Our Adult Mother/Daughter Relationship

It took about 10 months before Ginger and I had contact again. I was very afraid of being hurt and abandoned once again. She began telling me again how much she loved me, needed me in her life. I was real afraid and skeptical if she was really telling the truth. I was still dealing with issues and trying to be ok with things and brave, but I was so very afraid of being abandoned again. I was trying as hard as I could but I could not go any faster.

We did this for a few months and I tried so hard not to be scared and to say things I was feeling, but I just couldn't. I was always very careful how to word stuff and choose which things I would say because I did not want her to leave again because I said something or did something wrong. I wanted the relationship so badly, but I could not open up due to my own fears.

After months of this Ginger asked me if I was performing for her. I said no! And got real angry, scared, and hurt. I stopped writing to her and talking to her on the computer.

In about June or July 1998, I could not stand it anymore and I wanted her in my life no matter what. I could not imagine never knowing or being with her. I knew some how we could meet half way and meet each other's boundaries. I was stronger and she was stronger. The timing was finally right for us to connect as we had each taken time out for ourselves to heal and become in charge of our own lives and feelings. Ginger and I met face to face, talked about our feelings and we began to start again.

It was then that we began to have an open, honest, deep relationship with respect for each other and our feelings. This last nine months has been the most awesome relationship I could have ever imagined. I can be totally honest with her and tell her my fears, pains and even all the happiness in my life. I can honestly say that I now know what a mother's genuine love is.

READ the 5 Stages of Reunion

It is all because we each took time out to meet our own needs and fears, feel our own pains and issues, to then come together in an adult relationship instead of each of us alone. I also found out that I did not need for my mommy to fix all my owies. I learned I could do most of that alone with genuine love and support from my Mother.

Today, I am actively working on myself, my self esteem, my past hurts, and feelings. I am trying to work them out to become the best person I can be. It is hard and a daily struggle, but very worth it. I am thankful to say I have the honor to have my own family, my adopted family, and my birth family in my life today.

**Update Feb. 2000, Ginger and I had a set back in our relationship. We are currently working through this quietness of time out. We are still talking to each other, but not in detail about anything feeling wise, nor do we trust each other that we will not be hurt further. I trust that Ginger still loves me very deeply and that this love is deep. For the time being we need to sort out more feelings we have about our relationship and the expectations we have of each other.

**Update July 2000, Ginger and I tried to come together again this month. I am not ready for her. I am not ready for her 100% feeling talk each time we talk. I am not ready to share about my life. I am afraid of what things I say to her will be taken out of context or in a way that I do not mean. I am afraid to trust her. I am very thankful for her program and for her giving me life...however, I am not ready to be in a relationship that is (what I feel) unaccepting of me. It is hard to come together after years and expect to find a workable relationship and I, myself am not ready for the heaviness that comes along with this relationship. I hope someday I will be and that we can be together, for now, I can not and it makes me terribly sad. 

**Update November 2000, Ginger and I have not spoken, emailed or had any form of communication since July. EVERY day I think about her. I think about how much I miss her, miss her love, miss her voice, miss her hugs, JUST plain miss her. I know she loves me and I know I love her very very much. Unfortunately, love is not the issue. I am still very very sad that we are at a stand still right now. I am positive it is for the best, I am just sad it has to be. 

I waited, wanted, and longed for so long to find my mother and when I did the fantasies that I had in my head for 31 years (now 36 years) seemingly could not be over ridden. I am trying on a DAILY basis to grow, to learn, and I have, but at this point my fears are still very strong about a relationship with my momma. I pray that we can come back together  some day, but at present I am not sure when that time will be. I *hope* it will be sooner than not.

I just want to say publicly and personally via this site to my momma,  "I love you! I miss you! I hope you are fine and doing well. I do wish the best for you and your life! I am sorry that I am afraid. I am sorry that I have hurt you. I hope someday we can talk and work this out." 

-- check back often for more updates! Thanks for reading my story. I pray you too will find the happiness, healing, and dreams you are looking for. Please read my birth mother's story too! Click here!




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