The Rest of Both Worlds Online

The Lizard's Web

Our regular contributor, The Lizard, is renowned for his fascinating insights into the Weird and Wonderful World of Marillion, but also has a range of other talents, or so we are told. But just who is this character, and what drives him...

The Lizard was born in a small village in the rainforests of South America, to a very poor family. From very early on, he lived on a diet of rice and donkey droppings, and would wear his sister's cast-off clothes, in spite of her being a year younger than him, and somewhat smaller. After a while, his parents stopped buying him his own clothes altogether...

At the age of 8, the Lizard joined the family business, and was soon busy entertaining visiting tourists and logging company officials in a small upstairs room in the family's House of Love. When the clampdown on teenage prostitution virtually destroyed the business, Liz's parents took advantage of the worldwide backlash against animal testing, and managed to get him a job in a medical research establishment, as a human guinea pig.

The following years were an interesting time for the Lizard, as the scientists carried out numerous interesting experiments, which involved forcefeeding him large amounts of LSD, steroids, hormones and variously adding and removing limbs and other organs. As has been widely reported in underground magazines, Liz was also the first known human alien hybrid.

This was all to come to an end when the Lizard reached the age of 14, when a decision was made that any results of tests on the Lizard were virtually irrelevant, as there was less than 20% of his body still original, and decided to let Liz go.

The Lizard spent some time working in the docks of Rio, before getting a boat to Europe. In the course of the journey, the Lizard had various jobs aboard the boat, including cleaner, wine waiter, chorus girl and various stints as an occasional table in the First Class lounge. On arrival in London, the Lizard took refuge in the East End, learning English from the television, watching such shows as Minder, Eastenders and Only Fools and Horses.

During this period, the music of Marillion first hit the Lizard. Walking across the road in Brixton, a converted ambulance ran him down, and he heard a Scottish voice shout "Got yer, ye bastard". Later that evening, as a concerned rock chick helped the badly injured Liz into the Brixton Academy, his first sights as he came around stayed with him - a tall man on stage wearing rather badly done makeup, and the chick in front of him clad entirely in leather. Any of you that are (un)lucky enough to meet the Lizard will see the relevance of both these points.

Since then, the Lizard has taken advantage of the various anatomical and biological after-effects of his time in the Medical Research Centre, at one point raising badly needed cash by selling two of his breasts to the singer Cher. Now living in a squat in Harlesden, North West London,  Liz is kind enough to provide his own particular insight into the life and music of Fish and Marillion to ROBW.

Both the Lizard and John Wesley would like to make it clear that at no point have they ever been lovers and that the photographs are fakes.