 
Like in all relationships there is a honeymoon period. We call that the pink clouds stage in recovery. The getting to know you stage. When two people love each other at first they tend not to see the character flaws in each other. It is like they are the only two people in the world for the moment. They just walk around on pink clouds for awhile. Sooner or later however their feet touch ground again and then it is time to do the hard work relationships require.
Tina (my daughter) and I seemed to have fallen in love with each other very quickly. There were so many similarities between us. Some of it was genetic. Others were from our woundedness and or hurts we both felt growing up. Even though our lives had been seperate for 31 years. The bond between us was deep and solid. We had many things that seemed to parallel with each other. Those things seemed to connect us as well. I loved every letter I wrote to her. I couldn't wait to get the next on from her. Here was my baby who had grown into this beautiful woman. It was such a dream come true for me. I loved the love we felt with each other.
Tina and I sent many many long letters to each other. We were starved for each other. After all we had waited 31 years to come to know each other. I told her as much as I could. I couldn't get enough of her. Tina wanted to know everything about me. And I her. Since I had been in good recovery I had no problem with being honest with my whole past with her. I did feel us moving way to fast for me. Yet I understood her need to know everything.
I knew it was very important for my child to get her real birth certificate. I work very very hard for her so we could get it. She did all the typing. I went to court. We got it all opened. I was so so happy for her. I knew she was my daughter. But for her it was important. I want her to have it. I am so glad we did the work to get it. I was scared to see what might be in the papers. However I wanted this last secret to be out in the open and not hide any longer. About this time my father was dying. I was lost scared mad and alone with many of those feelings. After all I had just lost my Mother. It took me many years of hard work on myself to have a good and loving relationship with my parents. Now I was loosing them both. Tina was having a very hard time connecting to my feelings and needs at the time. I understand why. She never knew my mother but did met my father and he loved her so. Yet it still hurt. For so long now I had felt the feeling was about Tina's and not mine. Tina shared her not so happy bringing up with her adoptive parents. I tired to listen as best as I could. I tried to comfort her yet leaving her to solve the problems of her life before she found me. I knew I could not be her God, her counselor, and her therapist. I could not fix the first 32 years of her live. She had to do this for herself. Just as I had to do this for myself. I tired to point her to some 12-step groups that I felt could help her. Tina seemed to be too afraid to do these things in face to face recovery. I felt a great deal of feelings and words coming from Tina that all peoples in recovery feel at first. Blame, shame, fear, control, and pushing for fear she would loose me before she got all the information she wanted from me. Bless Tina's heart I would have done the same thing early in my recovery. She feared that I too would leave her like other in her life had done. From my own recovery I knew that horrible fear of being abandoned. I tried to calm her fears as best as I could do. I knew I could not do this on my own. I gave it my best shot. At the same time my Father started to become extremely ill as well. I was feeling drawn and quartered. I didn't think I could handle all this all at one time. My emotions were hanging on a thread. I was scared I was going to loose my father as well. My cup was empty and I had no more to give anyone.
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Birthmother Ginger's Story | Ginger's Childhood | Ginger at the Group and Foster Homes | Rock-a-bye-bye-baby | Home for UnWed Mothers | Empty Arms - Empty Soul | Ginger's Empty Cradle | Ginger's Recovery | Hello? I am looking for my mother. | Getting to know you | The Seperation | Real Love Never Dies | Come here and sit on my knee |
 We would like to know what you are thinking, how our web site affected you, what you felt when you read OUR STORY, and any additional comments you may have. Thank you, Ginger and Tina |
