EARTHBOUND - A family of four, along with their pet green monkey, Jin-Jin, crash their spaceship into a California lake. While some government bad guys search for them, Burl Ives and his grandson try to help them obtain the parts they need to fix their ship. One of the feds looks like the head of the mafia! A cast of virtually no one appears in this campy film, which I actually saw in the theatre.
EATING RAOUL - Real life couple Paul Bartel and Mary Woronov play Paul and Mary Bland, a married couple living in Hollywood. Their dream is to open a restaurant. In order to raise money for a down payment, they lure people to their apartment with swingers' ads, and kill them with a frying pan! Robert Beltran (Star Trek Voyager's Chakotay) plays Raoul, a petty thief who takes the bodies from them and sells them to a dog food maker! Very funny dark comedy. Bartel is marvelous as the naive husband. Don't miss the hilarious scene in which a man attempts to rob a liquor store.
AN EIGHT IS ENOUGH WEDDING - This is a made for TV reunion movie of the Eight Is Enough cast. Everyone returned, with the exception of Betty Buckley. David announces his engagement, much to the chagrin of some of his sisters, who are still close to his ex-wife Janet. Tommy is now a rock group manager, with a major attitude problem. Ok film, though the name "Bradford" is way overused! In one scene, Tommy actually strikes Nicholas. But David then steps in and beats up Tommy. "Bradfords don't hit other Bradfords!"
EL TOPO - A gunfighter goes into the desert to eliminate four master gunfighters. He spends the first part of this film wandering around with a naked seven-year-old boy - who may be his son. This film is visually striking, and rarely seen. At times, you may ask yourself just what the hell is going on? This film has a little bit of everything: rape, nudity, and lots of killing. Supposedly this was made using Beatles money, brought in by former Beatles manager Allen Klein.
EMMANUELLE AROUND THE WORLD - Laura Gemser reprises her role as the title character. She plays a reporter. She's investigating the slave trade of women. She has sex in a truck in San Francisco, then flies to New York and has sex with some guy. Then she orgies around in a guru's palace in Rome, before going to Hong Kong, where she's kidnapped, stripped naked, and is almost sold into slavery herself. Along the way, she has sex with nearly everyone - including other women. When asked if she's loved many men, she replies "No, but I've had a lot of men." That pretty much sums up her entire film career. This typical Emmanuelle flick features lots of sex and nudity.
EMMANUELLE IN AFRICA - Laura Gemser is back for another turn as Emmanuelle. This was shown on American cable as BLACK EMMANUELLE. It even has a theme song! There's really not much of a plot here. Emmanuelle is a photographer. She stays with some people in Africa. Then she runs around naked in the desert with another woman. She has sex with men, women, and a field hockey team! Even for an Emmanuelle movie, this one has a lot of nudity! If endless sex and no plot is what you're looking for, then this is a must see!
EMANUELLE IN EGYPT - Laura Gemser stars as Laura - not Emanuelle. This is another Gemser film with an Emauelle-type plot, which was slapped with the video title of "Emanuelle." Laura is a top model. Her photographer Carlo makes her pose (in various stages of undress) alongside a dead rotting dog, dead bodies, and on top of a big mound of shit! Do supermodels really have to endure this sort of thing? Later on, she gtes zoned out by a mystic, kills a baby goat, and drinks its blood. She also gets some lesbian action with a girl named Pia. Typical plotless foreign sex film, with lots of nudity. Gemser simply can't keep her clothes on in any film!
EMMANUELLE IN SOHO - This is a British Emmanuelle movie. The first six minutes of the film are actually a documentary about the sex world of Soho! Then the film begins. Emmanuelle is living with a married couple named Paul and Kate. Paul is a photographer. He works for a guy who wants him to take pictures of nudity. And lucky for him, there's plenty of it! There is a totally nude stage show, stripping, and a party where most of the women get naked. There is basically an endless stream of full frontal nudity. We even get to see a completely naked man! In the end, Paul blackmails his boss into making him a partner. The film abruptly ends after Kate has sex with another guy. Emmanuelle films are known for their nude scenes, but the amounts of skin in this one may top them all. Strangely, the character of Emmanuelle is a relatively small role. "I'm gonna stick to him like a monkey does to his nuts!"
EMANUELLE ON TABOO ISLAND - Laura Gemser is back! Though despite the title, she plays a different character. There is no Emanuelle. She lives on a deserted island with her brother Juan and father Antonio. When a guy becomes shipwrecked, she kind of takes to him - much to the chagrin of Juan. You see, Gemser and her brother have been playing a "game." They've been diddling around. Perhaps the taboo in the title refers to incest. Eventually she decides to leave with him. Gemser is topless for most of the flick. The shipwrecked guy also has a nude scene. Odd little film reminds you a little of THE BLUE LAGOON - with a lot more nudity.
THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK - This is episode V - the sequel to STAR WARS. The Rebels are driven out of their hidden base on Hoth. Luke goes to Dagobah to train with Yoda. Han and the others flee from the Imperials, only to be double-crossed and captured. Luke comes to help them, and gets a stunning revelation from Darth Vader. Hmm... I wonder what that could be? Arguably the best film in the original trilogy. This has dazzling special effects, an excellent story, and a few cliffhangers as well. Movies just don?t get any better than this.
ENEMY MINE - It is the late 21st century. Earth is at war with the lizard-like Dracs. Dennis Quaid is Willis, a human, who crashes on an unstable planet. Louis Gossett Jr. plays "Jerry" - a Drac who also crashes on the same planet. Though their two species have been waging war with one another, they must work together in order to survive in the planet's hostile environment. Eventually, a deep friendship grows between the two. Very gripping drama, laced with several funny moments. "Your Mickey Mouse is nothing but a big stupid dope!"
ESCAPE FROM ALACATRAZ - Clint Eastwood plays Frank Morris, a criminal sent to "The Rock." This is based on the true story of the three men who escaped the prison, and have never been found. The majority of the film documents the ingenius way in which they planned their escape. The warden is particularly mean. We feel so bad for the old guy who does the paintings. Eastwood also bares his butt in this film. Though the three men have never been found, the truth is that they all most likely drowned in the bay.
ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK - Kurt Russell stars as Snake Pliskin, a criminal about to be sentenced to the maximum security prison of Manhattan Island. The year is 1997, and Manhattan Island has been turned into the nation?s prison. Once you go in, there's no getting out. Donald Pleasence plays the president. His plane is hijacked, and crashes into Manhattan. Pleasence escapes in his pod, but is quickly captured by Isaac Hayes - "The Duke of New York." Snake is offered a full pardon, if he can rescue the president within 24 hours - in time to speak at an historic summit meeting. Exciting thriller, with a great instrumental theme song. Look for former wrestler Ox Baker, as (of all things) a wrestler. Directed by John Carpenter.
ESCAPE FROM WOMAN'S PRISON - Five women escape from prison and hijack a bus full of female tennis players. They take the players to a mansion belonging to a judge, and hold them captive. Their overall plan is unclear. What we see is nudity, sex, and lesbianism. The judge is forced at gunpoint to pee his pants! This sleazy exploitation flick should please all fans of the genre. The film's star, Lilly Carati, was Miss Italy, 1975! Not to be confused with ESCAPE FROM WOMEN'S PRISON.
THE EVICTORS - Jessica Harper and her husband move into a house. 14 years earlier, in 1928, there was a shootout between the home's residents and the bank people who were trying to forclose on them. Near the end of the film, we learn that the former residents have vowed that no one will ever live in it again. This film leaves you clueless until the end. And what's up with Vic Morrow hitting on Jessica Harper? Strange, slow moving flick, which is "based on a true story."
EYES OF A STRANGER - Lauren Tewes stars as a Jane, a TV newscaster in a town (Miami?) where a killer is on the loose. She lives with her sister Tracy (Jennifer Jason Leigh, in her film debut). Tracy was attacked by somone when she was a little girl. The incident left her deaf, blind and mute. One night, the killer killed a woman with a belt. Jane sees her neighbor, Stanley Herbert, come home one night - not wearing a belt!!! Naturally, she assumes him to be the killer. Of course, her boyfriend doesn't believe her. Jane breaks into Stanley's apartment and steals his shoes. The mud on his shoes matches the mud found at another recent murder scene! Could it be? Jane was right! What a bloodhound! Jane prank calls him. Then while watching the news, the killer recognizes her voice, and goes to her apartment, where Tracy is cooking dinner. Stanley attacks her. Somehow, Tracy's eyesight begins to come back. So she's able to shoot him in the gut. Like any good killer, he's not dead yet. He gets up, just as Jane gets home. In slow motion, Jane shoots him in the head - a very nice gore scene actually. The attack also brings back Tracy's ability to speak! Typical slasher film, a bit ridiculous, but easy to watch. Tom Savini provided the gore, including a severed head in a fish tank. Look for the movie SHOCK WAVES to be playing on TV!
FAMOUS T&A - Sybil Danning hosts this documentary. She introduces scenes from several films, which features celebrities getting naked. Some of them are scenes of actresses in films made before they were famous. Elvira (mistress of the dark) has a scene dancing topless, from the film WORKING GIRLS. This also shows completely nude out-takes of Phyllis Davis from the film TERMINAL ISLAND. Also featured are Jacqueline Bisset, Brigitte Bardot, Claudia Jennings, and two actresses from Eight Is Enough.
FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH - This is a comedy classic from the early 1980's. It centers around the lives of several high school students. There's the virgin Stacy (but not for long), her brother Brad, a ticket scalper named Damone, and his nerdy friend nicknamed "Rat." There's also the unforgettable performance of Sean Penn as stoner/surfer Jeff Spicoli. The kids deal with alcohol, drugs, sex and abortion. Very funny movie, which can be viewed over and over again. The all star cast also includes Judge Reinhold, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Phoebe Cates, Eric Stoltz, Anthony Edwards, and Nicolas Cage (Coppola). Ray Walston plays schoolteacher Mr. Hand. "Who ordered the double cheese and sausage?" "Right here dude!"
FAT GUY GOES NUTZOID - A man loses his job at the funny farm. As he leaves, a rotund patient named Dave hides in the back of his truck. When the guy finds Dave, he doesn't know what to do with him. So he and his brother keep him for awhile, and show him a good time. Dave "the mouka" spends most of his time grunting and throwing up. Eventually, he gets locked up again. O.K. film released by Troma. We probably are supposed to feel sorry for the mouka, but for some reason, we don't.
FEMALE TROUBLE - Divine stars in two roles. Her main character is Dawn Davenport. We follow Dawn from high school deviant, through her early adult years as a go-go dancer, prostitute, waitress, teen mother and murderer. This great John Waters film is wonderfully disturbing on many levels. Edith Massey gets topless, Divine gets disfigured, and Divine's teenage daughter Taffy is propositioned by her stepfather. "I wouldn't suck your dick if I were suffocating, and there was oxygen in it!" Divine also plays a male, and has sex with Dawn! You even get to see Divine totally naked, as a male, when he propostions Taffy as well. Sick!!! Divine also sings the opening theme song.
FERRIS BEULLER'S DAY OFF - Matthew Broderick stars in the title role as a high school senior who plays sick from school. With the companionship of his friends Cameron and Slone, he hits the city of Chicago for a fun-filled day of cruising and Cub games. With the exception of Cameron's silly soul searching near the end, this is a great film. Jennifer Grey costars as Ferris' sister, who is jealous that her brother gets away with everything. The story is too good to be true. But Ferris' day is a dream come true to every kid who ever played sick from school. Strange, in all the days that I played sick, I never got to lip sync Beatles' songs in a parade! "Swing batter, batter, batter, batter suh-wing batter."
THE FIFTH FLOOR - Diane Hull is Kelly, a woman mistakenly put in the psycho ward of a hospital. Someone poisoned her drink at a bar. The authorites think it was a suicide attempt. Hence - send her to the fifth floor. On the inside, she meets a pre-Freddy Robert Englund. She also gets assaulted by Carl, the horny orderly. One patient hangs herself. And Kelly escapes not once, but twice. Seldom seen drama featuring some disco music. After her second escape, it becomes known that she was poisoned, and had not attempted suicide. Yet they send her back anyway. I don't know. A good way to knock off 90 minutes.
FIRESTARTER - Nightmarish film about Charlie, a little girl (Drew Barrymore) with the ability to start fires with her mind. Martin Sheen and George C. Scott are two baddies, working at "the shop" - some sort of government agency out to get her. David Keith plays Charlie's dad. He has some mind control powers of his own. Charlie has a field day setting dozens of bad guys on fire. Don't piss this girl off!!! If she wants to see her daddy, then for God's sake, let her see him! Art Carney and Heather Locklear have small roles.
FIRST BLOOD - Sylvester Stallone stars as monosyllabic John Rambo. When sheriff Brian Dennehy gives him a hard time, Vietnam veteran Rambo goes nuts. Soon he's waging a war against the entire state police. At one point, he jumps off a cliff, into a tree, and suffers only a gash on his right arm! Somewhat unbelievable flick, but very entertaining. Though it should be noted that this film was a complete ripoff of Dirk Benedict's RUCKUS. A very young David Caruso plays a small role as a cop.
THE FIRST NUDIE MUSICAL - A filmmaker named Harry decides to make a porno musical. One of the guys putting up the money forces Harry to hire his inept nephew to be the director. Cindy Williams plays Rosie, Harry's secretary. There are several musical numbers, including the dancing dildos. "I will not do this scene until the damn dildos learn their steps! I'm an actress!" They also hire a guy to write the music. "I'm not deformed. I'm not a cripple. Why won't you let me hold your nipple?" Pretty decent flick, with tons of nudity, and several funny lines. The music is decent too. Annette O'Toole sings one of the songs on the soundtrack. Ron Howard has a cameo!
THE FISH THAT SAVED PITTSBURGH - The Pittsburgh Pythons basketball team is suffering. Their team sucks, and their arena is practically empty during games. Their 14-year-old locker room helper gets an astrologer (Stockard Channing) to help the team. The owner then replaces the players with all pisces! The newly named Pittsburgh Pisces then become unstoppable. Pretty tame comedy, but manages to entertain you. Several real NBA players appear as... basketball players! Not being able to act, what else would they play? Something tells me that Gary Coleman was probably in the producer?s mind to play the locker room helper.
FLASH GORDON - Sam Jones stars as New York Jet/savior of the universe. Along with Dale, and Dr. Hans Zarkov, he accidentally blasts off in a rocket and heads to another planet. While there, he finds a bad guy named Ming, who plans to destroy the Earth. Flash bands together with Timothy Dalton and some hawk people to try and overthrow Ming and save the Earth. Very campy flick, with cheesy dialogue and cheesy special effects, but quite entertaining. Star Wars' Boss Nass plays the leader of the hawkmen. Queen supplies the nifty soundtrack.
FLESH + BLOOD - A great flick! Rutger Hauer and Jennifer Jason Leigh star in this "swords and sandals" movie set in 1501. Hauer's horde of marauders rape and pillage, and then get screwed by the guy who hired them. So they go off and vow revenge. Leigh is a virgin who hooks up with them - though she was technically kidnapped. She doesn't stay a virgin for long though. In fact, she seems to have no problem taking off ALL her clothes. Eventually, the Black Death kills off most of the horde. This film is loaded with grimy, disgusting sights. There's plenty of blood, pus, rotting flesh, and all-around nastiness. What a film!
FLETCH LIVES - This is the sequel to FLETCH. This time, Fletch (Chevy Chase) inherits a run down mansion in Louisiana from his aunt. He soon finds out that somebody really wishes to purchase the land. Fletch spends his time trying to find out why. He suspects that it might be a local televangelist who wants it. Cleavon Little plays the part of Fletch's all around helper. This film is nowhere near as good as the first film. However, it's not too bad. The drill sergeant from FULL METAL JACKET plays the televangelist. As per the first film, Chase dons several different disguises in his quest for information. It's amazing how dumb southerners are portrayed in movies.
FLIPPER - This was the theatrical film which later became the TV series. Chuck Connors plays the father of a family, which lives on an island community. While he's away, his son Sandy rescues and befriends a dolphin - which he names Flipper. He keeps Flipper in his fish pen, until his father returns and convinces him that Flipper needs to be free. Of course, Flipper never goes too far, and even saves Sandy from some sharks. Good movie for all members of the family. Strangely, in the TV series, there were two kids, and not just Sandy.
FOREVER EMMANUELLE - A would-be filmmaker named Nicola (a lone guy who carries a movie camera around) meets Laure. Laure plays tennis and walks around town in very tiny miniskirts - without wearing underwear! How come I've never seen anyone do this? Nicola gets turned on by watching Laure with other men. The two of them then join others on a boat trip to see the mysterious Mara tribe. As in most Emmanuelle flicks, (even though this one has no character by that name) there's plenty of sex and nudity. There's even some full frontal male nude shots.
FOR YOUR EYES ONLY - This is Roger Moore's fifth movie as James Bond. This time, he must retrieve the A.T.A.C. - a British computer device which can control their submarines. The A.T.A.C. sank with a ship. Along the way, Bond deals with a bad guy who wants to obtain the A.T.A.C to sell to the Russians, as well as an ugly guy called "the Dove." The action sequences are top notch, and so are the Bond women - especially the too cute Lynn Holly Johnson. The opening scene finds Bond getting revenge against an old enemy. Sheena Easton sings the title track.
FOUL PLAY - The perpetually cute Goldie Hawn stars as Gloria, a San Francisco librarian who inadvertently gets caught up in a plot to assassinate the Pope. Chevy Chase costars as the skeptical police detective who has a hard time believing her wild story about albinos and dwarves. Very funny movie with several memorable moments. Dudley Moore has a small but hilarious role as Stanley, a wannabe swinger. Be sure not to miss the words the two old women, Scrabble players are spelling, as well as the Oriental couple in the back of the taxicab. "Kojak - bang, bang."
FRIDAY THE 13TH - This is the one that started it all! Two camp counselors are killed at Crystal Lake, in 1958, by an unknown assailant. More than 20 years later, the camp is being re-opened. When the counselors arrive to fix up the place, they end up getting killed one by one. At the end, the last survivor, Alice, has a final battle with the killer. Kevin Bacon costars as one of the counselors. This flick also informs us that in 1957, a 10-year-old boy named Jason Voorhees, drowned in the lake. Decent horror film, which was followed by a neverending series of sequels.
FRIDAY THE 13TH PART II - This flick is the first in the series which features Jason as the killer. A new camp is opening up near the camp which was featured in the first film. The new batch of counselors refer to the old camp as "camp blood." As expected, Jason goes on a rampage. He kills almost everyone, including a dog named Muffin. Decent sequel, very similar to the first film. As usual, blood and nudity abound. Jason wears a potato sack over his head throughout most of the film. But at one point, we do get to see his face. And man, is he ugly! Be sure not to miss Jason's shrine to his dead mother. He has the ultimate keepsake!
FRIDAY THE 13TH PART III - Jason is back once again! This time, several kids are spending some time at Higgin's Haven - a summer getaway belonging to one of them. Jason kills all but one of them. He also kills a white trash couple and a biker gang! This film also provides us with the origin of Jason's trademark hockey mask. At the end, Jason is presumed dead. (Ha ha!) Really good sequel, which shows us more blood and nudity. This was originally shown in 3-D. One woman gets a harpoon gun in they eye, while another guy's eye gets popped out of its socket. Ouch!
FRIDAY THE 13TH PART IV - This was billed as "THE FINAL CHAPTER" - yeah right. Jason is picked up and taken to the morgue. He soon wakes up, kills a few people, and heads back to his sanctuary of Crystal Lake. Luckily for him, six young adults have rented a house in the woods. Jason then does his thing. At the end of this one, Corey Feldman finally puts an end to Jason, killing him (for the moment) with a machete. Typical Jason movie, featuring plenty of blood and nudity. Before killing Jason, Feldman shaves his head. It's not clear why.
FRIDAY THE 13TH PART V - Though the previous film was supposed to be the last, this one marks "A NEW BEGINNING." Tommy Jarvis has spent the last several years in various mental institutions. After entering a new one, the area becomes under attack by someone dressed as Jason, slaughtering people. Has Jason returned from the dead? Is Tommy the killer? Is it someone else all together? Hmm... Interesting angle on the all too familiar plot. This film also features a backwoods country hick woman who has one of the most foul mouths you'll ever here.
FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VI - Just when you thought it was safe to go into the woods... JASON LIVES! Tommy Jarvis comes up with the brilliant plan of digging up Jason's body. He claims that the only way to rid the world of Jason, is to burn his ashes. (Keep in mind that Jason is dead already. He's not killing anyone!) After digging him up, Jason gets stuck by lightning. The jolt is strong enough to bring him back to life! Now what do you do? How do you stop a living corpse? The ever brilliant Tommy then concludes that the only way to stop him is to send him back to the lake - where he drowned in 1957. After a battle, he is able to do so, leaving Jason underwater, with a weighted rope around his neck. However, Jason's eyes are still open and moving in the final scene. Oh well. Ridiculous plot, which changes the series from horror to supernatural. Interestingly, the sheriff in the film claims that due to the infamy of Jason, the town of Crystal Lake changed its name to Forest Green.
FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VII - When we last left Jason, he was weighted down, with a rock around his neck, at the bottom of Crystal Lake. Enter "A New Blood" - a girl with psychic ability named Tina. Tina's upset because years earlier, she'd accidentally killed her father in the lake. When she wishes he'd come back, she unknowingly resurrects Jason. Luckily for Jason, a houseful of kids have just moved in next door to Tina. Jason has a field day with the kids. Before long, the death toll mounts. Will Tina be able to use her psychic powers to stop him? Will her father return from his watery grave to help her? Watch and see. This one features a really cool "death by sleeping bag" scene. Interestingly, the town's name is once again Crystal Lake. Why do people even try to stop Jason? How does one stop a corpse?
FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VIII - Our good buddy Jason is revived by a power cable. He then hitches a ride on a boat full of high school students celebrating graduation. The kids are slaughtered by Jason. A few of them manage to escape in a lifeboat and are able to reach Manhattan. Jason follows them. When he arrives, "Jason Takes Manhattan." Amazingly, Jason walks down the streets of New York, and doesn't even warrant a stare! It's clear that Jason does not like noisy boomboxes! Don't miss the rooftop scene in which Jason fights in a bare knuckle boxing match! "Give me your best shot!" Believe it or not, Jason is uglier than he has ever been! The ending is very strange though. It would also lead you to believe that they couldn't possibly make another sequel. But we all know that couldn't be true!
FRANKENSTEIN (1931) - Colin Clive stars as Dr. Frankenstein, and Boris Karloff is the monster in this original horror movie. Karloff is great as the shuffling behemoth, who wanders through the countryside and gently tosses a little girl into a lake. How did he know the girl wasn't a toy? One little drowning, and the town goes nuts. "It's alive! It's alive! It's alive." Alive he may be, but all he does is grunt. A pretty decent flick!
FUN - Very good film, which chronicles the story of two teenage girls named Bonnie and Hillary, who meet, become friends, fall in love, and kill an elderly woman - all in the span of a few hours! The film shows the girls in juvenile detention, but shows us the past events through a series of flashbacks. The girls are also being interviewed throughout, by one of the detention psychologists, as well as a reporter for a magazine. The two leads are wonderfully cast. The girl who plays Bonnie is a bundle of energy who can't stop jumping around. This movie is both fascinating and a bit disturbing. The girls commit a brutal murder, for no reason at all. Yet, they never show a bit of remorse. Instead, they relish in it, and want to do it again! Filmed in both color and black and white.
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