My adopted family told me from day one that I can remember that I was adopted. I knew they loved me in their own way, but something was missing. I felt out of place, different, not THEIR'S, and a whole bunch of feelings I am still trying to identify.

When I was little I had been told how "special" I was because God gave me to my adopted parents. My birth mother could not keep me. I grew up wondering what "special" meant, because I always felt like something was missing. I felt I lacked the ability to be loved. I wondered if I was a burden to my adopted family because my REAL mom (the birth mother - Ginger) could not keep me.

I never remember feeling abandonment because I had been told I was "SPECIAL" and "CHOSEN" by my foster/adopted family, but I did not know what those words meant. I did not feel whole inside. When I questioned the feelings of emptiness inside me, my very religious adopted minded parents said those words meant and that emptiness I had felt was because I did not give my total self to God. That meant every feeling and all of my self. Their idea was God solved everything and forgave everything.

I agree with that to an extent. I believe in God. I am thankful for the things He has given to us and shown us, but I also believe you have to help yourself first and show others love, acceptance and kindness, not the inconsistencies I felt and saw growing up.

  
Tina ages 2 yrs, 5 yrs, and 6 yrs old

I always wondered who my birth mom was, why didn't she keep me, did she really love me? I loved her. She was my mom and she gave me away. I knew that must have been hard and that it must of been because she couldn't keep me that she must not of had a choice. I couldn't believe that she didn't want me and just gave me away. The only thing I knew for sure was her name, "Virginia (and I knew the last name)" and I knew she loved me. When I thought of her, I felt a sense of peace and knew that she must have bonded with me during her pregnancy. I thought of her often growing up and when I did, I felt a sense of peace especially when I heard or said her name. I knew that someday I would find her, I don't know how but I just knew it!!

-- cont. on page 3 hit the next button