The Walrus Movie Review Page: R & S List

RAMBO - Sylvester Stallone is back as Rambo, in this first sequel to FIRST BLOOD. Rambo is taken out of prison and put back on duty in Vietnam. He's sent in to verify that a prison camp isn't holding any P.O.W.'s. Well, sure enough, he finds some. Rambo then plays one man gang and kills maybe a few hundred people, a village, and a helicopter, on his way to rescuing them. Very implausible, but this was a monster box office hit, and cultural phenomenon. Stallone doesn't say a whole lot, until the end, when he gives us a speech even sillier than the one he did at the end of the first film. "I want... what they want..."

REAL GENIUS - A 15-year-old boy genius enters college. Val Kilmer plays his equally brilliant roommate, Chris. Unbeknownst to them, they have been recruited by their professor to create a powerful laser. Their professor has been assigned the project by the government, who has some less than admirable plans to use the laser as a weapon. Kilmer is hilarious as the free-spirited Chris. Michelle Meyrink is equally funny as Jordan, a girl who you'll swear has been taking some sort of hyper pills. JOYSTICK's King Vidiot plays Laslo, a former student who now lives in their closet. Be sure not to miss VALLEY GIRL'S Deborah Foreman, as a girl who has her "standards." A very funny film!

RETRIBUTION - George Miller tries to kill himself by jumping off a hotel roof. He somehow survives and is sent to a mental hospital to recover. After he recovers, he has strange dreams, in which he sees himself killing other people. The following mornings, the papers' headlines report of gruesome murders - the same murders he committed in his dreams. This is a fresh take on an old theme. It has a good story and some good gore too. One guy gets sucked into a cow carcass and is grinded through a buzzsaw! This film is well worth a look.

RETURN OF THE JEDI - This is episode VI - the second sequel to STAR WARS. Luke and the others return to Tatooine to rescue Han Solo from the vile clutches of Jabba The Hutt. Soon the Rebels unite in one final stand to fight the Empire's new Death Star, and destroy the Emperor, who is staying aboard it. Once again, George Lucas provides a wonderful film and closes out the Star Wars saga. And geez, quit picking on the Ewoks! They're not THAT bad! We also see that Darth Vader / Anakin Skywalker finally does bring balance to the force. It sure took a long enough time though!

RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD - Wonderful 1980's tongue-in-cheek horror flick. A gas is released, causing corpses to rise from the dead, in search of human brains to eat. Their target: a bunch of punk rocker teens, one of which takes off her clothes in a graveyard, and spends the rest of the film running around naked. Cool! Two of the characters actually "die" but remain conscious. Rigor mortis even sets in on them - and man is it painful! Great film which is both funny and very entertaining. "Did you ever fantasize about all the different ways of dying - violently?" "Do you wanna party - it's party time!"

RETURN TO MAYBERRY - This is a made for TV film , featuring most of the original cast of the Andy Griffith TV series. Andy returns to Mayberry with the intention of running for Sheriff - until he learns that Barney is running as well. He doesn't want to run against Barney. Opie's about to have his first child. A hotel owner has placed a plastic dragon in a river, in hopes to scare people, as well as make Barney look foolish, and thus, hurt his election chances. Nice little movie also features Gomer and Goober among others. Kudos to the writers who turned town drunk Otis into a non-drinking ice cream salesman.

REVENGE OF THE CHEERLEADERS - Much to the chagrin of the students, two high schools are going to combine into one. It's up to the cheerleaders to stop it! Before they're able to, they all run around naked and and even surprise the boys in their shower room! One of the girls (Cheryl "Rainbeaux" Smith) is several months pregnant - but that doesn't prevent her from getting naked as well. One of the boys is a young, gangly David Hasselhoff. He plays a character named Boner. Hasselhoff also has a complete nude scene! Later on, he does a ridiculous dance! If naked men and women is what you like, this film is for you!

REVENGE OF THE NERDS - Skip the endless numbers of sequels, and watch this one multiple times! Pre-TV hunk Anthony Edwards and Robert Carradine play Gilbert and Lewis, a pair of stereotypical nerds. Along with their fellow outcasts, they form their own fraternity and go to war with the evil Alpha Betas. It all culminates with a really cool techno-pop song at the homecoming carnival. Kudos to Edwards for his stirring speech about ending "nerd persecution." And a special nod to Booger - the king of crudeness and belching. "We've got bush. We've got bush."

REVENGE OF THE NERDS II - This sequel to REVENGE OF THE NERDS was subtitled "Nerds In Paradise." Our favorite nerds are off to Fort Lauderdale as representatives of their college, to participate in some sort of multi-fraternity meeting. While there, they run into problems with old enemies - the Alpha Beta's. As in the first film, the nerds overcome persecution, sing a song, and end up on top. Ridiculously, Ogre is made into an honorary nerd. Ok film, which did not need to be made. More sequels (some TV made) followed. Anthony Edwards briefly reprises his role as Gilbert.

REVENGE OF THE STEPFORD WIVES - This is a made for TV sequel to THE STEPFORD WIVES. Sharon Gless plays a reporter, investigating the "perfect" little town of Stepford. What she discovers is that the women of the town have been made into robot-like slaves, catering only to their husbands' every whim. With the help of Julie Kavner (voice of Marge Simpson) she is able to defeat the evil Men's Association. Strange, every man may boast that this is the life they'd like to lead, but it's awfully creepy to picture women like that. Don Johnson plays Kavner's husband.

RICHARD PRYOR LIVE IN CONCERT - This was the first (and best) of Pryor's concert films. Pryor is at his absolute best, discussing everything from heart attacks, fighting, sex, and ass-whoopings. Pryor had a knack for telling stories and animating them with his bodily moves. If you've never seen Pryor's stand up routine, be sure to view this. It's a top comedian at his absolute funniest. "Macho man - I'll take that knife and shove it up your ass!"

RITUALS - Hal Holbrook and four fellow doctors decide to go camping and fishing in the wilderness. After the first night, they discover that someone has stolen their boots. Soon after, they are killed off one by one. As it turns out, a disgruntled WWII veteran got some incompetent medical procedures done to him. Luckily for him, it just happened to be five doctors that came out to the wilderness. It gave him a chance for revenge! Ok drama, but this is no DELIVERANCE. This film features a few nasty sequences. However, you may find yourself rooting for the bad guy, as the doctors aren?t very likable.

ROBOCOP - This film takes place in Detroit, in the near future. Crime has run rampant. Peter Weller plays a cop named Murphy. After he's killed in the line of duty, he is brought back to life as a cyborg supercop. Robocop proves to be virtually unstoppable, and cleans up a lot of crime. Though Murphy's memory was supposedly wiped clean, he begins to have some flashbacks - specifically of his family, and of the gang that killed him. Highly entertaining movie, which is surprisingly gory. Did you ever wonder what you'd look like if you were splashed with radioactive waste? Watch this film. "I'd buy THAT for a dollar!"

ROCKY II - Sylvester Stallone is back as the title character, in the first sequel to ROCKY. This time around, the "relaxed brained" Rocky gets married, has a baby, and faces Apollo Creed in a rematch from the first film. Stallone is very likable as the slow but endearing boxer. Burgiss Merideth is back as Mickey, Rocky's trainer. The boxing scenes are totally unrealistic, but who cares. The ending leaves no surprises. "Yo Adrian, I did it!"

ROMEO & JULIA - This is a foreign sex comedy. Romeo and Julia get married. They stop in a field to drink and screw. Then three guys come by and have sex with Julia. The couple then hitches a ride with a mafia boss who puts them to work on stage in his bar, performing stripteases and dirty skits. This film features plenty of nudity, lots of sex, and even some wife-swapping. There's even a stripper who sounds like a munchkin when she sings. Don't expect much of a plot.

RONA JAFFE'S MAZES AND MONSTERS - Tom Hanks stars in this made for TV movie about a group of kids playing a game - which is strikingly similar to Dungeons And Dragons. When the group play a new version of the game, in a set of caves, rather than on a board, Hanks loses his mind. Instead of playing, he begins to think that the game is real. Soon he believes he is his character, and heads off to New York to search for "the twin towers." This is a very good movie. It's a bit campy maybe, but quite entertaining. Chris Makepeace plays J.J. Broadway, a boy 16-year-old genius who wears a different hat in almost every scene. Why? Who knows!

ROOM SERVICE - The Marx borthers star in this 1938 comedy. Groucho plays a producer. He's trying to get a play made. He and his cast have been staying in a hotel, on credit. When the hotel owner finds out, he tries to kick them out. Groucho and friends spend the rest of the film trying not to get evicted from their room. This is a really funny movie. Don't miss the eating scene, where Harpo practically shovels food into his mouth! Look for Lucille Ball in a small role.

R.S.V.P. - Real life porn star Harry Reems stars as a Hollywood socialite who writes a "fictional" tell all book about people and events in the film industry. Virtually all of this sex comedy is shown through a series of flashbacks. The flashbacks center around a party at a mansion, in honor of Reems' book, and the possibility of it being made into a film. The party is full of extra-marital affairs, fully naked women, and a dead governor. This lewd, but entertaining movie features every sexual suggestion imaginable. There's also a Chinese guy who apparently delivers food for every restaurant in town. "$97.50 - get paid!"

RUNNING SCARED (1986) - Billy Crystal and Gregory Hines are two buddy cops in Chicago. Jimmy Smits plays a bad guy named Gonzalez. Crystal and Hines take a forced vacation to Key West, buy a bar, and decide to retire. Before they quit, they want to nail Gonzalez. This film was surprisingly funnier than I expected. Crystal and HInes have a good chemistry. Don't miss the car chase on the El! Jonathon Gries (JOYSTICKS' King Vidiot) plays a fellow cop.

SALEM'S LOT - This late 1970's horror film is based on a Stephen King novel. David Soul is a writer who has returned to his hometown of Salem's Lot, to write a book. James Mason has secretly moved to town, along with his "master" - a vampire. Before long, people begin dying. Eventually, Soul figures out what's going on, and sets out to kill the head vampire. This is a very good movie, with several genuinely scary moments. Some of the vampires are children, who come to their friends' windows in the night - scratching on them and asking to be let in. Creepy, creepy stuff! The scene in the cemetery still gives me chills. Kudos to Reggie Nalder, who plays the ungliest vampire on the big screen since Max Schreck's Nosferatu.

SAVING PRIVATE RYAN - Tom Hanks stars in this WWII epic. Matt Damon is Private James Ryan, a soldier whose three brothers were recently killed in action. The U.S. States Department has ordered that he is to be sent home. Hanks is the team Captain sent to look for him. Nearly three hour film, which shows the truly gruesome effects of war. A very fine flick.

SCALPS - A group of college students go into the desert to search for Indian artifacts. One guy becomes possessed by a dead indian, and starts scalping people. Then he rapes one of the women. Though this film only lasts 74 minutes, it moves very slowly. In fact, it's rather boring. The acting is pretty bad. Check out the old indian in the grocery store - his shaking arm looks ridiculous! When this film was released on video, a second film, THE SLAYER, was also included on the tape!

SCANNERS - 13 minutes into this film, a guy's head blows up. It's truly the highlight of this movie. There are a bunch of people called "scanners." They have the ability to kill people with their minds. They can cause people to have massive brain damage and increased heart beats. Michael Ironside plays Devok, a scanner who wishes to gather his fellow scanners and take over the world. Some organization has their own scanner to try and stop him. Some people swear by this movie. I don't get it. Save from a few nice gore scenes, the film is a bit bland. The film ends with a nifty showdown between the two scanners. The end result is quite unique. David Cronenberg directed.

SCARECROWS - A group of five or six miltary people (one woman!) steal over $3,000,000 from the government, and get away by hijacking a small plane. When one of them parachutes out with the money, the others land to find him. They land in the middle of the night, in a big field full of scarecrows. Before long, some of the scarecows come to life and hunt down the group. This is a seldom seen, very creepy flick, whuch offers llegitimate chills. Good movie, but I've never seen a military woman with hair like the woman portrayed here. If you can find this flick, by all means, check it out!

SCREAM AND SCREAM AGAIN - Vincent Price, Christopher Lee, and Peter Cushing all star in this early 1970's horror film. Price is a mad scientist, working on creating a perfect body. His male creation has the strength of 10 men, and nearly instant healing powers. The guy becomes a serial killer, referred to in the press as the "vampire killer." Price actually works for some sort of militant organization. They're trying to create a master race for the future. Good horror film, with strange opening credits. In one scene, Price's creation actually bites his own hand off! Later on, he dives into a vat of acid.

SCREAM BLOODY MURDER - Meet Matthew. When Matthew was a kid, he accidentally ran over his father with a tractor. When he jumped off, the tractor somehow managed to run over his left hand as well. Needless to say, the hand, and his father, are no more. The remainder of his childhood is spent in an institution. Now, as a young adult, Matthew is coming home - with a hook for a hand. Taking offense to his mother's new husband, he kills him with an axe. Then he kills his mother. Matthew decides to leave town. He hitchhikes, kills the couple who picked him up, kills an old woman and her maid, and takes their mansion, meets a painter/prostitute, and kidnaps her, as a "friend." "See what I do for you. I get groceries and clothes and art stuff and kill people." All the while, he keeps seeing images of his mother, calling his name. Eventually, he guts himself in a church. Demented little flick from the early 1970's. The United Home Video ad for this, claims it was shot in "gorenography."

SECRET FANTASY - Nicolo Vivaldi is a timid man. He's convinced that no one can remember his name, or who he is. He's actually correct in his assessment. While accompanying his wife to the doctor's office, he finds himself really turned on by another man seeing her naked. The next thing you know, he's taking nude photos of her. She's reluctant at first, but she soon gets into it as well. All this activity gives Nicolo new self confidence. This is a typical foreign sex film, featuring several nude scenes. In one scene, Nicolo dreams that his wife is a violincello! Nicolo's wife is played by Laura Antonelli.

SECRETS IN THE DARK - This is a foreign sex film. There's not much of a plot here. All we see are the sexual events in a city. There are a few characters though. One guy is a peeping tom who frequents whorehouses. He also frequently cheats on his wife. But his wife doesn't care. She cheats on him as well. There's also three girls who hang around and have naked pillow fights. There's lots of sex and nudity, of both men and women. One guy gets a mousetrap snapped onto his manhood. There's even a naked midget with a dildo strapped to his head! I swear, you will not have more than two minutes go by without seeing a nude woman. The film is a constant nudefest. To any and all horny males out there, this one's a winner!

SEE NO EVIL, HEAR NO EVIL - This is the third film in which Richard Pryor and Gene Wilder costarred. Pryor is blind and Wilder is deaf. They both "witness" a murder, and then are accused of committing it. After escaping from custody, they spend the rest of the film trying to catch the real killers. The two stars are very funny. Every blind and deaf cliche is used, yet it works. Pryor even drives! "We're in a warehouse, and you just hit a cow!" Kevin Spacey and Joan Severance costar.

THE SEVENTH SIGN - Demi Moore plays a pregnant woman. Unbeknownst to her, he unborn child is "the seventh sign" - a sign that the apocalypse is at hand. Apparently God is pissed. He's lost hope in mankind. Several "signs" have begun. If the seventh and final sign happens, the Earth will end. Moore's child is set to be born without a soul. This film is a bit confusing at times. But it does become interesting. In one scene, a pregant Moore takes off her bathrobe, revealing her naked frame. Her big belly is a prop though. Jurgen Prochnow costars as the messenger of God. This film also has a character who is the offspring of a brother and sister!

THE SEX O'CLOCK NEWS - This 1984 comedy stars Wayne Knight. The film is essentially 75 minutes of a fictional TV channel, KSEX. It features several comedy skits. Most of the skits have a very strong emphasis on sex. This little-seen film also borrows footage from JABBERWALK, as well as from other sources. They add their own dialogue over the scenes. There's lots of nudity, lots of sex jokes and innuendo, but very few laughs. Watch this film only for the interest of seeing Knight in his first credited role. If skit comedy is what you like, watch KENTUCKY FRIED MOVIE.

THE SHAMING - Anne Heywood stars as a 1950's high school teacher named Ms. Wyckoff. She's a lonely 35-year-old virgin. Donald Pleasence plays her therapist. One day after school, she gets raped by a black janitor named Rafe. Soon she begins having sex with Rafe everyday. Once the students and townspeople find out about it, she's chastised. Good but disturbing movie which shows the prejudices of America during this time period. It's disturbing in the fact that Ms. Wyckoff starts a relationship with the man that raped her. Despite her weaknesses, Ms Wyckoff comes off as a very strong charachter.

SHE'S 19 & READY - This is a German sex comedy. Two guys - Claus and Stephan, are vying for the affections of a girl named Eva. Eva is more than content with both of them. Eva and her cousin Britta inherit some businesses in Hong Kong and Manila. So they all travel to visit the places. They find out that the businesses aren't what they expected. This is a pretty cool movie, with cool music as well. The highlight is a disco-like song called Dschinghis Khan - sung by a group of the same name. Despite the title, Eva appears to be in her mid-20's. And though she gets naked on several occasions, she never has sex!

THE SHINING - Jack Nicholson and Shelley Duvall star in this memorable horror film, based on a Stephen King novel. Jack Torrence, along with his wife Wendy and son Danny go to stay at the Overlook Hotel, during the closed season. Jack is to be the caretaker for the place from October through May. Before long, the evil history of the place slowly takes over Jack's body and turns him into a homicidal madman. "I'm just gonna bash your brains in." Wendy and Danny must then flee from Jack, in the dead of winter. This film is a bit long, but worth it just to see Jack go nuts. "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." Kudos to Danny for his ingenius way of getting away from his axe-wielding daddy. Directed by Stanley Kubrick. "Heeeere's Johnny!"

SILENT NIGHT DEADLY NIGHT - I remember when angry parents were picketing theaters that played this. What's the problem??? It's only a killer Santa Claus movie! Little Billy is traumatized when some guy in a Santa suit butchers his parents. Soon after, he gets sent to an orphanage. When the nun tries to force him to sit on Santa's lap, little Billy punches him out! Ten years later, Billy's all grown up and working in a toy store. Of course, he's made to play Santa Claus for the kids. This causes problems. Flashbacks abound, and little Billy, suit and all, goes on a killing spree! Havoc is wreaked, until the police finally shoot him. But don't worry, Billy's little brother Richard witnesses his death, and is set to carry on the torch. "Naughty!"

SILENT NIGHT DEADLY NIGHT PART 2 - This is the sequel to SILENT NIGHT DEADLY NIGHT. It picks up where the first film let off. Younger brother Ricky has now filled the shoes (or Santa suit) of his older brother Billy. The first 40 minutes of this movie are all scenes from the first film! When we get to the new footage, we trace Ricky's life. He grew up, went nuts, killed people who were being "naughty" and was institutionalized. Then he escapes, puts on a Santa costume and kills the mother superior from the first film. This is an ok sequel. But it spends way too much time showing old footage. It has a few decent gore scenes, including a decapitated nun. Nothing says entertainment like a beheaded nun. At last count, three more sequels followed.

SISTER EMANUELLE - Laura Gemser plays a nun! (Ha ha ha!) She lives in a convent with several teenage schoolgirls. A new girl named Monica arrives. Monica's father wants to tame her wild ways. Apparently, he caught her sleeping with his new wife. "You wanted me to become closer to my stepmom, didn't you?" Monica has lesbian sex with her roommate, has sex with an escaped male convict named Rene, and even comes on to Emanuelle. But was it all a dream? Who knows. In the end, Emanuelle gives in to her sexual urges. That's the Emanuelle we know and love! Lots of nudity and lots of sex. We also have a grunting caretaker and a mother superior-type with a bladder problem.

SLAUGHTERHOUSE ROCK - A college kid named Alex starts having weird dreams. He enlists the aid of his telekinesis professor. Strange, my college didn't have any ESP courses! His teacher surmises that he's being haunted by some guy who's been dead for years. So what do they do? They go to Alcatraz! Apparently, the dead guy used to hang out there, long before the prison was ever built. Once he gets there, Alex runs into the spirit of dead rock star Sammy Mitchell - played by Toni Basil! She tells him that the guy causing all the problems was a torturer and a cannibal, who was eventually burned to death by indians! Will Alex be able to combat the evil spirit of the cannibal? How will he handle it when his friends become living dead monsters? Watch this film and find out! Strange flick, which features a cool scene in which a zombie punches his hand through someone's head!

SLAVE TRADE IN THE WORLD TODAY - This is a 1964 "shockumentary" which shows the apparent world of slavery in Africa. It has several "hidden camera" scenes, with a "telescopic lens." We see shieks and their harems, people being flogged for the privilege of being slaves, and even a strip show. Strange documentary. Was it actually real? I guess we'll never know. Interestingly, the movie was based on a book!

THE SLAYER - Two couples vacation on an uninhabited island. But are they alone? Oh no! Someone or something is wandering around, and starts killing them off one by one. One woman gets a pitchfork through her back and out her chest. Another guy gets beheaded. Ok slasher flick, which has a pretty memorable final scene. This film was so short, that when it was released on video, a second film, SCALPS, was also included on the tape!

SOMETHING EVIL - Darren McGavin stars in this made for TV movie. He and his family move into a country home, about two hours from New York City. Unfortunately, there is an evil presence lurking around. Some friends of theirs die in a car crash. McGavin's wife begins playing around with magic spells. Before long, a devil possesses their son. This is an odd, slow-moving film. Johnny Whitaker (Sid and Marty Krofft's SIGMUND & THE SEA MONSTERS) plays their son. Directed by Stephen Spielberg.

SONG OF THE SOUTH - This Disney film showcases a boy named Johnny. It appears to take place in the 1800's - sometime after the civil war. He and his family leave Atlanta and go off to the plantation of his grandmother's. While there, he meets an older black man named "Uncle" Remus. Remus tells him tales about Brer Rabbit. The Brer Rabbit stories are shown to us in cartoon form. This is a wonderful story, with wonderful music, including the memorable Zip A Dee Doo Dah. This rarely-seen film was one of the first to combine cartoons and live action in the same scene.

SPACE RAIDERS - David Mendenhall stars as a boy who stows away on a ship that gets stolen by a group of criminals. He carries a goofy-looking bug in a beer can and takes pot shots at asteroids. Throw in some ridiculous looking aliens, and we've got ourselves a film! Our one adult male hero looks like a bloated Robert Urich. This is no Star Wars. But it's not too terrible. Mindless, occasionally eye-rolling fun.

SPECTERS - Donald Pleasence is a college professor. He and a few of his students are on a dig, looking for ancient tombs. Somehow they release a form of evil, which starts killing people. This film is very disjointed. It hops from one scene to the next, and doesn't make a whole lot of sense. It's never even explained what exactly is going on. Not even a few topless scenes can save this mess. Watch this film, only if forced!

THE SPELL - A chubby teenager (who really isn't all that chubby) casts spells on the people who make fun of her. One student falls from a rope in gym class and dies. Soon all her fellow students are terrified of her. Her father wants to send her to a school overseas. Then she sets her sights on him, in order to prevent it. This is a pretty good movie, with an exciting ending, where she does battle with an unlikely foe. Helen Hunt (in quite possibly her first film role) costars as her 13-year-old sister, in this 1977 made for TV feature.

SPELLBINDER - Two guys stop a man from beating up a woman named Miranda (Kelly Preston). Miranda comes home with one of the guys, and eventually moves in with him. It turns out that she is part of a witches' coven. And they want her back! Spooky horror film, with a lead actress who is very easy on the eyes. The coven actually turns out to be a group of Satan worshipers. This is a good movie, made better by a few unexpected surprises at the end.

SPLASH - Tom Hanks nearly drowns and is rescued by Daryl Hannah. Unbeknownst to him, Hannah is a mermaid. She only has a flipper when she's in the water. After scientist Eugene Levy hoses her down and exposes her, she's taken away to an institute. Hanks has now fallen in love with her, and with the help of his brother John Candy, he sets out to rescue her. This is a wonderful love story between man and fish. Hannah is cute and naive as the proverbial fish out of water. "All my life, I've been waiting for someone. And when I find her, she's a fish."

SPRING BREAK - Another 1980's teenage horny movie. In this one, two (somewhat nerdy) guys go off to Fort Lauderdale, meet up with two party animals, and have fun in the sun. Plenty of booze and topless women abound. There's some sort of subplot involving one of the nerdy kids' stepfather running for office, as well as a hotel that is in danger of closing down. Will the rowdy group be able to save the hotel? Will nerdy guy stand up to his father? More importantly, does it really matter? "I can't find my underwear. I think they ate it."

STAR TREK II: THE WRATH OF KHAN - This is the second feature film starring the original cast. Ricardo Montalban plays Khan - Kirk's nemesis from the TV series' "Space Seed" episode. Khan and his followers escape exile from their barren planet. He then decides to seek revenge on Kirk. Excellent film, which is much, much better than the first. Save for the depressing ending, this may have been the best film in the series. (Star Trek IV is still the best). This film is very exciting, with some great action sequences. Best scene - Kirk and crew using the prefix code to lower the shields on Khan's ship.

STAR WARS - Simply put, this is the greatest film of all time. Farm boy Luke Skywalker leaves his home planet to aid the rebellion in their war against the evil Empire. With the help of Obi-Wan Kenobi, Han Solo, Chewbacca, Princess Leia, R2D2 and C3PO, he's able to save the day and destroy the Empire's dreaded Death Star. Classic story of good versus evil. Darth Vader is the epitome of screen villiany. Wonderful story with dazzling special effects. No film has ever had the cultural impact of Star Wars.

THE STEPFATHER - A man kills his whole family, then disappears. One year later, the lovely Jill Schoelen begins to suspect that her new stepfather is the killer. Her stepfather is very family oriented. The fact that Schoelen doesn't like him really irks him. Soon the new family is too much for him to handle, and he sets out to kill them too. This is a truly chilling film, with a scary sense of realism. Schoelen also has a nice shower scene. Terry O?Quinn plays the stepfather. He gets killed at the end of this film, but is somehow back for the sequel. As always, you can't keep a good killer down!

STIR CRAZY - Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor star as Skip and Harry, two friends who are mistaken for bank robbers and are given a 125 year prison sentence. When the warden sees that Skip is a natural on his mechanical bull, he wants him to compete against a rival prison, in an annual prison rodeo. Pryor and Wilder are hilarious. This is the second of four films the duo made. JoBeth Williams and Craig T. Nelson also have small roles. Some memorable moments include: putting on a pair of pants, the two of them "getting bad," and playing cards with Grossburger - he just didn't get it! "I'll be 161 years old when I get out."

STRIPES - Bill Murray and Harold Ramis play best friends who decide to leave their mundane lives and join the army. While there, Murray butts head with Sergeant Hulka (Warren Oates). Murray and Ramis are at their comedic best, as they go through basic training. It does get a bit ridiculous at the end though. But it still remains very funny. This comedy classic also features John Candy, Judge Reinhold, John Larroquette, P.J. Soles and Sean Young. Funny scene: the two phrases said by one of Ramis' foreign students.

STUART SAVES HIS FAMILY - Al Franken brings his Saturday Night Live character, Stuart Smalley, to the big screen. Stuart is a member of several 12 step programs. When not trying to get his TV show "Daily Affirmation" on the air, he's back at home, trying to help his messed up family. This is one of the better SNL movies. Franken is both funny and moving in his portrayal of the goofy Smalley. Fellow SNL alumna Julia Sweeney plays a small role as a timid receptionist. "Roz, you are a hairless, disgusting, sadistic... VAGINA!"

SUGAR COOKIES - This is a 1970's kinky sex film. A guy shoots a girl named Alta in a bizarre love game. He then sets out to replace her. His friend/lover Mary Woronov helps him. Together they lure a shy girl named Julie into their bizarre world. What follows is more strange lovemaking and lesbianism as well. This odd film features lots of nudity, with a slow moving plot. Interestingly, Lynn Lowry plays both Alta and Julie. As Alta, she wore a brunette wig. In the end, Woronov ends up being a huge bitch! Rarely-seen film is worth a look, for curiosity's sake.

SUPERMAN III - Christopher Reeve returns for his third film as the caped superhero. This time he does battle with Robert Vaughn and his super computer. Superman also has a bad reaction to Kryptonite, which turns him evil. He then straightens the leaning tower of Pisa, gets drunk in a bar, and even gets laid! Eventually he must battle his "good side" in a junkyard. Prepsosterous sequel which is way too far-fetched, but costar Richard Pryor is funny as computer wizard, Gus Gorman. Sadly, due to the events of SUPERMAN II, there was nothing they could do with Margot Kidder's Lois Lane character. "Superman's bad!"

THE SUPERNATURALS - If you've ever wanted to hear two Star Trek stars say the "F" word, watch this film! Nichelle Nichols plays an army seargant, leading a group from the 44th division, into the Alabama woods. Why are they doing this? We never really find out. Maxwell Caulfield and Levar Burton are two of her soldiers. Before long, their company is attacked by ghosts of confederates from the Civil War. In a series of flashbacks, we some kid named Jeremy, who was almost killed by a cruel union general, bring his dead mother back to life. Somehow, they both are still alive, 120 years later. Though mom hasn't aged a bit. The ghosts were killed by the union's 44th division. So naturally, they've come back for revenge - on this 44th division. Nice little flick, save for the last 20 minutes, which were a bit far-fetched.


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