Season 1

Copyright � Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation -- No infringement intended.

My plans are grand but my time is limited. Any assistance would be greatly appreciated. All quotation contributions are welcomed and will be acknowledged. Please send contributions to [email protected].

This page was last updated on 02/20/01.

Welcome To The Hellmouth (Part 1)/The Harvest (Part 2)

Joyce Summers: "Honey, try not to get kicked out."

Xander: "You know.  I kind of had a problem with the math."
Willow: "Which part?"
Xander: "The math."

Principal Bob Flutie: "What's past is past."

Flutie: "You burned down the gym."

Xander: "Can I have you?"
Buffy Summers [Puzzled]
Xander: "Uh -- can I help you?"
Buffy: "Thanks."
Xander: "I don't know you, do I?"
Buffy: "I'm Buffy.  I'm new."
Xander: "Xander is -- is me.  Hi!"
Buffy: "Oh, thanks."
Xander: "Well, uh -- maybe I'll see you around.  Maybe at school -- since we both -- go there."
Buffy: "Great!  It was nice to meet you."  [Walks away]
Xander: "We both go to school.  Very suave.  Very not pathetic.  Oh! -- Hey!  Hey!  You forgot your -- stake.

Teacher: "... the fun part of the black plague is that it originated in Europe, how?  --  As an early form of germ warfare.   ...  And this popular plague led to what social changes? ..."

Cordelia: "I would kill to live in L.A.  That close to all those shoes.   You'll be okay here.  If you hang with me and mine, you'll be accepted in no time.  Of course, we do have to test your coolness factor.  You're from L.A., so you can skip the written, but let's see.  Vamp nail polish?"
Buffy: "Um -- over?"
Cordelia: "So over.  James Spader?"
Buffy: "He needs to call me."
Cordelia: "Frappacinos?"
Buffy: "Trendy, but tasty."
Cordelia: "John Tesh?"
Buffy: "The devil."
Cordelia: "That was pretty much a gimme, but you passed."

Cordelia: "Willow.  Nice dress.  Good to know you've seen the softer side of Sears."
Willow: "Uh, well -- well, my mom picked it out."
Cordelia: "No wonder you're such a guy magnet."

Cordelia: "If you want to fit in here, the first rule is 'know your losers'.   Once you can identify them all by sight, they're a lot easier to avoid."

Cordelia: "... if you're not too swamped catching up, you should come by The Bronze tonight."
Buffy: "The who?"
Cordelia: "The Bronze.  It's the only club worth going to around here.   They let anybody in, but, it's still the scene.  It's in the bad part of town."
Buffy: "Where's that?"
Cordelia: "About a half a block from the good part of town.  We don't have a whole lot of town here."

Willow: "... am I the simple dullest person alive?"

Jesse: "Is it me, or are you turning into a babbling idiot?"
Xander: "No, it's a -- it's not you."

Buffy: (re: stake): "It was for self-defense.  Everyone has them in L.A.   Pepper spray is just so pass�."

Xander: "Well, not much goes on in a one Starbuck's town like Sunnydale."

Cordelia: "I don't mean to interrupt your downward mobility, but I just wanted to tell you that you won't be meeting Coach Foster -- the woman with the chest hair -- because gym was canceled due to the extreme dead guy in the locker."
Buffy: "What?"
Willow: "What are you talking about?"
Cordelia: "Some guy was stuffed in Aura's locker."
Buffy: "Dead?"
Cordelia: "Totally dead.  Way dead."
Xander: "It's not just a little dead then?"
Cordelia: "Don't you have an elsewhere to be?"
Jesse: "You know, if you need a shoulder to cry on, or just to nibble on ..."
Buffy: "How did he die?"
Cordelia: "I don't know."
Buffy: "Well, were there any marks?"
Cordelia: "Morbid much?"

Buffy: "OK!  What's the sitch?"
Giles: "Sorry?"
Buffy: "You heard about the dead guy, right?  The dead guy in the locker?"
Giles: "Yes."
Buffy: "'Cause it's the weirdest thing.  He's got two little -- little holes in his neck, and all his blood's  been drained.  Isn't that bizarre?  Aren't you just going 'ooh'?"
Giles: "I was afraid of this."
Buffy: "Well, I wasn't.  It's my first day.  I was afraid that I was going to be behind in all my classes.  That I wouldn't make any friends.  That I would have last month's hair.  I didn't think there'd be vampires on campus.  And I don't care."
Giles: "Then why are you here?"
Buffy: "To tell you that -- I don't care -- which I don't -- and have now told you, so -- bye."
Giles: "Is he -- will he rise again?"
Buffy: "Who?"
Giles: "The boy."
Buffy: "No, he's just dead."
Giles: "Can you be sure?"
Buffy: "To make you a vampire, they have to such your blood, and then you have to suck their blood.  It's, like, a whole big sucking thing.  Mostly, they're just going to kill you."

Giles: "... you are the slayer. To each generation a slayer is born. One girl, in all the world, the chosen one. One born with the ..." 
Giles and Buffy: "... strength and skill to hunt the vampires."
Buffy: "To stop the spread of their evil blah, blah, blah.  I've heard it, OK?"

Giles: "What do you know about this town?"
Buffy: "It's two hours on the freeway from Neiman-Marcus."
Giles: "Dig a bit in the history of this place, and you'll find a steady stream   of fairly odd occurrences.  I believe this whole area is a center of mystical energy.  That things gravitate toward it that you might not find elsewhere."
Buffy: "Like vampires?"
Giles: "Like zombies, werewolves, incubi, succubae -- everything you've dreaded was under your bed but told yourself couldn't be by the light of day.  They're all real."
Buffy: "What, you, like, sent away for the Time-Life series?"
Giles: "Oh -- well, yes."
Buffy: "Did you get the free phone?"
Giles: "The calendar."
Buffy: "Cool!"

Buffy: "First of all, I'm a vampire slayer.  And secondly, I'm retired.   Hey, I know.  Why don't you kill them?"
Giles: "I'm a watcher.  I haven't the skills."
Buffy: "Oh come on.  Stake through the heart, a little sunlight -- it's like falling off a log."
Giles: "A slayer slays, a watcher ..."
Buffy: "... watches?"
Giles: "Yes -- No!  He trains her.  He -- prepares her."
Buffy: "Prepares me for what?  For getting kicked out of school?  For losing all of my friends?  For having to spend all of my time fighting for my life and never getting to tell anyone because I might endanger them?  Go ahead!   Prepare me!"  [Buffy walks out]
Giles: "Damn!"  [Giles chases after Buffy]
Xander (having overheard the conversation): "What?"
Giles: "It's getting worse."
Buffy: "What's getting worse."
Giles: "The influx of the undead, the supernatural occurrences.  It's been building for years.  There's a reason why you're here, and the reason why it's now."
Buffy: "Because now is the time my mom moved here."
Giles: "Something's coming. Something - something - something is going to happen here -- soon!"  
Buffy: "Gee, can you vague that up for me?"
Giles: "The signs, as far as I can tell, point to a crucial mystical upheaval very soon.  Days, possibly less."
Buffy: "Oh, come on.  This is Sunnydale.  How bad an evil can there be here?"

Luke: "The sleeper will wake, and the world will bleed.  Amen."

Angel: "Don't worry.  I don't bite.  --  The truth is, I thought you'd be taller or bigger muscles and all that.  --  You're pretty spry though."
Buffy: "What do you want?"
Angel: "Same thing you do."
Buffy: "OK!  What do I want?"
Angel: "To kill 'em.  To kill 'em all."
Buffy: "Sorry.  That's incorrect, but you get this lovely watch and a year's supply of Turtlewax.  What I want is to be left alone."
Angel: "Do you really think that's an option anymore?  Your standing at the mouth of hell -- and it's about to open.  Don't turn your back on this.  You've got to be ready."
Buffy: "What for?"
Angel: "For the Harvest."
Buffy: "Who are you?"
Angel: "Let's just say -- I'm a friend."
Buffy: "Yeah, well, maybe I don't want a friend."
Angel: "I didn't say I was yours."

Willow: "Well, when I'm with a boy I like, it's hard for me to say anything cool or witty or at all.  I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away." 
Buffy: "It's not that bad." 
Willow: "It is.  I think boys are more interested in a girl who can talk." 
Buffy: "You really haven't been dating lately."

Buffy: "My philosophy ... 'Life is short'.
Willow: "Life is short."
Buffy: "Not original, I'll grant you, but it's true.  You know, why waste time being all shy and worried about some guy and if he's going to laugh at you?  Seize the moment, 'cause tomorrow you might be dead."
Willow: "Oh, that's nice."

Cordelia: "My mom doesn't even get out of bed anymore and the doctor says it's Epstein Barr.  I'm like, 'Please, it's  chronic hepatitis or at least chronic fatigue syndrome.'  I mean, nobody cool has Epstein Barr anymore."

Buffy (re: Angel): "He's tall, dark, gorgeous in an annoying sort of way. ... I really didn't like that guy."

Buffy: "I didn't say that I'd never slay another vampire.  It's not like I have all these fluffy bunny feelings for them.  I'm just not going to get way extracurricular with it.  You know, if I see one, sure --"
Giles: "Will you be ready?  There's so much you don't know about them, about your own powers.  A vampire appears to be completely normal, until the feed is upon them.  Only then do they reveal their true demonic visage."
Buffy: "You're like a textbook with arms.  I know this."
Giles: "The point is, a slayer should be able to see them anyway.  Without looking.  Without thinking.  Can you tell me if there's a vampire in this building?"
Buffy: "Maybe."
Giles: "You should know.  Even through this mass and -- din, you should be able to sense them.  Well try.  Reach out with your mind.  You have to hone your senses.  Focus until the energy washes over you, until you feel every particle of ..."
Buffy: "There's one."
Giles: "Where?"
Buffy: "Right there, talking to that girl."
Giles: "You don't know ..."
Buffy: "Oh, please!  Look at his jacket.  He's got the sleeves rolled up.   And the shirt -- deal with that outfit for a moment."
Giles: "It's dated?"
Buffy: "It's carbon-dated.  Trust me.  Only someone living underground for ten years would think that was still the look."
Giles: "But you didn't hone."

Cordelia: "God! What is your childhood trauma?"

Giles: "The vampire is not dead?" 
Buffy: "No, but my social life is on the critical list."

Willow: "Sure is dark." 
Thomas: "It's night."  
Willow: "Well, that's a dark time, night ... traditionally."

Buffy: "Have you seen Willow?"
Xander: "Not tonight, no."
Buffy: "She left with a guy."
Xander: "We'er talking about Willow, right?  Scoring at The Bronze.  Work it, girl ..."
Buffy: "No, I need to find her.  Where would he take her?"
Xander: "Why?  Oh, hey, I hope he's not a vampire because then you might have to slay him."
Buffy: "Was there a school bulletin?  --  Was it in the newspaper?  Is there anyone in this town who doesn't know I'm the slayer?"
Xander: "I only know you think you're the slayer."

Darla: "Who the hell are you?"
Buffy: "You mean there's actually someone in town who doesn't know already?   Whey!  That's a relief.  I'm telling you, having a secret identity in this town is a job of work."

Buffy (to Thomas): "OK!  First of all, what's with the outfit?  Live in the now, OK.  You look like DeBarge."

Buffy: "...  Now, we can do this the hard way or ... well, actually, there's just the hard way.
Darla: "That's fine with me."
Buffy: "Are you sure?  Now, this is not going to be pretty.  We're talking violence, strong language, adult content."

Buffy (re: Thomas' slaying): "See what happens when you roughhouse."
Darla: "He was young and stupid."

Buffy: "You know, I just wanted to start over, be like everybody else.  Have some friends, maybe a dog.  But no.  You had to come here.  You couldn't go suck on some other town."

Luke: "You think you can stop me?  Stop us?  You have no idea what you're dealing with.  'And like a plague of boils, the race of man covered the Earth.   But on the third day of the newest light will come the harvest, when the blood of men will flow as wine, when the master will walk among them once more.'  The Earth will belong to the old ones, and hell itself will come to town."

Giles: "This world is older than any of you know.  Contrary to popular mythology, it did not begin as a paradise. For untold eons, demons walked the Earth.   They made it their home.  Their, uh, their hell.  But in time, they lost their purchase on this reality, and the way was made for mortal animals, for man.   All that remains of the old ones are vestiges, certain magicks, certain creatures ..."
Buffy: "And vampires."
Xander: "OK, this is where I have a problem.  See, because we're talking about vampires.  We're having a talk with vampires in it."
Willow: "Isn't that what we saw last night?"
Buffy: "No!  No, those weren't vampires, those were just guys in thundering need of a facial.  Or maybe they had rabies.  It could have been rabies.  And that guy turning to dust.  Just a trick of light.  That's exactly what I said the first time I saw a vampire.  Well, after I was done with the screaming part."

Xander: "So, vampires are demons?"
Giles: "The books tell the last demons to leave this reality fed off a human, mixed their blood.  He was a human form, possessed, infected, by the demons soul.  He bit another, and another.  And so they walk the Earth , feeding, killing some, mixing their blood with others to make more of their kind.  Waiting for the animals to die out, and the old ones to return."

Giles: "For as long as there have been vampires, there's been the slayer.   One girl, in all the world, a chosen one."

Giles: "The slayer hunts vampires.  Buffy is the slayer.  Don't tell anyone."

Master: "A slayer?  Have you any proof?"
Luke: "Only that she fought with me, and yet lives."
Master: "Oh, very nearly proof enough.  I can't remember the last time that happened."
Luke: "1843, Madrid."

Master: "I believe she'll come to us.  We have something she wants.  If she is the slayer, and this boy lives, she'll try to save him."
Luke: "I thought you nothing more than a meal, boy.  Congratulations, you've just been upgraded to bait."

Buffy: "Xander, this is deeply dangerous."
Xander: " I'm inadequate, that's fine.  I'm less than a man."
Willow: "Buffy, I'm not anxious to go into a dark place full of monsters, but I do want to help.  I need to."

Giles: "So, all the city plans are just open to the public?" 
Willow: "Well -- um -- in a way.  I sort of stumbled on to them, when I accidentally decrypted the city council's security system." 
Xander: "Someone's been naughty."

Xander: "This is just too much.  I mean, yesterday, my life's like, 'uh-oh, pop quiz!"  Today it's 'rain of toads.'"
Willow: "I know.  And everyone else thinks it's just a normal day."
Xander: "No body knows.  It's like we've got this big secret."
Willow: "We do.  That's what a secret is, when you know something other guys don't."
Xander: "Right!"

Flutie: "We want to service your needs."

Xander: "OK, so crosses -- garlic -- stake through the heart."
Buffy: "That'll get it done."
Xander: "Cool!  Of course, I don't actually have any of those things."
Buffy: "Good thinking."
Xander: "Well, the part of my brain that would tell me to bring that stuff is still busy telling me not to come down here."

Xander: "So, what else?"
Buffy: "What else, what?"
Xander: "For vampire slayage?"
Buffy: "Oh -- fire, beheadings, sunlight, holy water, the usual."

Buffy: "Were getting closer ... no more rats."

Jesse: "I can hear the worms in the earth!" 
Xander: "That's a plus."

Buffy: "God, I'm so mentally challenged!"

Giles: "For they will gather and be gathered ... from the vessel pours life.   --  On the night of the cresecnt moon, the first past the solstice, it will come."

Master: "My blood is your blood.  My soul is your soul."
Luke: "My body is your instrument."
Master: "On this ... most hallowed night, we are as one.  Luke is the vessel.   Every soul he takes will feed me, and their souls will grant me the strength to free myself.  Tonight, I shall walk the earth, and the stars, themselves, will hide."

Xander: "I don't like vampires.  I'm going to take a stand and say they're not good."
Buffy: "So, Giles, you got anything that could make this day any worse."
Giles: "How about the end of the world?"
Buffy: "I knew I could count on you."

Giles: "Opening dimensional portals is a tricky business."

Joyce Summers: "If you don't go out, it'll be the end of the world.   Everything is life or death when you're a 16 year old girl."

Cordelia: "... senior boys ... they have mystery, ... they have ... cars.  I, just, am not the type to settle, you know.  It's like when I go shopping, I have to have the most expensive thing, not because it's expensive, but because it costs more."

Luke: "The fear is like an elixir.  It's almost like blood."

Willow: "Did we win?" 
Buffy: "Well, we averted the apocalypse. I'll give us points for that."

Giles: "People have a tendency to rationalize what they can and forget what they can't."

Giles: "We prevented the monster from freeing himself and opening the mouth of hell.  That's not to say he's going to stop trying.  I'd say the fun's just beginning."
Willow: "More vampires?"
Giles: "Not just vampires.  The next threat we face may be something quite different." 
Buffy: "I can hardly wait." 
Giles: "We're at the center of a mystical convergence here.  We may, in fact, stand between the Earth and its total destruction."  
Buffy: "Well, I got to look on the bright side.  Maybe I can still get kicked out of school." 
Xander: "Oh yeah, that's a plan, 'cause lots of schools aren't on hellmouths." 
Willow: "Maybe you can blow something up.  They're really strict about that." 
Buffy: "I was thinking of a more subtle approach, you know.  Like excessive not studying." 
Giles: "The Earth is doomed."

Willow: "Oh, okay, this is nice ... and scary."

The Witch

Amy: "Oh, how I hate this, let me count the ways."

Amy: "She said I was wasting my youth, so she took it."

Buffy: "And you'll be stopping me how?"  
Giles: "By appealing to your common sense, if such a creature exists."

Buffy: "I just want to have a life.  I want to do something normal, something safe."

Buffy: "That much quality time with my mom would probably lead to some quality matricide."

Buffy: "You guys don't have to get involved."  
Xander: "What do you mean? We're a team. Aren't we a team?"  
Willow: "Yeah, you're the Slayer. We're, like, the Slayerettes."

Buffy: "You're not like other boys at all. You are totally and completely one of the girls!"

Buffy: "I'm not ready to accept that you had Farrah hair."  
Joyce Summers: "That was Gidget hair.  Don't they teach you anything in history."

Buffy: "Macho, macho man!  I want to be a macho man."

Buffy (to Giles): "You saved my life. You were a god!"

Cordelia: "I have a dream. It's me on the cheerleading squad, adored by every varsity male as far as the eye can see. We have to achieve our dreams, or else we wither and die."

Giles: "Do you ignore everything I say as a rule?"  Buffy: "No, I believe that's your trick."

Giles: "That's the thrill of living on the Hellmouth. There's a virtual cornucopia of fiends and devils and ghouls to engage! Pardon me for seeing the glass half full."

Giles: "Let me be sure I have this right - this witch is casting horrible and disfiguring spells ... so that she can become a cheerleader?"

Joyce Summers: "I don't get it."

Willow: "That means hacking illegaly into the school computer- finally something I can do."

Willow: "You're not invisible to Buffy."  
Xander: "It's worse. I'm just a part of the scenery. Like an old shoe, or a rug that you walk on every day but don't really see it."  
Willow: "Like a pen that's all chewed up and you know you should throw it away. But you don't, not because you like is so much. More 'cause you're just used to it."  
Xander: "Well, yeah, that is the point. You don't have to drive it through my head like a railroad spike."

Xander: "Ooh, stretchy! Where was I?"  
Willow: "You were pretending that seeing scantily-clad girls in revealing postures was a spiritual experience."   
Xander: "Who said I was pretending?"

Xander: "I laugh in the face of danger, and then I hide until it goes away."

Xander: "That's why you're so cool! You're like a guy! You're my guy friend that knows about girl stuff."  Willow: "Oh great. I'm a guy."

Xander: "One of those girls hit me really hard. We should test for steroids."

Xander: "For I am Xander, King of Cretins. May all lesser Cretins bow before me."

Xander: "First vampires, now witches. No wonder you can still afford a house in Sunnydale."

Xander: "It's not what you think!"  
Willow: "You like to look at the semi-nude engravings?"  
Xander: "Oh, well, I guess it is what you think."

Xander: "We're right behind you, only further back."

Teacher’s Pet

Angel: "You even look pretty when you go to sleep."   
Buffy: "Well, when I wake up its an entirely different story."

Buffy: "Destructo Girl, that's me."

Buffy: "Bright, sunny, beautiful - how ever can we escape this torment?"

Buffy: "I'm not saying she craned her neck. We're talking full-on Exorcist twist."

Buffy: "What do we do now?"  
Giles: "Abject prayer and supplication would spring to mind."

Flutie: "We all need help with our feelings. Otherwise, we bottle them up, and before you know it, powerful laxatives are involved."

Giles: "Recording bat sonar is something soothingly akin to having one's teeth drilled."

Willow: "Come on, Angel pushes your buttons. You know he does."  
Buffy: "I suppose some girls would find him good looking ... if they have eyes!"

Willow: "So we're talking about a guy?"  
Buffy: "Not exactly a guy. For us to be having a conversation about a guy, there would have to be a guy for us to have a conversation about. Was that a sentence?"

Xander (to Cordelia): "I don't know what everyone is talking about, that outfit doesn't make you look like a hooker!"

Xander: "It's funny how the earth never opens up and swallows you when you want it to."

Xander: "Those who can do. Those who can't laugh at those who can do."

Xander: "Forgiveness is my middle name. Well actually, it's LaVelle, and I'd appreciate it if you guard that secret with your life."

Xander: "Needs should definitely be met, as long as it doesn't require ointments the next day."

Never Kill a Boy on the First Date

Buffy: "If the apocalypse comes, beep me."

Buffy: "Clark Kent has a job. I just want to go out on a date."

Buffy: "... a cranky slayer is a careless slayer."

Buffy: "Oh, that's great. I kill them, you fence their stuff."

Buffy: "Giles, don't mention it. It was my pleasure to make the world safe for humanity again."

Buffy: "We haven't been properly introduced. I'm Buffy, and you're history."

Buffy (to Angel): "Prophecy, anointed one, yadda, yadda, yadda."

Giles: "The dark forces are aligning against us and we have a chance to beat them back. Tonight, we go into battle."

Giles: "They came after me, but I was more than a match for them."  
Buffy: "Meaning?"  
Giles: "I hid."

Giles: "I think we should focus on the problem at hand."  
Buffy: "Right, vampires."

Giles: "Ninety percent of the vampire slaying game is waiting."  
Buffy: "You couldn't have told me that ninety percent ago?"

Giles: "But I assume I don't have to warn you about the hazards of becoming personally involved with someone whose unaware of you unique condition."  
Buffy: "Yeah, yeah, I read the back of the box."

Giles: "Alright. I'll just jump into my time machine, go back to the 12th century and ask the vampires to postpone their ancient prophecy for a few days while you take in dinner and a show."  
Buffy: "Okay, at this point you're abusing sarcasm."

Giles: "If you're identity as a Slayer is revealed, it could put you and those around you in mortal danger."  
Buffy: "I won't where my button that says, 'I'm a Slayer. Ask me how!'"

Giles: "Buffy, when I said you could slay vampires, and have a social life, I didn't mean at the same time!"

Master: "As it is written, so shall it be."

Xander: "A lot of guys read. I can read."

Xander: "He's like Super Librarian, you know. Everyone forgets, Willow, that knowledge is the ultimate weapon."

The Pack

Giles: "Testosterone is a great equalizer. It turns all men into morons."

Xander: "We just saw the zebras mating. Thank you, very exciting!"   
Willow: "It was like the Heimlich, with stripes!"

Xander: "Come on, Slayer, I like it when you're scared. The more I scare you, the better you smell."

Xander: "Shoot me. Stuff me. Mount me."

Angel

Buffy: "I know you're there, and I know what you are."  
Angel: "Do you? I'm just an animal, right?"  
Buffy: "You're not an animal. Animals, I like."

Buffy: "You want Xander, you've got to speak up, girl!"  
Willow: "No, no, no, no. No speaking up, that way leads to madness and sweaty palms."

Willow: "How is it you always know this stuff? You always know what's going on. I never know what's going on."  
Giles: "Well, you weren't here from midnight until six researching it."  
Willow: "No, I was sleeping."

Xander: (to Cordelia) "You know, I don't know what everyone's talking about. That outfit doesn't make you look like a hooker."

Xander: "That Cordelia's a regular breath of vile air."

Xander: "What are you vixens up to?"  
Willow: "Just sitting here, watching our barren lives pass us by. Oh look, a cockroach."  
Xander: "Let's stop this crazy whirligig of fun. I'm dizzy."

Xander: "Ah, the post-fumigation party."  
Buffy: "Okay, so what's the difference between this and the pre-fumigation party?"  
Xander: "Much heartier cockroaches."

I, Robot -- You, Jane

Buffy: "She certainly looks perky."  
Xander: "Yeah. Color in the cheeks, bounce in the step. I don't like it. It's not healthy."

Buffy: "This guy could be anybody. He could be weird or crazy or old or; he could be a circus freak; he's probably a circus freak!"  
Xander: "Yeah, I mean we read about it all the time. You know, people meet on the net, they talk, they get together, have dinner, a show ... horrible axe murder."  
Buffy: "Willow, axe murdered by a circus freak!"

Buffy: "We are totally overreacting!"  
Xander: "But it's fun, isn't it?"

Calendar (re: Giles computer illiteracy) - "I know our ways are strange to you, but soon you will join in the 20th century. With three whole years to spare!"

Calendar: "Well, I think you'll be very happy here, with your musty old books."  
Giles: "These musty old books have a great deal more to say than any of your fabulous web pages."

Giles: "... I happen to believe that one can survive in modern society without being a slave to the idiot box."  
Calendar: "That's TV, the idiot box is TV. This is the good box."

Giles: "Things involving the computer fill me with a childlike terror. Now, if it were a nice ogre or some such, I'd be more in my element."

Giles: "The scanner read the book and brought Moloch out as information to be absorbed."  
Buffy: "He's gone binary on us."

Giles (re: demon online) "What's in cyberspace at the moment is less than divine."

Giles - "Form a circle? ... there's only two of us! That's really more of a line."

Giles (re: preference of books over computers): "If it's to last, then the getting of knowledge should be tangible. It should be, um, smelly."

Xander: "You're going to be missing out. I'm planning to be witty. I'm going to make fun of all of the people who won't talk to me."

Xander: "What, I can't have information sometimes?"  
Giles: "It's just somewhat unprecedented."

Xander: "To read makes our speaking English good."

Xander: "Hey, I got to hit someone!"

Xander: "That's life on the Hellmouth."  
Buffy: "Let's face it. None of us are ever going to have a happy, normal relationship."  
Xander: "We're doomed!"

The Puppet Show

Buffy: "Okay, everyone look at me like! I'm in a bunny suit because that's how stupid I feel like saying this."

Buffy: "Excuse me. Can I have a little support here please? I'm not just some crazy person, I'm the slayer."  
Xander: "The Dummy Slayer?"

Buffy: "Giles, unto every generation is born one who must run the annual talentless show. You cannot escape your destiny."  
Giles: "If you had any shred of decency, you would have participated, or at least helped."  
Buffy: "Nah! I think I'll take on your traditional role, and watch."  
Xander: "And mock."  
Willow: "And laugh."

Buffy: "... I know how to take care of myself."

Buffy: "... whatever's out there still needs a healthy, intelligent brain."   
Xander: "In other words, I'm safe."

Giles (re: the principal): "He thought it would behoove me to have more contact with the students. I did try to explain that my vocational choice of librarian was in deliberate attempt to minimize said contact, but he would have none of it."

Giles: "My investigation is somewhat hampered by a life in the theatre." 
Buffy: "Uh, priority check, Giles ... talent show ... murder!"

Willow: "Dramatic scene is the easiest way to get through a talent show, because it doesn't require an actual talent."

Willow: "Once again, I've been banished to the demon section of the card catalog."

Xander: "Can I just mention that detention is a time-honored form of punishment."

Xander: "I can't do this."  
Buffy: "Xander, come on!"   
Xander: "No, I can't. I have my pride. Okay, I don't have a lot of my pride, but I have enough so that I can't do this."

Nightmares

Buffy: "I'll tell you something though. There are a lot scarier things than you ... and I'm one of them."

Buffy: "That was kinda heroic Xander, grabbing him and all."  
Xander: "I just did what anybody else would do. I mean if you want to label it heroic."

Cordelia: "Hello, dufus? You're in my light."  
Xander: "Wendell, what is wrong with you? Don't you know that she is the center of the universe and the rest of us merely revolve around her?"  
Cordelia: "Why don't you revolve yourselves out of my light?"

Willow: "I don't like spiders, okay? Their furry bodies and their sticky webs, and what do they need all those legs for anyway? I'll tell you. For crawling across your face in the middle of the night. Ew! How do they not ruffle you?"

Xander: "Well, the Hellmouth, the center of mystical convergence, supernatural monsters: been there.   
Buffy: "A little blase there, aren't you?"   
Xander: "I'm not worried. If there's something bad out there, we'll find, you'll slay, we'll party!"  
Buffy: "Thanks for having confidence in me."  
Xander: "You da man, Buff."

Xander: "All right! Someone else's loss is my chocolaty goodness."

Xander: "You were a lousy clown! Your balloon animals were pathetic. Everyone can make a giraffe!"

Invisible Girl

Giles: "A vampire in love with the slayer. Its rather poetic, in a maudlin sort of way."

Willow (re: writings in invisible girl's annual): "Oh, my God. 'Have a nice summer.' 'Have a nice summer.' This girl had no friends at all."  
Giles: "Uh, once again, I teeter at the precipice of the generation gap."  
Buffy: "'Have a nice summer' is what you write when you have nothing to say."

Willow: "Why is Marcie doing this?"  
Giles: "The loneliness, the constant exile ... she has gone mad."

Xander: "... I'd give anything to be able to turn invisible. Well, I wouldn't use my powers to beat people up, I'd use my powers to protect the girls locker room."

Xander: "Greek myths speak of cloaks of invisibility, but they're usually reserved for the gods. Research boy comes through with the knowledge!"

Prophecy Girl

Buffy: "We saved the world, I say we party."

Buffy: "Giles, care? I'm putting my life on the line battling the undead. Look, I broke a nail, ok? I'm wearing a press-on."

Buffy: "I may be dead, but I'm still pretty."

Buffy: "When he wakes up, tell him ... I don't know. Think of something cool, tell him I said it."

Buffy: "I'm sorry, it's just been a really weird day."  
Xander: "Yeah, Buffy died and everything."  
Willow: "Wow, harsh."

Buffy: "Wow, that was boring."  
Xander: "I don't feel that 'boring' covers it."

Cordelia: "I really like your outfit."  
Willow: "No you don't."   
Cordelia: "No, I really don't, but I need a favor."

Giles (to Buffy): "... I'm older and wiser than you, just do what you're told for once, all right?"

Master: "Come into my world."  
Buffy: "I don't think it's yours just yet."

Master: "You were destined to die, it was written."  
Buffy: "What can I say? I flunked the written."

Willow: "How'd it go?"  
Xander: "On a scale of one to ten ... it sucked."

Xander: "Calm may work for Locutus of the Borg here, but I'm freaked out, and I intend to stay that way."

Xander: "Just going to go home, lay down, and listen to country music; the music of pain."

Xander: "Buffy, I like you ... a lot. I know we're friends and we've had experiences. We've fought some blood sucking fiends and that's all been a good time. But, I want more ... I want to dance with you."

Xander: "How could you let her go?"  
Giles: "As the soon to be purple area on my jaw will attest, I did not let her go."

Xander: "Buffy, I want you to go to the dance with me. You and me. On a date."  
Buffy: "I don't know what to say."  
Xander: "Well, you're not laughing. That's a good start."

Xander: "I guess a guy's got to be undead to make time with you."

Xander: "I don't handle rejection well. Funny, considering all the practice I've had, huh?"