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|   I am looking for my Mother. My mother had just passed away a few months before. I knew the power of recovery, love and God. My mother and I had come to terms with the hurts, sorrows, and fears we had between us. Recovery had given me my parent's back in a healthy and most wonderful way. I had learned to love them deeply as I felt their love and acceptance as well. I felt the sadness of her death deeply. Yet I knew that I knew that she loved me and I didn't have anything left to prove to her. Recovery gave me the ability to be free to be just her daughter. I was setting in my chair early one morning. I was reflecting on my life when the phone rang. There was this sweet little voice on the other end asking for a Virginia S. Since my drinking days no one had called me that. I still have fears that some day somewhere someone will call and tell me something I did that I cannot remember. I said no. Then I asked why. This sweet little voice said I have every reason to believe that SHE is my mother. *** (Part of our conversation here) Please take time to listen. *** My child my beautiful child. I had thought I would never hear her voice. I wanted someone to pinch me to tell me that this was not a dream. I had dreams of hearing my baby's voice since they day I was forced to give her away. After the conversation I was crying and telling my husband to tell me I was awake and that this was true. I cried so hard. I said to myself I wouldn't believe this till I see her. Tina told me I had 3 more grandchildren and a son-in law. Wow a son-in-law. And grandchildren. I had so many emotions going on all at the same time. I had so many questions. Would Tina like me? What would she think when I told her of my life and sorrows. What would she do when she saw me for the first time? What did she look like? I was a nervous wreck. I had waited for this day. Now it was here. Would everything be as I had expected or anticipated??? READ the 5 Stages of Reunion A few days later I received pictures from Tina of herself and family, included was her first letter. (read it) I had sent her some of family and myself as well. We made a date to see each other for the first time. I was so scared. I wanted to hold her in my arms. I wanted to hold her and cry. 31 years had gone by. But the loss and feelings of love for her had increased each day of those 31 years. The day was here finally for Tina to come. I walked around like a 5-year-old wondering if she would really show up. I went back and forth to the window. I was overwhelmed with thousands of feelings. Finally, Tina, My beautiful daughter walked up to our home. My husband opened the door as I was looking out the window. I couldn't wait to get my arms around her. Today I know that scared Tina to death. I couldn't help myself I grabbed her and hugged her. We were both scared. The day went well. We looked at pictures. We shared some of our past lives and so on. I was in awe. Yes this is really real. I thought. My daughter!! My first born is setting beside me. I cannot put into words how I felt that day. I only know I was the happiest person alive at that moment. This day was worth ever moment of my recovery to feel this.
Update....Jan 2000 When I said this was the happiest day of my life it was:)I felt such happiness. I was able to put and ending to a secrets that I did not have all the information for. This gave me a great healing and wholeness that I was searching for. The last peice of my recovery that was burried. This last 4/5 years have been a Dance in the Fire of Reunion:( up down, in out, all around. I lost my (BABY) that I had loved and still do. I cannot go back and reclaim that day or that baby:( Today she is a women, with many many years of hurts. Tina herself has told me about allot of the hurts with her a-parents to whom she belongs. It is sad so sad. Yet I know today I was only responiable for giving her life. She belongs to her A-family, husband and children.To many years have gone by. It takes two people WANTING to work on feelings. For what ever reason we cannot make a relationship work. So I will be content to know I have seen and had a chance to hold my B-child and look in her face, Touch her hair and see her smile once and awhile. I have felt Tina trying to scapegoat me for all those years with out me raising her. Or that SPECIAL HELL she says I put her in:)(I had a NO choice:-( I feel that Tina has tried to put the anger, hurts, and rage on me that makes me feel like a dart board to throw all those years of anger on:(I cannot let her do this any longer. It is time for Tina to deal with the first 32 years of her life first. I have now given it back to Tina. Tina's fears, and angers are hers. I hope and pray Tina finds herself and a peacful life. I feel peaceful and calm about all of it now. I asked God, before she found me. To let me know she was alive and doing somewhat ok. He has done so.I can go on now knowing Tina is in God's hands not mine. I surrender. I am powerless.
Am I to be happy? -- cont. on page 9 hit the next button   ��
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Birthmother Ginger's Story | Ginger's Childhood | Ginger at the Group and Foster Homes | Rock-a-bye-bye-baby | Home for UnWed Mothers | Empty Arms - Empty Soul | Ginger's Empty Cradle | Ginger's Recovery | Hello? I am looking for my mother. | Getting to know you | The Seperation | Real Love Never Dies | Come here and sit on my knee |
 We would like to know what you are thinking, how our web site affected you, what you felt when you read OUR STORY, and any additional comments you may have. Thank you, Ginger and Tina |
