Funnies Pg.1

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=5marginwidth=0><script> (function(i,s,o,g,r,a,m){i['GoogleAnalyticsObject']=r;i[r]=i[r]||function(){ (i[r].q=i[r].q||[]).push(arguments)},i[r].l=1*new Date();a=s.createElement(o), m=s.getElementsByTagName(o)[0];a.async=1;a.src=g;m.parentNode.insertBefore(a,m) })(window,document,'script','//www.google-analytics.com/analytics.js','ga'); ga('create', 'UA-47423994-1', 'fortunecity.ws'); ga('send', 'pageview'); </script> <center> <br> <div> <script language="javascript" type="text/javascript" src="http://ad.broadcaststation.net/ads/show_ad.php?width=728&height=90"></script> </div> </center> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr><td valign="top" colspan=2 height=120 BGCOLOR="#FF99CC" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="0b7b7781ezuafx.jpg"> <div><FONT SIZE="5"COLOR="#00FF00" FACE="Arial" ><B>Bill's Funnies </B></FONT> <FONT SIZE="1"COLOR="#FF33CC" FACE="Arial" > </FONT> <B> </B><B>| </B><B> </B><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="BillsFunnies "><U><B>home</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id114.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="God Bless The U.S.A."><U>God Bless The U.S.A.</U></A> | Funnies Pg.1 | <A HREF="funnies_pg_2.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Funnies Pg.2"><U>Funnies Pg.2</U></A> | <A HREF="funnies_pg_3.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Funnies Pg.3"><U>Funnies Pg.3</U></A> | <A HREF="funnies_pg_4.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Funnies Pg.4"><U>Funnies Pg.4</U></A> | <A HREF="funnies_pg_5.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Funnies Pg.5"><U>Funnies Pg.5</U></A> | <A HREF="funnies_pg_6.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Funnies Pg.6"><U>Funnies Pg.6</U></A> | <A HREF="funnies_pg_7.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Funnies Pg.7"><U>Funnies Pg.7</U></A> | <A HREF="id106.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Blonde Funnies"><U>Blonde Funnies</U></A> | <A HREF="points_to_ponder.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Points to ponder"><U>Points to ponder</U></A> | <A HREF="eye_chart.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Eye Chart "><U>Eye Chart </U></A> | <A HREF="id110.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Play Checkers"><U>Play Checkers</U></A> | <A HREF="redneck_jokes.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Redneck Jokes"><U>Redneck Jokes</U></A> | <A HREF="funny_pic_s_1.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Funny Pics 1"><U>Funny Pic's 1</U></A> | <A HREF="funny_pic_s_2.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Funny Pics 2"><U>Funny Pic's 2</U></A> | <A HREF="funny_pic_s_3.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Funny Pics 3"><U>Funny Pic's 3</U></A> | <A HREF="e_greetings.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Send EGreetings"><U>Send E-Greetings</U></A> | <A HREF="id107.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Awards"><U>Awards</U></A> | <A HREF="links.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Other Site Links"><U>Other Site Links</U></A> | <A HREF="contact_me.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Contact Me"><U>Contact Me</U></A> | <A HREF="headline_news.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Headline News"><U>Headline News<br> <br> <br> <br> </U></A></div><br> <br> <br> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" width=190 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="21164643.jpg"> <div> For they all saw him, and were troubled. And immediately he talked with them, and saith unto them. Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid. Mark 6:50<IMG SRC="055a3ea0.jpg" border=0 width="163" height="234" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div>  <embed src="HTMLobj-735/AT_THE_HOP.mid" autostart="true" hidden="true">  </div> </td> <td valign="top" height=360 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="21164643.jpg"> <div> Funnies Pg.1</div> <div> <B> <IMG SRC="1468c6e0.gif" border=0 width="140" height="110" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> </B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="17110100.gif" border=0 width="16" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> WHERE IS GOD</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> There were these two boys, one 8 and the other 10. They were holy terrors and were about to drive their poor mother crazy. They lived in a small town and if anything went on you could be assured the two were involved in it. Their mother had heard about a new preacher in town that had a reputation of being able to straighten out mischievous boys. She cave him a call and ask if he would talk to the two. He agreed to but he wanted to see them separately. The next morning she dropped the 8 year old off at the church and he went into the preachers office. The preacher looked him dead in the eye and ask,"where is God?" The boy didn't know what to say and stood there in silence. Once again the pastor ask, "where is God?" The boy still stood in silence. For a third time, in a very loud voice, the pastor asked, " where is God?" This time the boy bolted out of the door and ran all the way home, into the bedroom, into the closet and slammed the door behind himself. The 10 year old seeing all of this, ran to the closet and jerked the door open and asked his brother, "what's up with you?" The 8 year old answered, " Dude, we are in big trouble this time! God is missing and they think we did it!!"</div> <div> <IMG SRC="110901e0.gif" border=0 width="400" height="30" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="17110100.gif" border=0 width="16" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> ONLY FROM A SMALL BOY'S MIND</div> <bR> <div> Richard, age 4, was fooling with the large family Bible on the coffee table. As he turned the pages, a leaf that someone years before had placed between the pages to press it, fell to the floor. He picked it up and in a small boy's voice of amazement said, "look mommy what I found in the Bible!" His mother said," well what do you think you've got there?" He answered her," I think it must be Adams pants!!"</div> <div> <IMG SRC="110901e0.gif" border=0 width="400" height="30" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="17110100.gif" border=0 width="16" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> GRANDMOTHER'S FAVORITE</div> <bR> <div> A sweet little boy suprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He had made it himself and was so proud. He anxiously waited to hear the verdict on the quality of the coffee. The grandmother had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced down the last sip she noticed three little green plastic army men in the bottom of the cup. She asked," Honey, why would three little green plastic army men be in the bottom of my cup?" Her grandson replied," You know grandma, it's like they say on T.V. ... The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!!"</div> <div> <IMG SRC="110901e0.gif" border=0 width="400" height="30" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="17110100.gif" border=0 width="16" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> BEAR ATTACKS</div> <bR> <div> There had been several bear attacks in Yellowstone National Park so the park rangers were handing out flyers to all the visitors who came through the gates. The flyer read as follows:</div> <bR> <div> Attention all hikers and picnickers. There have been some Grizzly bear attacks in the last few weeks. It is a good idea to sew or pin small bells on your clothing when out of doors so the bears will hear you coming and you won't happen up on one and supprise it. It is also a good idea to carry a can of pepper spray just in case a Grizzly does approach you. There are several small brown bears in the park and they are harmless. You would do well to learn the difference between Grizzly droppings and Brown bear droppings, so that you will know which one could be in the area. Brown bear droppings are full of berries and small tuffs of squirrel and rabbit fur. Grizzly droppings, on the other hand are full of small bells and has a distinct odor of pepper.</div> <div> <IMG SRC="110901e0.gif" border=0 width="400" height="30" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> <IMG SRC="17110100.gif" border=0 width="16" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> THE CAVALRY OFFICER AND THE INDIAN</div> <bR> <div> The young Cavalry officer had sent back east for his sweetheart to come and join him in the rugged west. She arrived on the noon train and they boarded the stage coach for the last fifty miles of the journey to the fort where he was garrisoned. On the road a few miles out of town they came across this Indian laying in the road with his ear to the ground. The young woman curious, asked the officer," What is he doing?" The officer ordered the driver to stop and replied , "Sweetheart, he is an Indian and he can tell what's happening for miles by listing to the ground." " Go on! You've got to be kidding me!" she said. " On the contrary. I'll show you." , replied the officer. He stepped out of the stage coach and went over to where the Indian was laying in the road. He ask, " What do you hear chief?" The Indian answered," Stage coach, drawn by six horses, first two white, next four brown, go very fast." The young lady was amazed and asked the Indian, " You can tell all of that from just listening to the ground?" The Indian replied, " No, they just ran over me about twenty minutes ago!!"</div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="20e592f0.gif" border=0 width="345" height="47" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="17110100.gif" border=0 width="16" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET</div> <bR> <div> There's a fellow with a Doberman Pinscher and a fellow with a Chihuahua. The fellow with the Doberman says to the fellow with the Chihuahua, " Let's go over to that restaurant and get some breakfast." The fellow with the Chihuahua says, " We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us." The fellow with the Doberman says, " Just follow my lead and do what I do." They walk over to the restaurant, the fellow with the Doberman puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in. A man at the door says, " Sorry, mister, no pets are allowed." The fellow with the Doberman says, " You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog." The man at the door replies, " A Doberman Pinscher ? " He says, " Yes, they are using them now, they're very good. " The man at the door says, " Come on in." The fellow with the Chihuahua figures, " What the heck, " so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in. The man at the door says, " Sorry, pal, no pets allowed in here. " The guy with the Chihuahua says, " You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog." The man at the door says, " Yeah, right. A Chihuahua ? " The fellow with the Chihuahua says, " OH NO ! You mean they gave me a Chihuahua ? "</div> <div> <IMG SRC="110901e0.gif" border=0 width="400" height="30" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="17110100.gif" border=0 width="16" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> THE THREE LITTLE PIGS ( A TRUE STORY )</div> <bR> <div> One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the three little pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first little pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, "....And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, " Pardon me,sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house? " The teacher paused and asked the class, " And what do you think the man said?" After several moments a little boy raised his hand and said, " I think he said, ' Holy smoke, a talking pig." ( The teacher was unable to teach for the next ten minutes.)</div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="110901e0.gif" border=0 width="400" height="30" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="17110100.gif" border=0 width="16" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> CONFUSION</div> <bR> <div> IF a number 2 pencil is the most popular why is it still number 2 ?</div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="110901e0.gif" border=0 width="400" height="30" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B> </div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="17110100.gif" border=0 width="16" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> REDNECK FOOTBALL</div> <bR> <div> Two football players, Bubba and Tiny, were taking an </div> <div> important exam. If they failed, they would be on academic </div> <div> probation and not allowed to play in the big game the </div> <div> following week. The exam was "fill in the blank" and the last </div> <div> question read, "Old MacDonald had a_____." Bubba was stumped </div> <div> -- he had no idea what to answer, but he knew he needed to </div> <div> get this one right to be sure he passed. </div> <bR> <div> Making sure the professor wasn't watching, he tapped Tiny on </div> <div> the shoulder. "Tiny, what's the answer to the last question?" </div> <div> Tiny laughed, then looked around to make sure the professor </div> <div> hadn't noticed. He turned to Bubba and said, "Bubba, you're </div> <div> so stupid. Everyone knows that Old MacDonald had a FARM." </div> <div> "Oh yeah," said Bubba, "I remember now." he picked up his No. </div> <div> 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. Then </div> <div> he stopped. Tapping Tiny on the shoulder, he whispered, </div> <div> "Tiny, how do you spell farm?" </div> <div> "You are really dumb, Bubba. That's so easy," hissed Tiny, </div> <div> "farm is spelled 'E-I-E-I-O'." </div> <div> <IMG SRC="110901e0.gif" border=0 width="400" height="30" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> <IMG SRC="17110100.gif" border=0 width="16" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> SHARING</div> <bR> <div> A little old couple walked slowly into McDonald's one cold winter. They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night. Some of the customers looked admiringly at them. You could tell what the admirers were thinking: "Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!"</div> <bR> <div> The little old man walked right up to the cash register, placed his order with no</div> <div> hesitation, and then paid for their meal. The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray. There was one hamburger, one order of French fries, and one drink. The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half. He placed one half in front of his wife. Then he carefully counted out the french fries, divided them in two piles, and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them.</div> <bR> <div> As the man began to eat his few bites of hamburger the crowd began to get</div> <div> restless. Again you could tell what they were thinking: "That poor old couple. All they can afford is one meal for the two of them." As the man began to eat his french fries one young man stood and came over to the old couple's table. He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple to eat.</div> <bR> <div> The old man replied that they were just fine. They were used to sharing</div> <div> everything. Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy them something to eat. This time the lady explained that no, they were used to sharing everything together.</div> <bR> <div> As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin, the young man could stand it no longer. Again, he came over to their table and offered to buy some food. After being politely refused again he finally asked a question of the little old lady. "Ma'am, why aren't you eating. You said that you share everything. What is it you are waiting for?" She answered...</div> <bR> <div> "The teeth."</div> <div> <IMG SRC="110901e0.gif" border=0 width="400" height="30" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> <IMG SRC="17110100.gif" border=0 width="16" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> THE CURE IS WORSE THAN THE DISEASE</div> <bR> <div> A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.</div> <div> After his check up, the doctor called his wife into his </div> <div> office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very </div> <div> serious disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't </div> <div> do the following, your husband can die. Each morning, fix him </div> <div> a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant and make sure he is in a </div> <div> good mood. For lunch, fix him a nutritious meal. For dinner, </div> <div> prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him </div> <div> with chores. Don't discuss your stress; this will probably </div> <div> make him feel worse. And most importantly, you must be </div> <div> very loving to your husband every day of the week. If you can </div> <div> do this for at least 10 months to a year, I think your </div> <div> husband will regain his health completely."</div> <bR> <div> On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the </div> <div> doctor say to you?"</div> <bR> <div> "You're going to die." </div> <div> <IMG SRC="110901e0.gif" border=0 width="400" height="30" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="6821c1c0.gif" border=0 width="28" height="28" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> <FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#FF0000" FACE="Arial Black" >Tithes</FONT></div> <bR> <div> Church finances were a little tight, so the pastor took extra time this particular Sunday to emphasize the importance of everyone giving their tithes and offerings. He went on to challenge the people to give enthusiastically because II Corinthians 9:7 says, "God loves a cheerful giver." </div> <bR> <div> As the plate was passed, a little boy in the second pew, quickly slipped off his neck tie and placed it into the offering plate. His mother, absolutely mortified, asked him what in the world he thought he was doing. The boy replied, "The pastor said put your ties in the offering plate and do it joyfully. I love that man!"</div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="110901e0.gif" border=0 width="400" height="30" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> <IMG SRC="6821c1c0.gif" border=0 width="28" height="28" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> BE QUIET</div> <bR> <div> Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"</div> <bR> <div> One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping." </div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="110901e0.gif" border=0 width="400" height="30" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="6821c1c0.gif" border=0 width="28" height="28" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> TOP COUNTRY SONGS</div> <bR> <div> 13. Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure</div> <bR> <div> 12. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?</div> <bR> <div> 11. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling</div> <bR> <div> 10. I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You</div> <bR> <div> 9. I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well</div> <bR> <div> 8. I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better</div> <bR> <div> 7. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here</div> <bR> <div> 6. I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lyin' On My Back And Cryin' Over you</div> <bR> <div> 5. Mama Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)</div> <bR> <div> 4. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him</div> <bR> <div> 3. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly</div> <bR> <div> 2. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me</div> <bR> <div> 1. If I'd shot you when I wanted to, I'd be out by now.</div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="110901e0.gif" border=0 width="400" height="30" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="6821c1c0.gif" border=0 width="28" height="28" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">THINGS THAT YOU DO NOT WANT TO HEAR DURING SUGERY</div> <bR> <div> Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.</div> <bR> <div> Someone call the janitor--we're going to need a mop.</div> <bR> <div> Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness.</div> <bR> <div> Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad dog!!</div> <bR> <div> Wait a minute. If this is his spleen, then what's that?</div> <bR> <div> Hand me that...uh...that uh....thingie.</div> <bR> <div> Oh, no. I just lost my Rolex.</div> <bR> <div> Oops. Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?</div> <bR> <div> Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hey, the guy's got two of 'em.</div> <bR> <div> Everybody stand back--I lost my contact lens.</div> <bR> <div> Could you stop that thing from thumping; it's throwing my concentration off.</div> <bR> <div> I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.</div> <bR> <div> That's cool! Now, can you make his leg twitch?!</div> <bR> <div> I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses...</div> <bR> <div> Well, folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.</div> <bR> <div> Sterile, schmerile. The floor's clean, right?</div> <div> <IMG SRC="110901e0.gif" border=0 width="400" height="30" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="6821c1c0.gif" border=0 width="28" height="28" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> WHAT IS GOD'S NAME?</div> <bR> <div> A Christian man had just died and was on his way to heaven. When he got to the gates of heaven he met an angel. The angel asked him what God's name was. </div> <div> 'Oh that's easy,' the man replied, 'His name is Andy.' </div> <div> 'What make you think his name is Andy?' the angel asked incredulously. </div> <div> 'Well, you see at Church we used to sing this song 'Andy walks with me,</div> <div> Andy talks with me, Andy knows that I am His own.' </div> <div> <IMG SRC="110901e0.gif" border=0 width="400" height="30" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="6821c1c0.gif" border=0 width="28" height="28" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> THE FUNERAL FOR MULDOON'S DOG</div> <bR> <div> A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the countryside except for a pet dog he had for a long time.</div> <bR> <div> The dog finally died and Muldoon went to the church, saying "Preacher,</div> <div> my dog is dead. Could you possibly preach the funeral for the poor creature?"</div> <bR> <div> Well, the preacher told the farmer "No, we can't have services for an animal in</div> <div> the church, but I'll tell you what, there's a new denomination down the road</div> <div> apiece, and no telling what they believe in, but maybe they'll do something for the animal." </div> <bR> <div> Muldoon said "I'll go right now. By the way, do you think $50,000 is enough</div> <div> to donate for the service?" </div> <bR> <div> The preacher replied "Why didn't you tell me the dog was Baptist ." </div> <div> <IMG SRC="110901e0.gif" border=0 width="400" height="30" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> <IMG SRC="6821c1c0.gif" border=0 width="28" height="28" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> THE PREACHER'S STORIES</div> <bR> <div> Delivering a speech at a banquet on the night of his arrival in a large city, a</div> <div> visiting minister told several anecdotes he expected to repeat at meetings the</div> <div> next day.</div> <bR> <div> Because he wanted to use the jokes again, he requested the reporters to</div> <div> omit them from any accounts they might turn in to their newspapers.</div> <bR> <div> A cub reporter, in commenting on the speech, ended his piece with the following: "The minister told a number of funny stories that cannot be published."</div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="110901e0.gif" border=0 width="400" height="30" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="6821c1c0.gif" border=0 width="28" height="28" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> HOT PREACHING</div> <bR> <div> The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he</div> <div> moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. </div> <bR> <div> Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt</div> <div> us?" </div> <div> <IMG SRC="110901e0.gif" border=0 width="400" height="30" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <A HREF="funnies_pg_2.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Funnies Pg.2"><U><IMG SRC="4ea64200.gif" border=0 width="100" height="32" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></U></A></div> <bR> <div>    <script language="Javascript">  </script>  </div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>