MA AND PA KETTLE AT HOME - Percy Kilbride and Marjorie Main reprise their roles in this, the sixth in the series. One of their sons is a finalist in an essay contest. If he wins, he gets a college scholarship. He wrote about the Kettle farm and exaggerated it quite a bit! Before the judges come to inspect the farm, the Kettle family must work to get the place in working order again. Very funny movie, which may be the best in the series. Kudos to the two indians, Geoduck and Crowbar, who end up doing nearly all of Pa's work for him. In the end, we also witness Christmas with the Kettles, which features Pa in a Santa Claus beard.
MA & PA KETTLE ON VACATION - Percy Kilbride and Marjorie Main star in the fifth film of the series. They travel with their son's in-laws, on a vacation to Paris. Pa meets a mysterious man on the plane, who gives him an envelope. It turns out that the guy is a spy. Pa spends the rest of the film being pursued by spies, who are in turn being followed by the government. Decent flick, but mostly caters to fans of the series. Pa's naivete is astounding!
MA & PA KETTLE BACK ON THE FARM - Marjorie Main and Percy Kilbride star in the third entry of the series. This time, their son is about to become a father - thus making them grandparents for the first time. However, their daughter-in-law's mother doesn't want the Kettles anywhere near the baby. She wants to take her daughter and grandson back to Boston. Meanwhile, there's a subplot about some people who try to con Pa out of their old farm because they think there's uranium on the property. Typical cornball humor, though quite entertaining. The two stars are perfectly cast in their roles. Pa Kettle has got to be the most laid back, laziest person ever filmed!
MA & PA KETTLE AT WAIKIKI - Marjorie Main and Percy Kilbride stars in their seventh film as the title characters. Pa's cousin Rodney runs a successful fruit business in Hawaii. For years, Pa's been sending him letters, bragging about his own "successes" in America. When the bank forces Rodney to take some time off, he sends for Pa to come and run the business. Through a series of mishaps, and despite getting himself kidnapped, Pa is able to save the company. Typical Ma & Pa Kettle film is funny and entertaining. Look for Russell Johnson (Gilligan's Island professor) in a small role as one of the kidnappers. This is the last film Kilbride ever made.
MADHOUSE (1974) - Vincent Price plays Paul Toombes, a horror movie actor. His famous recurring film role is a character named Dr. Death. After his fiance is decapitated by someone in a Dr. Death costume, Price is hospitalized for several years. Upon his release, he revives Dr. Death for a TV series. Soon after, more "Dr. Death" killings occur. Price is unsure if he's actually committing them. Peter Cushing costars as Price's friend and director. Price can put forth a great scream, and look of shock.
THE MAGIC CHRISTIAN - Virtually plotless film about an eccentric millionaire (Peter Sellers) who "adopts" a new son (Ringo Starr). Together, they travel around, tempting people with money, to see just how far people will go to get it. The film turns out to be rather funny and entertaining. Christopher Lee has a cameo - as a vampire no less! And Raquel Welch plays a very brief role as a "whipmaster" of dozens of topless slave girls! The last scene features a giant vat full of animal blood, urine and feces. It's truly disgusting! Badfinger's "Come And Get It" is featured several times.
MARTIN - George Romero directed this film about a teenager who displays vampire tendencies. Martin likes to inject people with something to knock them out, has sex with them (if they're female,) cuts them with razor blades and drinks their blood. His goofy uncle Cuda thinks Martin's a vampire ( a family curse,) and runs around screaming "Nosferatu" at him. This is a great film, which needs to be viewed at least three times to fully appreciate it. That's what it took for me anyway! Look for special effects wizard Tom Savini in a small role as the boyfriend of Martin's cousin.
MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE - Stephen King wrote and directed this horror film. A comet passes by the Earth, causing all the vehicles and electronic equipment in the world to go haywire and start killing people. Little leaguers get pelted with soda cans from a vending machine. One of them gets crushed by a bulldozer. Emilio Estevez leads a group of survivors holed up in a truck stop. Truly silly film, with a few decent gore scenes. AC/DC provides the music on the soundtrack. King has a small role near the beginning of the film. Also, look for a pre-Donald, Marla Maples in a small role!
MEATBALLS - This is Bill Murray's first starring role in a film. He plays Tripper, the program director at Camp Northstar, a kids' summer camp. Along the way, he helps Chris Makepeace, a troubled kid seeking acceptance. Murray is at his usual comedic best as an immature authority figure. The film also features an unforgettable counselor-in-training named spaz. "We are the C.I.T.'s - so pity us. The kids are brats. The food is hideous. We're gonna smoke and drink and fool around - we're nookie bound. We're the Northstar C.I.T.'s"
MESSIAH OF EVIL - A woman goes to the California city of Point Dune to search for her father. He'd been a painter there, but is now missing. The townspeople are really weird. She lets three art lovers stay with her at her father's place. Most of the townspeople are zombies. Their diet includes live mice, raw meat, and human flesh! Before long, her father shows up and tries to eat her. Soon after, the townspeople come to do the same. Very creepy atmosphere. You'd swear this was an Italian trash flick. Don't miss the ugly zombie driving the truck - he's one weird looking dude.
MIDNIGHT EXPRESS - For those of you who have ever wanted to be in a Turkish prison (and be honest, who hasn't) you may have a change of heart after viewing this film. Brad Davis plays Billy Hayes, an American, caught trying to smuggle hashish out of Turkey. What he finds in prison is extreme brutality from the guards, dead cats, and homosexuality. After his sentence is lengthened from four years to 30 years, Billy's thoughts turn to escape. Does he make it? Well, since this movie is based on a true story... Randy Quaid costars as a prisoner that gets beaten so badly, that he loses a testicle. So much for a pleasant prison stay. A powerful motion picture.
THE MONEY PIT - Tom Hanks and Shelley Long play a couple who buy a mansion at a great price. After they move in, the house literally begins to fall apart - along with their relationship. Long's ex-boyfriend is this big German conductor who wants her back. Will they be able to fix up the house and their relationship at the same time? Ok comedy which has a few funny moments. Hanks saves this film. Don't miss his great scene in which he gets stuck in a hole in the floor. "I'm hallucinating. Awhile ago, I thought the Care Bears were here."
MONTENEGRO - Susan Anspach stars as a frustrated housewife. She and her family live overseas somewhere. One day she meets up with a few Yougoslavians, parties with them, moves in with them, and starts an affair with a zookeeper named Montenegro! This comedy/drama is pretty interesting. Anspach (who has a full frontal nude scene) fulfills a lot of peoples' fantasies of running away and starting a new life. She also has an 84-year-old father-in-law named Buffalo Bob, who places an ad in the newspaper to get a new wife! The wife hopefuls then dance around to Abba music!
MORTUARY - A very young Bill Paxton plays a nerdy, classical music listening mortician, in this early 1980's flick. Is there a better actor for this role? One of The Waltons' girls is being terrorized by some guy dressed in black. Or is she just dreaming all of it? People start disappearing - killed by a trokar-wielding man in black. Hmm... can you guess who the killer is? It couldn't be the most obvious character could it? Christopher George, and Linda Day George are involved in some sort of satanic cult. However, the cult appears in only one scene, and is never mentioned again. Some of the cult members end up victims of the killer. The killer gathers up the bodies to be an audience for his "wedding." "Pretty soon, the bride will be embalmed. Then we can start the ceremony." This is a typical, mindless horror film, save for the absolutely preposterous ending. Watch this film, but skip the last five seconds. The ending theme music is Mozart!
MUDHONEY - This is a black and white Russ Meyer film from 1965. It takes place during the great depression. A man from Michigan stops through Spooner, Missouri, on his way to California. He gets a job working on a farm, and ends up falling in love with the farmer's daughter. The only problem is that she's already married - to a cheating, abusive alcoholic. This is not your typical Russ Meyer film. Granted, it does have a fair share of nude scenes from buxom babes. But this one has a legitimate (and interesting) plot! All things considered, this is one of Meyer's best films. Don't miss the old hillbilly woman. She has a constant maniacle laugh!
MULTIPLE MANIACS - This is John Waters' first film. Divine and her husband Mr. David run a circus-like show called The Cavalcade Of Perversion. The show features heroin addicts, homosexuals, and a puke eater. They lure people there, beat them and rob them. Later on, Divine discovers lesbianism at church, and gets anally gratified by a rosary. Then she comes home and gets raped by a 15 foot lobster. You didn't see that one coming! Odd film, but typical John Waters entertainment. Some nudity, blood, and flesh eating. Filmed in black and white. This was supposedly partially inspired by the Manson murders.
THE MUPPETS TAKE MANHATTAN - Kermit and the gang are graduating from college! They want to take their school play, "Manhattan Melodies" on to Broadway. Finding no producer to accept their show, the gang splits up and goes their separate ways. Kermit stays in New York to try and get the show produced. Kermit finally finds a producer, then is promptly hit by a car. The accident leaves him with amnesia. Will the gang be able to find Kermit in time to get him back for opening night? Gee... I wonder. Great music highlights this film for all ages. I believe this film also features the first appearance of the Muppet babies. "Mama dada boop boop shoo wawa."
MURDER IN SPACE - This is actually a tele-movie, made up of two BATTLESTAR GALACTICA epsiodes. It starts out with a guy named Ortega being killed. Starbuck is the main suspect. He decides to flee in a viper. While he's in space, he's attacked by cylons and crashes onto the planet of Atilla. On the ground, he helps a family of kids rescue their father from the cylons. Shortly after, Apollo and Boomer arrive to rescue Starbuck, and bring him back to face the tribunal for Ortega's murder. Decent show, but the two episodes don't flow together all that well. Starbuck exchanges some funny lines with the cylons. The two individual episodes are entitled "Murder On The Rising Star" and "The Young Lords."
MUTANT - Wings Hauser and his brother are traveling through a southern town. After their car gets wrecked, they have to stay a few nights. What they don't know is that a local chemical plant is having leakage problems. The chemical waste starts turning the citizens into living-dead-type zombies. Hauser teams up with the local sheriff and a schoolteacher and tries to stop the madness. Typical horror film which gets going in the last half hour. You don't even see a whole lot of zombies until then. But when they come, they come in droves! Jenifer Warren costars as a local doctor.
MY BREAKFAST WITH BLASSIE - Andy Kaufmann and former wrestler Freddie Blassie star in this parody of My Dinner With Andre. All they do is meet in a Sambo's restaurant in L.A. to eat breakfast and chat. They talk about everything from wrestling to toilet habits. Some of the "extras" in the restaurant may have had their parts staged, but the dialogue is too real and natural to have been written. Blassie is at his obnoxious best. Pay close attention to Andy's delayed reaction at Blassie's "knock on wood" comment. If you're a fan of either of them, you'll love this!
MY FATHER'S WIFE - Carroll Baker stars in this foreign sex film. Her husband is an older man, who can't get sexually excited with her. On the advice of his doctor, he starts cheating on his wife with younger women. He is once again able to perform - but is till unable to perform with his wife. Frustrated, she starts having an affair with his son (her step-son). When her husband finds out, he's initially not angry at all. "It's ok to keep it in the family." This is a good film, that is better than most of its genre. The plot is legitimate, and the acting is pretty good! As usual, we still get plenty of nudity. The ending is a bit startling!
MYRA BRECKINRIDGE - This movie starts out with present day film critic Rex Reed (playing Myron) having his penis surgically removed by John Carradine. If that's not weird enough, the rest of the film is. Raquel Welch plays the title charcater. She comes to Hollywood to claim part of an acting school, in an inheritance. A plastic-looking Mae West sluts around, speaking in sexual innuendos. She even sings "Hard to handle" - covered several years later by the Black Crows. Near the end of the film, Welch anally rapes a guy. Apparently Myra and Myron are the same person. This odd piece from 1970 is very choppy and hard to follow. It's awkwardly interspliced with scenes from several other films. And just what the hell was the plot of this film anyway? Based on a book by Gore Vidal.
NATIONAL LAMPOON'S CHRISTMAS VACATION - Chevy Chase reprises his role as Clark W. Griswald Jr, in this, the third VACATION film. This time, relatives from both sides of their family are visiting for a good old fashioned family Christmas. As per the norm, everything goes wrong. Cousin Eddie shows up, Uncle Lewis blows up the tree, and Clark fails to get the Christmas bonus he was expecting. Much better than EUROPEAN VACATION, and nearly as funny as the original. Clark's Christmas light display is breathtaking! Juliette Lewis plays Audrey, in what I believe is her film debut. Julia Louis-Dreyfus plays one of the yuppie neighbors.
NATIONAL LAMPOON'S EUROPEAN VACATION - Clark W. Griswald and family win a trip to Europe on the Pig In A Poke gameshow. This is the first sequel to the original Vacation. It also set the precedent of having different actors play the children, Rusty and Audrey. Eric Idle pops up from time to time to get injured. Ellen gets kidnapped. And Clark is his usual sappy self. This features a cool song by Dr. John (New Looks), and not much else. The worst of the Vacation films.
NATIONAL LAMPOON'S VACATION - Chevy Chase stars as Clark W. Griswald. He and his family are driving to California to visit Wally World. Along the way, everything that can go wrong does - including the death of a dog, and Aunt Edna. Edna's fate is hilarious! "She can't weigh more than 100 pounds." When they finally arrive, they find that the park is closed. This was the first (and best) of the four Vacation movies. Chase is at his best, as the misguided family man with good intentions. "This is no longer a vacation. It's a quest. It's a quest for fun."
THE NEST - Some scientists are on an island community conducting research. They're trying to create a cockroach that will eat other cockroaches, but won't be able to reproduce. Unfortunately, their new breed not only reproduces, it becomes all powerful! They eat everything and everyone. Then they get the ability to morph into whatever they eat! The next thing you know, we have a cockroach cat and a cockroach human! Silly plot, but mildly amusing if you're in the right state of mind. No nudity, but a few gross scenes - including a butchered cat and dog. Yuck!
A NIGHT IN CASABLANCA - This is a comedy starring the Marx Brothers. Groucho is hired to be the manager of a hotel in Casablanca. The past owners had all been killed. One of the employees is an ex-Nazi. Somewhere in the hotel is a horde of Nazi loot. In typical slapstick fashion, the Marx brothers find the treasure and aid in the capture of the bad guys. This is a good film. There's nothing all that special about it. But it is entertaining. Best scene - Harpo holding up a building. It's brief, but it's hilarious!
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET - "Whatever you do, don't fall asleep." Bizarre murders are happening in town. Bizarre because the victims are being killed in their dreams. Long dead child murderer Freddy Krueger has invaded the dreams of several teens - including Johnny Depp, in his film debut. Heather Langenkamp plays Nancy, a girl who's figured out what's going on. Unique and original horror flick which has spawned a non-ending series of sequels. This first film is by far the best. In one scene, Nancy is watching THE EVIL DEAD on TV!
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET PART 2 - This one was dubbed as "FREDDY'S REVENGE." This time, our favorite child killer is possessing the body of a teenager. The luckless teen happens to live in the house at 1428 Elm Street - where Nancy lived in the first film. Freddy is up to his old tricks of hacking people up with his finger knives. This is a decent horror flick, though it's sometimes hard to tell what's a dream, and what isn't. The opening scene with Freddy the busdriver is interesting, but seems to have nothing to do with the plot.
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 3 - This is the third film in the series, and by far the best one. The last few surviving children of Freddy's killers are all locked up in a mental ward. Heather Langencamp gets a job in the hospital, as a doctor's aid. She's able to convince the head therapist that Freddy is attacking these kids in their dreams. A mysterious nun shows up and says that they must find Freddy's bones and bury them in hallowed ground. Really cool movie, with awesome special effects. In one scene, Freddy ties a guy to the bed using tongues! Freddy is also at his wisecracking best. "I said, where's my fucking bourbon!"
NIGHTMARES - This a horror anthology featuring four stories. The best story is the second one. It features a young Emilio Estevez (in his second film) as J.J. Cooney - a teenager obsessed with beating a video game. "I am the Bishop of Battle, master of all I survey. I have 13 progressively harder levels. Try me - if you dare." The first story is ok. The third story sucks. The fourth one has the girl from SAVANNAH SMILES and a giant rat.
NIGHT OF THE DEMONS - A bunch of highschool kids have a Halloween party in an abandoned funeral home. Before long, a demon is conjured up and starts possessing everyone. Most of the kids are wiped out, and come back possessed. Lots of gore and plenty pf nudity abound. One of them even shoves a tube of lipstick into her nipple! Typical late 1980's horror flick, but very well done. Linnea Quigley plays one of the kids. And as usual, she has trouble keeping her clothes on.
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