By September of 1996, I was in a place that I needed, demanded, and expected Ginger to give me security, love, and hope because I unconsciously felt she owed that to me. I thought that was what real love was. She chose to freely give these things to me and I was demanding them. She soon stopped giving me this love and took it all away in a heartbeat because of my demands. She could not help me; she needed to help herself first. I quickly began to rebel, to act out, and to say things Ginger had shared with me quoting her words, word for word. It made her very angry and I was pushing her away, I didn't even know it or know I was doing this.

I was afraid, I was desperately trying every measure, corner and angle that I knew of to try to keep her in my life and in essence I was pushing Ginger away faster and faster than I ever knew. All she asked was for time and space to heal, to grieve the loss of her past, her mother, and her father. I took this personally, I took it as a sign that I was not worthy of her love, she did not want me in her life anymore.

The why's, howcome's, the what if's came rushing back into my life so quickly I did not know how I was going to live. I felt totally alone again in my life despite my 3 children and my husband. I knew they loved me as best they could, but I was missing and needed that unconditional love that I thought only mothers and fathers can give.

-- cont. on page 7 hit the next button

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