Blonde Funnies

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0><script> (function(i,s,o,g,r,a,m){i['GoogleAnalyticsObject']=r;i[r]=i[r]||function(){ (i[r].q=i[r].q||[]).push(arguments)},i[r].l=1*new Date();a=s.createElement(o), m=s.getElementsByTagName(o)[0];a.async=1;a.src=g;m.parentNode.insertBefore(a,m) })(window,document,'script','//www.google-analytics.com/analytics.js','ga'); ga('create', 'UA-47423994-1', 'fortunecity.ws'); ga('send', 'pageview'); </script> <center> <br> <div> <script language="javascript" type="text/javascript" src="http://ad.broadcaststation.net/ads/show_ad.php?width=728&height=90"></script> </div> </center> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=100 BGCOLOR="#CCFFFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="802783c3.gif"> <div> <FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#FF9900" FACE="Arial" ><B>Bill's Funnies  </B></FONT> <B> </B><B>|    </B><B> </B><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Bills Funnies "><U><B>home</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id114.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="God Bless The U.S.A."><U>God Bless The U.S.A.</U></A>   |   <A HREF="funnies_pg_1.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Funnies Pg.1"><U>Funnies Pg.1</U></A>   |   <A HREF="funnies_pg_2.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Funnies Pg.2"><U>Funnies Pg.2</U></A>   |   <A HREF="funnies_pg_3.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Funnies Pg.3"><U>Funnies Pg.3</U></A>   |   <A HREF="funnies_pg_4.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Funnies Pg.4"><U>Funnies Pg.4</U></A>   |   <A HREF="funnies_pg_5.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Funnies Pg.5"><U>Funnies Pg.5</U></A>   |   <A HREF="funnies_pg_6.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Funnies Pg.6"><U>Funnies Pg.6</U></A>   |   <A HREF="funnies_pg_7.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Funnies Pg.7"><U>Funnies Pg.7</U></A>   |   Blonde Funnies   |   <A HREF="points_to_ponder.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Points to ponder"><U>Points to ponder</U></A>   |   <A HREF="eye_chart.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Eye Chart "><U>Eye Chart </U></A>   |   <A HREF="id110.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Play Checkers"><U>Play Checkers</U></A>   |   <A HREF="redneck_jokes.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Redneck Jokes"><U>Redneck Jokes</U></A>   |   <A HREF="funny_pic_s_1.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Funny Pics 1"><U>Funny Pic's 1</U></A>   |   <A HREF="funny_pic_s_2.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Funny Pics 2"><U>Funny  Pic's  2</U></A>   |   <A HREF="funny_pic_s_3.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Funny Pics 3"><U>Funny Pic's 3</U></A>   |   <A HREF="e_greetings.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Send EGreetings"><U>Send E-Greetings</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id107.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Awards"><U>Awards</U></A>   |   <A HREF="links.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Other Site Links"><U>Other Site Links</U></A>   |   <A HREF="contact_me.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Contact Me"><U>Contact Me</U></A>   |   <A HREF="headline_news.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Headline News"><U>Headline News</U></A></div> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" width=190 BGCOLOR="#CCFFFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="21164643.jpg"> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="7fead960.gif" border=0 width="173" height="150" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div>  <embed src="HTMLobj-2049/21st_STREET_RAG.mid" autostart="true" loop="true" hidden="true">  </div> </td> <td valign="top" height=380 BGCOLOR="#CCFFFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="21164643.jpg"> <div> Blonde Funnies</div> <div> <B>                                                   <IMG SRC="7f953830.gif" border=0 width="83" height="131" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">     </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>            <IMG SRC="7fa281e0.gif" border=0 width="40" height="30" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> </B><FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#FF0000" FACE="Arial" ><B>A FEW BLONDE STORIES</B></FONT><B> <IMG SRC="7fa281e0.gif" border=0 width="40" height="30" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said </B></div> <div> <B>"Look at that dog with one eye!" The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, "Where?" ------------</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. </B></div> <div> <B>The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang, but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But what happened to your other ear?" </B></div> <div> <B> "They called back." ---------------- </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>This executive was interviewing a nervous young blonde woman for a </B></div> <div> <B>position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her </B></div> <div> <B>personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?" The blonde quickly responded, "The living one." ----------------- </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>One day a blonde went to a sea food restaurant and saw the tank </B></div> <div> <B>where they kept the lobsters. She took pity on these creatures and hid them in her purse. Later she went to the woods to set the poor animals </B></div> <div> <B>free. ----------------- </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>"Excuse me, could you tell me the time?" asked the blonde of a </B></div> <div> <B>man on the street corner. "Sure. It's three fifteen," he replied with a smile. </B></div> <div> <B>"Thanks," she said, a puzzled look crossing her face. "You know, </B></div> <div> <B>it's the weirdest thing I've been asking that question all day long, and </B></div> <div> <B>each time I get a different answer." -------------------</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>A Blonde and a brunette are walking through a park. </B></div> <div> <B>The brunette looking at the ground, says, "Look! A dead bird!" The </B></div> <div> <B>blonde looks up at the sky and says, Where?" ------------------ </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>A blonde's house is on fire. She runs outside and yells, "Help </B></div> <div> <B>me! My house is on fire! What do I do?!" Someone else yells, "Call 911!" The blonde yells back, "What's the number?!" ---------------</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>How can you tell if your secretary is blonde?</B></div> <div> <B>White-out on the computer screen.-------------</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>How can you tell if another blonde been using the computer .... there's writing on the "white-out".------------</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>What do you call a brunette between two blondes?</B></div> <div> <B>The Interpreter.-----------</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad </B></div> <div> <B>hailstorm. Her car was  covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a  blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe  really hard, and all the dents would pop out.  So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started </B></div> <div> <B>blowing into her tailpipe.  Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.   Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"  The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to  get all the dents to pop out.   The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first."-------------- </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>'The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the</B></div> <div> <B> street. I was crossing with an intellectectually-challenged blonde coworker of mine when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was</B></div> <div> <B>for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'--------</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>'I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when a blonde airport</B></div> <div> <B>employee asked, "Has anyone put any- thing in your baggage</B></div> <div> <B>without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" She smiled knowingly and</B></div> <div> <B>nodded, "That's why we ask.'------------------</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The blonde woke up to find her house on fire...she dialed 911 and said "come quick my house is on fire"...the 911 operator said "how do we get there?"...the blonde said "on the red fire truck, duh...."----------</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>How do you get a blonde's eyes to sparkle .... shine a light in her ear.------</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>What's the advantage of being married to a blonde .... you can park in handicapped zones.-----------</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Why don't blondes make chocolate chip cookies .... it takes to long to get the shells off the M& M's-----------</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts .... change-----------</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>How do you sink a submarine full of blondes .... knock on the door--------</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>What stops then goes, stops then goes .... A blonde at a blinking red light--</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios .... Hey, Look!! A bunch of doughnut seeds--------</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Why did it take the blonde 7 days to drive from St. Louis to Chicago .... she kept seeing signs that read .... stop clean bath room---------</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>There were two blondes driving to disney land in Los Angeles. The were looking for signs that would lead them there. One of them finally saw a sign. It said "Disney, Left .... so they turned around and went back home----</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>How can you tell when a fax has been sent from a blonde...there is a stamp on it.-------</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair...last years hide and go seek winner.---------</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Why do blondes hate M & M's .... they're to hard to peel.-----</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>   A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a</B></div> <div> <B>   bargain.  "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.</B></div> <div> <B>   "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>   She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back</B></div> <div> <B>   and again told the salesman "I would like to buy this TV."</B></div> <div> <B>   "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he  replied. "Darn, he</B></div> <div> <B>   recognized me," she thought. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>   She went for a complete disguise this time; haircut and</B></div> <div> <B>   new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few</B></div> <div> <B>   days before she again approached the salesman. "I would</B></div> <div> <B>   like to buy this TV."  "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he</B></div> <div> <B>   replied. Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a</B></div> <div> <B>   blonde?"  "Because that's a microwave," he replied. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>    </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>   A blonde walks into the hairdresser with headphones on.</B></div> <div> <B>   She asks the woman working there for a haircut. The blonde</B></div> <div> <B>   sits down in the chair. The woman takes the blonde's</B></div> <div> <B>   headphones off and cuts her hair. At the end, the woman</B></div> <div> <B>   asks how she likes her hair but, to her surprise the blonde</B></div> <div> <B>   is dead! The woman picks up the headphones and listens.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>   She hears: “Breathe in...breathe out...breathe in...breathe</B></div> <div> <B>   out."</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>   A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.</B></div> <div> <B>   She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst</B></div> <div> <B>   way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local</B></div> <div> <B>   vendors were asking.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>   After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of</B></div> <div> <B>   one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just</B></div> <div> <B>   go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of</B></div> <div> <B>   shoes at a reasonable price!"</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>   The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe</B></div> <div> <B>   you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the</B></div> <div> <B>   blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching</B></div> <div> <B>   herself an alligator.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>   Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he</B></div> <div> <B>   spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water,</B></div> <div> <B>   shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9-foot alligator</B></div> <div> <B>   swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the</B></div> <div> <B>   creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the</B></div> <div> <B>   swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead</B></div> <div> <B>   creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just</B></div> <div> <B>   then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated,</B></div> <div> <B>   shouts out, "Wouldn't you know it, this one isn't wearing any shoes</B></div> <div> <B>   either!"</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>    </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>   Q: How many blonde jokes are there? </B></div> <div> <B>   A: One. The rest are all true stories.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>   A pretty young blonde visiting her new doctor for the first time</B></div> <div> <B>   found herself alone in a small waiting room. She began</B></div> <div> <B>   undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming</B></div> <div> <B>   examination. Just as she draped the last of her garments</B></div> <div> <B>   over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and</B></div> <div> <B>   a young doctor strode in. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>   Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked at his nude patient</B></div> <div> <B>   and said,</B></div> <div> <B>   "Miss Smith, it seems quite obvious to me</B></div> <div> <B>   that until today you have never undergone an eye</B></div> <div> <B>   examination." </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>   A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist. </B></div> <div> <B>   "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that</B></div> <div> <B>   they can never reach me." </B></div> <div> <B>   Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?" </B></div> <div> <B>   Blonde: "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next</B></div> <div> <B>   best thing. I put a mailbox in my car." </B></div> <div> <B>   Psychiatrist: "Uh ... How's that working?" </B></div> <div> <B>   Blonde: "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet." </B></div> <div> <B>   Psychiatrist: "And why do you think that is?" </B></div> <div> <B>   Blonde: "I figure it's because when I'm driving around, my zip</B></div> <div> <B>   code keeps changing." </B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>   Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well</B></div> <div> <B>   over 90 mph. "Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel, " do ya</B></div> <div> <B>   see any cops following us?" </B></div> <div> <B>   The blonde turned around for a long look. "As a matter of</B></div> <div> <B>   fact, I do." </B></div> <div> <B>   "Oh no", said the brunette. "Are his flashers on? </B></div> <div> <B>   The blonde turned around again. "Yup... nope... yup... nope...</B></div> <div> <B>   yup...." </B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>   She is so blonde that it takes her two hours to watch "60</B></div> <div> <B>   Minutes."</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>   She is so blonde that she studied for a blood test -- and</B></div> <div> <B>   failed.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>   She is so blonde, she thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone</B></div> <div> <B>   company.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>   One day this cop pulls over a blonde for speeding. The cop</B></div> <div> <B>   gets out of his car and asks the blonde for her license. </B></div> <div> <B>   ''You cops should get it together. One day you take away my</B></div> <div> <B>   license and the next day you ask me to show it.''</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>    </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>   A blonde walks into the library and says to the librarian,</B></div> <div> <B>   ''Can I have a burger and fries?'' </B></div> <div> <B>   ''Sorry, this is a library.'' </B></div> <div> <B>   So the blonde whispers, ''Oh, may I have a burger and</B></div> <div> <B>   fries?''</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>    </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>   A blonde was filling out an application form for a job. She</B></div> <div> <B>   promptly filled the columns entitled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS,</B></div> <div> <B>   etc. Then she came to the column: SALARY EXPECTED.</B></div> <div> <B>   ''Yes.''</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>   A blonde walked into a gas station and told the manager, ''I</B></div> <div> <B>   locked my keys in my car and I was wondering if you had a</B></div> <div> <B>   coat hanger I could stick through the window and unlock the</B></div> <div> <B>   door.'' ''Why, sure,'' said the manager, ''we have something</B></div> <div> <B>   that works especially for that.'' A couple minutes later, the</B></div> <div> <B>   manager walked outside to see how the blonde was doing.</B></div> <div> <B>   He heard another voice. ''No, no, a little to the left,'' said the</B></div> <div> <B>   other blonde inside the car. </B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>   It was a really hot day and this blonde decided she would go</B></div> <div> <B>   buy a coke. So she went to the coke machine and put her</B></div> <div> <B>   money in, and a coke came out so she kept putting money</B></div> <div> <B>   in it, and since it was a hot day a line had formed behind</B></div> <div> <B>   her.Finally the man behind her said, ''Will you hurry up we're</B></div> <div> <B>   all hot and thirsty!" And the blonde turned around and said,</B></div> <div> <B>   ''No way. I'm still winning."</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>   The following sign was posted at a fast food restaurant</B></div> <div> <B>   owned by two blondes: </B></div> <div> <B>   “Parking for drive-through customers only!”</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>   Two blondes are walking down the street when one of them</B></div> <div> <B>   looks down and finds a mirror. She picks it up, looks at it. </B></div> <div> <B>   ''WOW! I know this person. I've seen this person before.''</B></div> <div> <B>   The other blonde takes the mirror and looks at it. </B></div> <div> <B>   ''Of course you do. Thats me.''</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>   What did the blonde say when she saw a box Cheerios? </B></div> <div> <B>   "Neato...Doughnut seeds!"</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>   Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her</B></div> <div> <B>   jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months? </B></div> <div> <B>   A: Because on the box it said ''From 2-4 years.''</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>   A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should</B></div> <div> <B>   cut it in six or twelve pieces. She responded, ''Six, please. I</B></div> <div> <B>   could never eat twelve pieces.'' </B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>   One day, a blonde named Sally was putting together a</B></div> <div> <B>   puzzle. She was really stumped, so she decided to ask her</B></div> <div> <B>   husband for help.</B></div> <div> <B>   ''It's supposed to be a tiger!'' Sally said.</B></div> <div> <B>   ''Honey," said Dan, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box!''</B></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="points_to_ponder.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Points to ponder"><U><B><IMG SRC="4ea64200.gif" border=0 width="100" height="32" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></U></A></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>  <SCRIPT>  scrollText(0) </SCRIPT>  </B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>