Season 5

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Buffy Vs. Dracula

10/06/2000

Xander: "I'm exhausted just looking at those two.  All this splashing and jumping and running.  Shouldn't relaxing involve less exertion?"  
Anya: "Absolutely.  Exertion can lead to sweatiness."  
Tara: "Which can cause the pain and heartbreak of stinkiness.  Better to just stay put."  
Willow: "I think we've just put our finger on why we're the sidekicks."  

Xander: "The fire's not cooperating.  It's comforting to know that I lack the culinary finesse of a caveman."  

Willow: "Now that I know there's something to know, I can't not know, just because I'm afraid somebody will know I know.  You know?"  

Giles: "... I'm going back to England."  

Willow: "Personally, I can't get through a day without a little hairy eyeball."  

Buffy: "... vamps don't really care what time it is.  You know, dark equals dinner bell."  

Dracula: "Very impressive hunt.  Such power."  
Buffy: "That was no hunt.  That was just another day on the job.  Care to step up for some overtime?"  
Dracula: "We're not going to fight."  
Buffy: "Do you know what a slayer is?"  
Dracula: "Do you?"  
Buffy: "Who are you?"  
Dracula: "I apologize.  I assumed you knew.  I am Dracula."  
Buffy: "Get out.  ...  So let me get this straight.  You're Dracula, the guy, the Count."  
Dracula: "I am."  
Buffy: "And you're sure this isn't just some fanboy thing?  'Cause I've fought more than a couple pimply, overweight vamps that called themselves Lestat."  
Dracula: "You know who I am.  As I would know without question that you are Buffy Summers."  
Buffy: "You've heard of me?"  
Dracula: "Naturally.  You're known throughout the world."  
Buffy: "Nah.  Really?"  
Dracula: "Why else would I come here?  For the sun?  I came to meet the renowned killer."  
Buffy: "Yeah, I prefer the term slayer.  You know, killer just sounds so -" 
Dracula: "- naked?"
Buffy: "Like I paint clowns or something.  I'm the good guy, remember? " 
Dracula: "Perhaps, but your power is rooted in darkness.  You must feel it."  
Buffy: "No.  You know what I feel?  Bored."  

Xander: "Look who's got a bad case of dark prince envy."  
Dracula: "I have no interest in you.  Leave us."  
Xander: "No, we're not going  to leave you.  And where'd you get that accent, Sesame Street?  1, 2, 3 -- 3 Victims.  Mwa ha ha ha!"  
Buffy: "Xander, I'm pretty sure that's Dracula."  

Xander (re: Dracula): "He totally looked shorter in person."  

Buffy: "I told you he'd heard of me, right?  I mean, can you believe that?  Count famous heard of me."  

Xander: "I wonder if he know Frankenstein?"

Giles: "There's a great deal of myth about Dracula.  I imagine the trick to defeating him lies in separating the fact from the fiction."  

Riley: "... he may have a bunch of swell party tricks, but he's still just a vampire.  I say we load up with stakes and crossbows and go after him now."  

Giles: "... Willow, you and Tara find out everything you can about the actual legend of Vlad the Impaler on the Internet, and, uh, I'll check the library."  

Xander: "I suppose Dracula doesn't use bleach, huh?  He's a darks-only man."  

Xander: "Great.  Perfect.  You know what?  You're not so big.  One round of old-fashioned fisticuffs, I bet you'd fold like a bitty baby.  OK, let's do it, and no poofin'.  Come on, puffy shirt.  Pucker on up, 'cause you can kiss your pale ass good -"  
Dracula: "Silence."  
Xander: "Yes, master."  

Xander (to Dracula): "I will serve you, your excellent spookiness.  Or master.   I'll just stick with master."  
Dracula: "You are strange and off-putting.  Go now."  

Spike (to Riley): "Well, well, you can take the boy out of the Initiative, but you can't take the Initiative out of the boy, can you?"  

Riley: "What can you tell me about Dracula?"  
Spike: "Dracula?  Poncy bugger owes me 11 pounds for one thing."  
Riley: "You know him?"  
Spike: "Know him?  We're old rivals.  But then he got famous, forgot all about his foes.  I'll tell you what, that glory hound's done more harm to vampires than any slayer.  His story gets out, and suddenly everybody knows how to kill us.  You know, the mirror bit -" 
Riley: "But he's not just a regular vampire.  He has special powers, right?"  
Spike: "Nothin' but showy gypsy stuff."  

Spike (to Riley): "... you're not gonna catch him napping in a crypt.  No, the Count has to have his luxury estate and his bug-eaters and his special dirt...."  

Dracula: "You are magnificent."  
Buffy: "I bet you say that before you bite all the girls."
Dracula: "No.  You are different.  Kindred."  
Buffy: "Kindred?  Hardly -"  
Dracula: "Pull your hair back."  
Buffy: "This isn't how I usually fight.  You think you can just waft in here with your music video wind and your hypno-eyes -"  
Dracula: "I have searched the world over for you.  I have yearned for you."  

Willow: "Well, I think we have Dracula factoids."  
Xander: "Like any of that's enough to fight the dark master -- Bator."  
Willow: "A lot of it we already knew.  Turn offs: wood, fire, crosses, garlic.  Turn ons:  nice duds, minions, long slow bites that last for days."  
Riley: "Yeah, I did a little research, too.  Dracula likes to live in style.  Which means we can rule out the usual dumps vampires haunt."  
Xander: "Ah, but he's smart enough to figure out that we probably already know that.  I'm guessin' he's layin' low."  
Willow: "Actually, my research backs Riley up.  Drac isn't the lay-low type."  

Willow: "Dracula's modus operandi is different from other vampires.  He will kill just to feed, but he'd rather have a connection with his victims, and he has all of these mental powers to draw them in.  He -- he can read and control minds, appear in dreams.  ...  That stare.  He just kinda looked right through you."  

Xander: "I think you're drawing a lot of crazy conclusions about the unholy prince!  Bator."  

Giles: "The point is, though he goes through the motions of an intimate seduction, the end result is the same.  He turns them into a vampire."  
Xander: "Well, that is intimate.  Dracula's gifting these ladies with his own blood.  And blood -- blood is life.  According to them."  
Giles: "Just be aware that he -- he tends to form a relationship with his prey.  It's not enough for him to take her, she must want to be taken.  She must -- burn for him."  

Riley: "You're under the thrall of the dark prince."  
Buffy: "Oh, I am not under the thrall of the dark prince."  

Xander (re: Dracula's bite marks on Buffy's neck): "... she didn't want to worry us, right, Buffster?  It's nothin'.  Just a scratch."  
Willow: "Two deep, puncture-y scratches."
Buffy: "I'm not sure why I tried to hide it.  Uh, there was just this voice, and it was telling me to cover it."  
Riley: "And what did I tell you?  That's thrall."  
Xander: "You're saying Dracula has some sort of freaky mind control over her?  You're watchin' too many creature features, man."  
Buffy: "But it does seem like he has this control over me, even though a big part of me is resisting."  

Riley: "I -- I shouldn't take this personally.  I mean, what with Angel, I mean, it's understandable that there would be transference.  I mean, they're both broody immortals."  
Buffy: "I am not transfer-y."  

Willow: "A good Sunnydale rule of thumb?  Avoid white-skinned men in capes."  

Joyce Summers (to Willow and Tara): "... when you girls are older you'll understand.  It's hard to date.  Sometimes you just feel like giving up on men altogether."  

Dracula: "I knew you'd come."  
Buffy: "Why?  Because I'm under your thrall?  Well, guess again, pal."  
Dracula: "Put the stake down."  
Buffy: "Ok.  Right.  That was not you.  I did that.  I did that because I wanted to.  Maybe I should rethink that thrall thing.  Ohh."  

Riley: "I've lived in Sunnydale a couple of years now.  Know what I've never noticed before?"  
Giles: "Uh, a castle?"  
Riley: "A big, honking castle."  

Dracula (to Buffy): "I have not drunk enough for you to change.  You must be near death to become one of us, and that comes only when you plead for it."  

[Buffy drinks of Dracula's blood]
Dracula: "Find it.  The darkness.  Find your true nature."  
Buffy: "Wow.  That was gross."  
Dracula: "You are resisting."  
Buffy: "Looks like."  
Dracula: "Come here.  Come to me."  
Buffy: "You know, I really think the thrall has gone out of our relationship."  

Riley (to Giles): "No more chick pit for you."

Buffy (to Dracula threatening him with a torch): "A guy like you should think about going electric."  

Riley: "Buffy.  Are you ok?"  
Buffy: "Yeah, chock full of free will."  
Giles: "And Dracula?"  
Buffy: "Eurotrashed."  
Xander: "Where is he?  Where's the creep that turned me into his spider-eating man bitch?"  
Buffy: "He's gone."  
Xander: "Damn it!  You know what?  I'm sick of this crap.  I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis.  As of this moment, it's over.  I'm finished being everybody's butt monkey."  
Buffy: "Check.  No more butt monkey."  
Riley: "It could have been worse.  At least you weren't making time with the Dracu-babes like Giles here."  
Giles: "I was not making time, I -- I was just about to kill those uh, loathsome creatures when Riley interrupted me."  
Riley: "Really?  You were gonna nuzzle 'em to death?"  

[Dracula reappears from a puff of smoke and Buffy stakes him again]
Buffy: "You think I don't watch your movies?  You always come back."
[A puff of smoke starts forming again]  
Buffy: "I'm standing right here!"
[The smoke vanishes again]  

Buffy: "You haven't been my Watcher for a while.  I haven't been training, and I haven't really needed to come to you for help.  ...  And then this whole thing with Dracula --  It made me face up to some stuff.  Ever since we did that spell where we called on the first slayer, I've been going out a lot.  Every night."  
Giles: "Patrolling?"  
Buffy: "Hunting.  That's what Dracula called it, and he was right.  He understood my power better than I do.  He saw darkness in it.  I need to know more -- about where I come from, about the other slayers.  I mean, maybe -- maybe if I can learn to control this thing, I could be stronger, I could be better.  But I'm scared.  I know it's gonna be hard.  And I can't do it without you.  I need your help.  I need you to be my Watcher again."

The Real Me

The Replacement

No Place Like Home