They tell you that you'll lose your mind when you grow older. What they
don't tell you is that you won't miss it very much.
America is still the land of opportunity. Where else could one earn
enough to owe so much?
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
Many a man who misses an anniversary catches it later.
Growl all day and you'll feel dog tired at night.
A Baby Boomer is a man who hires someone to cut the grass so he can play
golf for exercise.
Bad luck is bending over to pick up a four leaf clover and being infected
by poison ivy.
Some men have alarm clocks. I have my wife's elbow.
If money doesnt grow on trees how come banks continue to sprout branches?
I'm using a square bathtub so I can't get a ring.
Early to bed and early to rise is a sure sign that you're bored wiith television.
After looking at the bill for my operation, I see why the doctors wear masks
during the operations.
If you would like to buy an $18,000.00 car it's easy. Buy a $6,000.00 one on time.
Today children of six seem to know all the questions and at 16 they know all the answers.
There's one thing about children-They don't go around showing snapshots of
their grandparents
If anything makes a child thirstier than going to bed-it's knowing that his
parents have gone to bed too.
I've got two wonderful children. And two out of five isn't bad.
My kid brother was sent from heaven. They must like it quiet up there.
One thing your child outgrows fast is your pocketbook.
A lot of men suffer from cold feet, but not necessarily
their own.
Conceit is God's gift to little men.
He that falls in love with himself has no rivals.
They ran him for congress. It was the best way to get him out of town.
You can lead a man to congress but you can't make him
think.
Congress is where a man gets to speak, says nothing, nobody listens-and then
everybody disagrees.
As the years progress, it becomes apparent that I become a little wiser.
Take a look and see if you fit in the same catagory!
Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered:
Malcolm Cowley
The only thing worse than hearing the alarm clock in the morning is not
hearing it.
Phyllis Diller