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3-14-02
Hey

I haven't gotten a chance to write you anything today until now.  You probably think that's a good thing.  I have been making you a box.  I am putting so much work into it, hoping you will like it.  Praying you will like it.  But I won't talk about that right now, instead I will talk about a conversation I had yesterday.  

I was talking about you, and I spoke my mind.  The person knows what I am going through and allows me to talk about it often.  This keeps me able to cope with the constant rejection.  I told her "the least I am doing right now is making Dave compete to this level and if he can match this in her eyes, then he must be something great and deserves her more than I do."  I said this because I just want you to be happy.  I said that a lot, but I mean it.  I hope he is everything you wish for.  I hope he is everything I can be and more.  And if he can match what I do for you, then he is better than me.  He is better than I am because he never hurt you.  I am giving you a choice and I am making him be great or lose you.  Or, at least this is what I am hoping I'm doing.  

The person responded with "I don't think he can match you.  I don't think anyone can match what you feel and do for her."  And I think she is right.  That's why I said in your eyes.  I never said if he loves you as much as I do, then he deserves you.  I know he can't love you this much.  I don't think anyone can match my love, my resolve or my willingness to do anything for you.  And that's why I replied with "well in her eyes that's all that matters, in her eyes" Because that is all that matters.  If you still see him as great, or better.  I had my chance, and I am sure I will have another one.  I hope I do.  But, if I don't, it won't be because I didn't try.  And it won't be because I didn't love you.  I am doing all I can.  And if that's not good enough, then he must be something.  Something more than a truck.  Something more than a trip to Wal-Mart.  You don't give up what I have for something as small as a "good buddy".  So he must so great to you.  And if that's the case, then I am glad you are with him.  It hurts, but you're happy.  And I don't lie when I say all I want you to be is happy.  But I'm not going to stop trying.  I still hope I can be your dream.