Please Read my webpage then Read all the way down at the Bottom of this page about my sorrow and sadness; then feel free to come back here fill out this Questionare and see if your the Right lady for me:)I finally got this to work so from now on you can fill it out submit it and If you sound interesting I will get back to you. By the way the GRAND PRIZE IS ME (MY BODY MY MIND AND MY HEART) but for others you may still be rewarded in other special ways:)as true friendship is a priceless as well. Thank You!!
AngeLVirtues Miss Right Test
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Welcome to my sorrow page this is to tell you a little about the sorrow that is in my heart and soul and for people to understand that you are not the only one that is alone. This isnt a page about me feeling sorry for myself it is a page of expression. Sometimes sad people are the good people in life because they know what hurt is like. There are to paths that you can take one path is to hurt others because you been hurt or to have compassion for others that have been hurt and give them something they hav'nt had in life. In these few paragraphs you will learn about things ive been through. At this point in the world i ask is there an angel left for me? Is there love left in this world? Why do people have to be cruel and insensitive and why to me? Everyday I watch the sun go down sometimes even the sunrise and i just wonder why me!! I have no tears left to cry my heart is so lonly and scared inside all i have left is a glow and i feel that is almost burnt out to and that is what the page is about.
If you ask me i think i have a very old soul but life is so short and mine has been nothing but a nightmare sometimes i wonder when i wake up if it would be over and things would be different unfortunately we cannot change our past only our futures if there even is one. It all started myself being born May 28, 1975 my soul was born not that i wish i was born at least i say that now. But i grew up a very hard life when i was very little i was put up for adoption once again nobody wanted me:( my mom had kidnapped me back but she had ran off on me once already. At a young age my real mom and dad had got divorced and i know what its like growing up not always having both parents. By the age of 4 my mother married a man meeting him at some bar. She got married to a horrible man which made my life very hard. Growing up both my stepfather and my mother were alcholics they drank, partied, often i was abused as a kid emotionally and physically and thats as to why i am so sensitive today. It was tough because i grew up scared nobody to play ball with, i was kept in so strict i didnt learn how to play hockey till i was a adult. My stepfather and mother went to bars always left me home alone. When i was a young child i got very ill i came pretty close to become deaf because i had internal bleeding. Vere rarily did i see my real father when growing up. I had seen him but not very much when i reached about 12 yrs of age he didnt love me anymore and he abandoned me he told my mother he didnt love me or want anything to do with me. As i got older in my teenage years things were tough i never had a single friend in school. Always sat alone in the lunch room years this want on, when i played sports if i excelled someone would get jealous and start a fight, when i wanted to join the basketball team i couldnt because i wasnt popular. Everytime i asked a girl out the answer was no because the school i came from it was based on popularity nothing else a very harsh school. I grew up lonely everytime a new kid moved to school it was like friends for a few weeks till others told him that i wasnt popular or that I had failed a previous grade and im a loser to hang out with. I never had a single soul growing up. Except my dog named moses but he got very ill after living most of my childhood and i was forced to put him to sleep. My sister became more and more popular and she turned so stuck up it even made it harder. Then when i got to my later highschool years i had a few friends but there were the type to only be friends out of school because they didnt want to be seen with me. It was hard because they used me alot because i could drive, i use to by them there playboys for the posters, they set me up one time and i got into trouble and they took me for alot. It was so tough growing up in such conditions that i felt like a failure a loser a nobody i mean i just wanted to fit in somewhere and i never have even now im almost 25 and now and then i dont mind flirting with a younger lady that is 16-17:)It was tough growing up real tough though for years my mom had someone or something after her and i had to protect her this became very hard on me imagine someone stalking you night after night watching you and you dont know who it is or what they are but it made me grow up quick to see how crazy this world is. Worst of all i found out later down the road my real father did some very bad things which hurt me even worst making me feel like i shouldnt have even been born.
When i reached graduation by that time things were different i had no sense of direction in life i just wanted out i worked so much all the time to get away from this household. Well one night i had came home and my mother went nuts i was pretty upset at her boyfriend because she was dating a man at the time and it seemed like i was his slave giving him rides and this and that. Anyhow my mother went crazy and that night threw me out said horrible things to me things a mother shouldnt ever say. I packed 2 bags and i left for the train station with the little money i had. It was tough the tears the fear of doing such a thing. I ended up traveling 2800 miles away i didnt know what would happen to me but when i got off the train i had found a apt a place in a very bad section of town little did i know it was:( It was horrible there were gangs on the streets, protitutes trying to chase after you, hit and runs you name it and it happened. I started from scratch though i had went to a grocery store and shopped around i didnt own food, pans, nothing it was tough. I took a bus and nobody would let me sit down but little by little i build a place of my own and it was so so so lonely. Living in a big city with nobody to turn to. No friends, really no family, no girlfriend nothing. Then what i did was found a job i did phone sales for a pretty long time it was good money but the stress of having to sell was stressful i mean picture a shy virgin trying to sell all kinds of people on the phone haha. Little did i know that the company i had worked for wasnt doing everything legal i guess. The FBI had tried to threaton me scare me tell me i sold alot on the phone and i could get in trouble but the thing was that they taped me and i never lied or anything but you know how it goes the government is the all mighty.
In the period over a few years living alone so so much has happened to me:( I had so much heartbreak so many women had hurt me. I will tell you about my hurt not all the women that hurt me but know if any man or person has been hurt in the heart it has been me. The first woman i was with took my virginity and then dumped me 2 weeks later so i guess that was the start of all the bad luck. Then it seemed like every week i had a woman i dated or made my girlfriend. So many women had hurt me though. One lady i was with for awhile stood me up one night and i found out she went over some couples house to do a threesome instead of doing it for me. Then i had one time a exfiance who i took in because a man hurt her and she used me as a stepping stone she robbed me took off to go back home and when i went to see her to see what was wrong she and her mother left me to dry i was sent home on a lousy bus. Another time there was a lady that i was with that visited me and after awhile she turned out to be a drunk she went out to bars everytime we had plans she messed them up was at some bar drinking meeting this guy and that guy. Then i met a woman one time that i was with and one day it was her birthday i had lit candles had a cake for her gifts everything a woman could want and she totally that night after her birthday dumped me. Walked out never to be heard from again. One woman i was with that i seen she had dumped me right after we made love all night said to me because im to giving and nice more empty promises. Then one time i met a woman i just adored i had gave her a very expensive jewlry and the next day she dumped me i guess she only used me to try to get pregnant and for the jewlry. Anyhow in a period of 3 yrs at least i can say around 40-60 women had used me mainly when i had the money, cheated on me, dumped me because they werent sure if they wanted a relationship, or a nice man. Some had lied and just used me for sex because it always seemed like i was always giving to women but never recieving. I once had a best friend that i use to spend time with him and I would work on the computer together things like that but one day a girlfriend of mine had popped over and i thought something was wrong she wouldnt kiss me hug me nothing well her and my friend tried to get a few beers in me and they started to get sexual and they both left me very buzzed and they went home together and she dumped me because he was better looking she claimed. Then one time i was with a lady i cared for so much she had such a beautiful son this kid loved me but after awhile one night she stood me up i waited like 6 hours on her doorstep and she told me its over didnt let me stay the night i was in the cold walking home. The reason why i was dumped is because i was not rich and she liked them old old. I will tell no more but these are just examples of the pain i have been through with some women when i was a bachelor. I was always getting hurt most women wanted a one nighter promised me love, affection, friendship all the promises and i was so sad to see them go and walk out of my life and never look back to even give a care if im alive or dead or whatever. I started to wake up as time went on to ask myself why do women want mr right if they dump him or mistreat him or when they have him they get scared by love and they run to some bad boy who is at a bar drinking shouting this and that? I dont have these answers yet today as to why women would put themselves at risk to go out each day and sleep with this man that man to hurt a good man because they found someone who is bad and drinks and likes to fight and isnt romantic. I just cant figure it out was it because i like quiet times at home? or because they had taken there hurt out on me in the past? I wish i knew and that is why for one reason i am so lonely in this world i mean to be abandoned by people hurts it really hurts especially when you know and ask what did i do to deserve this.
Now in the period of 3 yrs many bad things also had happened to me not just getting heartbroken, or being alone on most holidays just other things had occured that made me think about life in general. One time i got very ill with mono i got it from i believe cleansing a house that was haunted i believe i still believe it to this day. The thing was that i got so ill and i didnt see a doctor for 3 months i had fevers everyday of about 102, i couldnt breath, my glands swelled up so big, i slept 22 hours aday didnt eat for weeks i lost like 35lbs from the sickness that is alot especially when you are at 165lbs. I kept seeing my death i was very spiritual and sometimes i can hear and see things like visions and i came pretty close to dying i did go to a dr but for months afterwards i had bad liver pains from the illness if i would have waited any longer i would have died. Then one time i was hit by a jeep riding on my bike although the guy wasnt going fast he didnt look and he did run over my bike some how i jumped enough to land on my feet however i think about it now if he would have went a few feet i would have been ran over my bike did get ran over. Then one time a exfriend of mine i met turned out to be a con artist he had robbed my camcorder for some reason he went out the back door and took his car and drove off i caught the guy but i didnt get the camcorder back that i just bought i was fortunate the man didnt have a gun and i guess it shows you gotta be careful of who you make friends with:) Then one time this is probably something that i do believe and always will i was hit on my bicycle i use to ride 7 miles aday but this time a bigtruck hitmea guyit me at about 30mphs he wasnt looking and i was right in front of his grill for some reason i must have had a guardian angel because when he hit me i didnt fly off the bike despite the bike tire bent, a foot less and i would have been completely ran over, and in a matter of a second i had enough to avoid being ran over but it was almost like an angel had helped me i still cant explain it. I use to bike 7 miles aday
for stengthing my legs till one day a guy hit me about30mphs he wasnt looking and i was right in front of his grill for some reason i must have had a guardian angel because when he hit me i didnt fly off the bike despite the bike tire bent, a foot less and i would have been completely ran over, and in a matter of a second i had enough to avoid being ran over but it was almost like an angel had helped me i still cant explain it. I look back and think how close life can switch the tables you can live one day and the next die just going to get soda:)
Anyhow later down the road I had gotten married i just was so tired of the hurt, the games, the lies, being alone. I had gotten married quite quickly and as you know i am unhappily married not because i got married quickly but the person i married hurts me so deep down inside i just dont feel cared about. I will not talk about her personally on my webpage because alot of the hurt she does is personal and id prefer to talk about this with a person who can understand what i mean. I do not believe in divorce and i have 3 good reasons as to why just ask but by mutual respect my wife does know I am looking and I can have someone be with me here if its the right lady. It has been a tough 2 yrs for me because sometimes we make mistakes and cant do anything to fix them. I tend to be a very lonely man in the heart and the soul. Right now i still am emotionally abused, i dont recieve hugs or affection like id want it, im always alone all the time and its just really tough to sit here and keep thinking about things. It is really hard on me right now because i have no family none anymore my relations with my mother arnt continued because she wasnt a very good grandmother to my son and she had betrayed me a few times around october of 99. My sister and I do not speak because my sister isnt much of a aunt to my son, she is only good to my grandparents because she is after the inheritance, and she betrayed my son and me her own brother. My real father hasnt tried to locate me and i do know where he is but he just doesnt care, i have aunts and uncles but they are all very ill and i do not really associate with them. My grandparents live far away but they hurt me always cared for my sister more, always put me down, they came out to visit didnt even care about my baby son seen him for one hour in 3 weeks they dont even call for Christmas. It is so tough when you are alone in the world or abandoned by those you love people that you care for just dont care back just a cold and lonely world. Here i am in it and hoping, wishing, dreaming!!!
Presently over the last few months things have been going terribly. I lost my Hockey team the one sport that i love to play was taken away all because of a few selfish people because people who played couldnt show, or because the man at the hockey center didnt like the idea my son came to the games, and because he didnt like the idea i didnt make is friend a captain of my team. Last year i almost had my son taken away from me illegally because the DR lied to the state he was only 2 weeks old and premature and the Drs made a mistake which caused the state to be involved all because of a gene disorder where his metabolism works faster then most kids. I almost lost him to human error do you see how life can get you. I dont just get hurt everything I love and care about wilts, dies, disapears. Also for the last 9 yrs ive been getting worst migraines yearly that is if you can call them that but more and more often i get very severe head pains and they usually wear me out. I also sprain my back more because i dont have a good back to much lifting and things when i was a child caused this so i can sprain it easily. Last of all i am getting carpel tunnel ya know from typing to much and not using a wrist pad? I get sometimes very bad pains in my hands and wrist i assume this is whats its from. I have started to look for a special lady and i still am getting hurt. One that i really liked a few days ago got drunk and slept with a stranger forgot the fact about what we had. Another woman i really love is very far away and the sad thing is that we never can be together because US immigration laws are strict and her family is strict:( I have came across a few women ive cared for recently but they all fill my heart with lies, empty promises, i have them over to snuggle or we get together and this one is into drugs,another one wants to get drunk, another girl is a player her pager keeps going off at my house and she has to go up to the bar to be with her friends. Another girl dumps me says her partying means much more. I am writing this page because from DEC 20 1999 TO FEB 2 1999 I have been hurt at least 5 occasions one lady i cared about promised me the world love, peace, everything and right before chistmas she disapeared totally. No answer was given nothing 4 weeks later all i got from it is that she found some rich old guy. Things just have been so tough i look and i look and i want to show someone love i want to give love,protection,companionship. To make love in all forms, to eat icecream and look at the stars, to cuddle up to a movie yet i keep getting hurt. I mean 5 times in 6 weeks i been hurt all the women said they care but if they care then why abandon my feelings, my heart? My promise me things like love, and friendship and telling me there Angel and then not following through with it. I care so much about women because i know women are gorgeous creatures and there is much evil in this world to hurt them. I want to be someones prince or there knight and yet 5 times i was hurt due to selfish women in 6 weeks. One slept with someone else, one disapeared, one used me, and one abused me:( When does the pain stop I need to know when? When will My Angel come and be with me and live with me and love me for me for the soul and heart i have. When shall i be recognized as a good man. Why the games why the hurt I didnt know i deserved that. Maybe its just my fate forever to be alone forever; to be hurt forever and sadness.
AngelVirtue
The Lyrics to this song Come from the game FF8 It is called EYES ON ME by a Asian singer Wong Faye
My last night here for you
Same old songs, just once more
My last night here with you?
Maybe yes, Maybe no
I kind of liked it your way
How you shyly placed your eyes on me
Oh, did you ever know?
That I had mine of you
Daring, so there you are
With that look on your face
As if you're never hurt
As if you're never down
Shall I be the one for you
Who pinches you softly but sure
If frown is shown then
I will know that you are not dreamer
So let me come to you
Close as I wanted to be
Close enough for me
To feel your heart beating fast
And stay thereas I whisper
How I loved your peaceful eyes on me
Did you ever know
That I had mine of you
Daring, so share with me
Your love if you have enough
Your tears if you're holding back
Or pain if that's what it is
How can I let you know
I'm more than the dress and the voice
Just reach me out then
You will know that you're not dreaming
