3-13-02

I got up early this morning to study for my biology test. But then I realized that maybe I should unsend a few of my emails. I would just put them on this website instead. And then you would at least read the ones that mean a lot to me. But when I got online, I saw you already read a few. That hurt so much. I kept telling myself that if you read what I say, you would see how I feel. And when you see how I feel, you will let me back into your life. But you read it and I'm still on the outside looking in. I first wondered how you could be so heartless and selfish. You know the things you do are killing me, but you do them anyway. But then I realized you're not heartless, your heart is just in a different place. And your heart my never belong to me again. I guess that's what I deserve for what I've done. I keep paying for the mistakes of ignorance and I can't make up for it. It feels as though I'm serving penance in extended purgatory. Continually haunted by what I had, but will never have again. I was such an awful person and I probably still am. I feel so hurt and ugly and just want to disappear. But I love you more now than before I saw that you read my emails and still didn't get in touch with me. But if that doesn't matter to you, then it's lost. I'm so sad.


	This is the site to the love of my soul \| home Song Lyrics (3-12-02) \| 3-12-02 \| 3-13-02 \| 3-13-02 \| Song Lyrics (3-13-02) \| 3-14-02 \| 3-15-02 \| 3-15-02 \| Rose \| Song and note (3-19-02) 3-13-02 I got up early this morning to study for my biology test. But then I realized that maybe I should unsend a few of my emails. I would just put them on this website instead. And then you would at least read the ones that mean a lot to me. But when I got online, I saw you already read a few. That hurt so much. I kept telling myself that if you read what I say, you would see how I feel. And when you see how I feel, you will let me back into your life. But you read it and I'm still on the outside looking in. I first wondered how you could be so heartless and selfish. You know the things you do are killing me, but you do them anyway. But then I realized you're not heartless, your heart is just in a different place. And your heart my never belong to me again. I guess that's what I deserve for what I've done. I keep paying for the mistakes of ignorance and I can't make up for it. It feels as though I'm serving penance in extended purgatory. Continually haunted by what I had, but will never have again. I was such an awful person and I probably still am. I feel so hurt and ugly and just want to disappear. But I love you more now than before I saw that you read my emails and still didn't get in touch with me. But if that doesn't matter to you, then it's lost. I'm so sad.