THROUGH THE EYES OF A CHILD

© Katrina99
CH 17

"Jordan? Jordan are you home?" Rodelyn let herself in, something she'd been doing all of the time now. Half of the time Jordan didn't even get up to answer the door. She put her purse down and went to check his voice mail. 10 messages awaited him, as far back as the middle of the week. Miguel was furious, frustrated and plain afraid for his friend. He hadn't heard from him in a long time. Jordan's mom pleaded for him to call her, friends and family all tried to get him to contact them but Rod knew it was a longshot. She looked around his condo. It still looked fairly decent for someone who spent most of his waking hours here, but what had he been doing? Nothing and it showed. The kitchen was a mess and she once again set to work cleaning. This was her Sunday job now, taking care of him. He was no longer the lively jubilant man that the world loved. With Evan, his soul had died.

Rodelyn thought wistfully of their days before the tragedy, his joking, his smiles, his obvious love for her. Even thought she knew it was there, he showed no signs of caring for anything or anyone else. There were so many times that she wanted to find Linda and kill her herself for putting Evan through all that pain, causing his death and making Jordan the man he had become. There was a warrant out for her arrest but who knows where she was now. A witness had come forth giving his eyewitness view of the crash and described Linda to a 't.' Everyone knew that it was because of her Evan ended up in that hospital.

Finishing the kitchen she headed into Jordan's bedroom where he was balled up in the fetal position on his four poster bed. He looked like a small child himself sleep, his hair messed, his t-shirt and shorts wrinkled and obviously dirty. She didn't even wake him, she stood there watching him wishing there was something she could do to help him, besides just being there for him. She proceeded to pick up the trash, and old clothes from his floor and cleaned up the room a little. Jordan awoke when he heard her rummaging around. He turned around to his other side and just stared at her.

"Hey." She said standing up to look at him.

"Hey." He said softly. She knew that was all he'd probably say to her. She sat down on the bed and smiled at him, running her hand through his hair.

"Sleep much?" He mumbled attempting to sit up, but deciding not to use the energy he just lay there.

"Jordan how long are you going to go on like this?" She tried to say it as nicely as she could but she needed to talk to him, now. Jonathan was right.

"I really don't know Rod. I just, I'm-my baby is gone." He looked at her with tears in his eyes and she felt like such a bad person, but she had to tell him.

"I know Jordan, we all miss him, but we know you do more than anybody, but you're going to have to start living again soon. Honey, everyone is worried about you, you don't get up, you won't answer your door, you won't even visit your mom. Miguel is going to personally come over here and whip you into standing position." She smiled hoping to get the same response from him. "I'm not telling you to get over him because you will never be able to do that, but you can start being alive. For Evan, for yourself and for us." She sighed. Well at least he'd sat up a little. "I have something to tell you Jordan and I really don't know how you're going to take it. This isn't something that's going to wait though." He was looking at his tv, some soap opera was on and even thought he hadn't the slightest idea what it was about, he looked like he was almost into it.

"I'm pregnant Jordan." He heard her say. Any other time in his life he would have been jumping up and down and screaming overjoyment at his love being pregnant with his baby. He did love her, still, she stood by him when anyone else would have just given up after a week, or a month, but she was constantly here living for him. He felt immensely guilty that he could not show her his gratitude, but he was still way too brokenhearted to even tell her he loved her. A baby? He'd just lost one and now he was going to have another. What? As a replacement? What was God doing to him? Evan wasn't a dog or a fish, once one dies, you go out and get another. Evan was his son, and he hadn't even known that until it was way too late. He didn't even get a chance to tell him. Gawd, things could have been so different for him if only Jordan had known. He could have lived a normal life with a father that cared for him more than anyone could ever imagine. Many times Jordan had thought back to that day when he'd left Evan in the house after Linda threatened to hit him. "If only I was his father." He'd thought on the way home. "I could have taken him out of there." How was he to know that he could have, and should have? He hated himself for not ever thinking of that possibility and he hated Linda so much for not letting him know. She had to have known, she HAD to.

"Jordan?" Rodelyn was now standing in front of the television right in Jordan's line of view. He stared as if he was looking right through her. "I said, I'm pregnant."

"I know, I heard." Was all he said. What did she really expect him to say?

"How do you feel about that?" She needed to hear him talk.

"Rod, I don't know, I honestly don't know. I can't think right now, I can't even give you an honest answer and I won't lie to you." He sat quiet for a moment then� "When are you due?" He'd already figured that she was about three months pregnant.

"Around September. I've been afraid to tell you because of how you're feeling but I didn't want to go on without you knowing until I was starting to show." She almost sounded guilty and he wanted to cry for her. He knew she hated this just as much as him, and he was sorry, but he just couldn't be his old self right now. "Anyway, I just wanted to tell you so you would know." She left the room to do some laundry and Jordan quickly fell back to sleep.

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