I finally asked Tina for some space to heal myself. The sad thing is when one asks for time and space from a fearful wounded person they tend to take this as rejection. I know because I had done this myself in my own early recovery I tried very hard in many letters to explain to Tina I just couldn't handle her emotions as well as my own. I understood everything she was going through but I could not meet her needs. I knew my little girls' fears were so similar to my own fears in my early in my own recovery. So I tired not to take them personally. However she came across very demanding and pushy. If I had not of had recovery I would of ended up in giving into those demands and the trap of trying to fix Tina and make it ok for her. I had a hard time making it ok with me at that time. I know from my own recovery I have to make it ok with me first or I won't have anyone else or I will get drunk. I didn't want to loose her again. However I could not live in a game of being pushed and feeling responsible for someone else choices or life. I trusted that one day we would be back together again. I just didn't know when. I did know it would happen. I felt Tina needed time to work through her own 31 years before she found me. I needed to work on all my grief, loss, and emotional turmoil I was feeling around my dad's and mother's death.
I needed time out. I took it. I am extremely glad that I did. I had not stopped loving Tina. Love was not the issue here. My sanity was.
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