As time went on and my adopted brothers and sisters all left home (they were all 10, 12, 14, and 16 years older than me) I felt so alone. I felt like a burden on my adopted parents. I felt like the third wheel and that no one understood me. I wanted someone ANYONE to listen to me and hug me.

Seemed like everyone was there but yet as soon as I got to know them, they would be gone. I felt different. I had many things happen to me growing up, abuse, lack of the love I needed, and I didn't feel like I fit in. I spent much of my life alone, listening to music, trying to be ok, to feel safe and loved with those song lyrics playing in my ears.

After I graduated from high school and nursing school at 17 years old, I finally felt like maybe I could be in charge of my own life. I began experimenting with alcohol to fit in with the crowd by going out with the nurses and doctors after work. I thought this was love and acceptance. However, this did not sit well with my religious minded parents. I began hearing how wrong I was which added to my insecurities already. I felt so very alone.

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Tina ages 14 yrs, 17 yrs, and 17 yrs old (Graduation)

I began to look for love in all the wrong places. I looked to any MALE patient at the hospital to give me the love I thought I needed and that of course now I know today was my extreme neediness for love.

I found one patient who I connected with and ended running away from home with one night after many months of fighting with my parents. I felt a sense of loss in my life, the emptiness and missing love. I longed and dreamed to find someone, anyone to love me. My patient Don and I became very close. I wanted and needed his strong arms around me. I wondered if it was because I never had that or because I longed for it so? I knew inside somehow that if I had his baby to care for that the baby would make me feel loved and safe.

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Tina's infancy | Tina's adolescence "SPECIAL" | Tina's Young Adulthood (looking for love) | Tina's search begins | Tina and Ginger's Reunion | Struggles in our relationship | Tina's working on healing | Healthy Mother Daughter Relationship | Birthmother Ginger's Story | Ginger's Childhood | Ginger at the Group and Foster Homes | Rock-a-bye-bye-baby | Home for UnWed Mothers | Empty Arms - Empty Soul | Ginger's Empty Cradle | Ginger's Recovery | Hello? I am looking for my mother. | Getting to know you | The Seperation | Real Love Never Dies | Come here and sit on my knee |