My family is
very small
for me
I am not welcome around much of my own family.
Throughout my
life there has always been a reason
that was used to push me to one side.
When I was
very young
I fought hard to defend myself to other members in my family.
I was tagged
as the "rebel"
and to a point this was true of me.
Rejection comes in many forms
and when you are young and full of fight
it is common to rebel.
So it was for me a constant
fight to protect myself
against my own family.
After my years of being a wild and free
young adult
I settled down to marriage at the age of 24.
during those years, I underwent
many changes,
being now a wife and mother to two beautiful boys.
Yet, my natural family
still found much fault in everything I tried to change.
They did not like my husband
although
they knew him not at all
for I lived in Atlanta, Georgia and my family lived in Albany, New York.
Through my 24 years of marriage
my natural family had very little to do with me.
Feeling as though
I needed to please them all in some way
I spent far too much time concerning myself about how to please
them
and way too little time in trying to please my husband.
So you might say, without further ado
that this was a major part in my marriage coming to a close
that, coupled with losing our 13 year old son
was very hard on my husband.
Now after being divorced for over 3 years
I do understand where I went wrong
and lost the one thing in my life that really mattered.
I am not bitter towards my xhusband
for it really was
not him that caused what we had to dissipate,
it was my very foolish wanting to please those in my natural
family
those, that can never be pleased
no matter what.
It is out of
respect that I am placing them here
for without them, I could not be.
I am hoping that
someday
not too far away
we will once again be able to talk and laugh.
My Mother
and Father hold a special place in my heart
and
I will always love them both.
May only hope is that they both find peace within our family someday.
Her given name is Patricia Lynn or
"Patt".
Her and I were always "buddies", liking much the same things.
She herself has known the feeling of
rejection from other family members
but she never stops trying to please those that will not be pleased.
She
was married for 25 years and divorced the same year as myself.
To this very day, my parents still entertain her xhusband
welcoming him into their home whenever he drops by
and never once do they consider the abusive and brutal treatment
that he put my sister through for the 25 years they were married.
It is a very hard thing
to understand
just how they
can continue this way
knowing full well what her xhusband put her through all those years.
For her, my sister, I wish
only "joy" in her life.
She alone, has cared and showed total concern towards me
when all others have thus turned their backs.
She is a Goddess Send for me
may her life always be blessed.
He has for two years now
helped to take care of all my needs.
In the divorce
I really got next to nothing for all the years of being married
and not ever having
a job during those years
and knowing nothing more than being a housewife and mother
I have been thrown into total darkness
knowing not what to do.
The second picture
is Michael and his father, Paul, my now xhusband.
He was a good father and a good husband
this is how I have chosen to remember him.
Paul is not the person in this photo any
longer,
he has become bitter and even hateful to his only living son.
He remarried
2 weeks after our divorce
to a person who was a friend of mine,I thought.
From this I have
learned much
but most importantly
some people we think of as friends
are in fact,
our
closest enemies,
reaching to grab what is not theirs to have.
Michael and his father no
longer have a father/son bond
as Paul's new wife does not want him to acknowledge his only
child.
For Paul, I wish only one thing
that he someday practice that which he does preach to others
that he learn to "walk the walk, along with his "talking the talk".
And may God deal
with him in judgement and forgiveness
by the measure in which Paul judges and forgives others.
and in that
I would not want to be in his shoes.
He is a Quadriplegic, having Dystonia
since the age of
6 years old.
Dystonia is very crippling, similar to Muscular Dystrophy.
I have taken care of his
needs, needs that we
who have nothing such as this wrong, take so easily for granted.
Simple things
like, cooking, cutting our fingernails and toenails, shaving our faces, washing our hair
to name only a few.
I see this man's pain and suffering everyday
and yet
he smiles and remains happy to be only alive.
There is so much to learn
from a person as FireWillow.
He alone, has taught me the value and worth
of my own self.
We all need to be very thankful for what we have
be it much
or next to nothing
for we
life
and that alone is the greatest blessing to man.
For FireWillow I wish only the greatest of peace
and love
for he so unselfishly put everyone before himself.
May the stars in heaven write his name
for all
eternity.
Thank you my dearest friend
for being a part of my life.
On April 17th, 1999, FireWillow,(Chuck his given name)sat in
my livingroom
while I was busy working on my Pages here
and quietly attempted to take his own life.
I found
him at about 10:30am, and he was lying on the floor with an empty bottle of Valium.
He had taken them all, there were
50 to 60 tablets.
Chuck is alive, thanks to 911, of course
and my sister, LadyRose Triton and WhiteDragon.
Without
them, I was very very scared for what I was looking at.
FireWillow is now in the hospital, in ICU..
in the Physiatric
Ward.
He does not want to live.
I am setting this candle here for Chuck.
Please say a small prayer for him
in whomever you pray to
please ask for inner healing
he needs our prayers so very much at this time.
I do thank you all beforehand.
Do you know what life is like
~*~SparrowHawk~*~99' This poem was written for FireWillow
If you never live through strife?
Are you sure---you really know
If the life you live is evenflow?
Have you walked the bumpy road
of "is there food enough to eat"?
Or do you dine in restaurants with others
serving you a meal complete?
Do you know the despair of hurting
deep inside,
When every little ache and pain
a doctor is there to preside?
Do you know the loneliness
of the person in the street,
When you are safely in your home
with soft slippers on your feet?
Do you know the humility of the man
who must crawl instead of walk,
When you but stop and stare
only just to gawk?
And of the man who cannot see
and the emptiness he must face,
As you simply pass him by,
do you not wonder for a moment
you could be in his place?
Do you consider the elderly
in a world that is moving way too fast,
Can you feel their saddness
or are they also another outcast?
So you think you know what
this life is all about?
You think you have the answers
as to how it will all turn out?
It may be time to take a look
at who you really are,
And do you really understand those
poor souls that wear life's ugly scar?
And as you do examine,
remember just one thing,
You are not exempt from
the very same human sting!
as I see how people do look upon this man
in a way that they will someday be ashamed of.
I have seen those people laugh and jeer at him
heard them talk
behind his back
calling him names I will not repeat
but I am here to tell you also
that I am a witness
to those same people
who choose to make fun of a man who must crawl
or be bound to a wheelchair
that truly
as I breathe
"What goes 'round does come 'round
I have seen with my own eyes
the truth that lies in that one statement
So think before you laugh
think before you dare speak ugly of those less fortunate than yourself.
Be ever mindful
that someone
far greater than any one of us
will in fact even the score.
Simply enjoying one of my favorite things!
A good Italian dinner, of course!
What else could be better?
I am sure there are
a few people in my life
that will enjoy this picture!
Enjoy guys!
