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Quick Adult Jokes

Q: What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q: What's the difference between sin and shame?
A: It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.

Q: What's the speed limit of sex?
A: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.

Q: What's the ultimate rejection?
A: When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

Q: Why did Barbi get thrown out of the toy box?
A: Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning, "Lie to me!"

Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water?
A: "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."

Q: What did the potato chip say to the battery?
A: If you're Eveready, I'm Frito Lay.

Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
A: He heard the snow blower coming.

Q: What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
A: Sexual harassment.

Q: What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
A: $3.99 a minute.

Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A: A bingo machine.

Q: What do a bungee jumper and a gay man have in common?
A: If the rubber breaks, they're both in deep shit!

Q: Why did The Lord give women nipples?
A: To make suckers out of men.

Q: What are the two greatest lies?
A: "The check is in the mail," and "I promise I won't cum in your mouth."

Q: How do you tell if you are in a gay church?
A: Only half the congregation is kneeling.

Q: What do you get when you cross a penis and a potatoe?
A: A DickTater!

Q: What are three words you dread the most while making love?
A: "Honey, I'm home."

Q: Did you hear about the generic form of Viagra?
A: It?s name is: "mycoxafloppin".

Q: How do you know when you are getting old?
A: When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.

Q: Why do women stop bleeding when entering the menopause ?
A: Because they need all the blood for their varicose veins !

Q: What do Disney World & Viagra have in common?
A: They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride.

Q: What's the definition of trust?
A: Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob.

Q: Why is it called a Wonder Bra?
A: When she takes it off, you wonder where her tits went.

Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay ?
A: They don't have time.

Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize 1 egg ?
A: They don't stop for directions.

Q:whats the difference between a rooster and a hooker?
A:a rooster says cocka-doodle-doo a hooker says any cock will do.

Q: Why did the former porn actor get fired from his job as a gas station attendant?
A: Right before the tanks were full, he would pull out the nozzle and spray gas all over the car.

Q: What is the difference between a frog and a horny toad?
A: One says ribbit ribbit, the other one says rub-it, rub-it!

Q: What do a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
A: They can both smell it but they can't eat it.

Q: What is the difference between a drug pusher and a prostitute?
A: A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q: Why did the condom cross the road?
A: Because it was pissed off.

Q: What does KFC and a woman have in common?
A: Once you're done with the breasts and the thighs, there's still a greasy box to put your bone in.

Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water?
A: "It might take me a while to get hard I just got layed last night."

Q: What happens if you put the Energizer Bunny's batteries in backwards?
A: He keeps coming and coming and coming...

Q: How did Dairy Queen get pregnant?
A: Burger King didn't cover his Whopper.

Q: Why are electric trains like a mother's breasts?
A: They were both designed for the kids, but it's the fathers who are always playing with them.

Q: If you get malaria from mosquitoes and lime disease from ticks, what do you get AIDS from?
A: grASS-HOPPERS.

Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A: "I don't know why you're shaking...she's gonna EAT me!"

Q: Why did The Lord create alcohol?
A: So ugly people have a chance to have sex.

Q: What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
A: Beer nuts are a $1.25 but deer nuts are always under a buck.

Q: What did Adam say to Eve?
A: Stand back, I don't know how big this thing gets!

Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
A: Hold unto your nuts-This is no ordinary Blow Job!

Q: Why do women have two holes so close together?
A: Incase men miss!

Q: Why do women have two holes so close together?
A: So you can carry them home like a six-pack!

Q: How do you get 4 queers on a bar stool?
A: Turn it upside down!

Q: Where is an elephant's sex organ?
A: Under it's feet-if it steps on you, you're fucked!

Q: What's organic dental floss?
A: Pubic hair!

Q: What's long, hard, and has semen in it?
A: A submarine!

Q: What's so bad about being a dick?
A: Your closest mates are 2 nuts and an ass hole, your master covers you in a plastic bag, And every time you get excited you spew.

Q: What's the difference between a penis and a bonus?
A: Your wife will always blow your bonus!

Q: Why did the pervert cross the road?
A: Because his dick was stuck up the chicken's ass.

Q: Why do men masturbate?
A: It's sex with someone they love.

Q: Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A: So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.

Q: How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down?
A: Nobody knows, it hasn't happened yet.

Q: What do you get when you cross a rooster with a jar of peanut butter?
A: A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth!

Q: What's the similarity between brussel sprouts and pubic hair?
A: You push them aside and keep on eating!

Q: What is the quickest way to clear out a men's restroom?
A: Say, "Nice dick."

Q: How do you know you're leading a sad life?
A: When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends."

Q: Are birth control pills deductible?
A: Only if they don't work.

Q: What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
A: If we don't get some support soon, people are going to think we're nuts.

Q: Why don't bunnies make noise when they make love?
A: Because they have cotton balls.

Q: What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster?
A: A cock that stays up all night.