02-25-02 note

This is the site to the love of my soul | home

02-25-02 note

3:20

I'm writing you again. This class (Sports Psychology) can not get any more boring. This is why I only go once a week. Well, the real reason is because you don't have work Wednesdays. I skip on that day hoping you will call and make plans, but you don't. Every time I try, you turn me down, don't seem interested, or agree but break the plans later. Maybe you just don't know how much it means to me? It's 3:20, I wonder if you called today. I know at 4:15 I'm going to run to my car, speed home, run upstairs and pray I have a second message. I still have one message so I can remember your voice. I am so scared there won't be a second message. I have been doing this run and check ever since school started. I am disappointed most of the time.

I compare you to the lottery or even that car for MTV. I get my hopes up, I try praying to God, I wish and wish and wish, I imagine how great it would be to win, but at the same time I know there is no chance in hell I would be lucky enough to actually win. God I want that car. I swear I would run the keys over to you. But I know you still wouldn't care. Nothing I can do will make you care. I think I'm going to have to start going to class on Wednesdays so I don't go crazy hoping you will call. Now I'm going crazy wondering if you called. I know all of this is making me look like a loon, but maybe I am. I am looney for you. I would do anything… but I don't know for how much longer. I know I am dying. It's hard, but I am. I tried to warn you, hoping you would think all the love I have to give is better than anything from anyone else, but you didn't. If you don't change soon, I better never hear you tell me you wish I would return to acting like this. If that's the case, you did it to yourself both times. But you also did it to me. Please love me soon, I can make you so happy.