IF LOOKS COULD KILL - A videographer is hired to spy on a woman. The woman's employers think she's embezzling funds from their bank. He tapes her every move from her hotel room across the street from her highrise apartment building. When the woman turns up dead, he's discovered and becomes the prime suspect in her murder. He then finds out that he's unable to locate the guy who hired him. Was he set up? This cool little thriller has some very nice nude scenes. Voyeurs will approve! There's also a wicked scene in which a guy gets his arm ripped off by an elevator!
I LOVE YOU - Sonia Braga stars in this Brazilian drama/comedy. She meets a guy who just got dumped. This guy has some real problems. He videotapes everything around him. Braga pretends to be a prostitute. They spend the rest of the film (mostly naked) talking, dancing, singing, playing strange games, and having sex. This odd film has English subtitles. I believe it's supposed to be a drama, but it's laced with some really bizarre humor. There's plenty of nudity, but it would probably be more entertaining had it made more sense.
I GO POGO - This is an animated feature based on Walt Kelley's POGO comic strip. All the characters are animals. They live in a swamp. Everyone wants Pogo to run for president. But he doesn't want the job. While he repeatedly refuses, the rest of the animals carry on as if he is running. This film is ok. There are some laughs. The story seems to be a parody of the American political system. Kids will probably enjoy this, even though they'll have no idea what it's about.
ILSA: ABSOLUTE POWER - Dyanne Thorne stars as Ilsa (or Greta, or Wanda - depending on which version you're watching). She plays the boss of a South American women's prison-type hospital. All the "patients" are sexual deviants. When a girl is reported as having died in the hospital, her sister gets herself committed, in order to find out what happened to her. What she finds is lesbianism and torture. There's group shower scenes, naked fights, boot licking, lesbianism, rape and torture. Our hero is also forced to wipe another girl's butt, after she went to the bathroom! Typical Ilsa movie, which features everything you'd hope it would, and more. The women are forced to go bottomless as well! Ilsa's demise is both unexpected and repulsive. Great flick!
ILSA: HAREM KEEPER OF THE OIL SHEIKS - Our favorite wicked woman is in charge of an oil sheik's harem. She oversees the kidnapping of women, who are then locked in a chastity belt, until the sheik unlocks them. Unbeknownst to them, there organization is being investigated by the authorities. Once again, men and women are tortured. A guy is burned to death, a woman has her breasts squished in a bizarre device, there's also torture by ants. Even Ilsa breaks the rules and is forced to be pleasured by a nasty-looking burn victim. The big breasted Ilsa also has sex with one of the men. Decent flick, which features more shoot-em-up violence than other Ilsa films. This has several chick with gun scenes.
ILSA: SHE WOLF OF THE SS - Dyanne Thorne stars as Ilsa, the gigantic breasted leader of a WWII German concentration camp. As with all Ilsa films, this one is loaded with lots of sex and violence. Ilsa castrates the male prisoners after having sex with them, until she finds one that can hold his orgasm indefinitely. Meanwhile her doctors perform torturous experiments on the female prisoners. Women are gang raped, whipped, burned, shaved and jolted with electricity in their privates. Ilsa even pees on a German general who comes to visit the camp. He got pleasure from it! There's also some lesbian action. Wondefully brutal - a must for all fans of the genre!
ILSA: THE TIGRESS OF SIBERIA - This is Dyanne Thorne's fourth film as Ilsa. This time, she's Russian! The movie starts out in Siberia, in 1953. Ilsa is up to her old tricks. As commander of a gulag, she tortures prisoners, drowns them, and feeds them to a tiger. She also seduces some of the prisoners, as well as her own guards. Eventually, her own government forces her out. Ilsa escapes. The rest of the film takes place in Montreal, in 1977. Ilsa is now running a brothel. Strangely, she doesn't seem to have aged much! A chance encounter with an ex-prisoner, who escaped her gulag occurs, and she plans to finish the job she'd started 24 years earlier. She tries to sleep with him first though, of course! Decent flick, which looks more like a "real" film, as opposed to Ilsa's typical exploitation films. But as always, there's plenty of sex and violence. Ilsa changes her nationality in every film!
IMAGINE: JOHN LENNON - This is a documentary about the ex-Beatle. It covers his entire life, from birth to death. It features news footage, as well as home movies of him and Yoko. There are interviews with Yoko, as well as with John's first wife Cynthia, his two children Julian and Sean, and Beatle producer George Martin. If you're a fan of the man, you'll love this movie. You even get to see John and George trash Beatle "Ed" (Paul McCartney). Lennon may have been a bit odd at times. But he was funny, entertaining, and continues to be greatly missed. "Psychedelic fantasy is reality to me."
I'M GONNA GIT YOU SUCKA - This is a spoof of the 1970's blaxploitation flicks. Keenen Ivory Wayans stars as Jack Spade. Jack returns home, after the death of his brother Junebug. Junebug died of an O.G. "Overgold" - (he wore too many gold chains). Jack decides to go after notorious criminal Mr. Big (played by John Vernon). He enlists the help of blaxploitation stars Bernie Casey, Jim Brown, and Isaac Hayes. This is a very funny and well done movie, whuch cleverly spoofs those 1970's action flicks. It's nice to see that Casey, Brown, and Hayes can spoof themselves. Damon Wayans, Chris Rock, and Eve Plumb (Jan Brady of TV's The Brady Bunch) also costar. Don't miss the platform "fish" shoes of the former "pimp of the year!"
INCOMING FRESHMEN - A shy, naive girl begins college. She meets a guy, but is a little afraid about the concept of sex. Her roommate Vivian has no problems with it though! There's not much more of a plot. There's also a very fat professor named Bilbo. Bilbo envisions his students in various stages of undress. Luckily for us, we get to see what he "sees." Virtually plotless, with several nude scenes. Surprisingly, despite the name "Bilbo" there are no dildo references!
INDIANA JONES AND THE LAST CRUSADE - Harrison Ford stars as Indiana Jones, in the second sequel to RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK. Sean Connery plays Ford's father. Ford joins his father in his quest to find the holy grail. After various chases and battles with Nazis, as well as coming face to face with Adolph Hitler, they're able to find it. This is a wonderful adventure, with non-stop excitement. The quest and search for the grail is also quite fascinating. River Phoenix plays the young "Indy" in a short flashback at the beginning of the film. "She talks in her sleep."
INHIBITION - A wealthy woman takes her young secretary (Ilona Staller) to Africa. While there, they each have lots of sex - sometimes with each other. There's also some guy who's come to town for gambling. He gets involved with both of them also. There's not much plot to speak of, just a lot of nudity. In one scene, some guy is selling blow up sex dolls on the street. For an extra $2.00 people can try it out before buying it! In real life, Staller (a former porn star) went on to be elected to the French parliament!
INNERSPACE - Dennis Quaid is a pilot. He's chosen to be part of an experiment. He's to be shrunken (along with a ship) and then injected into the body of a rabbit. When some bad guys show up, he's accidentally injected into Martin Short. Quaid is able to "connect" to Short's eardrum, allowing them to communicate. Short spends the rest of the film eluding the bad guys and trying to retrieve a computer chip which will help remove Quaid and make him normal sized again. Joe Dante directed this pretty decent flick. Short is funny, doing his usual schtick. Meg Ryan costars as Quaid's girlfriend. Look for a fully-haired Robert Picardo as "the cowboy."
INQUISITION - Typical Euro-trash flick. Women are being accused of being witches. Some priest tortures them in order to get them to confess. One woman gets her nipple ripped off! Another woman's husband is killed. She thinks the priest did it. How does she get back at him? She sells her soul to some demon, and has sex with the priest. In fact, the priest may actually be the devil himself! Confused yet? Well, like many films of its genre, this one seldom makes sense. It also features several nubile young women with all their clothes off - the film's one redeeming value.
ISLAND OF ADVENTURE - Three British teens go to stay with a relative of one of them. Nearby is an island named Gloom. It's supposedly a mysteriuos place where no one goes. So of course, they decide to visit it. For some reason, one of the kids takes a parrot along with them. While wandering through caves, they stumble across counterfeiters. Odd film, which probably no one has ever seen. Except for a little violence, the plot resembles a live action Scooby Doo episode. Wilford Brambell (Paul's grandfather in A HARD DAY'S NIGHT) plays the uncle of one of the kids.
ISLE OF THE DEAD - Boris Karloff stars in this 1945 horror flick. He plays a Greek general in 1912. He travels with a reporter to a mysterious island where his wife is buried. While there, a plague hits the fewer than 10 inhabitants. Ok flick, but it's a little slow. It has a little voodoo and witchcraft thrown in as well. Karloff is is usual deep-voiced self, as the hardnosed general. Karloff supposedly injured his back while making this film.
I WALKED WITH A ZOMBIE - This 1943 horror film is about a woman who gets a nursing job in the Caribbean, caring for a woman. The woman is a living zombie. She walks, but can do nothing more. She'd been zombie-ized by local witch doctors. The nurse ends up trying to cure her. This is a creepy movie, with a chilling atmosphere. The zombie woman does a great job. She's essentially an emotionless living corpse. Good movie, yet incredibly short. It's only 69 minutes long!
JASON GOES TO HELL - At the end of FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VIII, Jason Voorhees had devolved back into a little boy, and was lying dead and naked in a New York City sewer. However, he's back again - full sized and adorned with a hockey mask. How did this happen? Who knows, but does it really matter? Jason is tempted with a young nubile woman, taking a shower. She runs and leads him into the woods, where a government assault team blows him up into several pieces! As his autopsy is being performed, his heart starts beating. The coroner then eats Jason's heart! Jason's "evil" can now possess people and move from body to body. Jason is looking to be reborn from another Voorhees. He has a sister and a niece left. So he heads back to Crystal Lake. Apparently, he can only be killed by a Voorhees as well. Jason does get reborn, but gets defeated as well. Is this the end for the big guy? Don't bet on it! Much gorier than the previous eight films. Don't miss the unexpected final scene!
JAWS - Up from the depths of the Atlantic, comes a monstrous great white shark, affectionately knowns as Jaws. Roy Scheider stars as Chief Brody, police chief of the island town of Amity. The town's summer fun is shattered when Jaws starts eating swimmers. Richard Dreyfuss and Robert Shaw go out in a boat with Brody, in order to kill it. This film features an unforgettable score by John Williams. Favorite scene - Brody's first view of Jaws, after tossing some chum into the water. "We're gonna need a bigger boat."
JAWS 2 - The big shark is back! Once again, the island town of Amity is the sight for more shark attacks. Once again, the mayor refuses to listen to reason. Only Roy Scheider believes the truth. You would think that a beached killer whale with a gigantic bite in it would be pretty obvious. Are all mayors this stupid? One character comments that sharks don't attack for personal reasons. Apparently the makers of JAWS IV: THE REVENGE were unaware of this!
JAWS OF SATAN - This 1979 horror film has many similarities to JAWS. We have a town in which several residents are being bitten and killed by snakes. The mayor ignores the threat. He doesn't want any distractions to ruin the opening of the town's new dogtrack. Fritz Weaver is a priest. His grandfather persecuted the druids. (Who's didn't?) Subsequentally, they put a curse on his family. As it turns out, Satan has taken the form of a snake. It's Weaver's holy duty to do battle with it. Typical horror film which features some nasty snake bites. Look for a very young Christina Applegate as a girl who gets bit. "A priest would make a bright flame in hell."
JULIA - College student Patrick takes a train, on his way home to visit his father. While riding, he sees a woman have sex with a total stranger. When he gets off the train, he learns that the woman is his new stepmother! Back home, he pursues a neighbor named Julia (Sylvia Kristel). Both he and Julia are virgins. Obviously, these two will have to get together - but not before they each experience someone else - very close to home! Decent movie, which features nudity and lesbians. There's also a naked fat guy playing a piano on a dock. "You can't go around raping maids."
JURASSIC PARK - Steven Spielberg directed this dinosaur mega-blockbuster. A team of scientists have extracted dinosaur DNA from fossilized mosquitos and have bred dinosaurs on a tropical island. The dinosaurs are intended for an island theme park. When an employee tries to steal some of the embryos, he sabotages the park's security system and the dinosaurs are released. The remaining employees must then run for their lives from the hungry beasts. Great film, with stunning, computerized special effects. At the time of its release, it became the second highest grossing film of all time. An awful sequel followed.
JUSTINE - Bawdy romp set in Europe, circa 1800's. Justine and her sister stay at a convent. But this is no ordinary convent. There is some major lesbianism going on here! When Justine is attacked by the head mother, her and her sister decide to go to London. What's a girl to do in London? Well, they join a whorehouse of course! They are taught the lessons of whoredom, thanks to a more than willing subject named George. Eventually Justine leaves the whorehouse and takes shelter with a pastor. As luck would have it, the pastor tries to assault her. After the pastor falls off a roof, she ends up staying with a horde of thieves. She escapes from them, but is eventually caught, attacked by a dog, raped, and tossed dead into a river. This girl had the worst luck. Typical foreign soft core sex film, with ample nudity. Koo Stark played the luckless Justine.
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