This is the site to the love of my soul | home
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3-15-02
I know it's stupid when I say song after song reminds me of you, but they do. I know they also mean less. But it seems like everything in this fucking world reminds me of you. I am a bit upset right now. By upset I mean sad and pissed off. It's a combination like alcohol and drugs. You told me you weren't going to work with me tomorrow. I already knew this because you warned me when I first started. But you also said you would rush in. I guess you don't care that Saturday is the only day I get to see you anymore. Now I will have to look forward to next fucking Saturday. Next fucking Saturday and listen to you rave on about Dave. And be all over him right in front of me. I also gave you the fucking gift I have been working on. You don't realize all I went through to make it. I painted all the letters, the stars, the box. I searched crafts store after crafts store. I went all over the fucking place in my busted ass car. I spend TONS of time on the things I wrote for the inside of it. I basically worked on it for 5 hours a day for four days and cost about 50 dollars to make. Then I wrapped it. I try to get the prettiest wrapping paper I can fucking find and I do a fucking horrible job on it. I literally tried for over an hour. And after all that it's like you don't even fucking care. I don't know why I am wasting my love on you. That may seem harsh, but you don't fucking care. And yes, it is a waste. It gets me no where but hurt. Always fucking hurt. I just looked through sent mail to see how many of my emails you have read so far. About half. It's so fucking beautiful that I'm not important anymore. Why do I even fucking continue to do this site? You won't even read my emails. I know one day you are going to. And when you do, it will because you lost Dave or whatever. Not because you like me more, but because you lost him. And then I will be important again. But then it will be too fucking late. I wish right now was too late but I can't stop loving you. Even thought you give me no reason to, and a million not to. I am just so hurt right now by your continual not caring for me. Thanks. Thanks for telling me how you fell asleep in Dave's arms. Thanks. That made me so fucking happy. I cant believe I would waste that time of making you that box. But, in the depths of my heart, I still hope it's not a waste. One day you will regret what you are doing today. Too bad that day isnt today. Then at least tomorrow would be right for each of us. But you are dicking us both over. Thanks. Thanks for everything Jenn. Thanks!
(it's a little stupid to post the lyrics now, but I am so fucking dumb I still believe in them)
Darlin' I can't explain
Where did we lose our way
Girl it's drivin' me insane
And I know I just need one more chance
To prove my love to you
If you come back to me
I'll guarantee
That I'll never let you go
Can we go back to the days our love was strong
Can you tell me how a perfect love goes wrong
Can somebody tell me how to get things back
The way they use to be
Oh God give me a reason
I'm down on bended knee
I'll never walk again
Until you come back to me
I'm down on bended knee
So many nights I dream of you
Holding my pillow tight
I know I don't need to be alone
When I open up my eyes
To face reality
Every moment without you
It seems like eternity
I'm begging you, begging you come back to me
Gonna swallow my pride, say I'm sorry
Stop pointing fingers the blame is on me
I want a new life and I want it with you
If you feel the same don't ever let it go
You gotta believe in the spirit of love
It can heal all things we won't hurt any more
No I don't believe our love's terminal
I'm down on my knees begging you please
Come home
Wanna build a new life
Just you and me
Gonna make you my wife
Raise a family