Funnies Pg.7

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0><script> (function(i,s,o,g,r,a,m){i['GoogleAnalyticsObject']=r;i[r]=i[r]||function(){ (i[r].q=i[r].q||[]).push(arguments)},i[r].l=1*new Date();a=s.createElement(o), m=s.getElementsByTagName(o)[0];a.async=1;a.src=g;m.parentNode.insertBefore(a,m) })(window,document,'script','//www.google-analytics.com/analytics.js','ga'); ga('create', 'UA-47423994-1', 'fortunecity.ws'); ga('send', 'pageview'); </script> <center> <br> <div> <script language="javascript" type="text/javascript" src="http://ad.broadcaststation.net/ads/show_ad.php?width=728&height=90"></script> </div> </center> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=100 BGCOLOR="#111111" TEXT="#F7F7FF" bgproperties="fixed" background="7c064643.jpg"> <div> <FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#FF9900" FACE="Arial" ><B>Bill's Funnies  </B></FONT> <B> </B><B>|    </B><B> </B><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Bills Funnies "><U><B>home</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id114.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="God Bless The U.S.A."><U>God Bless The U.S.A.</U></A>   |   <A HREF="funnies_pg_1.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Funnies Pg.1"><U>Funnies Pg.1</U></A>   |   <A HREF="funnies_pg_2.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Funnies Pg.2"><U>Funnies Pg.2</U></A>   |   <A HREF="funnies_pg_3.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Funnies Pg.3"><U>Funnies Pg.3</U></A>   |   <A HREF="funnies_pg_4.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Funnies Pg.4"><U>Funnies Pg.4</U></A>   |   <A HREF="funnies_pg_5.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Funnies Pg.5"><U>Funnies Pg.5</U></A>   |   <A HREF="funnies_pg_6.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Funnies Pg.6"><U>Funnies Pg.6</U></A>   |   Funnies Pg.7   |   <A HREF="id106.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Blonde Funnies"><U>Blonde Funnies</U></A>   |   <A HREF="points_to_ponder.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Points to ponder"><U>Points to ponder</U></A>   |   <A HREF="eye_chart.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Eye Chart "><U>Eye Chart </U></A>   |   <A HREF="id110.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Play Checkers"><U>Play Checkers</U></A>   |   <A HREF="redneck_jokes.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Redneck Jokes"><U>Redneck Jokes</U></A>   |   <A HREF="funny_pic_s_1.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Funny Pics 1"><U>Funny Pic's 1</U></A>   |   <A HREF="funny_pic_s_2.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Funny Pics 2"><U>Funny  Pic's  2</U></A>   |   <A HREF="funny_pic_s_3.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Funny Pics 3"><U>Funny Pic's 3</U></A>   |   <A HREF="e_greetings.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Send EGreetings"><U>Send E-Greetings</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id107.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Awards"><U>Awards</U></A>   |   <A HREF="links.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Other Site Links"><U>Other Site Links</U></A>   |   <A HREF="contact_me.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Contact Me"><U>Contact Me</U></A>   |   <A HREF="headline_news.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Headline News"><U>Headline News</U></A></div> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" width=190 BGCOLOR="#CCFFFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="21164643.jpg"> <div> <B> <embed src="HTMLobj-1987/BOOGIE_WOOGIE.mid" autostart="true" loop="true" hidden="true">  </B></div> <div> <B>Get wisdom, get understanding: forget it not; neither decline from the words of my mouth.</B></div> <div> <B>Proverbs 4:5</B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="7c590600.gif" border=0 width="144" height="96" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> </td> <td valign="top" height=380 BGCOLOR="#CCFFFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="21164643.jpg"> <div> Funnies Pg.7</div> <div> <B>                                             <IMG SRC="7c64a7d0.gif" border=0 width="74" height="125" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">    <IMG SRC="7c84b7e0.gif" border=0 width="75" height="126" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="6821c1c0.gif" border=0 width="28" height="28" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">  THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Moms are great teachers. As mine did, I'm sure your Mom</B></div> <div> <B>taught you some of these same rules in life...enjoy!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>My mother taught me RELIGION:</B></div> <div> <B>"You better pray that will come out of the carpet." </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL: </B></div> <div> <B>"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into next week!" </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>My mother taught me LOGIC: </B></div> <div> <B>"Because I said so, that's why." </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>My mother taught me FORESIGHT : </B></div> <div> <B>"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>My mother taught me IRONY : </B></div> <div> <B>"Keep laughing and I'll *give* you something to CRY ABOUT!" </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS :</B></div> <div> <B>"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>My mother taught me about STAMINA :</B></div> <div> <B>"You'll sit there 'til those lima beans are gone!" </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY :</B></div> <div> <B>"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - don't exaggerate!!!" </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE :</B></div> <div> <B>"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION : </B></div> <div> <B>Stop acting like your father!" </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>My mother taught me about ENVY :</B></div> <div> <B>"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world</B></div> <div> <B>who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION :</B></div> <div> <B>"You just wait until your father gets home, mister."</B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="110901e0.gif" border=0 width="400" height="30" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="6821c1c0.gif" border=0 width="28" height="28" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">  THE TEN DOLLAR CAR</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>A woman offered a brand-new car for sale for a price of ten </B></div> <div> <B>dollars. A man answered the ad, but he was slightly </B></div> <div> <B>skeptical. "What's the gimmick?" he inquired.  </B></div> <div> <B>"No gimmick," the woman answered. "My husband died, and in </B></div> <div> <B>his will he asked that the car be sold and the money go to </B></div> <div> <B>his secretary." </B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="110901e0.gif" border=0 width="400" height="30" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="6821c1c0.gif" border=0 width="28" height="28" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">  BILL'S CLOCK</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven. As she stood in </B></div> <div> <B>front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall </B></div> <div> <B>of clocks behind him. </B></div> <div> <B>She asked, "What are all those clocks?" </B></div> <div> <B>St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth </B></div> <div> <B>has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock </B></div> <div> <B>will move." </B></div> <div> <B>"Oh," said Hillary, "who's clock is that?"</B></div> <div> <B>"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved </B></div> <div> <B>indicating that she never told a lie." </B></div> <div> <B>"Whose clock is that?"</B></div> <div> <B>"That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved </B></div> <div> <B>twice, telling us that Abe only told 2 lies in his entire life." </B></div> <div> <B>Hillary asked, "Where's Bill's clock?"</B></div> <div> <B>"Bill's clock is in my office. I'm using it as a ceiling fan." </B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="110901e0.gif" border=0 width="400" height="30" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="6821c1c0.gif" border=0 width="28" height="28" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> HEAVENLY BASEBALL</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>There are these two guys named John and Cliff. They were best </B></div> <div> <B>friends and were so obsessed with baseball that they would go </B></div> <div> <B>to 60 games a year and analyze every scoreboard. They even </B></div> <div> <B>promised each other that when one of them goes to heaven, the </B></div> <div> <B>deceased one would come back and tell the other whether there </B></div> <div> <B>was baseball in heaven or not.  </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>One night Cliff dies in his sleep after watching a Chicago </B></div> <div> <B>White Sox game -- Chicago won, so at least he died a happy </B></div> <div> <B>man. The next day Cliff returns to earth to see his friend. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>"Hi, John." </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>"Cliff, is it really you?"  </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>"Hey, I told you I'd be back to tell you what's up. And, you </B></div> <div> <B>know John, there's good news and bad news."  </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>"Okay. What's the good news?" </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>"There is baseball in heaven."  </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>"The bad news?" </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>"You're pitching tomorrow night."</B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="110901e0.gif" border=0 width="400" height="30" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="6821c1c0.gif" border=0 width="28" height="28" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> WHAT CATS REALLY ARE</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>1. Cats do what they want, when they want.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>2. They rarely listen to you.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>3. They're totally unpredictable.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>4. They whine when they are not happy.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>5. When you want to play they want to be left alone.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>7. They expect you to cater to their every whim.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>8. They're moody.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>9. They leave their hair everywhere.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>10. They drive you nuts. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Conclusion: Cats are small women in fur coats.</B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="110901e0.gif" border=0 width="400" height="30" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="6821c1c0.gif" border=0 width="28" height="28" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> WHAT DOGS REALLY ARE</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>1. Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>4. They growl when they are not happy.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>5. When you want to play, they want to play.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>7. They leave their toys everywhere.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Conclusion: Dogs are tiny Men in little fur coats!</B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="110901e0.gif" border=0 width="400" height="30" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="6821c1c0.gif" border=0 width="28" height="28" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> WISH UPON A FROG</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the</B></div> <div> <B>woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes." The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes - whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!" The woman said, "That would be okay," and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most</B></div> <div> <B>beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to." The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me." So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world!</B></div> <div> <B>For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That will be okay because what is mine is his and what is his is mine." So, KAZAM she's the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her</B></div> <div> <B>third wish, and she answered," I'd like a mild heart attack."</B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="110901e0.gif" border=0 width="400" height="30" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="6821c1c0.gif" border=0 width="28" height="28" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> LET'S GO TO THE MOVIES</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>For the first time in many years, a an old man traveled </B></div> <div> <B>from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After </B></div> <div> <B>buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to </B></div> <div> <B>purchase some popcorn. Handing the attendant $1.50, he </B></div> <div> <B>couldn't help but comment, "The last time I came to the </B></div> <div> <B>movies, popcorn  was only 15 cents."</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>"Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're </B></div> <div> <B>really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now."</B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="110901e0.gif" border=0 width="400" height="30" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="6821c1c0.gif" border=0 width="28" height="28" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> LET THERE BE LIGHT</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>   In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart's wife went into</B></div> <div> <B>   labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called</B></div> <div> <B>   out to assist in the delivery. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>   To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed</B></div> <div> <B>   him a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can</B></div> <div> <B>   see what I'm doing." Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into</B></div> <div> <B>   the world. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>   "Whoa there Scotty!" said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to</B></div> <div> <B>   put the lantern down... I think there's yet another wee one to</B></div> <div> <B>   come." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered</B></div> <div> <B>   another little baby. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>   "No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that</B></div> <div> <B>   lantern, young man... It seems there's yet another one</B></div> <div> <B>   besides!" cried the doctor. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>   The new father scratched his head in bewilderment, and</B></div> <div> <B>   asked the doctor. "Do ye think it's the light that's attractin'</B></div> <div> <B>   them?" </B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="110901e0.gif" border=0 width="400" height="30" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="6821c1c0.gif" border=0 width="28" height="28" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">  THE HAIRCUT</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said to him, "I`ll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible more, and get you hair cut, then we will talk about it." </B></div> <div> <B>A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said, "Son, I`m real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you`ve studied your bible diligently, but you didn`t get a hair cut!" </B></div> <div> <B>The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know dad, I`ve been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair." His father replied, "Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!" </B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="110901e0.gif" border=0 width="400" height="30" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="6821c1c0.gif" border=0 width="28" height="28" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">   The Ticket</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>A Jewish guy called Jacob finds himself in dire trouble. His business has</B></div> <div> <B>gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he</B></div> <div> <B>decides to ask God for help. He goes into the synagogue and begins to pray. "God, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto." Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Jacob goes back to the synagogue. "God please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well." Lotto night comes and Jacob still has no luck!! Back to the synagogue... "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order?" Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Jacob is confronted by the voice of GOD himself: "JACOB, MEET ME HALF WAY ON THIS ONE. BUY A TICKET!"</B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="110901e0.gif" border=0 width="400" height="30" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="6821c1c0.gif" border=0 width="28" height="28" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">   Dead Donkey</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>A clergyman awoke one morning to find a dead donkey in his front yard. He had no idea how it got there, but he knew he had to get rid of it. So, he</B></div> <div> <B>called the sanitation department, the health department, and several other</B></div> <div> <B>agencies, but no one seemed able to help him. In desperation, the good reverend called the mayor and asked what should be done. The mayor must have been having a bad day. "Why bother me?" he asked. "You're a</B></div> <div> <B>clergyman. It's your job to bury the dead." The pastor lost his cool. "Yes,"</B></div> <div> <B>he snapped, "But I thought I should at least notify the next-of-kin." </B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="110901e0.gif" border=0 width="400" height="30" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="6821c1c0.gif" border=0 width="28" height="28" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> Benny Hinn's Dog</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>This charismatic Christian couple felt it important to own an equally</B></div> <div> <B> charismatic Christian pet. So, they went shopping. At a kenne specializing  in this particular breed, they found a dog they liked quite a lot. When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash. When they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied equally fast, using his paws with dexterity. </B></div> <div> <B>They were impressed, purchased the animal, and went home (piously, of</B></div> <div> <B>course). That night they had friends over. They were so proud of their new dog and his major skills, they called the dog and showed off a little. The friends were impressed, and asked whether the dog was able to do</B></div> <div> <B>any of the usual dog tricks, as well. This stopped the couple cold, as they hadn't thought about 'normal' tricks. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>"Well," they said, "let's try this out." Once more they called out to the dog, and then clearly pronounced the command, "Heel!" </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Quick as a wink, the dog jumped up, put his paw on the man's forehead,</B></div> <div> <B>closed his eyes in concentration, and bowed his head. </B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="110901e0.gif" border=0 width="400" height="30" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="6821c1c0.gif" border=0 width="28" height="28" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">  Burglars Just Broke In</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening church service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" [Peter admonishes us to turn from our sin]</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. Then the woman calmly called the</B></div> <div> <B> police and explained what she had done. </B></div> <div> <B> As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar,"Why did</B></div> <div> <B> you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture at you." </B></div> <bR> <div> <B> "Scripture?" replied the burglar, "She said she had an axe and two 38s!"</B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="110901e0.gif" border=0 width="400" height="30" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="6821c1c0.gif" border=0 width="28" height="28" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> Bible Questions That You May Have Never Thought Of Before</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>  Q. Who was the greatest financieer in the Bible?</B></div> <div> <B>  A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>  Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?</B></div> <div> <B>  A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew       </B></div> <div> <B>       out a little Prophet.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>   Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?</B></div> <div> <B>   A. Ruth-less.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>   Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?</B></div> <div> <B>   A. God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>   Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?</B></div> <div> <B>   A. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>   Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?</B></div> <div> <B>   A. Honda...because the apostles were all in one Accord.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>   Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?                        </B></div> <div> <B>   A. Samson. He brought the house down.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>                            </B></div> <div> <B>   Q. Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?                        </B></div> <div> <B>   A. In the big inning, Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out</B></div> <div> <B>        Abel, and the Prodigal Son came home. The Giants and the  Angels</B></div> <div> <B>        were rained out .                        </B></div> <div> <B>                        </B></div> <div> <B>                           </B></div> <div> <B>    Q. What is one of the first things that Adam and Eve did  after they were</B></div> <div> <B>         kicked out of the garden?                   </B></div> <div> <B>    A. They really raised Cain.                     </B></div> <div> <B>                           </B></div> <div> <B>    Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer          </B></div> <div> <B>          lived in Eden?             </B></div> <div> <B>    A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.</B></div> <div> <B>                        </B></div> <div> <B>                          </B></div> <div> <B>    Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?</B></div> <div> <B>    A. David. He rocked Goliath to sleep.                       </B></div> <div> <B>                          </B></div> <div> <B>    Q. Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit him with a slingshot?</B></div> <div> <B>    A. The thought had never entered his head before.</B></div> <div> <B>                     </B></div> <div> <B>    </B></div> <div> <B>                            </B></div> <div> <B>    Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?                      </B></div> <div> <B>    A. German Shepherds.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>                            </B></div> <div> <B>    Q. What is the best way to get to Paradise?                     </B></div> <div> <B>    A. Turn right and go straight.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>                           </B></div> <div> <B>    Q. Which servant of the Lord was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the</B></div> <div> <B>          Bible?</B></div> <div> <B>    A. Moses. Because he broke all 10 commandments; at  once.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>   Q. How do we know that Job went to a chiropractor? </B></div> <div> <B>   A. Because in Job 16:12 we read, " I was at ease, but he hath broken me                         </B></div> <div> <B>         asunder: he hath also taken me by my neck, and shaken me to                   </B></div> <div> <B>         pieces, and set me up for his mark."</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>  Q. Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?</B></div> <div> <B>  A. When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court.</B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="110901e0.gif" border=0 width="400" height="30" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="6821c1c0.gif" border=0 width="28" height="28" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">  A Sermon About Lying  </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17." </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister</B></div> <div> <B>asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark</B></div> <div> <B>17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only</B></div> <div> <B>sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."</B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="110901e0.gif" border=0 width="400" height="30" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="6821c1c0.gif" border=0 width="28" height="28" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> The Christian Lion</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>A Baptist missionary was walking in Africa when he heard the ominous</B></div> <div> <B>padding of a lion behind him. "Oh Lord," prayed the missionary, "Grant in</B></div> <div> <B>Thy goodness that the lion walking behind me is a good Christian lion." </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>And then, in the silence that followed, the missionary heard the lion praying too: "Oh Lord," he prayed, "I thank Thee for the food which I am about to receive."  </B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="110901e0.gif" border=0 width="400" height="30" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="6821c1c0.gif" border=0 width="28" height="28" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> What Is It Like To You?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Mortal: What is a million years like to you? </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>God: Like one second. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B> Mortal: What is a million dollars like to you? </B></div> <bR> <div> <B> God: Like one penny. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B> Mortal: Can I have a penny? </B></div> <bR> <div> <B> God: Just one second.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>                            </B></div> <div> <B>                         </B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id106.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Blonde Funnies"><U><B><IMG SRC="4ea64200.gif" border=0 width="100" height="32" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></U></A></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>