boy witch is, plus being a poster child for yuck.  If you're going to hang with them, expect badness.  'Cause that's what you get when you hang with freaks and losers.  Believe me, I know."

Giles: "They're confiscating my books."
Buffy: "... we need those books."
Giles: "Believe me, I tried to tell that to the nice man with the big gun."
Buffy: "...  There's something about the symbol that we're missing.  Willow said she used it in a protection spell.  It's harmless.  Not a big bad.  So then why would it turn up at a ritual sacrifice?"
Giles: "I don't know.  Ordinarily, I would say lets widen our research."
Buffy: "Using what?  A dictionary and My Friend Flicka.

Snyder: "I love the smell of desperate librarian in the morning."
Giles: "You get out, and take your marauders with you."
Snyder: "Oh, my!  So fierce!  I suppose I should hear you out.  Jus how is -- Blood Rites and Sacrifices appropriate material for a public school library?  Chess club branching out?"

Snyder: "Lift a finger against me and you'll have to answer to MOO."
Buffy: "Answer to MOO?  Did that sentence just make some sense that I'm not in on?"
Snyder: "Mothers Opposed to the Occult!  A powerful new group."
Buffy: "And who came up with that lame name?"
Snyder: "That would be the founder.  I believe you call her mom."

Willow: "I'm a rebel.  I'm having a rebellion."

Willow: "I'm not acting out, I'm a witch.  I can make pencils float.  And I can summon the four elements.  OK, two, but four soon.  And I'm dating a musician."

Buffy: "You have to let me handle this.  It's what I do."
Joyce: "... you patrol, you slay.  Evil pops up, you undo it.  And that's great.  But is Sunnydale getting any better?  Are they running out of vampires?   ...  It's not your fault.  You don't have a plan.  You just react to things.  It's bound to be fruitless."
Buffy: "OK, maybe I don't have a plan.  Lord knows I don't have lapel buttons.   ...  And maybe next time that the world is getting sucked into hell, I won't be able to stop it because the anti-hell sucking book isn't on the approved reading list."

Buffy: "My mom said some things to me about being the slayer.   That it's fruitless.  No fruit for Buffy."
Angel: "She's wrong."
Buffy: "Is she?  Is Sunnydale any better that when I first came here?  OK, so I battle evil.  But I don't really win.  The bad keeps coming back and getting stronger.  I'm like the kid in the story, the boy who stuck his finger in the duck."
Angel: "Dike!  It's another word for dam."
Buffy: "Oh!  OK!  That story makes a lot more sense now."
Angel: "Buffy, you know, I'm still figuring things out.  There's a lot I don't understand.  But I don know it's important to keep fighting.  I learned that from you."
Buffy: "But we never --"
Angel: "We never win."
Buffy: "Not completely."
Angel: "We never will.  That's not why we fight.  We do it 'cause there's things worth fighting for."

Giles: "There is a fringe theory held by a few folklorists that some regional stories have actual, very literal antecedents."
Buffy: "And is some language, that's English?"
Oz: "Fairy tales are real."

Giles: "Some demons thrive by fostering hatred and persecution amongst the mortal animals.  Not by destroying men, but by watching men destroy each other.  They feed us our darkest fear and turn peaceful communities into vigilantes."

Cordelia: "How many times have you been knocked out, anyway?  I swear, one of these times, you're going to wake up in a coma."
Giles: "Wake up in a --  Oh, never mind."

Giles: "We need to save Buffy from Hansel and Gretel."
Cordelia: "Now let's be clear.  The brain damage happened before I hit you."

Xander: "What's with the grim?  We're here to join you guys.   No, really, why should you guys have all the fun.  We want to be part of the hate."

Buffy: "Mom, dead people are talking to you.  Do the math."

Helpless

09/15/1999

Buffy: "Satisfied?"
Angel: "I'm not sure that's the word."
Buffy: "OK.  I didn't mean satisfied like -"  
Angel: "No, I -- I wasn't trying to -"
Buffy: "- 'cause we're not having satisfaction in the personal sense."  

Angel: Um, am I going to see you this weekend?  You, uh, you probably have plans."
Buffy: "Right, birthday.  Um, actually, I do have a thing."
Angel: "A thing?  A date?"
Buffy: "Nice attempt at casual.  Actually, I do have a date.  Older man.  Very handsome.  He likes it when I call him Daddy."  
Angel: "Huh, your father.  It is your father, right?"  
Buffy: "He's taking me to the ice show.  Which should be big fun.  I could use a little fun."

Giles: "This one?"  
Buffy: "Amethyst."  
Giles: "Used for?"  
Buffy: "Breath mints?"  
Giles: "Charm bags, money spells, and for cleansing one's aura."  
Buffy: "OK, so how do you know if one's aura's dirty?  Somebody come by with a finger and write "wash me" on it?"
Giles: "Buffy, I'm aware of your distaste for studying vibratory stones, but since it is part of your training, I would appreciate your glib-free attention."  

Giles: "Faith is not interested in proper training, so I must rely on you to keep up."
Buffy: "I hate being the good one."  

Buffy: "Giles, something's wrong."
Giles: "Wrong?  ..."  
Buffy: "... I got a bad case of the dizzies last night and almost let a vamp stake me.  With my own stake!  I'm way off my game.  My game's left the country.  It's in Cuernavaca."

Xander: "An ice show?  A show performed on ice.  And how old are we again?"  
Willow: "I went to Snoopy on Ice when I was little.  My dad took me backstage  and I got so scared I threw up on Woodstock."
Buffy: "Look, I know you guys think it's just a big, dumb, girlie thing, but it's not.  I mean, a lot of those skaters are Olympic medal winners.  And every year my dad buys me cotton candy and one of those souvenir programs that has all the pictures -- and OK, it's a big, dumb, girlie thing, but I love it."  
Oz: "It's not so girlie.  Ice is cool.  It's water, but it's not."
Willow: "I think it's sweet you and your dad have a tradition.  Especially now that he's not around so much.  Ixnay on the caramel corn, though, if you go backstage."
Xander: "We're still talking party, right?  I mean, some of us still love to relish celebrating in the birth of the Buf."
Buffy: "Oh, no, no.  I think it might be time to put a moratorium on parties in my honor.  They tend to go badly.  Monsters crash.  People die."  
Willow: "But 18 is a big one, Buffy.  I mean, you can vote now.  You can be drafted.  You can vote not to be drafted."  
Buffy: "I think I'll choose to celebrate this one with quiet reflection."
Xander: "Where's it written that quiet reflection can't be combined with cake and funny hats?"  

Buffy (to Giles re: ice show after father was too busy to take her): "You know, it's not just cartoon characters, they do pieces from operas and ballets.  Brian Boitano, doing Carmen, is a life changer.  Oh, he doesn't actually play Carmen, but a lot of sophisticated people go.  ...  You know, it's usually something that families do together.  ...  If someone were free, they'd take their daughters or their student.  Or their Slayer."  

Buffy: "So, how's it going with Amy, the rat?"  
Willow: "Good.  She loves her new exercise wheel.  She runs around, her nose wiggles -"
Buffy: "I -- I meant, how's it going changing her back into a human being?"
Willow: "Oh.  Still working on it.  But I just got her the cutest little bell -"  

Boy: "You made me look like some kind of dork in front of my posse."  
Cordelia: "First of all, posse?  Pass�.  Second of all, anyone with a teaspoon of brains Knows not to take my flirting seriously.  Especially with my extenuating circumstances."  
Boy: "What circumstances?"  
Cordelia: "Rebound!  Look it up."  

Buffy: "OK, I just got swatted down by some no-neck and rescued by Cordelia.  What the hell is happening?  ...  I have no strength.  I have no coordination.  I throw knives like -"  
Giles: "- a girl?"  
Buffy: "Like I'm not the Slayer."  

Quentin Travers: "You're having doubts.  Cruciamentum is not easy for slayer or watcher.  But it's been done this way for a dozen centuries whenever a slayer turns 18.  It's a time-honored rite of passage."  
Giles: "It's an archaic exercise in cruelty.  To lock her in this tomb --  weakened, defenseless.  And to unleash that on her.  If any one of the Council still had actual contact with a slayer, they would see, but I'm the one in the thick of it."  
Travers: "Which is why you're not qualified to make this decision.  You're too close."
Giles: "That's not true."  
Travers: "A slayer's not just physical prowess.  She must have cunning, imagination, a confidence derived from self-reliance.  And believe me, once this is all over, your Buffy will be stronger for it."  
Giles: "Or she'll be dead for it."
Travers: "Rupert.  If this girl is everything you say, then you've nothing  to worry about."

Willow: "Aha!  A curse on slayers.  Oh.  Oh, no.  Wait.  It's lawyers."  
Xander: "You know, maybe we're on the wrong track with the whole spell, curse, and whammy thing.  Maybe what we should be looking for is something like, um, slayer Kryptonite."
Oz: "Faulty metaphor.  Kryptonite kills."
Xander: "You're assuming I meant the green Kryptonite.  I was referring, of course, to the red Kryptonite, which drains Superman of his powers.  Wrong.  The gold Kryptonite's the power-sucker.  The red Kryptonite mutates Superman into some sort of weird -"  
Buffy: "Guys.  Reality."  

Buffy (re: book from Angel): "Thank you.  That's beautiful."  
Angel: "You really like it?"  
Buffy: "Of course I do.  It's sweet and thoughtful and full of neat words to learn and say like 'wilt' and 'henceforth'."  
Angel: "Then why did you seem more excited last year when you got a severed arm in a box?"
Buffy: "I'm sorry.  Uh, it's just suddenly there's this chance that my calling's  a wrong number, and it's just freaking me out a little."  
Angel: "That's understandable."  
Buffy: "Angel, what if I have lost my power?"  
Angel: "You lived a long time without it.  You can do it again."  
Buffy: "I guess.  But what if I can't?  I've seen too much.  I know what goes bump in the night.  Not being able to fight it -- what if I just hide under my bed, all scared and helpless?  Or what if I just become pathetic?  Hanging out at the Old Slayer's home, talking people's ears off about my glory days, showing them Mr. Pointy, the stake I had bronzed."  
Angel: "Buffy.  You could never be helpless or boring, not even if you tried."  
Buffy: "Don't be so sure.  Before I was the Slayer, I was -- well, I don't want to say shallow, but -- let's say a certain person, who will remain nameless, we'll just call her Spordelia, looked like a classical philosopher next to me.  Angel, if I'm not the Slayer -- what do I do?  What do I have to offer?  Why would you like me?"
Angel: "I saw you before you became the Slayer."  
Buffy: "What?"
Angel: "I watched you, and I saw you called.  It was a bright afternoon out in front of your school.  You walked down the steps and -- and I loved you."  
Buffy: "Why?"  
Angel: "'Cause I could  see your heart.  You held it before you for everyone to see.  And I worried that it would be bruised or torn.  And more than anything in my life I wanted to keep it safe, to warm it with my own."  
Buffy: "That's beautiful.  Or taken literally, incredibly gross."  
Angel: "I was just thinking that, too."  

Zackary Kralik: "[Humming]  You ever have a tune you can't get out of your head?  It keeps playing over and over and over?  Drives me nuts."  

Kralik: "It's a game, you know.  We're not going to play by their rules, but that doesn't mean we're not going to play."  

Man on street (to Buffy): "Hey, sweet girl.  How much for a lap dance for me and my buddy?"

Buffy (hearing someone humming): "Hummers.  Big turnoff.  I like guys that can remember the lyrics."
Kralik: "Aah.  You know, I wish I could, but my mind just isn't what it used to be."
Buffy: "Let me go."
Kralik: "You didn't say please."  

Buffy: "I can't be just a person.  I can't be helpless like that.  Giles, please, we have to figure out what's happening to me."  
Giles: "It's an organic compound of muscle relaxants and adrenal suppressers.  The effect is temporary.  You'll be yourself again in a few days.  ...  It's a test, Buffy.  It's given to the Slayer once she, uh, if she reaches her 18th birthday.  The Slayer is disabled and then entrapped with a vampire foe whom she must defeat in order to pass the test.  The vampire you were to face has escaped.  His name is Zackary Kralik.  As a mortal, he murdered and tortured more than a dozen women before he was committed to an asylum for the criminally insane.  When a -"  
Buffy: "You bastard.  All this time, you saw what it was doing to me.  All this time, and you didn't say a word."
Giles: "I wanted to."
Buffy: "Liar."
Giles: "In matters of tradition and protocol, I must answer to the Council.  My role in this was very specific.  I was to administer the injections and to direct you to the old boardinghouse on Prescott Lane."
Buffy: "I can't.  I can't hear this.  ...  Who are you?  How could you do this to me?"
Giles: "I am deeply sorry, Buffy, and you have to understand -"  
Buffy: "If you touch me, I'll kill you."
Giles: "You have to listen to me.  Because I've told you this, the test is invalidated.  You will be safe now.  I promise you.  Whatever I have to do to deal with Kralik and to win back your trust -"  
Buffy: "You stuck a needle in me.  You poisoned me."  
Cordelia: "What's going on?  ...  Is the world ending?  I have to research a paper on Bosnia for tomorrow, but if the world's ending, I'm not going to bother.  ..."  
Buffy (to Giles): "I don't know you."  
Cordelia: "Did something take her memory?  (to Buffy)  He's Giles.  Giles.  He hangs out here a lot."  
Buffy: "Cordelia, could you please drive me home?"  
Cordelia: "Of course.  But if the world doesn't end, I'm going to need a note."  

Kralik (to Joyce Summers): "Mother.  May I call you mother?  My own mother was a person with no self-respect of her own, so she tried to take mine.  Ten years old, she had the scissors.  You wouldn't believe what she took with those.  But she's dead to me now.  Mostly because I killed and ate her, but also because I know I won't be alone much longer.  I'll have your daughter.  I won't kill her, I'll just make her like me.  Different.  She'll go to sleep, and when she wakes up, your face will be the first thing she eats.  I have a problem with mothers.  I'm aware of that."

Giles: "Your perfectly controlled test seems to have spun rather impressively out of control, don't you think?"
Travers: "It changes nothing."
Giles: "Well, then, allow me.  I've told Buffy everything."
Travers: "That is in direct opposition to the Council's orders."
Giles: "Yes.  Interestingly, I don't give a rat's ass about the Council's orders."  

Kralik (to Buffy): "If you stray from the path, you will lose your way."  

Buffy (to Kralik): "If I was at full Slayer power, I'd be punning right about now."  

Travers: "Congratulations, you passed.  You exhibited extraordinary courage and clear-headedness in battle.  The Council is very pleased."  
Buffy: "Do I get a gold star?"  
Travers: "I understand that you're upset -"  
Buffy: "You understand nothing.  You set that monster loose, and he came after  my mother."  
Travers: "You think the test was unfair?"  
Buffy: "I think you better leave town before I get my strength back."  
Travers: "We're not in the business of fair, Miss Summers, we're fighting a war."
Giles: "You're waging a war.  She's fighting it.  There is a difference."  
Travers: "Mr. Giles, if you don't mind -"  
Giles: "The test is done.  We're finished."  
Travers: "Not quite.  She passed.  You didn't.  The Slayer is not the only one who must perform in this situation.  I've recommended to the Council, and they've agreed, that you be relieved of your duties as Watcher immediately.  You're fired."  
Giles: "On what grounds?"  
Travers: "Your affection for your charge has rendered you incapable of clear and impartial judgment.  You have a father's love for the child, and that is useless to the cause.  It would be best if you had no further contact with the Slayer."
Giles: "I'm not going anywhere."  
Travers: "No, well, I didn't expect you would adhere to that.  However, if you interfere with the new Watcher, or countermand his authority in any way, you will be dealt with.  Are we clear?"  
Giles: "We're very clear."
Travers (to Buffy): "Congratulations again."  
Buffy: "Bite me."  
Travers: "Yes, well, colorful girl."  

Buffy: "The important thing is that I kept up my special birthday tradition of gut-wrenching misery and horror."
Oz: "Bright side to everything."  

The Zeppo

04/30/1999

Willow: "I'm fine.  The shaking is a side effect of the fear."

Xander: "If anyone sees my spine laying around, just try not to step on it."

Buffy: "Maybe you shouldn't be leaping into the fray like that.   Maybe you should be fray-adjacent."
Xander: "Excuse me?  Who, at a crucial moment, distracted the lead demon by allowing her to pummel him about the head?"
Faith: "Yeah!  That was real manly how you shrieked and all."
Xander: "I think you'll find that was more of a bellow."

Buffy: "What should we do with the trio here?  Should we burn them?"
Willow: "I brought marshmallows.  --  Occasionally I'm callous and strange."

Giles: "Xander, I think in the future perhaps it would be best if you hung back to the rear of the battle, for your own sake."
Xander: "But, gee, Mr. White, if Clark and Lois get all the good stories, I'll never be a good reporter."
Giles: "Hmmm?"
Xander: "Jimmy Olsen joke, sir.  Pretty much going to be lost on you."

Cordelia: "Boy, of all the humiliations you've had I've witnessed, that was the latest."
Xander: "I could've taken him."
Cordelia: "Oh please.  O'Toole would macram� your face.  He is a psycho -- which is still a lot cooler than being a wuss."
Xander: "Why is it that I've come fact to fact with vampires, demons, the most hideous creatures hell ever spit out, and I'm still afraid of a little bully like Jack O'Toole?"
Cordelia: "Because, unlike all those other creatures you've come face-to-face with, Jack actually noticed you were there."
Xander: "Why am I surprised by how comforting you're not?"
Cordelia: "It must be really hard when all your friends have, like, superpowers -- slayer, werewolf, witches, vampires -- and you're like this little nothing.  You must feel like Jimmy Olsen."
Xander: "I was just talking to -- hey, mind your own business."
Cordelia: "Ooh, I struck a nerve.  The boy that had no cool."
Xander: "I happen to be an integral part of that group.  I happen to have a lot to offer."
Cordelia: "Oh please."
Xander: "I do."
Cordelia: "Integral part of the group?  Xander, you're the useless part of the group.  You're the Zeppo.  'Cool.'  Look it up.  It's something that a subliterate that's repeated the 12th grade three times has and you don't.  (As Cordelia walks away)  There was no part of that that wasn't fun."

Xander: "Is it hard to play guitar?"
Oz: "Not the way I play it."

Giles: "The Sisterhood of Jhe is an apocalypse cult.  They exist solely to bring about the world's destruction ...."

Buffy: "Do you remember the demon that almost got out the night I died?"
Willow: "Every nightmare I have that doesn't revolve around academic failure or public nudity is about that thing.  In fact, once, I dreamt that it attacked me while I was late for a test and naked."

Buffy: "What is this?"
Xander: "What do you mean, what is it?  It's my thing."
Willow: "Your thing?"
Xander: "My thing!"
Buffy: "Is this a penis metaphor?"
Xander: "It's my thing that makes me cool.  You know, that makes me unique.   I'm 'car guy' -- guy with a car."

Cordelia: "I am the surgeon of mean."

Xander: "OK!  Now I'm involved in crime.  I'm the criminal element.  Having a car sure is cool."

Bad Girls

04/30/1999

Faith: "This isn't a Tupperware party.  It's a little hard to plan."
Buffy: "The 'count of three' isn't a plan.  It's Sesame Street."

Wilkins: "Do you like Family Circus?"
Trick: "I like Marmaduke.  ...  Nobody can tell Marmaduke what to do.  That's my kind of dog."
Deputy Mayor Allan Finch: "...  I like to read Cathy."

Willow: "I got in.  To actual colleges!  And they're wooing me.  They're pitching woo."
Buffy: "The wooing stage is always fun."
Willow: "...  But it's weird.  Rejection I can handle because of years of training, but this --"

Willow: "Chemistry's easy.  It's a lot like witchcraft, only less newt."

Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: "I have, in fact, faced two vampires myself.   Under controlled circumstances, of course."
Giles: "No danger of finding those here."
Wesley: "Vampires?"
Giles: "Controlled circumstances."

Wesley: "A good slayer is a cautious slayer."

Giles: "El Eleminati."
Wesley: "15th century duelist cult, deadly in their day.  Their number dwindled in later centuries due to an increase in anti-vampire activity and a lot of pointless dueling.  They eventually became the acolyte of a demon called Balthazar, who brought them to the new world, specifically here."
Giles: "You seem to know a lot about them."
Wesley: "I didn't get this job because of my looks."
Buffy: "I really, really believe that."

Faith: "We're slayers, girlfriend, the chosen two.  Why should we let him take all the fun out of it?"
Buffy: "Oh, that would be tragic.  Taking the fun out of slaying, stabbing, beheading."

Faith: "Slaying's what we were built for.  If you're not enjoying it, you're doing something wrong."

Buffy: "I hate it when they drown me."

Giles: "Are you all right?"
Buffy: "I had to lather, rinse and repeat about five million times to get the sewer out of my hair, but otherwise, I'm of the good."

Wesley: "... I'd expect you to be ready for anything.  Remember the three key words for any slayer:  preparation -, preparation -, preparation."
Buffy: "That's one word three times."

Buffy: "OK.  We got ten, maybe twelve bad guys and one big demon in desperate need of a Stairmaster."

Faith: "Life as a slayer is very simple -- want, take, have."

Faith: "We can't save the world in jail."

Joyce: "Admit it.  Some days don't you want to just wake up and say 'to hell with the diet'?"

Joyce: "...  waffles ...  they only don't have calories if I make them for you.  Mom logic."

Willow: "Give me time, and I may be the first Wicca to do all my conjuring in pine fresh scent."

Buffy (to Faith after Faith mistakenly kills Allan): "Being a slayer is not the same as being a killer."

Buffy (to Faith after Faith mistakenly kills Allan): "Getting rid of the evidence doesn't make the problem go away."

Consequences

09/19/2000

Cordelia (re: Wesley): "Check out Giles, the next generation.  What's your deal?"  
Wesley: "Uh, I, uh - Well - I'm a -"  
Faith: "New Watcher."
Cordelia: "Oh."  
Wesley: "Does everybody know about you?"  
Buffy: "She's a friend."  
Cordelia: "Let's not exaggerate.  So - you're the new Watcher."  
Wesley: "Wesley Wyndam-Pryce."  
Cordelia: "I like a man with two last names.  I'm Cordelia."
Wesley: "And you teach psychology."  
Cordelia: "I take psychology."  
Giles: "She's a student."  
Wesley: "Oh, well.  I - yes.  In fact, I am - here to watch - girls.  Uh - uh, Buffy and Faith, to be specific."  
Cordelia: "Well, it's about time we got some fresh blood around here."  
Wesley: "Ha ha.  Well - fresh.  Yes.  ..."  
Cordelia: "So, welcome to Sunnydale."
[Cordelia leaves the library]  
Wesley: "My.  She's - cheeky, isn't she?"  
Faith: "Uh, first word 'jail', second word 'bait'."  

Faith: "Always ready to kick a little bad guy butt."  

Buffy: "... if we don't do the right thing, it's only going to make things worse....  

Willow: "I'm late.  I - I'm meeting Michael.  The warlock guy.  We're still trying to de-rat Amy."  

[Mayor Wilkins shredding Deputy Mayor Finch's papers]  
Wilkins: "It's not working."
Trick: "It's supposed to do something besides shred?"  
Wilkins: "It's supposed to cheer me up.  Usually using the shredder gives me a lift.  It's fun."  
Trick: "And today you're not getting the ya yas."  
Wilkins: "No.  Guess it'll take more than this to turn my frown upside down.  I just don't understand why Allan would leave such a paper trail about our dealings.  Do you think he was going to betray me?  Oh, now, that's a horrible thought.  And now he's dead, I'll never have the chance to scold him."
  

Trick: "... word is, someone was fighting vampires not a block away from the scene.  Smart money says it was a Slayer who did this job."  
Wilkins: "Do you think he talked?  To them?"  
Trick: "If he did, I'm thinking he said the wrong thing."  
Wilkins: "Well, this is exciting.  A Slayer up for murder one.  That's sunshine and roses to me.  It really is.  

Faith (re: killing Finch): "I'm telling you, we did the world a favor.  This guy was as about as interesting as watching paint dry."  

Faith: "I'm not looking to hug and cry and learn and grow.  I'm just saying it happened quick, you know?"  

Buffy: "I don't think he was in that alley by chance.  I think he was looking for us.  I'd like to know why."  
Faith: "So, what, you think there's some big conspiracy?"  
Buffy (finding desk drawer emptied of papers): "You were saying?"  
Faith: "So his papers are gone.  That doesn't prove anything."  
Buffy: "Except that somebody didn't want us to prove anything."  

Faith: "So the Mayor of Sunnydale is a black hat.  It's a shocker, huh?"  
Buffy: "Actually, yeah.  I didn't get the bad guy vibe off of him."  
Faith: "When are you going to learn, B?  It doesn't matter what kind of vibe you get off a person.  'Cause 9 times out of 10, the face they're showing you is not the real one."  
Buffy: "I guess you know a lot about that."  
Faith: "What is that supposed to mean?"  
Buffy: "Just look at you, Faith.  Less than 24 hours ago, you killed a man.  And now it's all zip-a-dee-doo-dah?  It's not your real face and I know it.  I know what you're feeling because I'm feeling it, too."  
Faith: "Do you?  So fill me in 'cause I'd like to hear this."  
Buffy: "Dirty.  Like something sick creeped inside you and you can't get it out.  And you keep hoping that it was just some nightmare, but it wasn't.  And we're going to have to figure out -"  
Faith: "Is there going to be an intermission in this?"  

Faith: "I missed the mark last night and I'm sorry about the guy.  I really am, but it happened.  Anyway, how many people do you think we've saved by now, thousands?  And didn't you stop the world from ending?  Because in my book, that puts you and me in the plus column."  
Buffy: "We help people.  It doesn't mean we can do whatever we want."  
Faith: "Why not?  The guy I offed was no Gandhi.  I mean, we just saw he was mixed up in dirty dealings."  
Buffy: "Maybe, but what if he was coming to us for help?"  
Faith: "What if he was?  You're still not seeing the big picture, B.  Something made us different.  We're warriors.  We're built to kill."  
Buffy: "To kill demons.  But it does not mean that we get to pass judgment on people like we're better than everybody else."  
Faith: "We are better.  That's right, better.  People need us to survive.  In the balance, nobody's going to cry over some random bystander who got caught in the crossfire."  
Buffy: "I am."
Faith: "Well, that's your loss."  

Detective: "Somebody stabbed this guy through the heart.  Strange thing is, the weapon, it was made out of wood.  Any of this mean anything to you?"  
Faith: "Yeah.  That whoever did it wasn't hip to the bronze age."  

Faith: "I'm not the 'throw myself on the sword' type."  

Buffy: "I need to talk to you."  
Willow: "Good.  'Cause I've been letting things fester.  And I don't like it.  I want to be fester-free."  
Buffy: "Yeah, me, too."  
Willow: "I mean, don't get me wrong.  I - I completely understand why you and Faith have been doing the bonding thing.  You guys work together.  You - you should get along."  
Buffy: "It's more complicated than that."  
Willow: "But, see, it's that exact thing that - that's just ticking me off.  It's this whole Slayers only attitude.  I mean, since when wouldn't I understand?  You talk to me about everything.  It's like all of a sudden I'm not cool enough for you because I can't kill things with my bare hands."  
[Buffy cries]  
Willow: "Oh, oh, Buffy, don't cry.  I'm sorry.  I was too hard on you.  Sometimes I unleash.  I don't know my own strength.  It's bad.  I'm bad.  I'm a bad, bad, bad person."  

Buffy: "I don't really know how to say this, so I'm - I'm just going to say it.  I know I've kept things from you before, but -"
[Faith walks out of back room]    
Buffy: " - but, um, but I've been blowing off my classes.  You know, in - in the sense of not attending.  And, uh -"  
Faith: "It's ok, Buffy.  I told him.  ...  I had to.  He had to know what you did."  
Buffy: "What I did?  Giles, no.  That's just not what happened."  
Giles: "I don't want to hear it, Buffy.  ...  I don't want to hear any more lies."  
Buffy: "You can't be serious.  You're setting me up?"  
Giles: "Get in my office now.  ..."
Buffy: "Giles, I didn't do this.  I swear.  Look, I know that I messed up badly, but the murder -"  
Giles: "It was faith.  I know.  She may have many talents, Buffy, but fortunately, lying is not one of them.  ...  I needed her to think that I was on her side.  I don't know how far she'll take this charade."  

Giles: "Buffy, this is not the first time something like this has happened.  ...  The Slayer is on the front line of a nightly war.  It's tragic, but accidents have happened."  

Giles: "She'll respond better to a one-on-one approach."  
Xander: "I can be the one - on her one.  Let's rephrase.  I think she might listen to me.  We kind of have, um, a connection."  

Buffy: "All right.  Look, I know that you mean well, Xander, but, um, I just don't see Faith opening up to you.  She doesn't take the guys that she has a connection with very seriously.  And they're - they're kind of a big joke to her.  No offense."  
Xander: "Oh, oh, no, I mean, why would I be offended by that?"  

Xander: "Can I come in?  Just to talk.  I promise."  
Faith: "Like you could make something happen if I didn't want it to?"  
Xander: "Hey, yeah.  You got me there.  Pretty much not going to try to take you under any circumstances.  [Xander holds up his arm]  See, here, feel that.  Probably like a wet noodle to you, huh?"  
Faith: "Five minutes."  
Xander: "That's all I need.  For talking and conversation.  I'm, um, quick as a bunny."  

Faith (to Xander): "You'd dig that, wouldn't you?  To get up in front of all your geek pals and go on record about how I made you my boy toy for a night."  

Faith: "I know what this is all about.  You just came by here 'cause you want another taste, don't you?"  
Xander: "No.  I mean, it was nice.  It was great.  It was kind of a blur.  But, OK, some day, sure, yay, but not now.  Not like this."  
Faith: "More like how then?  Lights on or off?  Kinks or vanilla?"  
Xander: "Faith, come on.  I came here to help you.  I thought we had a connection."  
Faith: "...  You want to feel a connection?  It's just skin.  I see -- I want -- I take.  I forget.  ...  I could do anything to you right now, and you want me to.  I can make you scream.  I could make you die."

Faith: "Finally decided to tie me up, huh?  I always knew you weren't really a one Slayer guy."  
Angel: "I'm sorry about the chains.  It's not that I don't trust you.  Actually, it is that I don't trust you."  
Faith: "The thing with Xander, I know what it looked like, but we were just playing."  
Angel: "And he forgot the safety word.  Is that it?"  
Faith: "Safety words are for wusses."  
Angel: "I bet you're not big  on trust games, now, are you, Faith?"  
Faith: "You going to shrink me now?  Is that it?"  
Angel: "No, I just want to talk to you."  
Faith: "That's what they all say.  And then it's just let me stay the night.  Won't try anything."  
Angel: "You want to go the long way around, hey, I can do that.  I'm not getting any older."  

Buffy: "How's she doing?"  
Angel: "It's like talking to a wall.  Only you get more from a wall."  
Buffy: "But you'll keep trying, right?"  
Angel: "Sure.  We're just getting started.  ...  Look, I - I don't want you to get your hopes up, Buffy.  She may not want us to help her."  
Buffy: "She does.  She just doesn't know how to say it."  
Angel: "She killed a man.  That changes everything for her.  ...  She's taken a life.  ...  She's got a taste for it now."  

Wilkins (viewing video surveillance tape with Trick): "Shh.  Here comes my favorite part.  Where the slayers see us in the hall together, thick as thieves.  Oh, wait, we are thieves.  And worse, and now they know it."  

Angel: "I know what's going on with you."  
Faith: "Join the club.  Everybody seems to have a theory."  
Angel: "But I know what it's like to take a life.  To feel a future, a world of possibilities, snuffed out by your own hand.  I know the power in it.  The exhilaration.  It was like a drug for me."  
Faith: "Yeah?  Sounds like you need some help.  A professional maybe."  
Angel: "A professional couldn't have helped me.  It stopped when I got my soul back.  My human heart."  
Faith: "Goody for you.  If we're going to party, let's get on with it.  Otherwise, could you let me out of these things?"  
Angel: "Faith, you have a choice.  You've tasted something few ever do.  I mean, to kill without remorse is to feel like a god."  
Faith: "Right now, all I feel is a cramp in my wrist, so let me go!"  
Angel: "But you're not a god.  You're not much more than a child.  Going down this path will ruin you.  You can't imagine a price for true evil."  
Faith: "Yeah?  I hope evil takes Mastercard."  
Angel: "You and me, Faith, we're a lot alike.  Time was, I thought humans existed just to hurt each other.  But then I came here.  And I found out that there are other types of people.  People who genuinely wanted to do right.  And they make mistakes.  And they fall down.  You know, but they keep caring.  Keep trying.  If you can trust us, Faith, this can all change.  You don't have to disappear into the darkness."  

Faith: "You don't give up, do you?"  
Buffy: "Not on my friends, no."
Faith: "Yeah, because you and me are such solid buds, right?"  
Buffy: "We could be.  It's not too late."  
Faith: "For me to change and be more like you, you mean?  Little Miss Goody Two Shoes?  It ain't going to happen, B."  
Buffy: "Faith, nobody is asking you to be like me, but you can't go on like this."  
Faith: "Scares you, doesn't it?"  
Buffy: "Yeah, it scares me.  Faith, you're hurting people.  You're hurting yourself."  
Faith: "But that's not it.  That's not what bothers you so much.  What bugs you is you know I'm right.  You know in your gut we don't need the law.  We are the law.  ...  You know exactly what I'm about 'cause you have it in you, too.  ...  I've seen it, B.  You've got the lust.  And I'm not just talking about screwing vampires.  ...  It was good, wasn't it?  The sex?  The danger?  Bet a part of you even dug him when he went psycho.  ...  See, you need me to toe the line because you're afraid you'll go over it, aren't you, B?  You can't handle watching me living my own way, having a blast, because it tempts you.  You know it could be you."

Trick (about to bite Buffy's neck): "I hear once you've tasted a Slayer, you never want to go back."  

Faith: "You sent your boy to kill me."  
Wilkins: "That's right, I did."  
Faith: "He's dust."  
Wilkins: "I thought he might be.  What, with you standing here and all."  
Faith: "I guess that means you have a job opening."

Doppelgangland

12/19/1999

Anyaka (AKA Anya): "For a thousand years I wielded the power of the wish.  I brought ruin to the heads of unfaithful men.  I brought for destruction and chaos for the pleasure of the lower beings.  I was feared and worshipped across the mortal globe.  And now, I'm stuck at Sunnydale High.  Mortal.  Child.  And I'm flunking math.  ...  Do you have any idea how boring twelfth graders are?"

Willow: "Competition is natural and healthy."

Buffy: "Hey!"
Xander: "Willow, did you remember to tape Biography last Friday?"
Willow: "Uh-huh."
Buffy: "See, I told you.  Old reliable."
Willow: "Oh, thanks."
Buffy: "What?"
Willow: "Old reliable?  Yeah, great.  There's a sexy nickname."
Buffy: "Will, I didn't mean it as --"
Willow: "No, it's fine.  I'm old reliable."
Xander: "She just means, you know, the geyser.  You're like a geyser of fun that goes off at regular intervals."
Willow: "That's Old Faithful."
Xander: "Isn't that the dog that the guy had to shoot?"
Willow: "That's Old Yeller."
Buffy: "Xander, I beg you not to help me.  Will, I didn't mean it as a bad thing.  I thing it's good to be reliable."
Willow: "Well, maybe I don't want to be reliable all the time.  Maybe I'm not just some doormat person.  Homework gal."
Xander: "I'm thinking nerve strike."
Willow: "Maybe I'll change my look.  Or cut class.  You don't know.  And I'm eating this banana.  Lunch time be damned."
Buffy: "Will, wait.  I'm really sorry."
Willow: "Buff, I'm storming off.  It doesn't really work if you come with me."

Anya: "... I have this little project I'm working on and I heard you were the person to ask --"
Willow: "Yeah, that me.  Reliable dog geyser person.  What do you need?"
Anya: "Oh, it's nothing big.  Just a little spell I'm working on."
Willow: "A spell?  Oh, I like the black arts."
Anya: "I just need a secondary to create a temporal fold.  I heard you were a pretty powerful Wicca so --"
Willow: "You heard right, mister.  I'm always ready to work some dark mojo.  So, tell me, is it dangerous?"
Anya: "Oh, no."
Willow: "Well, coulc we pretend it is?"

Willow: "Okay, that's a little blacker than I like my arts."
Anya: "Don't be such a wimp."
Willow: "That wasn't just some temporal fold, that was some weird hell place."

Anya: "I am just trying to find my necklace."
Willow: "... did you try looking inside the sofa in hell?"

Vampire Willow: "Xander."
Xander (not realizing he's not seeing or speaking with this world's Willow): "Will, changing the look not an idle threat with you."
Vampire Willow: "You're alive."
Xander (in response to Vampire Willow's hugging and caressing): "Will, this is verging on naughty touching here.  Don't want to fall back on bad habits.  Hands.  Hands in new places."
Vampire Willow (realizing Xander isn't a vampire): "You're alive."
Xander: "You mentioned that before.  Will, are you okay?"
Vampire Willow: "No.  Everything's different."
Buffy: "Oh, there you are."
Xander: "Hey, Buff."
Buffy (not realizing she's not seeing or speaking with this world's Willow): "Aren't you going to introduce me to your -- Holy God!  You're Willow. "
Vampire Willow: "You."
Buffy: "You know what?  I like the look.  It's, um, it's extreme, but it looks good, you know.  It's a leather thing.  And, uh, I said extreme already, right?"
Vampire Willow: "I don't like you."
Buffy: "Will, I'm sorry about today.  You know how my foot likes to live in my mouth, but, you know, you really didn't have to prove anything."
Vampire Willow: "Leaving now."
Xander: "Will, got to say, not loving the new you."

Vampire Willow: "I'm not supposed to talk to strangers."

Giles (discussing Willow being a vampire): "She was truly the finest of all of us."
Xander: "Way better than me."
Giles: "Much, much better."

Willow (in response to being hugged by Buffy and Xander): "Oxygen becoming an issue."

Xander: "Will, we saw you at the Bronze.  A vampire."
Willow: "I'm not a vampire."
Buffy: "You are.  I mean, you were.  Giles, planning on jumping in with an explanation any time soon?"
Giles: "Well, uh ... something -- something very strange is happening."
Xander: "Can you believe the Watcher's Council let this guy go?"

Anya: "What a day.  Give me a beer."
Bartender: "I.D."
[Anya stares at bartender]
Bartender: "I.D."
Anya (slamming her fist on the bar): "I'm 1120 years old.  Just give me a freaking beer."
Bartender: "I.D."
Anya: "Give me a coke."

Oz: "Other bands know more than three chords.  Your professional band can play up to six, sometimes seven completely different chords."

Vampire Willow: "This is a dumb world.  In my world, there are people in chains and we can ride them like ponies."

Willow: "I don't like the thought that there's a vampire out there that looks like me."
Xander: "Not looks like -- is."
Buffy: "It was exactly you, Will.  Every detail.  Except for you not being a dominatrix ... as far as we know."
Willow: "Oh, right.  Me and Oz play mistress of pain every night."
Xander: "Did anyone else just go to a scary visual place?"
Buffy: "Oh, yeah."

Willow: "It's horrible.  That's me as a vampire?  I'm so evil, and skanky.  And I think I'm kind of gay."
Buffy: "Willow, just remember, a vampire's personality has nothing to do with the person it was."

Angel: "Vampires are not notoriously reliable."

Buffy: "Are you okay in that?"
Willow (wearing Vampire Willow's tight leather outfit): It's a little binding.  I guess vampires really don't have to breathe.  (noticing how the out emphasizes her breasts)  Gosh, look at those."

Buffy: "Are you sure you're up to this?"
Willow: "Don't worry.  I won't do anything that could be interpreted as brave."

Anya: "Vampires, always thinking with your teeth."

Vampire Willow (waking up in Willow's clothes): "Oh, this is like a nightmare."

Anya (re: Willow): "If she's a vampire, then I'm the creature from the Black Lagoon."

Cordelia (finding Vampire Willow in Willow's clothes locked in library book cage): "Do I have something on my neck?"
Vampire Willow: "Not yet."

Vampire Willow: "This world's no fun."
Willow: "You noticed that too?"

Buffy: "There, but for the grace of getting bit."

Buffy: "You want to go out tonight?"
Willow: "Strangely, I feel like staying at home ... and doing my homework ... and flossing ... and dying a virgin."
Buffy: "You know, you can O.D. on virtue."
Willow: "Between me and my evil self, I've double guilt coupons."

Enemies

Earshot

12/23/1999

Buffy: "You demons can't resist a run and stumble, can you?"

Willow: "So scabby demon got away?"
Buffy: "Scabby demon number two got away.  Scabby demon number one, big 'check' in the slay column."
Willow: "I don't like the whole 'no mouth' thing.  It's disquieting."
Buffy: "Well, no mouth means no teeth.  Unless they have them somewhere else."

Giles: "It says they can infect a host.  ...  'Infect the host with an aspect of the demon.'"
Buffy: "... you mean like a part of it?"
Giles: "There could be any number of explanations for your hand.  I mean, a new fabric softener can cause irritation.  ..."
Buffy: "A part of the demon.  I hope it's not the outside part."

[Buffy, Willow, Oz and Xander at Pep Rally]
Buffy: "Is it me, or is this really lame?"
Oz: "I don't know.  I usually enjoy lameness, and this is leaving me kind of cold."
Willow: "Well, according to Freddy's latest editorial, 'The pep rally is a place for pseudo-prostitutes to provoke men into a sexual frenzy which, when thwarted, results in pointless athletic competition.'"
Xander: "And the downside being?"
Willow: "The school paper is edging on depressing lately.  Have you guys notice that?"
Oz: "I don't know.  I always go straight to the obits."
Willow: "What are you doing, Buffy?"
Buffy: "Nothing.  --  Checking for horns."
Willow: "Ah, you know, Buffy, I don't even think Giles is right about you becoming like a demon.  I mean, he's totally burnt, you know, dealing with Faith and this ascension thing.  Between you and me, he's not doing his best work."
Buffy: "But what if he is right?  I'm suddenly going to grow this demon part, and we don't even know what it is.  It could be claws or scales ...
[Willow gets a horrified look on her face]
Buffy: "What?"
Willow: "Was it a boy demon?"

Buffy (in response to finding Angel behind her yet she had just looked into her compact mirror and not seen him): "I didn't see you so I should have known you were there."

Angel: "Sometimes demons -- they just exaggerate their power."
Buffy: "Demon hype...."

Angel: "I won't let anything happen to you if I can help it.  No matter what, I'll always be with you.  Hey, I'll love you even if you're covered with slime."
Buffy: "I liked everything until that part."

Buffy (after discovering that her 'aspect of the demon' is telepathy to Giles): "When I walked in a few minutes ago, you thought 'look at her shoes.  If a fashion magazine told her to, she'd wear cats strapped to her feet.'"

Willow (thoughts being read by Buffy): "Buffy did the reading?  Buffy understood the reading?"

Ms. Murray: "We can never really see what's in someone's heart."

Angel: "You can't get into my mind."
Buffy: "... Why not?"
Angel: "It's like the mirror.  The thoughts are there but they create no reflection in you.  You got your 'aspect of the demon'."

Angel: "I don't want a bad girl, I've done that before."

Angel: "... Buffy, be careful with this gift.  A lot of things that seem strong and good and powerful -- they can be painful."
Buffy: "Like, say, immortality?"
Angel: "Exactly.  I'm dying to get rid of that."
Buffy: "Funny."
Angel: "I'm a funny guy."

[Meeting in the school library]
Xander (re: Buffy): "She can read our minds?  Our every impulse and fantasy?"
Buffy: "Every one.  ..."
Oz (thoughts being read by Buffy): "I am my thoughts.  If they exist in her, Buffy contains everything that is me, and she becomes me.  I cease to exist.  Hmm!"
Xander (thoughts being read by Buffy): "What am I going to do?  I think about sex all the time.  Sex. Help!  Four times five is thirty.  Five time six is thirty-two.  Naked girls.  Naked women.  Naked Buffy.  Oh, stop me!"
Buffy: "God, Xander, is that all you think about?"
Xander: "Actually?"
[Xander shakes his head yes].
Xander: "Bye!"
[Xander runs out of the library]
Wesley: "Xander has just illustrated something.  Chances are you're all going to be thinking whatever you least want Buffy to hear.  It's a question, of course, of mental discipline."
Giles: "He's right."
Wesley (thoughts being read by Buffy): "Look at Cordelia.  No, don't look at Cordelia.  She's a student.  Oh, I am bad.  I'm a bad, bad man."
Wesley (realizing Buffy's sensing his thoughts): "Excuse me.  ..."
[Wesley walks into another room, hopefully out of Buffy's telepathic range]
Oz (thoughts being read by Buffy): "No one else exists either.  Buffy is all of us.  We think, therefore she is."
Willow (thoughts being read by Buffy): "She know so much.  She knows what Oz is thinking.  I never know that.  Before long, she'll know him better than I do.  ..."
[Willow leaves the library]
Oz: "If you don't need me, I'm going to follow the red-head."
[Oz follows Willow]
Buffy: "I guess I won't be writing that book 'Winning Friends through Telepathy'."
Wesley: "Excuse me.  Can you hear me thinking in here?  I could go out in the hall."

[Buffy senses and sinister thought in the cafeteria just before she collapses from a telepathic overload]
"This time tomorrow -- I'll kill you all."

Buffy: "... there's a killer in the cafeteria."
Xander: "See, I've been saying for years that lunch lady's going to do us all in with that mulligan stew.  ...  I mean, what the hell is a mulligan?"
Buffy: "Someone was thinking it.  They thought 'this time tomorrow, I'll kill you all.'  ..."
Oz: "Are you sure they meant it?"
Xander: "Yeah, I mean, who hasn't just idly thought about taking out the whole place with a semi-automatic?"
[All stare at Xander]
Xander: "I said idly."

Buffy: "... could you guys not think so loud?  Or so much?"

Xander: "I'm still having trouble with the fact that one of us is just going to gun everybody down for no reason."
Cordelia: "Yeah, because that never happens in American high schools."
Oz: "It's bordering on trendy at this point."
Willow: "Besides which, Sunnydale High, center of evil and all that."

Buffy: "You had sex with Giles.  You had sex with Giles?"
Joyce: "It was the candy.  [referring back to the 'Band Candy' episode]  We were teenagers."
Buffy: "On the hood of a police car?"
Joyce: "I'll be downstairs.  You feel better."
Buffy: "Twice?"

Cordelia: "I think I should work with Wesley."
Xander: "You have no shame."
Cordelia: "Oh, please.  Like shame is something to be proud of."

Willow: "Fantasies are fun, aren't they, Jonathan?"
Jonathan: "I guess."
Willow: "We all have fantasies where we're powerful and respected, where people pay attention to us."
Jonathan: "Maybe."
Willow: "But sometimes the fantasy isn't enough, is it Jonathan?  Sometimes we have to make it so people don't ignore us, make them pay attention.  You know what I'm talking about, don't you?"
Jonathan: "You want me to pay attention."

Oz: "... do you ever feel that you've created a false persona for yourself, the guy who does everything right, and how much of a stain does it put on you to maintain it?"

Cordelia: "... Mr. Beach.  I was just wondering were you planning on killing a bunch of people tomorrow?  Oh, it's for the yearbook."

Wesley: "Negative thinking doesn't solve problems."

Oz (reading school newspaper review): "Dingoes Ate my Baby played their instruments as if they had plump Polish sausages taped to their fingers."
Freddy Iverson: "Sorry, man."
Oz: "No!  It's fair."

Xander: "You're okay!  Can you hear thoughts?"
[Buffy shakes her head no]
Xander: "Just when I wasn't thinking about sex."

Cordelia (reading Jonathan's letter to the school newspaper): "By this time tomorrow you'll all know what I have done.  I'm sure you understand that I had to do it, and that although death is never easy, it's the only way."

Jonathan: "Stop saying my name like we're friends.  We're not friends.  You all think I'm an idiot.  A short idiot."
Buffy: "I don't.  I don't think about you much at all.  Nobody here really does.  Bugs you, doesn't it?  You have all this pain and all these feelings and nobody's really paying attention."
Jonathan: "You think I just want attention?"
Buffy: "No, I think you're up in the clock tower with a high-powered rifle because you want to blend in.  Believe it or not Jonathan, I understand about the pain."
Jonathan: "Oh, right ... 'cause the burden of being beautiful and athletic, that's a crippler."
Buffy: "You know what?  I was wrong.  You are an idiot.  My life happens to, on occasion, suck beyond the telling of it, sometimes more than I can handle.  And it's not just mine.  Every single person down there is ignoring your pain because they're too busy with their own.  The beautiful ones ... the popular ones ... the guys that pick on you.  Everyone.  If you could hear what they were felling, the lonliness, the confusion ... it looks quiet down there.  It's not.  It's deafening."

Jonathan: "I just wanted it to stop."
Buffy: "Yeah, well, mass murder?  Not really doctor recommended for that kind of pain.  Besides, prison, you know, it's a lot like high school, only instead of noogies --"
Jonathan: "What are you talking about?"
Buffy: "Actions having consequences, you know, stuff like that."
Jonathan: "I wouldn't ever hurt anybody.  I came up here to kill myself."

[After Xander discovers the lunch lady putting rat poison in the food and Buffy stops her from attacking Xander with a cleaver]
Lunch lady: "Vermin.  You're all vermin.  You come in here and you eat and you eat.  Filth!"
Buffy: "I don't see this being settled with logic."

Willow: "So you're feeling better about Angel?"
Buffy: "Well, we talked, then he ripped out the heart of a demon and fed it to me, and then we talked some more."

Buffy (re: Jonathan): "... taking a piece to school, not exactly winning him a place with the in-crowd."

Buffy (after Giles suggests that she might be willing to go with Jonathan to the Prom): "What am I, Saint Buffy?"

[Walking across campus]
Giles: "Feel up to some training?"
Buffy: "Sure.  We can work out after school.  You know, if you're not too busy having sex with my mother."
[Giles walks into a tree after being distracted by Buffy's statement]

Choices

01/07/2000

Wilkins (to Faith): "This isn't a free ride, young lady.  ...  I'm beginning to think somebody's getting a little spoiled."

Wilkins (to Faith): "... a package is arriving tomorrow night from Central America.  ... something crucially important to my ascension.  Without it ... well, what would tollhouse cookies be without the chocolate chips?  A pretty darn big disappointment, I can tell you."

Faith (re: knife received as a gift): "This is a thing of beauty, boss."
Wilkins: "Well, it cost a pretty penny.  So, you just take good care of it.  You be careful not to put sombody's eye out with that thing.  Till I tell you to."
Faith: "Got any particular eyes in mind?"

Buffy: "Do you get the feeling that we're kind of in a rut?"
Angel: "Rut?"
Buffy: "You never take me any place new."
Angel: "What about that fire demon nest in the cave by the beach?  Thought that was a nice change of pace."
Buffy: "So this is our future?  I mean, this is how we're going to spend our nights when I'm 50 and you're -- the same age you are now."
[A growling noise is heard in the distance.  Closed Captioning said 'Twig snaps'?  Must have been a very angry, vicious twig.]
Angel: "Let's just get you to 50."
Buffy: "Liking that plan."

Snyder: "Okay, what's in the bag?"
Male student: "My lunch."
Snyder: "Is that the new drug lingo?"
[Snyder grabs the bag]
Male student: "No, it's my lunch."
[Snyder finds nothing unusual in the bag]
Snyder: "Sit up straight.]

Willow (re: Buffy's mom wanting Buffy to go away to school and not stay in Sunnydale as a slayer): "Sound's like your Mom's in a state of denial."
Buffy: "More like a continent.  She just has to realize that I can't go away."
Willow: "Well, maybe not now, but soon, maybe.  Or maybe I, too, hail from denial land."
Buffy: "Faith's turn to the dark side of the force pretty much put the proverbial kibosh on any away plans for me."

Buffy (to Willow): "...  I can't believe you got into Oxford.  ...  That's where they make Gileses."

Xander: "Everything in life is foreign territory.  Kerouac.  He's my teacher.  The open road -- my school."
Buffy: "Making the open dumpster your cafeteria?"
Xander: "Go ahead, mock me."
Oz: "I think she just did."
Xander: "We Bohemian, anti-establishment types have always been persecuted."
Oz: "Sure.  you're all so weird."
Willow: "I thinks it's neat, you doing the backpack, trail mix, happy wanderer thing."
Xander: "I'm aware it scores kind of high on the hokey meter.  But I think it'll be good for me.  Help me to find myself."
[Cordelia walks into the scene]
Cordelia: "And help us to lose you.  Everyone's a winner."
Xander: "Well, look who just popped open a fresh can of venom.  Hey, did you hear about Willow getting into Oxnard?"
Willow: "Oxford."
Xander: "And M.I.T. and Yale and every other college on the face of the planet, as in your face I rub it."
Cordelia: "Oxford.  Whoopee.  Four years in teabag central.  Sounds thrilling.  And M.I.T. is a Clearasil ad with housing.  And Yale is a dumping ground for those who didn't get into Harvard."
Willow: "I got into Harvard."
Xander: "Any clue on what college you might be attending so we can start calculating minimum safe distance?"
Cordelia: "None of your business.  Certainly nowhere near you losers."
Buffy: "Hey you guys, don't forget to breath between insults."
Cordelia: "I'm sorry, Buffy.  This conversation is reserved for those who actually have a future."
[Cordelia walks away]
Oz: "An angry young woman."
Willow: "Oh, Buffy, she was just being Cordelia.  Only more so.  Don't pay any attention to her."
Xander: "She's definitely got a chip going."
Willow: "Maybe, if you didn't goad her so much."
Xander: "I can't help it.  It's my nature."
Willow: "Maybe you need a better nature."

Wesley: "... you're a slayer."
Buffy: "Yeah.  I'm also a person.  You can't just define me by my slayerness.  That's something-ism."

Welsey: "Monsters, demons, world in peril."
Buffy: "I bet you they have all that stuff in Illinois."
Wesley: "You cannot leave Sunnydale!  With the power vested in me by the Council, I forbid it."
Giles: "Oh, yes, that should settle it."

Buffy: "I'm tired of waiting for Mayor McSleaze to make his move while we sit on our hands, counting down to ascension day.  Let's take the fight to him.  ..."
Giles: "...  What's your plan?"
Buffy: "I got to have a plan?  Really?  I can't just be proactive with pep?"

Courier: "Well, the price just went up.  I don't like surprises."
[An arrow pierces his torso from the back]
Faith: "Surprise."

Wilkins: "What happened to the courier?  I was supposed to pay him."
Faith: "I made him an offer he couldn't survive."

Buffy: "The Box of Gavrok.  It houses some great demonic energy or something which his honor needs to chow down on come A-day."

Willow: "... I eat danger for breakfast."
Xander: "But oddly enough, she panics in the face of breakfast foods."

Vampire guard: "What are you doing?"
Willow: "... I'm looking for a sucking candy because my mouth gets dry when ... I'm nervous or held prisoner against my will.  And suddenly I'm thinking 'sucking' isn't a good word to to use around vampires.  ...  Did you get permission to eat the hostage?  I don't think so." 

Wilkins: "A dog's friendship is stronger than reason, stronger than it's own sense of self-preservation.  Buffy's like a dog.  ... before you can say 'Jack Robinson', you'll get to see me kill her like one."

Faith: "Check out the bookworm.  ...  Anybody with brains, anybody who knew what was going to happen to her, would be trying to claw her way out of this place.  But you -- you just can't stop Nancy Drewing, can you?  I guess, now you know too much, and that kind of jus naturally leads to killing.  ..."
Willow: "... it didn't have to be this way.  ...  You made your choice.  I know you had a though life.  ...  Well, boo-hoo!  Poor you.  ... you had a lot more in your life ... than some people.  ...  Now you have no one.  You were a slayer and now you're nothing.  You're just a big selfish, worthless waste."
[Faith hits Willow and knocks her to the floor]
Faith: "You hurt me, I hurt you.  I'm just a little more efficient."
Willow: "Oh, and here I just thought you didn't have a comeback."
Faith: "You're begging for some deep pain."
Willow: "I'm not afraid of you."

Oz: "The whole place is locked down, except for the front."
Xander: "Yeah, it gives me that comforting 'trapped' feeling."
Buffy: "One way out means one way in.  I want to see them coming."
[The lights go out]
Xander: "I guess they're shy."

Wilkins: "... this is exciting, isn't it?  ...  Clandestine meetings by dark of night, exchange of prisoners.  ...  I feel like we should all be wearing trench coats."

Snyder: "Why couldn't you be dealing drugs like normal people?"

Buffy: "This is your night for suave, Will.  You should get captured more often."

Willow: "I'm not going any where."
Buffy: "U.C. Sunnydale?"
Willow: "I will be matriculating with the Class of 2003."
Buffy: "Are you serious?"
Willow: "Say, isn't that where you're going?"
Buffy: "... I cant believe it.  Are you serious?  Wait, what am I saying?  You can't."
Willow: "What do you mean I can't?"
Buffy: "I won't let you."
Willow: "Of the two people here, which is the boss of me?"
Buffy: "There are better schools.  ...  ... there are safer schools.  There are safer prisons.  I can't let you stay because of me."
Willow: "Actually, this isn't about you.  Although I'm fond, don't get me wrong.  ...  ... you've been fighting evil here for three years -- and I've helped some -- and now we're supposed to decide what we want to do with our lives.  ... I just realized that's what I want to do -- fight evil, help people.  ... I think it's worth doing.  And I don't think you do it because you have to.  It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in."
Buffy: "I kind of love you.  ...  I feel the need for more sugar than the human body can handle."

Buffy: "It's weird.  You look at something, and you think you know exactly what you're seeing, and -- then you find out it's something else entirely."
Willow: "Neat, huh?"
Buffy: "Sometimes it is."  

The Prom

02/07/2000

Buffy (to Angel re: Angel's abode): "You know, this place really isn't girl friendly.  No mirrors, no natural light."

Buffy (to Anger re: putting some furniture in Angel's abode): "... that's what couples do -- they have drawers."

Angel: "The prom?"
Buffy: "End of high school right of passage thingy.  Think cotillion with spiked punch and electric slide."

Xander: "... it's demon Anya, punisher of evil males.  ...  So, now, how did that work?  Women would wish horrible things on their ex-boyfriends, you'd show up and make it happen."
Anya: "That's right.  The power of the wish made me a righteous sword to smite the unfaithful."

Anya: "... I have witnessed a millennium of treachery and oppression from the males of the species, and I have nothing but contempt for the whole libidinous lot of them."
Xander: "Then why are you talking to me?"
Anya: "-- I don't have a date for the prom."
Xander: "Well, gosh, I wonder why not.  It couldn't possibly have anything to do with your sales pitch."
Anya: "Men are evil.  Will you go with me?"
Xander: "One of us is very confused, and I honestly don't know which."
Anya: "You know, this happens to be all your fault.  ...  You were unfaithful to Cordelia so I took on the guise of a twelfth grader to tempt her with the wish.  When I lost my powers, I got stuck in the persona, and now I have all these feelings.  I don't understand it.  I don't like it.  All I know is I really want to go to this dance and I want someone to go with me."
Xander: "Be still, my heart.  --  Oh, wait.  It is.  How come I got the short straw?"
Anya: "... you're not quite as obnoxious as most of the alpha males around here.  Plus I know you don't have a date."
Xander: "I haven't settled on anyone yet."
Anya: "Fine.  Look, I know you find me attractive.  I've seen you looking at my breasts."
Xander: "Nothing personal, but when a guy does that, it just means his eyes are open."
Anya: "Whatever!  Look, do you want to go with me or not?"

Xander (re: going to the prom with Anya): "... it's either Anya or the sock puppet of love for this boy.  ..."
Buffy: "Well, at least we all have someone to go with now.  Some of us are going with demons, but I think that's a valid life choice."

Angel (re: Joyce Summer's commenting on Angel's abode): "I like a lot of space.  I don't get out much in the day."

Buffy (to Giles): "Can't you ever get your mind out of the hellmouth?"

Giles: "... we know that the ascension refers to a human transforming into a demon, becoming the embodiment of an immortal...."
Wesley: "Trouble is we don't know which demon he's going to become."

Cordelia (to Wesley re: Wesley discussing going to the prom): "... I bet you'd look way 007 in a tux."

Giles (in an attempt to throw off the team and get them back on the subject): "... I shall be wearing pink taffeta, as chenille will not go with my complexion."

Buffy: "Miles to go before we sleep.  ... if we're all going to vaporize or something on graduation day, we deserve a little promy fun.  One night of glory, not too much to ask."

Buffy: "I always say patrol's not complete without a trip to the stinky sewers."

Angel: "You deserve more.  You deserve something outside of demons and darkness.  --  You should be with someone who could take you unto the light, someone who can make love to you."
Buffy: "I don't care about that."
Angel: "You will.  And children."
Buffy: "Children?  Can you say jumping the gun?  I kill my goldfish.  ..."
Angel: "... you should have a real relationship....  ...  I'm trying to do what's right here....  I'm trying to think with my head instead of my heart.  ..."
Buffy: "I'm never going to change.  I can't change.  I want my life to be with you."
Angel: "I don't."
Buffy: "--  You don't want to be with me.  I can't believe you're breaking up with me.  ...  How am I supposed to stay away from you?"
Angel: "I'm leaving.  --  After the ascension.  ...  If we survive, I'll go."

Buffy (re: Angel): "He's 243 years old.  He doesn't exactly get the prom.  ...  You don't have to make him the bad guy."
Willow: "But that's the best friend's job, vilifying and grousing."
Buffy: "... I think, maybe in the long run that he's right."
Willow: "Yeah, I think he is."

Cordelia (to Xander): "I have nothing....  No dresses, no cell phone, no car.  Everything has been taken away because Daddy made a little mistake on his taxes -- for the last twelve years.  ... I'm broke.  I can't go to any of the colleges that accepted me and I can't stay home because we no longer have one."

Cordelia (discussing hell hound attack on store customer): "The ... part that totally wierded me out, that thing had good taste.  I mean, he chucked Xander and went right for the formalwear."

Giles: "... you're going to hunt this creature.  You should study it." 
Buffy: "Think I got it."
Willow: "She's right.  I mean, you've seen one big hairy bringer of death, you've seen them all."
Wesley: "Not really.  If I'm not mistaken, this is a hell hound."
Giles: "Yes.  It's particularly vicious.  It's a sort of demon foot soldier bred during the Mahkach Wars.  Trained solely to kill, they feed off the brains of their foes."

Xander (to Buffy still saddened by Angel's announcement): "... your impersonation of an inanimate object is really coming along."

[Discussing an email written by Tucker Wells]
Giles: "So we have a threat against the students on their big night, a hell hound trained to attack people in formal wear....  This Tucker is planning to attack the prom tonight."
Oz: "Once again, the hellmouth puts the 'special' in special occasion."
Xander: "Why do I even buy tickets for these things, I ask you?"

Buffy: "I'm going to give you all a nice, fun, normal evening, if I have to kill every single person on the face of the Earth to do it."

Buffy: "I've got to stop a crazy from pulling a 'Carrie' at the prom.  ...  I'm over the whole 'Buffy gets one perfect high-school moment' thing, but I'm certainly not going to let some subhuman ruin it for the rest of the senior class."

Buffy: "Great thing about being a Slayer -- kicking ass is comfort food."

[Anya spends her time at the prom telling Xander about wishes she has granted]
Anya: "... she wished her husband's head would explode, which was great, except that we were standing three feet from him at the time.  What a mess."

Wesley (re: prom): "I must say, this is all rather odd to me."
Giles: "Oh, yes.  Being at an all-male preparatory, we didn't go in for this sort of thing."
Wesley: "No, of course not.  Unless you count the nights you made the lower classmen get up as girls and watch them --"

Willow: "Maybe we should dance before we get besieged, bedeviled or beheaded or something."

Anya: "... this one time, a girl wished that her ex would cannibalize himself.  Even I had a hard time watching that one."

Buffy: "Every maladjust has his reasons.  Luckily for me, you're an incompetent maladjust."
[Buffy ties up Wells and begins to push him into a room to lock him up when she sees three empty cages in the room]
Tucker Wells: "Got to have a redundancy system.  Any 'incompetent' knows that.  My three fiercest babies are on their way to the dance right now.  You think formalwear makes them crazy?  Wait'll they see the mirror ball."

Jonathan (reading an award note at prom from the committee to Buffy): "'We're not good friends.  Most of us never found the time to get to know you.  But that doesn't mean we haven't noticed you.  We don't talk about it much, but it's no secret that Sunnydale High isn't really like other high schools.  A lot of weird stuff happens here.'"
Male student: "Zombies."
Female student: "Hyena people."
Male student: "Snyder."
Jonathan (continuing the note): "'But whenever there was a problem or something creepy happened, you seemed to show up and stop it.  Most of the people here have been saved by you or helped by you at one time or another.  We're proud to say that the Class of '99 has the lowest mortality rate of any graduating class in Sunnydale history.  And we know that at least part of that is because of you.  So the senior class offers its thanks and give you', uh, uh, this."
[Jonathan takes a decorated umbrella from someone backstage]
Jonathan: "It's from all of us.  And it has written here 'Buffy Summers - Class Protector.'"

Wesley: "While the last thing I wish to do is model bad behavior in front of impressionable youth, I wonder is asking Miss Chase to dance -"
Giles: "... she's 18.  --  And you have the emotional maturity of a blueberry scone.  Just have at it, would you?  And stop fluttering about."

Buffy: "Every now and then, people surprise you." 

Graduation (Part 1)

09/22/2000

Cordelia (re: graduation gowns): "I can't believe this loser look.  I lobbied so hard for the teal.  No one ever listens to me, lone fashionable wolf."  
Xander: "I like the maroon.  Has more dignity."  
Cordelia: "Dignity?  You?  In relation to clothes?  I'm awash in a sea of confusion."  
Xander: "I just want to look respectable in this; considering I'm probably gonna die in it.  ...  I'm telling you, I woke up the other day with this feeling in my gut.  I just know.  There is no way I'm getting out of this school alive."
Cordelia: "Well, you've really mastered the power of positive giving up."  
Xander: "I've been lucky too many times.  My number's comin' up.  And I was short.  One more rotation, and I'm shipping stateside.  You know what I mean?"  
Cordelia: "Seldom if ever."  

Willow (re: Harmony): "Oh, I'm gonna miss her."  
Buffy: "Don't you hate her?"  
Willow: "Yes, with a fiery vengeance.  She picked on me for 10 years, the vacuous tramp."  

Buffy: "The whole senior class has turned into the sixties.  Or what I would have imagined the sixties would have been like, you know, without the war and the hairy armpits."  

Buffy: "... I guess I'll miss stuff, but I just don't get the whole graduation thing.  I mean you get a piece of paper and nothing changes."  

Willow: "Oh, trusty soda machine.  I push you for root beer, you give me Coke."  

Xander: "Guess who our commencement speaker is?"  
Willow: "Siegfried?  ...  Roy?  ...  One of the tigers?"  
Xnader: "Come out of the fantasy, Will."  

Willow: "History's important, you know."  
Percy: "No, I totally get that now.  And I got the grades, I'm graduating tomorrow.  I can forget all this crap."  

Anya: "Um, so I was wondering, uh, maybe, if you're free this weekend, maybe we could do some entertaining thing."  
Xander: "Would that be along the lines of you telling me about all the men you destroyed back in your demon days?  'Cause pencil me in."  
Anya: "Well, we could do something else you like.  We could, um, watch sports of some kind.  ...  Men like sports.  I'm sure of it."  
Xander: "Yes, men like sports.  Men watch the action movie.  They eat of the beef and enjoy to look at the bosoms.  A thousand years of avenging our wrongs and that's all you've learned?"  
Anya: "Hey, I'm trying, OK?  You don't need to take my head off."  
Xander: "I'm sorry.  Look.  I don't even know if I'm gonna make it to next weekend.  I'll tell you what, I survive the ascension, and then maybe you and I could do some sports-related --  What?"  

Giles: "Random killing, perhaps?  Fit of rage?  Everybody does seem to be going a bit mad lately."  
Buffy: "Faith has something of a head start."  

Buffy: "If the Mayor's trying to hide, I say we go seek."  
Wesley: "Ah, by attempting to keep a valuable clue from us, the Myor may have inadvertently led us right to it." 
Buffy: "What page are you on, Wes?  'Cause we already got there."  
Wesley: "Yes, well, you will go tonight, look over his apartment, anything of note, report back here."  
Buffy: "I just love it when you take charge, you man, you."  
Wesley: "Yeah, but that -- was that a yes?  I'm having trouble keeping track."  
Buffy: "I'll go."  

Giles: "Faith has you at a disadvantage, Buffy."  
Buffy: "'Cause I'm not crazy or 'cause I don't kill people?"  
Giles: "Both, actually."
Buffy: "I hear you.  I can't kill her.  Fun as it may sound.  I can make her cry uncle, though, and I mean to."  
Wesley: "Don't let your feelings about Faith interfere with your work."  
Buffy: "Stopping Faith is my work.  Take a beat to love the synergy."  
Wesley: "Faith is a footnote.  Our priority is stopping the ascension."  
Xander: "Easier said than done, monarchy boy."  
Wesley: "Xander, if you don't have something constructive to add -"  
Xander: "You guys want to know about the ascension?  Well, meet the only living person who's ever been to one."  
Anya: "About 800 years ago, in the Kaskov valleys above the Urals, there was a sorcerer there who achieved ascension.  Became the embodiment of the demon Lohesh.  ...  It - it decimated the village within hours.  Maybe three people got out.  I've seen some horrible things in my time and life.  I've been the cause of most of them, actually, but this -"  
Wesley: "Ahem.  I'm sorry.  Lohesh was a 4-winged soul killer, am I right?  I was given to understand that they're not that fierce.  Of all the demons we've faced -"  
Anya: "You've never seen a demon."  
Buffy: "Uh, excuse me.  Killing them professionally, four years running."  
Anya: "All the demons that walk the earth are tainted, are human hybrids, like vampires.  The ascension means that a human becomes pure demon.  They're different."  
Giles: "Different?"
Buffy: "How?"  
Anya: "Well, for one thing, they're bigger."  

Wilkins: "I'll tell you, you know, it's just nice to see that some young people are still interested in reading in this modern era.  So what are kids reading nowadays?  'The beast will walk upon the earth and darkness will follow.  The several races of man will be as one in their terror and destruction.'  Oh, that's kind of sweet.  Different races coming together."  

Xander: "Anya, wait!  Where you going?"  
Anya: "Anywhere.  If there's a lunar shuttle going up anytime soon, I'm on it."  
Xander: "We need you here.  You might be able to help."
Anya: "Or I might be able to live.  You can't stop the ascension, Xander.  You were right the first time.  The only thing any sane person can do now is run."  
Cordelia: "What's her saga?"  
Xander: "She's freaking."  
Cordelia: "About what?"  
Xander: "The Mayor is gonna kill us all during graduation."  
Cordelia: "Oh.  Are you gonna go to fifth period?"  
Xander: "I'm thinking I might skip it."  
Cordelia: "Yeah, me, too."  

Joyce Summers: "...  What are you doing?  You're running away again?  And you're taking my clothes."  
Buffy: "Mom, I need you to leave town, tonight."  

Buffy: "Mom, graduation is a pointless ceremony where you sit around and listen to a bunch of boring speeches till someone hands you a piece of paper that says you graduated, which you already know, and maroon does nothing for my complexion, so don't argue, ok?"  

Buffy: "Mom, I know that sometimes you wish I were different.  ...  I wish I could be a lot of things for you -- a great student, a star athlete, remotely normal.  I'm not.  But there is something I do that I can do better than anybody else in the world.  I'm gonna fight this thing.  But I can't do it and worry about you.  ...  If you stay, you'll get me killed.  You have to trust me on this."  

Willow: "If we want to make ferns invisible or communicate with shrimp, I've got the goods right here."  
Oz: "Our lives are different than other people's."  
Willow: "Oh, who am I kidding?  I'm not gonna find a spell to stop the ascension.  I'm no witch.  I can't even change poor Amy back to a person."  
Oz: "But you got the swinging Habitrail goin'.  I think Amy's in a good place emotionally."  
Willow: "Oz.  ...  Could you just pretend to care about what's happening, please?"  
Oz: "You think I don't care?"  
Willow: "I think we could be dead in two days' time, and you're being ironic detachment guy."  
Oz: "Would it help you if I panicked?"  
Willow: "Yes!  It'd be swell.  Panic is a thing people can share in times of crisis, and - and everything is really scary now, you know?  And I don't know what's gonna happen.  And - and there's all sorts of things that you're supposed to get to do after high school, and I was really looking forward to doing them.  And - and now we're probably just gonna die, and I'd like to feel that maybe you would -"  
[Oz kisses Willow]
Willow: "What are you doing?"  
Oz: "Panicking."  

Angel: "What's that?"  
Buffy: "A report, excavation of some old lava bed.  The guy was a volcanologist or something."  
Angel: "Anything in there that connects him to the Mayor?  I looked through it, but the only thing I understood were the commas."  

Buffy: "Look, I don't need an escort.  I'm a big girl.  Superpowers, remember?  I don't need you crowding me."  
Angel: "I didn't think I was."  
Buffy: "No, of course you don't.  You just show up at the Prom, and then you disappear into the ozone.  For all I know, you left town."  
Angel: "Are you mad at me for being around too much or for not being around enough?"  
Buffy: "Duh, yes."  
Angel: "Which?"  
Buffy: "What?"  
Angel: "I don't get you."  
Buffy: "No, you don't.  Not anymore."  
Angel: "Are you just making this harder to make this easier on yourself?"  
Buffy: "Can we stop with the brainteasers?  I just wish it was over.  Done."  
Angel: "It's not that simple.  Once the mayor -"  
Buffy: "I know.  World in peril and we have to work together.  This is my last office romance, I'll tell you that."  
Angel: "You want me out of your face?"  
Buffy: "Isn't it even a little hard for you?"  
Angel: "How can you ask me that?  Just 'cause I'm not acting like a brat doesn't mean I don't feel anything."  
Buffy: "It's nice to know what you think of me."  
Angel: "What do you expect me to say when you just attack?"  
Buffy: "I just can't do this anymore.  I can't have you in my life when I'm trying to move on -"  

Buffy: "I'm just glad Faith is such a suck shot."  
Giles: "We're sure it was her?"  
Buffy: "Well, I've narrowed down my list of one suspect."  

Wesley: "... Mr. Worth headed an expedition in Kauai, digging through old lava beds near a dormant volcano.  ...  He found something underneath.  A carcass, buried by an eruption.  ...  A very large one.  Mr. Worth posits that it might be some heretofore undiscovered dinosaur."
Angel: "A demon?"  
Giles: "Oh, yes, that would be something the Mayor would want to keep a secret.  If it's the same kind of demon he's turning into and it's dead, it means - well, he's only impervious to harm until the ascension.  In its demon form, he can be killed."  
Buffy: "Great.  So all we need is a million tons of burning lava.  We're saved."  

Willow: "I feel different, you know?  But I guess that makes sense.  Do you feel different?  Oh, no, you've already -- probably no big change for you.  I-i-it was nice.  Was it nice?  Should this be a quiet moment?"  
Oz: "I know exactly what you mean."  
Willow: "Which part?"  
Oz: "Everything feels different."  

Faith: "You gotta give me something to do.  There's no way I'm sleeping.  Don't you need anyone dead or maimed?  I could settle for maimed."  
Wilkins: "You little firecracker."  

Xander: "What are you doing here?  I thought you'd be in Aruba by now."  
Anya: "Hey, I'm packed.  My car's right outside.  I - I just, um, I, uh, I had to, uh -  ...  - that you could come with me."
Xander: "Come with you?  You mean that?"  
Anya: "Why not?  We could just get in the car and drive.  No one would miss us.   We could take turns driving, keep each other awake.  You're going to die if you stay here.  ...  When I think that something could happen to you, it feels bad inside, like I might vomit."  
Xander: "Welcome to the world of romance."  
Anya: "It's horrible!  No wonder I used to get so much work."  
Xander: "Well, I'm sorry I give you barfy feelings.  ...  I got friends on the line."  
Anya: "So?"  
Xander: "That humanity thing's still a work in progress, isn't it?"  
Anya: "Are you really gonna be that much help to them?  I mean, you'll probably just get in the way."  
Xander: "Your stock's plummeting here, sweetheart."  
Anya: "Fine.  You know what?  I hope you die.  --  Aren't we gonna kiss?"  

Wesley: "The council's orders are to concentrate on -"  
Buffy: "Orders?  I don't think I'm going to be taking any more orders.  Not from you.  Not from them."  
Wesley: "You can't turn your back on the council."  
Buffy: "They're in England.  I don't think they can tell which way my back is facing.  ...  Wesley, go back to your council and tell them until the next Slayer comes along, they can close up shop.  I'm not working for them anymore."  
Wesley: "Don't you see what's happening?  Faith poisoned Angel to distract you, to - to keep you out of the Mayor's way, and it's working.  We need a strategy."  
Buffy: "I have a strategy.  You're not in it."  
Wesley: "This is mutiny."  
Buffy: "I like to think of it as graduation.  ..."  
Wesley: "Buffy, you don't know what you're doing."  
Buffy: "Get a job."  

Oz: "The only way to cure this thing is to drain the blood of a Slayer."  
Buffy: "Good."  
Xander: "Good.  What did I miss?"  
Buffy: "No, it's perfect.  Angel needs to drain a Slayer, then I'll bring him one."  
Willow: "Buffy, if Angel drains Faith's blood, it'll kill her."  
Buffy: "Not if she's already dead."   

Buffy: "I can't play kid games anymore."  

Buffy: "There's a cure."  
Faith: "Damn.  What is it?"  
Buffy: "Your blood.  As justice goes, it's not unpoetic.  Don't you think?"  

Giles: "The, uh, local villagers near the volcano site make reference to the legend of Olukai.  That may be a bastardization of 'Olvikan'.  ...  It's a demon,  a very old one.  I might have a picture."
[Giles retrieves a book from the library shelves]  
Xander: "Boy, it's a good thing no one ever wanted to check any of these books out, huh?"  
Giles: "Yes, very convenient."
Xander (as Giles leafs through book): "Come on, Olvikan."
[Giles finds a picture that ends up folding out to four pages wide."   
Xander: "Hey, we're gonna need a bigger boat."  

Wilkins: "The power of these creatures; it suffuses my being.  I can feel the changes begin.  The organs are shifting, merging, making ready for the ascension.  Plus these babies are high in fiber, and what's the fun of becoming an immortal demon if you're not regular, am I right?"
[Vampire rushes in through Mayor's office door]  
Wilkins: "We don't knock during dark rituals?"  

Buffy (to Faith): "What's the matter, all that killing, and you're afraid to die?"  

Faith (to Buffy): "You did it.  You killed me.  Still won't help your boy, though.  Shoulda been there, B.  Quite a ride."

Graduation (Part 2)