2-27-02 note

Hardly a day goes by where I don't thank God that I met you. It was so improbable too. Online, where I didn't IM you. If I didn't have a profile or if I didn't have a computer, or if you didn't hunt me down… Without you in my life, my life would have been hell. I would still be in my room, unable to go anywhere, not be able to talk to anyone, or drive or anything. I would be 14 still. I also wouldn't know how great love is. For that alone I am so thankful. And while I dream in my head, I dream of one day when I get you back. Each time I have to be successful and rich. I picture myself going out and obtaining all the dreams you have. Not so I can say "look what you could have had" but so I can say "look what you still can." I know I would have to be rich and successful for you to like me because I am nothing. I am not trying to have a pity party but I know that I am probably the ugliest person I have ever seen. I am childish, hurtful, stupid, poor, going no where and taking my damn time in doing so. I was so amazed that someone actually wanted me. Someone as amazing as you! I didn't have many people who liked me that knew me, only a couple. But I never liked them, or if I did, I was too scared. The people I met online where always the nastiest people in this world. You weren't. I can 100% honesty say you are the most beautiful, most precious thing these eyes will ever come across. And you actually wanted to be with me. I know no one else will. And I don't want anyone else to want me. That's why I know I am going to be alone for a really long time. I have had one girlfriend my entire life. I will have one girlfriend my entire life. Every day I remember how you would try, but I would fuck things up. I am so sorry for that. If I could give up anything, I would. If I could give you anything, I would. To add to the list of bad things I am, is the worst of all. I gave up the best thing I will ever experience. You talk about how you wish you had more money, I would have sold everything I have, gotten my money out of the bank, would have done anything. But it's too late for that. I realized that last night. I hoped that I could see you on wed, thur or friday. I really look forward to those days. But now they are very rare. And you talked about taking the hope of those days away. And what hurts more is that I would want you to do one thing for me. I never ask for much, just one thing but you would be too tired because you stay up every night with Dave. Last night I decided I should end this site. I told myself it is time to kill any hope of anything now, or in the future. You and me aren't ever getting back together and the sooner I accept that, the less it will hurt. I told myself last night I was going to stop this site and give you the address, unless I changed my mind in the morning. Like every other night, I dreamt of you last night. You called and played love songs for me. You said you wanted strawberry cheesecake, so I went every where to find you some. I can not deal with these dreams anymore. I know I will love you forever but as long as I work on this site I am never going to let myself die on the inside. I have to tell myself we aren't ever getting back together. I would say I have to get over you, but I know I never will. What scares me most is that now I am going to have to hurt myself so much that I never want to get back with you., or anyone else. This is going to and has been very painful. But the sooner I finish this, the sooner I can get over the pain that I feel now. Trading one pain for another is stupid, but it's all I have. I will love you forever, too bad we couldn't be together forever. I guess I finally accepted that I'm not the best thing for you. But you have been for me, thank you so much.


	This is the site to the love of my soul \| home 2-20-02 note \| 2-20-02 note \| 2-20-02 poem \| 2-20-02 poem \| 2-22-02 note \| 2-23-02 note \| 2-24-02 note and poem \| 02-25-02 note \| 02-25-02 note \| 02-25-02 poem \| 02-26-02 note \| 02-26-02 note \| 02-26-02 poem \| 2-27-02 note 2-27-02 note Hardly a day goes by where I don't thank God that I met you. It was so improbable too. Online, where I didn't IM you. If I didn't have a profile or if I didn't have a computer, or if you didn't hunt me down… Without you in my life, my life would have been hell. I would still be in my room, unable to go anywhere, not be able to talk to anyone, or drive or anything. I would be 14 still. I also wouldn't know how great love is. For that alone I am so thankful. And while I dream in my head, I dream of one day when I get you back. Each time I have to be successful and rich. I picture myself going out and obtaining all the dreams you have. Not so I can say "look what you could have had" but so I can say "look what you still can." I know I would have to be rich and successful for you to like me because I am nothing. I am not trying to have a pity party but I know that I am probably the ugliest person I have ever seen. I am childish, hurtful, stupid, poor, going no where and taking my damn time in doing so. I was so amazed that someone actually wanted me. Someone as amazing as you! I didn't have many people who liked me that knew me, only a couple. But I never liked them, or if I did, I was too scared. The people I met online where always the nastiest people in this world. You weren't. I can 100% honesty say you are the most beautiful, most precious thing these eyes will ever come across. And you actually wanted to be with me. I know no one else will. And I don't want anyone else to want me. That's why I know I am going to be alone for a really long time. I have had one girlfriend my entire life. I will have one girlfriend my entire life. Every day I remember how you would try, but I would fuck things up. I am so sorry for that. If I could give up anything, I would. If I could give you anything, I would. To add to the list of bad things I am, is the worst of all. I gave up the best thing I will ever experience. You talk about how you wish you had more money, I would have sold everything I have, gotten my money out of the bank, would have done anything. But it's too late for that. I realized that last night. I hoped that I could see you on wed, thur or friday. I really look forward to those days. But now they are very rare. And you talked about taking the hope of those days away. And what hurts more is that I would want you to do one thing for me. I never ask for much, just one thing but you would be too tired because you stay up every night with Dave. Last night I decided I should end this site. I told myself it is time to kill any hope of anything now, or in the future. You and me aren't ever getting back together and the sooner I accept that, the less it will hurt. I told myself last night I was going to stop this site and give you the address, unless I changed my mind in the morning. Like every other night, I dreamt of you last night. You called and played love songs for me. You said you wanted strawberry cheesecake, so I went every where to find you some. I can not deal with these dreams anymore. I know I will love you forever but as long as I work on this site I am never going to let myself die on the inside. I have to tell myself we aren't ever getting back together. I would say I have to get over you, but I know I never will. What scares me most is that now I am going to have to hurt myself so much that I never want to get back with you., or anyone else. This is going to and has been very painful. But the sooner I finish this, the sooner I can get over the pain that I feel now. Trading one pain for another is stupid, but it's all I have. I will love you forever, too bad we couldn't be together forever. I guess I finally accepted that I'm not the best thing for you. But you have been for me, thank you so much.